by Jordan Ford
“Thanks,” she murmurs, wrapping her fingers around the hot mug and blowing away the steam.
I dunk my tea bag up and down in the water. I prefer coffee to tea, so when I do have it, I like the tea as strong as I can make it. Plus, it gives me something to focus on while I try and figure out what to say.
I’m going to support my friend, of course. Savvy is smart enough to make her own decisions about her future. If she doesn’t want to go to college right now, she shouldn’t have to.
“What are you doing? Did you get into SDSU?” Savannah sips her tea then grimaces and blows on it some more.
I nod, but it’s a noncommittal movement that has to make her clarify.
“You did get in? Or…”
“I got in.” I sigh and stare at the shiny marble countertop. “But I also got in to the Pratt Institute in New York.”
Savannah goes still and my eyes skim up to her face. Her lips are parted, her eyebrows popping high. “You’re going to New York?”
“I don’t know yet. I haven’t decided, I just, um…”
“Have you told your parents yet?”
“No.” I shake my head.
Savannah swallows and kind of cringes. “Have you told Jed?”
My lips form a wonky line, my throat suddenly swelling as I nod.
“What’d he say?”
I sniff. “What do you think?” I let out a wispy kind of snicker. “That he supports me in whatever choice I make. But his eyes are so freaking sad and heartbroken. I don’t want to leave him!”
Savvy sets down her mug and gives me one of those sympathetic looks that’s trying to pierce my soul. “Then why do you want to go so far away?”
“I’m not running from him. I just… I…”
The garage door starts to whir downstairs and I flinch, not wanting Mom to hear any of this conversation. I haven’t told her or Dad yet, and I’m sure I can talk them around to supporting whatever decision I make, but I want to have made it before telling them.
Snatching Savvy’s hand, I yank her off the stool and make a beeline for my room. I’m still sleeping downstairs. I’ve turned the guest room into a happy haven for myself. Even though I’ve been going to counseling and dealing with the rape, my old bedroom still gives me the creeps.
My room downstairs is untainted by that nastiness, and it makes sleeping at night that much easier.
Savannah pushes the bedroom door open and jolts to a stop. I bump into her, peppermint tea splashing out of my cup and onto the floor.
“Sav, what’s yo—” My words cut off as I glimpse her pale expression and peek around the doorframe.
A scream rockets out of my mouth before I can stop it.
My haven has been terrorized. Breaths punch out of my chest as I stare at the dead rat on my pillow, its long tail curling onto my duvet, its slit throat leaking blood all over my crisp white sheets. On the window, written in…well, what looks like blood…are the words ‘LYING LITTLE SLUT.’
Savannah’s trembling fingers move from her mouth to my shoulder. Gliding her arm around me, she pulls me close and whispers, “Okay, so we’re definitely being targeted, right? This is just one coincidence too many.”
“Because of me?” I pull away from her, and I have no idea what my expression is doing, but tears fill Savvy’s eyes. Clenching my jaw, I force air through my nose and cross my arms. “I have to get out of here, Sav.”
“We should probably call the police, but then we can go for a walk if you want?”
I shake my head, staring at the bloody words on the window and rasping, “No, I mean, I’ve gotta leave Ryder Bay. I can’t live here anymore.” I look at her, the decision settling inside of me like concrete. “I need out. I’m going to New York.”
Savannah looks kind of crestfallen but puts on a brave smile. I close my eyes and lean back into her sideways hug, resting my head on her shoulder and gazing at my desecrated room.
I hear Mom’s heels tapping on the polished wood behind us and can’t even stop to warn her. “What are you girls—” Her steps falter and I hear a gasp. “Oh my…” Yanking her phone out of her purse, she immediately calls Dad, and Savvy and I listen in on Mom’s tearful call.
Pulling away from my friend, I watch my mother pace frenetically, telling Dad to get home. She’s going to call the police, and they better get to the bottom of this insanity.
Of course Mom’s feral now that her kid’s involved.
Leaning against the doorframe, I catch Savannah’s eye and we give each other sad smiles. Reaching for my hand, she squeezes it, her eyes watering with kindness. She gets it. My beautiful, sweet bestie is releasing me from Ryder Bay, because she knows exactly what I need.
20
HARLEY
UGH! Why isn’t this working?
I thought surfing was exactly what I needed, but I can’t complete one full ride without wiping out. For the first time in the history of surfing, I’m actually over it. I’m tired of water shooting up my nose and struggling for mouthfuls of air as I get dumped on, one wave after another.
I’m shrouded by white water today, and rather than liberating me, it’s suffocating.
Slapping my board, I drag myself onto it and plow my arms through the water. Screw surfing. I’ll just have to find something else to distract me.
Glancing down at my pristine white and yellow board, I’m tempted to blame that, but I’d be kidding myself.
It’s not the board.
The board doesn’t make the surfer.
I’d be wiping out off my victory board just as easily.
The only thing to blame for my shocking session in the ocean is my stupid head. My brain is pulsing with one loud beat: Aidan, Aidan, Aidan.
We haven’t spoken in like three days, and I’m missing him so bad. But I can’t find the courage to call him. He thinks I want to break up with him, and then he goes radio silent.
Not that I’ve contacted him either, but…
He’s giving up on us so easily?
Reaching the shallow water, I jump off my board and haul it beneath my arm. Salty spray splashes up my legs as I stomp out of the ocean, which I can’t help feeling let me down big-time today.
Surfing’s my thing.
It’s supposed to calm me. Make me feel better. It got me through the hideousness of “that guy.” So why can’t it help me out now? Why can’t it take away the sting of what’s happening with this guy?
Aidan.
My guy.
Tight knots form in my stomach, and I drop my board with a huff.
“Someone’s in a bad mood.”
I glance over my shoulder and notice Skylar walking toward me. Her arms are crossed, and she looks as though she’s been crying.
“What’s the matter with you?” I shake out my towel and wrap it around myself, using the corner to dry my eyes.
She opens her mouth to say something, then changes her mind and shakes her head. She’s looking pale and unsettled.
I lick my salty lips and try to soften my voice. “Seriously, Sky. What’s wrong?”
She hitches her shoulder, then looks out to the ocean with a heavy sigh. “Someone called me a lying slut today.”
I hiss and then growl in my throat, anger roiling through me. Freaking assholes! They have no idea what she’s been through, how much courage it took to tell the truth. “Did you deck him?”
She softly snickers and shakes her head. “He left me a note…in rat’s blood.”
“Ew. Okay.” I start drying off, the seriousness hitting me full force. “In rat’s blood? Where?”
“In my room downstairs.” Skylar sticks out her tongue in a silent gag. “I’ve just spent the last hour talking to the police. They’ve photographed everything and dusted for prints.”
“Ugh. How are you gonna sleep in there tonight?”
“Oh, I am so not. The couch has never looked better. Believe me.”
I grin at her attempt at a joke. The sad unrest on her face makes it impossible to laugh, though.
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Dropping my towel, I pull on my hoodie and zip it up to my chin. “Man, I feel like someone’s after us, you know?”
“Savannah thinks the same thing. You heard what happened to Griffin, right?”
“Jed told me.” My stomach churns. That could have been Aidan. The thought makes me sick.
Capturing a lock of hair, Skylar pulls it off her face. “I’m sorry if it’s because of me.”
“Not everything is about you,” I say dryly, then throw in a wink so she knows I’m kidding.
“This feels personal,” she whispers. “Like someone’s out to make us pay for…well, you know. My party. What I said. Pressing charges.” She focuses on her feet, drawing a straight line in the sand with her big toe.
“I know,” I croak. “But whoever this butthead is, he… she… it can’t beat us. We’re just gonna have to stick together. Look out for one another. Keep each other safe.” I glance down the beach and then back at her. “Maybe you shouldn’t be walking the beach alone. Maybe—”
Skylar scoffs and shakes her head. “Dad’s just up there. He’s hanging out while I wait for Jed to get off work.” She points into the parking lot, and I can see her father chatting with Marshall near the lifeguard’s office. “And, by the way, you’re full of shit.”
“What?” I whip around to look at her, completely thrown by the comment.
She gives me a pointed glare, crossing her arms and showing off some of that classic Skylar attitude. “You’re talking shit, surfer girl.”
I clench my jaw, immediately matching her angry tone as I practically growl, “What did you just say?”
“Look out for one another? Stick together?” She throws her arms wide. “You just broke up with Aidan, so what the hell are you talking about?”
“I didn’t break up with Aidan!” I snap. “We’re just—”
“He’s miserable,” she interrupts me. “And he’s too scared to call you because he thinks you’re going to dump him.”
“I… I don’t want to dump him.” The thought makes me feel ill. I bend over, resting my hands on my knees and truly hating myself as Skylar’s words ring inside my head: He’s miserable.
“So, what’s going on, then?” Skylar doesn’t let up, lightly nudging my shoulder until I stand and glare at her. It’s so much easier, because we’re about the same height. She’s one of the only people in the world who doesn’t make me feel like I’m tiny.
She meets my glare with one of her own, and I can see this standoff lasting for-freaking-ever. She’s just as stubborn as I am.
She clears her throat and crosses her arms again, and I fold like a pathetic house of cards.
Closing my eyes, I rush out the words. “Aidan invited me to prom, and I said no because the last prom I went to didn’t end well. You know what happened. You’re the only one who does.” I look away from her, focusing on the horizon and wishing I could teleport there right now. How great would it be to just fall over that line and disappear around the edge of the world?
Skylar makes me wait a painfully long time before finally muttering, “Aidan’s not going to expect you to spread-eagle just because you go to the prom with him.”
“I know that,” I grit out.
“Then what is your problem? You guys have been together for months. How can you not trust him with the truth?” She shoves my shoulder, forcing me around to face her again. “You are being such a hypocrite right now. You told me to out Malloy and I did it in front of the whole freaking town. It’s been damn hard living here ever since. I have to put up with so much crap for doing that.” She looks to the sky and rests her hand on her forehead. “And you! You’re like the bravest, toughest person I know, and you’re chickening out on telling your boyfriend—your sweet, lovely, caring boyfriend—the truth!” She points at me like a mother scolding her wild child. “Find your backbone, Harley!”
“Hey!” I punch back, getting up in her face. “It’s terrifying.”
“Yeah! I know!” she shouts right back, her blue eyes vibrant with torment.
It makes me feel like crap.
She’s been through so much, and I am the world’s biggest coward.
I swallow and step away from her, my entire body trembling as I shove my fists in my hoodie pockets. “What if he doesn’t look at me the same? I don’t want us to change.”
Skylar sighs and steps up to me, lightly resting her hand on my shoulder. “Right now, you’ve basically got nothing, unless you do something to fix it. This isn’t just gonna disappear without some kind of gesture from you. So, make it a decent one. Make it the truth.”
I clench my jaw, knowing she’s right but still hating it.
Why does it have to be this way?
Why did my fourteen-year-old self have to be so damn blind and stupid?
Tears burn my eyes as I fight to keep them from falling.
“Look, I get it,” Skylar whispers. “I do. If any one of your friends understands, it’s me. But you have to trust him. Trust his love for you.”
I glance at her, my lips trying to form a wonky smile.
She blinks at her own tears for a second and then her lips spread into a wide smile. “It’s gonna be okay. Be fearless, surfer girl. I know you can do it.”
With one more squeeze to my shoulder, she lets me go and heads back up the beach to her father. I watch her walk away, surprised by how grateful I feel.
Skylar’s right.
I kind of hate that she is, but I’d hate losing Aidan more.
So, I know what I have to do.
With a thick swallow, I look back out to the ocean, staring at the horizon while I formulate some kind of plan to win my boyfriend back.
21
JED
I WALK OUT of the hospital, zipping up my jacket as I start the trek for home. Skylar said she might pop over, and I want to get there as fast as I can.
Her texts seemed agitated, if texts can actually seem that way.
I don’t know. I just get this gut feeling like something is off.
Pausing at the end of the path, I check the lot is clear before walking through it to reach the sidewalk next to the beach.
“Jed!”
I spin at the sound of my name and grin when I spot my girlfriend running toward me, her dark hair flying out behind her. Capturing her, I wrap my arms around her as she nestles her head on my shoulder.
“You all right, Butterfly?” I try to brush the hair off her face so I can see her, but Mr. De Beer interrupts me.
“Hello, Jed.”
“Oh, hey, Mr. De Beer.”
He tips his head at me, and I give him a sheepish grin. “I mean Jeff.” I wince, still uncomfortable calling him by his first name. Gramma would whoop my ass. She’s all about the respect.
He snickers, but the sound doesn’t carry. Instead his face morphs with concern before giving me a serious stare. “Skylar wants to spend some time with you, so if you walk home to your place together, I’ll come pick her up after dinner.”
I glance down at my girlfriend. “Did something happen to your car?”
“I just don’t want her being alone,” Jeff answers for his daughter. “Make sure she stays safe, okay?” He gives me a tight smile before spinning the keys around his index finger. “I’ll see you later, Bluski.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Skylar’s voice is muffled against my chest.
His smile is kind of sad as he gazes at her, but then he finally nods and takes his leave.
Rubbing my hand down Skylar’s back, I watch until he’s reached his car before pulling away from Skylar and crouching down to her eye level. “That was heavy. What’s going on?”
She gives me a watery, pained look. “Let’s walk and talk.”
Taking my hand, she guides me down the road, threading her fingers through mine and sending me spinning with the worst news I’ve heard in a long time.
“Rat’s blood?” I shout, scaring a pedestrian about to cross the street in front of us.
“Shhh.”
Skylar presses a finger against her lips. “I wasn’t hurt or anything. Just creeped out to the max.”
“Baby,” I kind of whine, unable to help myself.
I hate with a passion that she had to face that. I’m so grateful that her mom and Savannah were both there. I’m grateful for how protective her father is being.
But I hate that someone did that to her.
Anger rages inside of me, a torrent of vile angst that’s strong enough to make me form a fist.
“Was it Jonah? Or Stanton? Or one of those assholes who keeps hassling you at school?”
“Maybe.” Skylar shrugs, wrapping her hand around my arm. “I’ve told the police about it. They’re looking into it.”
“This sucks,” I seethe. “You shouldn’t have to face this. You shouldn’t have to put up with any of the crap that’s been flung at you this year. It makes me sick.”
“I know,” she murmurs. “I’m so over it.”
We go quiet for a minute, walking along in silence until we near the beginning of my street. Part of me wants to veer off and take her to our private rock, but the bigger part wants to get her back to my place where I can lock all the doors and windows. Make sure no one can touch her.
“Jed… I’ve got to go.” She sniffs and I glance down in time to see the first tear fall. “I have to leave this place. I need a fresh start away from all of this.”
My stomach wraps into a tight knot. I know what she’s saying. The big NYC. It’s happening, whether I want it to or not.
Clenching my jaw, I try to hide my heartache while also firming up a thought I had in the early hours of this morning.
It’s kind of an impossible thought, but what if…
“I know it’s the right thing to do. I just feel it…” She presses a hand into her stomach. “Right here.” Brushing the tears off her cheeks, she stops walking and turns to face me. “But it’s going to be so hard leaving you.” She shudders and she starts to cry for real, silent sobs that shake her body as she covers her mouth and rests her forehead against my chest.
I cup the back of her head, almost feeling the urge to cry myself.
