Immortal Matchmakers, Inc.

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  Helena narrowed her eyes. “First you call me a bitch, and now you’re calling me crazy?”

  “No!” Charlotte looked terrified.

  “Good,” Helena replied, “because I’d hate to have to slaughter the mother of my future son-in-law.”

  Charlotte’s eyes went wide. “What are you talking about?”

  Helena stepped in closer. “Didn’t Cimil tell you? You’re going to have a baby with Andrus and make my little girl happy someday.”

  “No,” Charlotte replied, “I don’t want to be a mother. Especially not with him. You people are crazy.” She tried to run around Andrus and Helena, but ended up crashing straight into Cimil.

  “Where do ya think you’re goin’?” Cimil said with an evil smirk.

  “You’re all mad. Get away from me!” Charlotte dashed around Cimil and ran out the door.

  Andrus gave Cimil a look. “You forgot to tell her what we are?”

  Cimil’s mouth twisted into a guilty frown. “Whoopsies?”

  “Well,” Andrus said, “it doesn’t matter. I don’t want a life with her.”

  “Damn,” Helena said, “I really don’t blame you.” She rubbed the back of her neck and blew out a breath. “What are we going to do now? Poor Matty.”

  Andrus looked at Cimil, who was busy staring at the ceiling like a cat watching an invisible game of Ping-Pong. “Cimil, is there any possibility that you were wrong about Charlotte?”

  Cimil’s head continued moving side to side. “Nope. You felt the connection; she’s the one, and you have exactly twenty seconds left until the window closes with her.”

  Andrus did feel something for the woman, but it was more like a dull ache in his gut, pulling him toward her.

  “Andrus?” Helena said with a sorrow-filled voice. “I lied when I said I didn’t love you. I do. You’re my best friend and brother and protector and Matty’s uncle and—I couldn’t live with myself if you were unhappy for eternity, which you absolutely would be with that horrible shrew. We’ll just have to pray that Matty finds love some other way.”

  Why did this feel too easy? On the other hand, wasn’t it about time for the Universe to cut him a little immortal slack?

  “Do you think Matty’ll hate me when she grows up?” he asked.

  Helena’s eyes filled with tears. “She loves you. I think she’ll understand.”

  “I have to go now and find Sadie.” I just hope it’s not too late.

  “We’ll be at our beach house in Malibu. Come by tomorrow for dinner?” Helena asked.

  They had homes all over the world—it was a vampire thing. “I will let you know!” he said, running for the door.

  “Okay! Just call from wherever, and I’ll come sift you to my house!” Helena screamed.

  He wanted to see Matty, but right now, he needed to fix a terrible wrong. He never should’ve let Sadie go, and if he got her, he didn’t intend to let her up for air for at least a few weeks.

  ~~~

  Charlotte stood outside of the hotel, panting and trying her best not to pass out. The crazy people—Oh, God! They think they’re vampires!—hadn’t followed her, but they were still inside. A whole room of them! Like some creepy Goth mixer, only they weren’t dressed like vampire wannabes. They wore a variety of costumes and everyone she’d met had on bright blue contacts.

  Freaky cult people!

  But why had she come? She’d known something was weird about that redheaded woman who’d said she was a friend of Sadie’s and that she’d put them in touch. “Sadie’s in L.A.? My cousin Sadie?” she’d asked. It was only a short drive from Palm Springs, where she lived. Then the woman had placed her hand on her shoulder and stared deeply into her eyes, sending a cold shiver through her body. “The man from your dreams will be at the party,” the redhead had said. “He is the one.” How the crazy woman knew about her dreams, she didn’t know, but this odd tingling in her stomach had told her to take a leap of faith and come to the party. Huge mistake.

  Doesn’t matter. You’re getting out of L.A. and never coming back.

  Just then, a man with stylish, short dark hair and deep olive skin pulled up in a very expensive-looking sports car. He got out, and she immediately noticed his tall, lean, muscular frame and expensive suit.

  He tossed his keys to the valet and winked his hypnotic aquamarine eyes at her as he passed. He smelled amazing.

  She shook her head from side to side, as if shaking off a dream. That was weird. Another valet pulled up behind the man’s car with her red Jeep.

  “Hi,” said a deep male voice from behind her.

  She glanced over her shoulder. It was the man.

  “My name is Tommaso. Do I know you?” he asked.

  That’s when she noticed his eyes again. Stunning turquoise-blue eyes. Oh no! He looks like one of them!

  “Stay away from me!” Charlotte held out her shaking hands.

  The man’s smile flattened out. “What did I do?”

  “You’re one of those crazy people! Stay away.” She ran to her car, got inside, and screeched out of the parking lot. “Thank God.” She couldn’t wait to put some serious distance between herself and those people.

  She glanced in her rearview mirror. “Oh no.”

  That Tommaso guy is following me.

  ~~~

  Driving as fast as he could and taking only backstreets, Andrus tried calling Sadie several times while on the way to the safe house, but she didn’t answer. He honestly couldn’t blame her for not taking his call. He wouldn’t want to talk to him either.

  Please no traffic. Please, gods, let there be no traffic. His heart felt like it might explode from nerves and joy and hope and everything whirling around inside his head. Never in a million years had anyone ever simply walked away from their mate like that, but he had done it without so much as one second of regret. The Universe could not control what was in his heart. It wanted the woman who’d chosen him freely.

  Andrus’s phone rang, and he hit the speaker. “Yes?”

  “Andrus, this is Brutus.”

  Thank gods. “Brutus, where’s Sadie? I need to speak with her.”

  “She left while I was out walking the dog.”

  “What do you mean, she left?” Andrus growled.

  “Gone.”

  “Do you know where she went?”

  “No.”

  Fuck. “Okay. Maybe she just went out for an audition. You stay at the house in case she returns.”

  He ended the call and had an idea. Andrus made a U-turn in the middle of the street.

  Less than a half hour later, Andrus pulled up to Sadie’s apartment complex. He shut off the engine and ran for the second floor, hopping over the man who still slept in the stairwell.

  This place is so charming.

  When he got to Sadie’s door, he found it cracked open, the sound of muted whimpers and grunts pouring outside. Fuck. That thing must have her. The air was permeated with its smell.

  He quietly slid his sword from behind his back and then pushed open the door. A man lay on the bed, his arms flailing and scratching at Sadie, who leaned over him.

  What the fuck?

  “Sadie!” He rushed over and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her off the man.

  Sadie looked up at him, her eyes glowing orange like an animal from the fiery pits of hell. Dear gods! He released her, and she scrambled back on top of the unconscious man, pushing her mouth over his.

  Andrus stood there in shock, unsure of what to do for the first time in his existence. She had been turned into some sort of creature. Dear fuck, what is she? And how do I stop her? He couldn’t kill her.

  He took a deep breath, grabbed his sword with two hands, and smacked her on the back of the head with the hilt. With a loud grunt, she fell to the side, completely out.

  Good gods, Sadie. What was done to you? he thought, brushing her brown hair back from her forehead as she lay there next to the man on the bed.

  He quickly checked the man, thankful to find a
strong pulse. Your lucky day, buddy.

  He scooped up Sadie in his arms, staring at her beautiful face. Dear gods, please let there be a way to undo this.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Andrus decided that the best bet was to get rid of Brutus and take Sadie back to the safe house, where he’d chain her up in the basement. There, she wouldn’t be a danger to anyone while he tried to figure out what to do next. Was there a cure? What was she? Who had done this?

  He just couldn’t believe that this was happening. After everything, this couldn’t be her fate. Some evil, human feeding creature. He refused to accept that. He refused to believe that fate would be so cruel to him.

  Now with Sadie securely chained, he went upstairs and called Cimil. She had to be behind all this or at least know what was going on.

  “Andrus, baby! Did you find Sadie?”

  “Yes. And I found her feeding on some guy.”

  “Oh, boy. I guess the cat is out of the bag,” Cimil said.

  “What cat are you speaking of? And tell me everything—no more lies—or I swear on my life I will hunt you down and ensure you suffer for eternity.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Andy the Awful; I tried to warn you. Sadie is not the woman for you. I wasn’t lying.”

  “Cimil! Tell me what you know! What happened to her!” he yelled.

  “She was born, Andrus, that’s what happened to her. She’s an evil succubus who loves to feed on tasty, innocent mortals.”

  He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. “Did you say ‘succubus’?”

  “Um, yeah. I did. Hello? Does someone need a hearing aid?”

  “But the gods sent their kind back to hell and then sealed off their portal.” Immortal folklore said that the incubi used their portal to travel home and replace their human shells once they wore out from all that toxic energy they carried around. With no way to do that, any who remained in the human world eventually grew old. Once the physical body died, the incubus became inert, its soul trapped in this world for eternity.

  “A few got through our nets,” Cimil admitted, “but Sadie’s father won’t live forever. Neither will she, but they do live a very, very long time.”

  No, this just couldn’t be right. “She…she…they were attacking her.”

  “Nuh-uh-uh,” Cimil sang. “Sadie was feeding off them. Of course, once fed on, the human can’t get enough. They just keep on comin’ back for more, offering themselves up like a platter of yummy people treats to the evil one. Then they usually go insane and kill themselves after a while if the succubus doesn’t kill them first. That Tim guy, for example, made his exit off a bridge.”

  “She’s been lying to me the entire time?” How could he have missed it?

  “No, Andy baby. She doesn’t remember when she’s…you know, not her sucky self. And her incu-genes only manifested recently. She has no clue.”

  No. This can’t be. She so nice and wonderful and—“How is this possible, Cimil? How? And why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Tell you? Andrus the Annihilator? You were born to hunt down evil creatures like Sadie. Besides, she’s completely harmless when she’s in her human state.”

  “But…but…I love her.”

  “Sorry. Can’t help you there, big guy. I tried to hook you up with the good version, Charlotte, but did you listen to me? Noo…And thanks, by the way, because Zac and I don’t get credit for making a match, so he’s one step closer to going all mass murderer on us.”

  He didn’t care about Zac; he cared about Sadie. “So both Sadie and Charlotte are succubae?”

  “Duh. No. Charlotte’s human, but they look alike—their mothers were twins. Sadie’s dear old dad is the incubus, which was why Sadie’s mom split after she learned the truth. Guess not everyone is cut out for life in the suck-lane. Get it?” She snorted. “Suck. Lane! Dang, I crack myself up.”

  Dear gods, he was going to kill her. She was completely enjoying this moment of his ultimate suffering. “Why hasn’t Sadie’s father been executed, Cimil?”

  “Hey. He’s not a bad guy. He’s all settled down, a dentist now. Feeds quietly off his wife and a few preselected nasty people every once in a while. He’s mostly harmless. For an incubus. It’s a shame about Sadie, though. He’d hoped since she’s a hybrid, her naughty side would remain dormant. Now, I don’t know what I’m going to tell the poor guy. I’d promised to keep an eye on her while she was out here.”

  He simply couldn’t believe it, yet the signs had been there all along. The strange smell when she transformed, the scratches and bite marks—all defensive wounds from her snacks—and the fact that she’d accepted the immortal news with such ease. It was all because the woman was part demon.

  A sexy she-devil. On some level, he’d known all along. But how is this possible? She’s so…so…wonderful. Not to mention sexy as hell, the kind of sexy that required no effort. She simply oozed it. Yes, it is in her nature.

  He pressed his palm to his forehead. “You knew all along, didn’t you, Cimil? You knew this would happen. I’m going to fucking kill you!”

  “No. I didn’t know this would happen. You were supposed to fall for Charlotte. Did I not say that ten times? Jeez—hold on. Zac! Get the fire extinguisher! Belch lit the bar on fire again,” she screamed. “Hey, Andrus, I gotta go. Some of us have bigger issues to deal with, like ending Zac’s sentence before he turns into the biggest mass murderer ever known and the Universe falling off its axis during an immortal mixer that is turning into a giant orgy—Hey! You two. Get a room! And you three, too! For fuck’s sake, we can’t take you anywhere, K’ak!” she belted out. “Andrus, this shit’s getting real. Clothes are coming off—Belch! Get your dick out of that man’s cocktail!”

  “But I don’t know what to do,” Andrus said.

  “You should’ve thought of that before you chucked away your chance at happiness for a ruthless predator.”

  “So why in the world did you put Sadie and I together?” None of this made sense.

  “Uhhh…I can’t remember. Oh, wait. I know. Because I can’t help doing evil things on a subconscious level; meanwhile I’m really trying to do the right thing? Nooo…maybe that’s not it. Wait. I’ve got it! You needed help with Charlotte and my Spidey senses told me Sadie could help you tap into that mushy side women love. I wasn’t wrong. But I guess I was.” She snorted. “Weird, right?”

  “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you,” he said.

  “Well, next time, you should listen to you. Especially before falling in love with a female who will be hunted down for killing innocent mortals.”

  His stomach and heart filled with a dread so vile and heavy, he could barely breathe. “How many has she killed?”

  “About twelve—I stopped counting. But she’s been snacking on her co-workers for months. Plus a few producers. And her landlord. She’s really gettin’ around. Which is why if I weren’t so evil, I would’ve turned her in already. But because I’m also good, I am compelled to protect those pesky humans and must take this opportunity to remind you of your oath, dear demigod.”

  Fuck. No. No. No. This can’t be happening. “I won’t kill her.”

  “But you swore an oath to the gods,” she argued. “You swore to kill evil creatures who feed on Forbiddens.”

  Humans who had good souls and auras were called “Forbiddens” because it was forbidden to harm them. They were essentially a protected class. For those who were rotten—violent criminals, rapists, pedophiles, etc.—they were fair prey for human feeders like vampires.

  “What if I refuse to kill her?” Andrus asked.

  “Then it’s only a question of time before someone else catches her. Sucks to be a succubus. Tootles.”

  The call ended, and he looked down at his feet, panic setting in. Oh fuck. They would be coming for her. The Uchben like Brutus or perhaps Votan, the God of Death and War. But they would come for her eventually. She had killed innocent mortals.

  And you’ve sworn an oath to alw
ays protect mankind from evil predators like the one in the basement.

  What the hell am I going to do?

  ~~~

  Sadie awoke in a dark room that smelled of dampness, chained to a bed, the cold steel biting at her wrists and ankles. “What the hell?”

  Oh no. The monster finally caught me. Oh, God. Oh, God. Her eyes searched the darkness for any clue as to where she might be or a way out.

  How the hell did I even get here?

  The last thing she remembered was going through her stuff at her place, before heading off to the airport, when her sleazy landlord showed up demanding payment. Only, he wasn’t asking for money, because her bill had been settled by Andrus. Oh no, that jerk off wanted her to jerk him off.

  Asshole! But what had happened? She didn’t remember a thing. It’s officially freak the hell out time.

  She gave a little tug on her chains. Shit. There was only an inch or two of give and not nearly enough to get any sort of leverage. I’m going to die.

  The lonely dangling light bulb above flickered on, and she held her breath, her body burning with adrenaline. Now, with the lights on, she could see she was in someone’s basement—stairs off to the corner, a boiler, and some boxes piled up against the wall.

  “Hello?” she said, her voice trembling with fear. “I don’t know who you are, but you’re making a huge mistake. My friends aren’t the sort of people you want to fuck with, and they’ll come looking for me.”

  They probably wouldn’t, but what did she have to lose?

  Heavy footsteps descended the stairs, and when she spotted those familiar leather pants, she wanted to scream with joy. “Andrus! Ohmygod, you found me!”

  He stopped at the foot of the bed, his aquamarine eyes burning with anger and a sword in one hand.

  Her moment of joy turned to terror. “Andrus, free me.”

  “I am sorry, Sadie, but I cannot do that.”

  “What the fuck, Andrus. Does this have anything to do with her? I mean, I know you said your feelings for me would change, but this is a little extreme.”