“Thanks for your words of wisdom,” Kinsley said. “And thanks so much for the call.”
“Anytime, my dear. You know that your father and I love you. He sends his greetings, by the way.”
“Say hi back,” Kinsley said.
Her mother ended the call, and Kinsley stared at the screen a moment, looking at the picture that came up. It was a photograph she’d taken of a cardinal perched in a tree, his head up, looking to the sky. One of the many thousands of pictures she had stored on her computer. Some of them she had printed and framed, hanging them beside her mother’s oil paintings.
Her mother’s words ran through her head, gathering together all the uncertainties she had been feeling the last few weeks, reshaping and arranging them.
Was she doing the same thing she accused Elliot of? Being involved in something to prove herself to someone else rather than forging ahead and being her own person?
Thoughts of Elliot made her heart clench again.
He was becoming more and more important to her, and she found, right now, she wasn’t willing to let their last conversation between them truly be their last.
She fixed her makeup, tucked her shirt in, combed her hair, then made her way downstairs and out the door to where the crew, she assumed, was still cleaning up.
She followed the voices, and when she came around the barn to where the tent had been, there was a vast and empty space, the grass trampled down from the night before. Cash and Hope were running around the arch, which was still set up. A few flowerpots still flanked it, the others set out in front of the barn where everyone was gathered, sitting on straw bales that they had dragged out onto the grass. The same straw bales she presumed, she and Elliot sat on last night.
She noticed Mason and Tricia, Zach, Carmen and Brent, and Nathan and his wife as well as a few other people she didn’t recognize. Friends of the family, she assumed.
“And there she is, the woman of the hour,” Tricia called out, waving her over. “Come and join us. We’re celebrating with leftovers.”
She noticed the blanket spread out in front of them, with paper plates of food scattered on it.
“So where’s Elliot?” Tricia asked as Kinsley lowered herself gingerly onto one of the bales.
“I don’t know. Last I saw him he was headed to the cabin he’s staying in. He didn’t come back here?”
“That’s weird. He said he was going looking for you, to ask you to join us,” Tricia said, wiping her mouth with a leftover wedding napkin.
The low growl of an engine broke into the peace of the moment. Kinsley looked up to see Elliot's distinctive cherry-red truck leaving the yard, tires spinning, throwing out a cloud of dust.
“Where’s he going in such a hurry?” Zach asked, frowning as he got to his feet, as if to see better.
“Who knows with Elliot,” Tricia said with a heavy sigh.
Kinsley swallowed down a lump in her throat. Swallowed down the faint glimmer of hope she had held that they might find a way to get through this.
Once again he was running away. But this time she sensed he was leaving for good and that was the end of it all.
Chapter 16
Back on the road again, Elliot thought, heading out from yet another motel room.
He tossed his gear in the back of his truck, climbed in the driver’s seat, and heaved out a sigh as he stared sightlessly at the motel in front of him.
Elliot had been driving for days now, not sure where he was going, only sure he had to keep moving. To stop thinking.
After he’d left the ranch on Saturday, he’d driven down to Boyle to attend the rest of the rodeo he’d missed because of Kane and Faith’s wedding. He hung out with the cowboys, listened to their boasts and busts. Relived their rides with them. The next day he watched the slack go-rounds and the last round of the cowboys who would be his competition in the next rodeo.
He spent one more night with the guys then hit the road again.
Monday rolled into Tuesday, which rolled into today.
Tomorrow he would have an all-day road trip to get to Armstrong, British Columbia. After that it was back to the rodeo in Olds. The Hanna Pro Rodeo after that if he still needed to chase Cody King, his chief competitor.
He backed out of the motel, spun his steering wheel, and headed down the road again.
Driving and more driving.
No matter how fast he drove, he couldn’t outrun Kinsley’s words. They played like an insistent drumbeat in his head over and over again.
“I’m saying you don’t have to make a choice. You have to make a decision. For yourself and your own life.”
He had decided, he told himself. It was a plan he had been working on for the last couple years. He was actually getting somewhere.
But despite his self-talk the doubts that had been hounding him the last couple of weeks taunted him, hissing accusations at him. Questioning his choices.
He slammed his hand on the steering wheel, wishing the doubts away. But he couldn’t get rid of them. They spoke to the emptiness that had crowded into his life the past year. A feeling of senseless chasing. Choosing chaos because it was easier than the alternative.
Wondering what kind of person he really was. Would beating Dennis at his own game prove that he wasn’t his father’s son? That Dennis’s blood didn’t run through his veins? That his father’s temperament wasn’t his?
And what about Kinsley? When he was with her, he felt as if everything was right in his world. As if he had traveled a long ways and finally come home.
And yet, she had her own complications. She was making her own bad choices. He didn’t know why she thought she had any right to lecture him about his choices when her motives for the decisions she was making were so obviously messed up.
Maybe they just weren’t meant to be. Maybe those brief moments of connection was them trying to fill the lonely places in their lives.
But even as he thought that, a part of him couldn’t believe it. Despite her constant questioning of his motives, he felt so right with her. She wouldn’t ask if she didn’t care, he realized.
He switched the radio on, needing to hear other voices. Needing to drown out all the questions hounding him, twisting him in knots and going nowhere.
He soon realized the radio was tuned to a local Christian music station. Zach must’ve been the last one to use his truck. He was about to switch the station when the words of the song that was playing caught his attention.
“Why do we seek salvation in the ones who cannot give,
why don’t we devote ourselves to the One who makes us live.
Our Father is our Savior,
And He will give us life.”
Elliot recognized the song as a favorite of Grace’s. She used to hum it while she was working.
He remembered sitting with Grace after an especially bad visit with Dennis. He was still hurting physically and emotionally. He was angry that he couldn’t stay with them all the time, and Grace was upset as well. He remembered crying and telling her that he didn’t have a father, he had a monster.
Grace soothed his pain, held him close, and once he finished crying, she told him he had many fathers. That Zach was his father as well. That Zach loved him like a son. But, she said, this is the best part.
You have a perfect Father. A Father who watches over you and takes care of you. A Father whose love will never fade or grow old.
Her words had been puzzling at first, but as he spent time in church and in youth group, the notion of God as his Father had slowly become part of his life.
“You have an earthly father and a heavenly Father who only want what's best for you. Why don’t you think of them more?”
Elliot heard Kinsley’s words again, a counterpoint to the song still playing on the radio.
Yearning surged through him, and he gave directions to his Bluetooth to make a call.
The phone rang and rang, and Elliot wondered if he would answer. Then a familiar voice came through the t
ruck speakers.
“Hey, Elliot.”
“Hey, Zach.”
A moment of silence followed his reply. “Where are you, Son?”
Elliot fought down an abrupt stab of pain at his father’s words. “On the road. Driving.”
“When’s the next rodeo?”
“In a few days. I’m headed there now.”
“You okay?”
Elliot knew he meant physically. Injuries were a part of rodeo life, but they were often the difference between first and second place. Between being able to carry on or having to quit.
He heaved out a sigh, staring at the highway rolling ahead of him, the scenery as stunning as ever.
“Actually, I’m not.”
Zach waited a moment as if giving the comment some weight. Recognizing the shift into another conversation.
“Talk to me, Son.”
Son. That word again.
“I’m tired. I’m chasing this…this thing. But I feel like the closer I get, the less it matters.”
“Dreams can be like that,” Zach said. “They can take over and consume you so much that you sometimes can’t see the long game. Only what’s right in front of you.”
“And for me that's always been the next rodeo and the one after that and the one after that.” He pulled to the side of the road and stopped the truck. From where he was parked he could look over the sweep of the valley that held the Bar U Ranch, a historic site that was, at one time, one of the biggest ranches in Canada.
A legacy that was now faded away. He didn’t even know who had owned it before it became a historic site, nor did he care. It didn’t matter. Life moved on. People didn’t care about how prosperous it was. That was in the past.
“It’s been your focus for a long time, that’s for sure,” Zach said.
Elliot sighed, leaning back against the seat, suddenly, utterly weary.
“Will it be worth it? If I win?”
This was followed by a beat of silence. “Son, that’s up to you,” Zach finally said. “This has been your battle. Your focus. You know why you do it.”
“That’s the trouble. I don’t know anymore. Kinsley…Kinsley said I was trying to please the wrong father. What do you think?”
Another pause.
“I think she may be onto something. She’s a pretty smart girl.”
He could hear the disappointment lacing his father’s voice.
“She is. She’s amazing.”
“She was sad when you left so abruptly.”
His father’s comment created both hope and guilt.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. She was…she was making me think about things I wasn’t sure of. Doubting decisions I’ve been making for a long time.”
“You’ve made a lot of sacrifices for this, haven’t you?”
Yes, and I made one more when I walked away from Kinsley.
“Did you ever care about my run for the CFR?”
“All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, to be content, to find peace and rest in God’s love. How that happens is up to you. However, I do think you’ve leaned too heavily on your father’s opinion.”
“You’ve never spoken against Dennis,” Elliot said.
“He’s still in your life. And you care about what he thinks. Your mother and I never wanted to confuse you. To make you choose.”
How selfless this man was. And how wise.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I never called you Dad.”
“You have two fathers. I understand.”
“I’m glad I have you in my life,” Elliot said, rubbing his forehead, trying to arrange the thoughts that had been swirling around the past few days. “I’ve always been thankful for what you gave me. The home you provided. I…I love you, Dad.”
“And I love you, Elliot.” The sincerity in his father’s words was almost his undoing. “And I’ve only ever wanted what was best for you.”
“Should I keep going?”
Zach’s sigh echoed through the speakers. “That’s a question only you can answer. If it means enough to you, you’ll keep going. If it doesn’t…” Zach let the comment fade away and Elliot mentally filled in the rest.
If it doesn’t, you’ll stop.
“Either way, I’ll be praying for you to your heavenly Father. A Father who loves you even more than I ever can.”
Elliot smiled at the reference. Again, the same one Kinsley had made.
“Thanks for that, Dad. That means more than you can know.”
“And I feel like I need to tell you that there will always be a place for you here. On the ranch. Always.”
“Are you saying—”
“I’m saying I would love nothing more than to have my sons working together. Here. At Tall Timber. But again, that's your choice.”
Elliot held the words close, feeling like he had to tuck them away for safekeeping. Pull them out when he dared think of the implications of his dad’s offer.
"You think about that," his dad said, "but in the meantime, drive safe, Son. Be safe. Know that I love you."
“I love you too, Dad.”
They said goodbye and Elliot sat a moment, letting his father's words wash over him. Letting them settle into the empty and lonely parts of his life that he tried to fill with constant movement.
Forgive me, Lord, he prayed, not sure he could manage more.He massaged the back of his neck. Tight again. Stress again.
He needed to talk to Kinsley.
But when he dialed her number, she didn’t answer. He tried again, but again no answer. Was she ignoring him?
Leave it. You don’t deserve to talk to her.
However, even as those words ran through his mind, he knew he couldn’t just leave things the way they were. He had left so abruptly. Maybe there was a chance for them yet.
He pulled out his wallet and took out Jill’s card he had grabbed off the table when they were setting up for the wedding. He wasn’t sure why he’d taken it. But now he had it. He glanced at the address, plugged it into his GPS, and grimaced. Just as he figured. Right in downtown Calgary.
Oh well, nothing for it.
He spun his truck around as a woman’s flat and dispassionate voice told him he had to drive east to Highway 2, which he already knew. While he drove, he prayed. Disjointed and uncertain prayers, but conversation with his Father.
It took him less than the time it said on the GPS to get to Jill’s business. But his next challenge was finding a parking space. He fought down his frustration as he drove around, finally parking in a spot that was probably illegal, but he didn’t care. He was on a mission.
Ten minutes later he strode down a carpeted hallway, trying not to feel intimidated by the decor, the smells, and the silence. He glanced down at the card again then finally found the door with the same logo on it. Swirly and pretty and very weddingish, he thought as he pushed the door open.
More sweet smells assaulted him. Flowers spilling out of glass vases sitting on vintage-looking cupboards and fancy but uncomfortable-looking chairs filled the open space. And a chandelier hung from the ceiling. If Elliot wasn’t intimidated before, he certainly was now.
“Can I help you?” A young woman, wearing a black silk shirt and white skirt came from one of the side rooms. Her hair was pulled back in the same style Kinsley used to wear. Obviously a wedding planner uniform, he thought.
“I’m looking for Kinsley Janas. I understand she is working here?”
The girl frowned, looking behind her as Jill came into the room.
“Hello, Jill,” he said, sucking in a nervous breath as he faced the smiling woman. All the way here he had rehearsed his speech to Kinsley. Planned what he wanted to say. He didn’t figure on having to run the employee gauntlet to get to her. “I’m hoping I can talk to Kinsley.”
Jill’s friendly expression grew sour again. The five-lemon look.
“Kinsley isn’t here.”
“Well, can you tell me when she will be?”
�
��I have no idea,” Jill said, folding her arms over her chest in a defensive gesture. "She doesn't work here."
The atmosphere in the room had gone down a few degrees. Elliot almost shivered.
“She turned down a very generous offer from me. Even though I was willing to overlook some of the mistakes she had made with your brother’s wedding.”
Elliot watched her mouth move, trying to take in what she was saying. When it finally registered, it was his turn to frown. “She’s not working here,” he repeated, realizing he sounded like the hick he was in his cowboy boots, jeans, twill shirt, and cowboy hat.
“I believe we already covered that.” Jill lifted her chin, looking even more sour.
“So where is she?”
“I have absolutely no idea. All she said was that she decided to follow her dream and that she had an in on buying some business in the town close to where the wedding was. Rockyview, I believe?”
Elliot felt a rush of confused joy.
Kinsley was in Rockyview. Right now. Buying a business.
“Okay, then I know exactly where I need to go.” He flashed a smile at Jill, winked at the other woman, spun on his heel, and strode out of there as fast as he could.
He didn’t even care that his truck had been ticketed. None of that mattered.
Right now he had to get to Rockyview.
“I think you’ll do good with the business.” Jeff looked around the studio and then back at Kinsley. “It’s in a good location. You’ve got Scrap Happy beside you and the bookstore across the street. Carmen’s Coffeehouse is just around the corner. Mug Shots, another popular coffee place down the street. Lots of eyeballs on the place. I just got tired of it. I could give you a deal on the lights, backgrounds, and modifiers if you want them. I won’t be using them.” Jeff looked morose, and for a moment Kinsley felt sorry for him.
Until she remembered how he had let Faith hang too long, creating so much tension for her.
“I’ll have to think about that,” she said, looking around. There was a lot of equipment stashed in the studio. Some of it looked fairly old.
“No one else wants it, and I won't get much for it if I try to sell it.” He sighed as he sat down on a nearby carpet-covered box. “I heard you got the job taking the family pictures at the church.”
Taming the Cowboy (Family Ties Book 3) Page 23
