by Jordan Ford
I’m not a huge fan of change. I’ve never loved it. Never coped well with it.
I mean, I adjust eventually, but it seems to take me longer than other people. It worries me, and I’m suddenly consumed by nerves. Anxious, irritating nerves that want to taunt me and tell me that Jace is back home where he belongs. That, come summer, I’ll be saying goodbye to the love of my life.
I don’t even know how I’m going to do that.
Stopping, I glance over my shoulder and wonder why I’m walking away from him now. If we’ve got limited time, I should be spending every spare second with him.
But I don’t want to have to put up with Vic again. The guy just wouldn’t let up. Sitting too close to me, trying to flirt and distract me from my book. It wasn’t even good flirting. It was this sleazebag stuff full of innuendo. I couldn’t stomach it, so I stood up and just walked away.
“Tell Jace I’ll be back soon,” I murmured over my shoulder as I sped up the beach. I soon found a path leading to the road and I took it.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been ambling along for, but I can see a Ferris wheel in the distance. I pause to look at it, wondering if it’s the one Jace climbed. It has to be.
The bounce of a basketball distracts me, and I glance to my left, noticing a guy in a wheelchair. He’s dribbling the ball, his crazy curls buffeted by the wind as he heads for the hoop, then jerks his chair to a stop and aims for the basket.
It misses and he grunts, speeding after the ball and collecting it up. His wheelchair isn’t standard issue. It’s one of those sporty-looking ones with the slanted wheels that make him closer to the ground. He spins around and starts dribbling back toward me.
Our eyes connect for a split second and he frowns, obviously wondering who I am. I should keep walking, but for some reason, I inch closer to the court, resting my hands on the back of a bench seat and watching him while he dribbles and shoots hoops.
The net swishes as the ball pops through, and he pushes forward to grab the ball before spinning back and wheeling straight toward me.
My eyes round as he draws close and snaps, “Are you done?”
“E-excuse me?” My voice is soft and mouse-like.
“Staring at me. Are you done? Because I’m kind of over it.”
“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare. I’m just super impressed by your basketball skills.”
“For a guy in a wheelchair, right?” He rolls his eyes.
I wince, not sure how to reply. Angry emotions always make me want to shrink in on myself. I wish I could just curl up like a little armadillo and roll away…all the way back home. To Ryder Bay.
When Savvy drove us to the airport, I was actually feeling kind of excited. Since Mom died, we haven’t vacationed that much. It’s just not the same without her, so this was my first trip out of Ryder Bay in a long time. Sure, I was nervous about meeting Jace’s family, but I was excited to come somewhere new. With Jace. He’d protect me and keep me safe.
But I don’t feel safe here.
I mean, I’m not in danger, but I just…
Being here’s like riding an endless roller coaster. Hanging out with Jace’s family is nice. They’re really cool, although his mom talks about Jace coming back like all the time. Like she’s trying to make a point that I have no claim on her son and I better be willing to let him go when summer rolls around.
She says it nicely, but it’s impossible to miss the underlying tone behind her smile.
So that’s depressing.
And then Jace’s friends don’t exactly fill me with warm fuzzies, either.
“Earth to staring girl.” The guy in the wheelchair waves at me. “Don’t you think it’s about time you move along?”
“Oh.” I stand, hugging the book to my chest again and giving him an apologetic smile.
His expression eases a little, his lips twitching, like maybe he’s gonna forgive me for ogling him, but then…
“Lettie!” Jace calls my name, and the near smile I was about to get disappears from the guy’s face. His nostrils flare, his jaw clenching tight as Jace runs into view.
I glance at Jace as he stops beside me. There’s a relieved smile on his face as he glides his hand down my back and settles in beside me.
“I was worried. You just took off.”
“Sorry.” I bite the edge of my lip. “I was just…getting over…”
“Vic being an asshole?” He gives me a droll look and is about to say more when he spots wheelchair guy on the court. “Hayes.” He breathes the word, and I go stiff beside him.
Hayes?
I’ve been talking to Hayes?
“Hey, bro.” Jace’s face starts to lift with an elated smile until Hayes jerks back, flicking the wheels so he can roll as far down the court as possible.
His knuckles are white as he grips the basketball against his stomach and stares at Jace.
I look between the two of them, heartbroken by Jace’s agonized expression and Hayes’s cold, muted stare.
After a thick, tense beat that’s actually painful, Hayes shakes his head and wheels away, gliding past us without a word.
“Hayes,” Jace croaks, but the guy just picks up his pace, his arms pushing hard to get away from my boyfriend.
Jace’s shoulders slump forward and he squeezes the back of his neck. He looks gutted, and I wish I had the right words to make him feel better.
I don’t.
So, instead, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my chin on his shoulder. We watch Hayes disappear down the street and I stroke Jace’s tense stomach, hoping my touch is enough to make him feel better.
Eventually his hands glide down my arms and he leans his head to the side, silently acknowledging my support.
“Wanna go home?” he quietly asks.
“Yeah,” I whisper, wishing he meant Ryder Bay but knowing I’ve got to endure a few more days in this place before I can get back to my real home.
18
SAVANNAH
I FEEL LIKE CRYING. I don’t know why. It’s just Dad. But something inside of me knows this is going to be really hard, that he’ll be disappointed in me. That the pride I always strive for will be slightly dimmed by what I’m about to tell him.
Griffin offered to do this with me, but he’s back at work today and I’ve just spontaneously decided to come to the hospital and get this over with.
I make fists with my hands—squeeze, unfurl, squeeze, unfurl—as I work my way through the corridors. I spot Jed down at the end of one, pushing his cleaning cart. He hasn’t seen me yet, and I duck right before he spots me. I’m worried if he asks me why I’m here that I might actually start crying, and I’m nervous enough as it is.
Glancing over my shoulder, I keep walking forward until I hear a soft gasp and whip back around as I plow into a woman just a little taller than I am.
“Oh, sorry.” I snatch her elbow to straighten her up and then immediately drop my hand when I notice who it is.
She stares at me for a beat, then blinks and…smiles.
It’s a beautiful one that stretches across her face, revealing straight white teeth and making her eyes sparkle with warmth.
I swallow and look to the floor.
“Savannah,” she says, still smiling. “I’m Lara. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”
I let out this breathy kind of scoff and steal a glimpse of her face. She’s really pretty—shoulder-length blonde hair, soft blue-gray eyes and a rosy complexion.
Her cheeks get even redder when she gives me a sheepish grin. “I’m really sorry about the way you found out. That was never your dad’s intention. Or mine. He was going to talk to you guys about it when Lettie got home, then invite me over for dinner.”
My head starts bobbing like one of those bobblehead dolls. I don’t know what to say. I’m struggling to even look at her. I’ve seen way more of this woman than I should have. A flash of her milky white leg curved around my father’s butt makes me swallow convulsively.
<
br /> Lara pulls in a breath and then lets it out on a slow sigh. “I know this is hard for you. I probably seem really young and you know nothing about me, and then suddenly I’m sleeping with your father, but it’s…” She winces and shakes her head, licking her bottom lip before starting again. “I want you to know that I really care about your dad. He’s the kindest man I’ve ever met, and I’d do anything for him. I really lo—”
My head jerks up and she cuts off the word, obviously sensing that I’m not ready to hear proclamations of love for my father from a woman I’ve never really spoken to before.
She presses her lips together and pushes the clipboard she’s carrying against her chest. “I care about him deeply, and even though I haven’t met any of you yet, I care about you guys too. He loves you so much, and he talks about his kids all the time. I’ve heard so many wonderful stories. You all sound amazing.”
I swallow, wondering exactly how many details Dad’s shared.
“He doesn’t want to hurt anybody, and he knows that moving on from Wendy is going to be really tough on you guys.” Her face is kind of beautiful as she gives me a sincere look that makes my heart swell without my say-so. “Your mother will always have his heart, and I’m not trying to replace her. I’m just a new addition to Kevin’s life, and I would really love to stay there for as long as possible.”
It’s like she’s asking my permission in this weird, understated way. Like she’s begging me not to screw it up for them.
Am I supposed to nod now? Tell her it’s okay?
I swallow and she gives me another kind smile. “Your dad’s in his office, if you’re looking for him. Thanks for listening to me just now, and I’ll look forward to meeting you officially when your dad’s ready for me to.”
“Okay,” I manage to whisper, and just as she’s walking away, I throw in a quick “Thank you.”
She glances over her shoulder, her lips rising into that stunning smile again.
Maybe Jed’s grandmother is right. Maybe Lara is as sweet and kind as everyone says she is.
It throws me a little. It’d be so much easier to hate her, but as I step up to Dad’s office door and hear him humming behind the wood, I can’t find room for hate in my heart. Dad’s humming. He hasn’t hummed since Mom got sick.
Closing my eyes, I press my forehead against the wood, sickened by the fact that I’m about to cut off his happy tune. Maybe I should back out and do this later, but then the door flies open and I stumble into the office, bumping into Dad’s chest.
“Savvy?” He laughs, wrapping his arms around me. “What are you doing here?”
“I just…” I pull out of his embrace and can’t find my words.
His smile softens with kindness and he shuts the door before ushering me into a chair. He can obviously sense my tension.
Taking the seat adjacent to me, he captures my hand and rubs his thumb over my wrist. “What’s up, honey?” He cringes. “Is this about Lara?”
“No.” I shake my head, for some reason not wanting to admit that I just spoke with her.
My chin trembles as I stare down at the floor and scrunch up my toes inside my sandals.
“Is Griffin okay?” Dad probes.
“Yeah.” I nod. “He’s back at work. I kind of didn’t want him to go, but Marshall’s working with him today, and the police are looking into the theft. Aidan said he’ll stop by this afternoon to check on him for me, and I’ll go back to the beach after this.” I point over my shoulder at the door.
“After what?” Dad asks, making my body deflate with a heavy sigh.
“I have to tell you something.”
“Okay.” He swallows nervously, and I wonder where his mind is screaming to right now. Probably not the same place mine is.
I bite the tip of my tongue, anxiously studying his face as I blurt, “I don’t want to go to college.”
It takes him a minute to register, and then he does this slow blink and tips his head like he hasn’t heard me correctly.
“I mean, not yet. I’m not ready, and I don’t want to leave Ryder Bay right now.”
“Did you…” His face bunches with confusion. “Did you not get into San Diego State or—”
“No, I got in.”
“When?” He gives me an excited smile. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I don’t want to go.”
And the confusion takes over his face again. “Savvy, you’ve got to go. It’s college. You have to go to college.”
“Do I? Like this year? Does it have to be this year?”
“Savannah.” Dad’s voice drops low. “If you want a decent future, you go to college. That’s the way it is.”
“But I don’t want to,” I whisper.
“Why? Why would you not want to go and better your life?”
“I…” I shrug and scramble for all the reasons I came up with in the car on the way over here. Dammit, I had the whole speech mapped out perfectly and now it’s just turned to vapor in my head.
“Is it because of Griffin? You want to stay for him? He didn’t get in anywhere, did he? And now you’re throwing away your college plans so you can be with him. Savvy, that’s ridiculous!” He spurts out of his chair and paces to the wall. “I know you guys are in love. I get it, okay? But if it’s meant to be, you can handle not living in each other’s pockets for a couple of years. It’ll only make you stronger and help you figure out exactly what you want.” He spins around to face me again, his voice pitching high as he wraps up his spiel. “I won’t let you throw your life away on emotion. Sometimes logic has to take first place!”
“Dad.” I raise my hands to try and shut him up. “It’s not just Griffin.” I squeeze my eyes shut and go for a reword. “It’s not Griffin. He’s not the one keeping me here. I think I should stay, at least for another year. Lettie and Louis still need me, and you’ve got a girlfriend now.”
“Don’t use Lara as an excuse.” He points at me. “And as far as Lettie and Lou are concerned, they’re going to be fine.”
“This family needs me.”
“No, we don’t!” he snaps, then immediately takes a seat, reaching for my hand again when he obviously sees my wounded expression. “I didn’t mean to say that quite so harshly. I’m just kind of reeling from this conversation.” He sighs. “Savannah, going to college was always the plan, and if your mom was still here, she’d be backing me up one hundred percent on this.”
“But she’s not here,” I whisper.
He squeezes my hand and firmly repeats, “If she were. She’d want you to go to college, to give yourself the best chance at an awesome life. Now I know you hold this family together, but we’re gonna be okay without you. You can come back every weekend, if you want. Just don’t rob yourself of this chance.”
“Dad, I’m not trying to rob myself, I’m just trying to—”
“Doctor Green to ER. Doctor Green to ER.”
Dad flinches and looks up at the intercom speaker on his office wall. “Sav, I’m sorry. I’ve gotta…”
“You go.” I shift back so he can dash past me.
“We’ll continue this conversation later,” he calls over his shoulder, running out the door to whatever emergency has just arrived.
I slump back in my chair and stare at the wall in front of me, mumbling an unenthusiastic “Can’t wait.”
19
SKYLAR
I PULL my car into the driveway and spot Savannah getting out of hers. She texted me while I was driving, so I couldn’t respond to her request to come over.
I’m glad she just showed up anyway.
Parking the car, I close the garage door and run through the house to let Savvy in. I didn’t realize how desperately I wanted to see her until this moment.
I’ve been so unsettled about what to do over New York. Jed’s the only one who knows and he’s being so good about it, trying not to pressure me one way or the other, but it’s hurting him. It’ll be good to talk to my bestie. Maybe she can give me s
ome perspective on this whole thing. Help me figure out what to do.
Unlocking the front door, I pull it open with a wide smile that quickly falters. “What’s the matter with you?”
She gives me a glum pout and steps into the house. I follow her through to our kitchen and immediately put the kettle on. Savvy’s a tea girl, and I can sense we’re gonna need some for this conversation. Opening the pantry, I scan Mom’s extensive range of herbal teas and reach for the peppermint one. The box says relieves stress and anxiety. Glancing at my friend who’s slumped against the counter, gripping the marble, I figure maybe a double bag might be a good idea.
Once the tea bags are in the mugs, I turn to face her. “Talk to me.”
She kind of moans and moves around the counter, resting her face in her hands, which muffles her words. “I just told Dad I don’t want to go to college right now.”
I strain to piece the words together, then hear what she’s saying and gasp. “Since when? I thought you were applying for San Diego State?”
“I did!” She looks at me, her expression agonized. “And I got in.”
“But…”
“I don’t want to go.” She stretches her arms wide, and I can feel the rant brewing. “And it’s not because of Griffin, in case you’re wondering. I’m just not ready to go back into studying and assignments and exams right after graduation. I am so over being a student. I’m done. I’m done! But do you think my father will understand that? I didn’t even get a chance to tell him that part because he was so busy ranting about how I’m not allowed to throw my life away for love. I mean, what the hell? If there’s one good reason to do anything in this world, it’s love.” She throws me an incredulous look, and I just bob my head because that’s what she needs me to do right now. “The thing is, it’s not even about Griffin, but Dad wouldn’t let me get to that part.” She plunks down on the stool just as the kettle pops.
I turn to brew her some tea and place it gently down in front of her.
