Such comforting words from my dad, right? So warm and friendly, he just makes your insides feel good.
Not really. My insides felt like shit, and I felt patronized. But that wasn’t anything new.
After he left, I couldn’t help but wonder how different things would be if Mom were still around. Would things be better, or would they be worse? With everything happening now, it was almost impossible for me to picture Declan and I worse-off than we already were. Both of us attacked, our lives threatened—you didn’t get much worse than that, besides death.
And death would not claim either Briggs today, or anytime soon. I swore it.
Later on, the two detectives came. Melendez and White, two cops who’d been waiting days to talk to me. Yes, days. As it turned out, having multiple surgeries to repair your split insides took some time, as did recuperating. The doctor said it would be weeks before I’d be able to move like I was used to. I couldn’t overdo it. As long as everything went well, I’d be out of the hospital by the end of this week.
It’s the little things to look forward to in life that make life worth living, like getting out of the hospital and tracking down whoever did this to me. Oh, whoever the hell he was, he was in for a world of hurt. I was a meek guy usually, but now? Now I was riled up. Now I wanted blood.
Was it wrong for me to want payback? I wondered this as Melendez and White asked me all of their questions. I answered them to the best of my knowledge, but I had no concrete answers for them, and they had no answers for me, either. No security footage, no fingerprints. Nothing to point to a suspect besides the open window in my apartment.
I didn’t think it was wrong for me to want revenge. I mean, I could’ve died. How the fuck else was I supposed to react? Be scared? Yes, certainly I was more apprehensive than I was prior to the attack, but as if I was quaking in my nonexistent boots…I wasn’t, even if I should’ve been. I just wanted to figure out who the hell it was and make them pay for what they did.
Melendez and White left after they finished their questioning. They got nothing from me, though they did say they’d be in touch if they found out anything else. They also gave me their business card to call if I ended up getting my memory jogged and suddenly remembered the face of my attacker.
I doubted I would. I wasn’t paying too much attention, plus it was ungodly dark, thanks to it being so late at night. If I had known I was going to be attacked, I would’ve paid closer attention, would’ve known to look at who wielded the knife.
The knife. Oh, God. Feeling that piece of metal sliding into me was the worst thing I’d ever felt—and I’d felt some pretty shitty things. Nothing that visceral, so riddled in agony. Nothing that set my skin on fire and made my insides feel like they were searing and boiling. I wanted to be sick just thinking about it. I might not be afraid, but I didn’t enjoy feeling pain.
I rested my head back on the pillow, wanting to close my eyes and open them to a better world. A world where I was happy, where I wasn’t constantly shadowed by the Briggs name and all it entailed, where I actually had a set of loving, happy parents…it was wishing too much, which was why it would never happen. Still, I must’ve dozed off, for the next moment I knew, I heard the door open again.
Great. Who the hell could it be now?
I turned my head, spotting Dad and Declan in the hall, standing near the glass to my room. Did I blink and another day passed?
But it wasn’t my family that caught my eye, nor the way they stared inside the room as if waiting for a bomb to explode. The person that caught my eye was the girl standing, practically hugging herself, near the door, looking completely out of place.
Short and petite, wearing high top Converse and a holey shirt that had seen better days, not to mention her typical beanie, which hid most of her blonde hair and left only the pink tips hanging out.
Ash.
Chapter Fifteen – Ash
Seeing Will wasn’t something I wanted to do, not after deciding that they were all better off without me, and yet, when Declan told me he was going to the hospital and I was coming, I didn’t deny him. I didn’t tell him no. I simply nodded, staying quiet, extra quiet when I was in the car with both Declan and Dean Briggs. Dean Briggs asked me so many questions about how I was feeling, and I was thankful that I had the backseat to myself. I didn’t want to talk about it, and I didn’t want to see Will…
But I did. I did want to see Will, to talk to him, to feel him one last time. It was as if seeing him one more time was all I needed to truly let go. Especially with Kelsey coming up this weekend, I’d need to put all of my attention elsewhere. On my friend, and on Ray. On keeping us both safe.
I’d tried to tell Kelsey that this was a terrible weekend to come up, but she wasn’t having it. She wasn’t having any of it, and she promptly let me know her thoughts on the matter before hanging up each time. She then, of course, texted me furiously after, asking me what was wrong. What the hell was I supposed to say to her? She’d already seen me through one world-shattering doomsday scenario; she didn’t need to help me through another.
I was smart enough to know that deep down a part of me wanted Kelsey to help. A deep, secret part of me wanted my best friend to swoop in and save the day yet again. I would worship the ground she walked on if she could, but the rational part of me knew there was no escaping this particular situation. I’d made my grave, and now I had to lay in it, letting the world slowly push the dirt on me bit by bit until I couldn’t breathe. Until I suffocated.
Hillcrest wasn’t going to kill me. Ray was. My life had come full circle, and even though I wasn’t ready to die, I knew it was my time. Soon enough I’d draw my last breath and leave this world a much shittier place.
It was as I stood there, alone in Will’s room, save for the man himself, that I hated myself even more for that. I didn’t want to leave the world worse off; if there was one thing I should do, it was take down my psycho ex and make sure he could never hurt anyone again.
I’d tried that, or at least I thought I did…and it hadn’t worked. Why would this time be any different? Ray was a monster, but he was the luckiest monster to ever walk the streets.
Will lay in the hospital bed, hooked up to IVs and machines. His brown hair was greasy, parted messily, and stubble lined his square jaw. His hazel eyes were open and on me, a pair of beautiful orbs that instantly drew me in. So pretty, so kind, even when injured because of me. Of course, he didn’t know that last part, but I was sure once the truth came to light, he’d know. He’d know, and he’d think of me differently. They all would.
It was a good thing that by the time that happened, I’d be long gone. Dead, probably. Number seventeen, provided Ray hadn’t killed anyone else between now and getting off due to a fucking technicality.
Did I want to be number seventeen? Fuck no, but it was getting harder and harder to see the bright side when faced with so many corpses and attacks. All those graves…
“Hey,” Will said, his voice cutting into my wandering, depressed thoughts. His lips quirked into a smile, and I found myself moving towards the chair beside his bed.
“Hey,” I echoed, sitting gingerly, careful how I moved myself. My body was still sore, but I knew what I felt had to be nothing compared to Will. He was stabbed—deep, too. Had to have surgery and all that. My pain was nothing in the face of his.
And it was all my fault.
I never thought myself to be full of self-blame, but it was impossible to not be when this was literally my fault. If Will had never stumbled into my life and gotten entangled in my heart, he never would’ve been attacked. Ray only went after him because of his connection to me.
I opened my mouth, about to say something, but Will cut me off by saying, “Please don’t ask me how I feel, because the answer won’t be pretty.” He still smiled at me, but I could tell the smile was pained and halfhearted.
It was my turn to give him my own sad smile. “Tell me about it. I think I heard that question about a hundred times wh
en I woke up.”
Will gave me a strange look. “What are you talking about?”
I blinked, wondering if no one had told him. I suspected it slipped everyone’s mind, mostly because when they were in Will’s presence, everything was about him. Not me. Plus, Dean Briggs didn’t know how close I was to Will. Not really, because he didn’t know about the attack on Declan.
What would hiding the truth do? There was no point in lying to him, not now. The jig was almost up.
“The night you were attacked, Declan and I came to the hospital,” I told him. My hand tingled, the urge to reach for him and grab his hand strong, but I held back. The first thing I needed to do to push these guys away and make sure they were safe was not fawning all over them. “I…freaked out. I ran away in a panic and—” Holy hell, it was a million times more difficult to say it while Will watched me with those pretty, multi-colored eyes. “—I was hit by a car.”
Will tried sitting up, but he didn’t have the strength. That, or he couldn’t due to the pain. Wincing, he lay back down, but not before asking, “You were hit by a car? Ash, how are you up and walking?”
Nodding once, I said, “A hit-and-run. They didn’t stop. They just kept driving, like they didn’t even hit me.” My chin fell, and I stared at my lap. “I was lucky there wasn’t more damage. Just bruised, nothing broken.” Now that I knew everything involved Ray though, I knew luck had absolutely nothing to do with it.
More like the opposite of luck.
“Ash,” he whispered, speaking my name as if it was the most important word he’d ever spoken in his life, something sentimental and meaningful. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“You were there. Well, here, I mean. You were here. You just beat me to it,” I tried joking, but the joke fell flat. Now wasn’t the time to joke about any of this. If there was ever a time for seriousness, it was now, talking to Will in his own private room with Declan and Dean Briggs standing just outside.
Even though it wasn’t a particularly funny joke, Will chuckled softly anyway. “You need to be more careful,” he warned. He spared a glance toward his family in the hall before continuing, “This…I don’t think it was a random attack. I think it was on purpose, and I think whoever did it is the same person who hurt Declan.” Then the gears clicked in his mind. “The one who hit you—”
“Could be connected too,” I acknowledged. It would be all I would concede right now.
He moved a hand, though it was connected to tubes and such, toward me, setting it on my knee. Just the tip; it was all he could reach without getting up. I didn’t move closer, not wanting him to touch me at all. It would only make this harder.
Fuck. I should never have come here at all. This was stupid. This…this was meant to be a goodbye, and I was doing a bang-up job at it.
“Never go anywhere alone,” Will said. “Promise me, Ash. Promise me you’ll stay safe.”
I had no idea how the hell I was supposed to promise him that, seeing as how I couldn’t keep anyone safe. I was the reason this was happening. I was the one who brought Ray here. Ray Ruiz would’ve never come to Hillcrest on his own—these people were not his people. He was the type of guy who liked to hang out in divey bars, order drinks past closing time, not the kind who liked golfing and wearing pressed pants.
“I’ll do my best,” I said, fibbing one hundred percent. I hated lying to him, especially while he looked so desperate and pleading, but I had to do it. Otherwise, I had the feeling he might mention something he shouldn’t to Dean Briggs or Declan.
Hell, I still couldn’t get over seeing Declan and Travis together. They hated each other, and yet they each stomached each other in order to search for me. I was the one thing they had in common…besides Sabrina.
Ugh, the more and more I thought about it, the more weirded-out I became. I didn’t want to be a Sabrina 2.0. No one could replace the dead, especially someone who’d died so suddenly and purposefully. Even if she committed suicide, there was no measuring up to her. Surely Declan and Travis realized that, right?
A little nagging birdie on my shoulder asked me, what if you’re the only one comparing yourself to Sabrina now? Neither Travis nor Declan brought her up; you did. What if you were so lost in Ray, you were hardly making any sense?
Could be true, I guess. Who could know? I wouldn’t, because soon these handsome boys wouldn’t be my problem anymore, as sad as it was. I was resigned to my fate, whatever twisted fate that was.
Will’s mouth full-out grinned, and his hand finally slid off my knee. “Why don’t I believe you?” he questioned, knowing me all too well, even though he was the one I’d known for the least amount of time. The bastard knew me too well, I think.
I was about to say something more, but Dean Briggs and Declan strolled in the room, apparently done giving me privacy with Will. It was a miracle Dean Briggs let me in to see Will alone at all; he sure as shit didn’t know about the confused feelings in my heart or the make-out session we’d shared after that party.
I got up, not wanting to intrude where I didn’t belong. Dean Briggs gave me a warm smile, saying, “You don’t have to get up. I can ask the nurses for a few more chairs.” He was adjusting his tie and about ready to exit into the hall to do just that, but I stopped him.
“No, that’s okay. I need to use the restroom anyway,” I said, shrugging him off.
Dean Briggs nodded, not thinking twice about what I’d said. Declan, though, watched me with a dark stare, as if knowing that excuse was an old one. And it was—it was the same thing I’d said that night, when Will was attacked and I was hit. I needed to use the restroom, and then I’d looked up my ex’s name and found out that he was out and walking the same streets I was. It was the night everything fell apart.
I left the room, figuring I’d go find someplace nearby to sit and wait for them—since I couldn’t just go running off—but I only made it fifteen feet down the hall before Declan was suddenly at my side, stopping me.
“You’re not going to disappear again, are you?” Declan asked, cocking a brow. Ever since the other night, he’d been acting a little off, probably worried that I was going to do something stupid. I wasn’t; I was done doing stupid things, but I was resigned to what would happen.
Fighting the inevitable was impossible. You only wasted time and effort. Why bother?
“No,” I told him, meaning it, this time. “No, I…” I trailed off, not sure what I was going to say. I ended up shrugging. “It’s just hard.”
Declan was quiet for a while, staring at me like I held the answers to the universe, the answer as to why all life existed. “I know,” he whispered, “which is why I can’t lose you, too.” Since we were alone in the hall, minus the few nurses walking by us, doing their job, he felt confident and free enough to set a hand on my lower arm, his fingers trailing my wrist. “I’m not going to lose you, Ash. Do you understand that?”
As if I meant the world to him, which was ridiculous. I was just a girl, and in the end, I was nothing special. Not overly gorgeous, not ridiculously intelligent, not conniving or scheming like these rich boys…really, there was absolutely nothing special about me. In my old school, I blended in. I flew under the radar, which was the only reason why I got away with having a boyfriend who was double my age for three years. We were on and off, but still. I always ended up crawling back to him—a mistake, obviously. A huge, irreparable mistake.
Sometimes you made mistakes you couldn’t undo, said things you couldn’t take back.
“I understand that’s how you feel,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek. “But you have to know that I…I just can’t, Declan. I can’t. I can’t be with you, or Travis, or even Will. I meant it when I said I’m broken, and you all are better off without me.” I thought about suggesting he go on a dating app or something to find some other pretty blonde to occupy his time with, but with the look he gave me right now, I knew he’d never go for it.
No, somehow he was fixated solely on me, just as
Travis was. Somehow I’d won his loyalty, probably by pushing his buttons when he was closed off to me, by refusing to back down. This was Declan doing the same to me, now that the tables had turned and our positions were reversed.
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for any of us,” Declan told me. Something passed behind his black eyes, and I swallowed hard, not liking the way my body still reacted to his. “We’re on the same side here. I just wish you’d tell me what side that is.”
He and Travis suspected I was hiding something—which I was, I totally, totally was—but they had no idea the magnitude of it. If I told them the truth, what would they say? What would Declan and Travis do if they knew the whole truth? Would they want me to go to the cops? There was no way they’d be able to look at me the same, which I think was what hurt the most.
I didn’t want any of them to look at me with pity or distrust. I’d never hurt any of them, at least not purposefully. This was my fault, but if I could, I would take it all back. I would rewind time just so they could be safe from Ray and his unrighteous wrath.
My heart tugged in my chest when I muttered, “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Declan said nothing for a while, simply staring at me. I wanted desperately to wipe that sad look off his face, but short of telling him the whole truth now, which I could never do while in the hospital, with other witnesses around, there was nothing I could do. “Okay, well, when you finally decide to come clean, know I’m more than ready to listen.” He said nothing else as he spun on his heels and returned to Will’s room.
My shoulders slumped as I watched him go. I felt like I was being tugged in two different directions: my past and present, my past and my possible future. My past refused to mix with anything, and all that I’d done to build myself up since then, to prep and act like a tough, take-no-shit kind of girl, was crumbling. I was not the girl I pretended to be, nor was I the girl who’d gone willingly to that cabin in the woods.
Skank: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 3) Page 12
