Pepped Up & Wilder (Pepper Jones Book 6)

by Ali Dean

  “Damn straight,” Lulu adds with a nod. Her orange hair sticks out as if she’s been electrocuted, but somehow, it suits her.

  Loving their familiar antics, my spirits lift a little as I find the bathroom to shower. It’s not until I’m in my towel, deciding what to wear, that I realize Jace should be back by now. Finding my phone, I discover over a dozen messages. A couple from Jace, Zoe, and my other friends in Brockton. News has spread we’re back in town, and everyone is gathering at Wes and Zoe’s new place.

  I borrow Gran’s car and as I wind up the road, passing Remy Laroche’s parents’ house, I’m in awe that Wes and Zoe live up here. It’s not only that they’ve had financial success, it’s what they chose to do with that money. They could have traveled the world, bought a penthouse in Manhattan or something, but instead they got a house they plan to live in maybe forever, in their hometown where Zoe can keep teaching if she wants. Zoe told me the house is big enough for them to “grow into” and have lots of kids. They actually thought about whether the place was kid-friendly when they bought it. It’s just all so mature and grown up.

  I spot the expansive driveway, now so filled with cars that there are several parked along the side of the road. Pulling in behind one, I shake my head. Sure, my closest friends might be all grown up now, but some things never change. I bet they have a keg and beer pong set up too.

  Following the noise to the side door leading to the back yard, memories of other Brockton parties hit me. Somehow, it’s only the good moments that stand out, though I know if I think about it for too long I’ll recall Madeline Brescoll dumping a drink on me, Wolfe dragging me to a pool house… yeah, better to focus on the happy times.

  “Pepper!” A familiar voice calls my name and I spin around to find Ryan jogging my way, a big grin on his face.

  “Hey Ryan! So good to see you.” I open my arms for a hug when he reaches me. I’ve run into him a few times in Brockton and at a couple of races since I graduated. It’s now been over seven years since we briefly dated each other, and while I haven’t forgotten, it feels too far in the past to be relevant. He seems to be on the same page, and we treat each other like any old friends or teammates.

  I’m hugging like this, soaking in the comfort and nostalgia, when I hear Jace’s voice.

  “Pepper. Ryan.” I think he means for it to sound like a greeting, but I detect the tension beneath it.

  Of course, his voice causes us to break apart quickly, as if we really were sharing an inappropriate moment.

  Ryan greets Jace awkwardly before we all join the others on the pool deck.

  I lean into Jace and squeeze his hand, urging him to look at me. I thought these insecurities were behind us, but maybe they never will be. After all, Ryan is my only ex-boyfriend. Still, I wish Jace would get over it already since Ryan’s going to be around, maybe forever, if I train with his group. Jace’s jaw clenches as his eyes meet mine. No, it’s not insecurity causing him to react like this. There’s something darker going on. We’re too solid, too confident in each other, to get upset over a little jealousy. We trust each other. So why does Jace look like he wants to punch something?

  I want to pull him away and talk it out but we’re the center of attention. It’s not only our close friends here, but from what I can tell, most of the people we know from Brockton who stayed in town have shown up. Brockton is the kind of place that people aren’t looking to leave. I’ve met people who are dying to get out of their hometown, but I’ve never met anyone in Brockton like that. Some leave for college and end up elsewhere for jobs or relationships, but most come back or never leave in the first place.

  After nearly an hour being bombarded with questions about football and running, Jace pulls me close to ask if I got dinner.

  “No. I’m starving,” I admit. He loves taking care of me and pounces on this opportunity. I can tell just by starting the grill and getting Wesley and Zoe on board with grilling, Jace is feeling better. Managing to break away, I circle my arms around him as he flips burgers.

  “You okay?” I ask quietly, rising on my tiptoes to reach his ear.

  He puts down the spatula and turns around, resting his hands low on my hips. “Now that you’re here I am. I want to hear about your run. Good to be back?”

  I know what he really wants to ask; I also know he’s trying not to ask it, so I spare him the struggle. “I literally just saw Ryan for the first time when I got here. Yeah, I’ll be running with him sometimes but you know he’s moved on, Jace. It was a long time ago.”

  Jace lowers his forehead to mine. “I know. It’s not even him. It’s what he represents.”

  “What he represents?”

  Jace pulls back a little, jaw set. He doesn’t want to elaborate and is about to turn around to reach for the spatula but I tug him tighter to me. Nope. We aren’t doing this non-sharing thing. There can be no emotion-suppressing in this marriage. It’s been too destructive for us in the past. “What does he represent, Jace?” I push.

  He knows it too, though I can tell it takes effort to force it out. He’s practically gritting his teeth when he admits, “The things I can’t give you.”

  His words surprise me enough that I loosen my hold and blink a few times, trying to process. He’s already back to the burgers, and we’re surrounded by people again, before I can follow up with more questions. The things he can’t give me?

  When it hits me what he’s getting at, I wonder why I was even confused in the first place. Home. Brockton. That whole “being settled” thing Gran and Lulu were getting at. But that’s all so minor compared to Jace Wilder himself. I’ve got the guy I’ve loved my entire life right here at my side. I’d rather live with him in New York City or Ohio or wherever we land than be without him here in Brockton. Doesn’t he know that?

  Chapter Six

  Pepper

  Of course, as the weeks go on, and Jace continues to be called at the last minute to fly somewhere for a campaign, a fundraiser, a publicity event, whatever, I start to wonder if I really do have him. Yeah, I’ve got his heart, his loyalty, his trust, all of that, but without his physical presence, it feels empty.

  “You miss him, don’t you?” Zoe asks.

  Despite Ray’s advice, I’m getting in one of my easy runs on the trails with Zoe and Dave. Poor Dave rarely gets to run with me now that I’ve got my strict running plans.

  “So much, Zoe. Is that weird?”

  “Why would that be weird? He’s your husband.”

  Zoe’s not running professionally but she’s actually in great shape. She’s helping Wes train for an Ironman and runs a lot with him. Given that I’m ramping up to a hundred miles a week, I’m impressed that she’s easily keeping up with me and holding a conversation. Sure, it’s an easy run, but I’ve learned that my slow pace is getting too fast for some of my running friends who don’t compete anymore.

  “I don’t know. We have the rest of our lives together. I do talk to him every day, even if I don’t see him in person every day. I know everything that’s going on in his life, and he knows everything in mine. We’re as close as two people can be.”

  “But you still miss him,” she finishes for me.

  Knowing she gets it, understands it, that helps me feel like I’m not totally crazy. “Yeah. I think that if I knew this was only for a short while and we just had to get through a few more months, that’d be better. But this is our lives.”

  “If he lands in Denver, it will be better,” Zoe encourages.

  “It would definitely be better if he trades to the Stallions,” I concede, even knowing that’s far from a sure thing. “He can try to do more promotional stuff locally that way too.”

  It would actually be a lot better if he landed with the Stallions, but I can’t get my hopes up.

  “I see why it’s rough, Pep. When I was at Mountain West and Wes was at Princeton, I always questioned what we were doing. I didn’t know how we’d know if we were meant to stay together forever if we weren’t even in the sam
e place for more than a few weeks at a time. But it was also easier than what you’re going through, because I knew that eventually we would be, and if we could make it until that time, it’d be worth it.”

  “Yeah, the only end in sight for us is when we both retire,” I say with a humorless chuckle.

  “You’ll never retire from competing, Pep,” Zoe says, and I think she’s teasing until she adds, “It’s just part of you. You wouldn’t be you without it.”

  “You really think that?”

  “Hell yeah. I know plenty of runners and athletes. But no one like you. From that first day I dragged you to practice in your high top Converse, it was like love at first hill sprint.”

  Talk turns to running, my switch from trails and mountain races to the longer distances on the road, the build-up to the marathon. The marathon is the ultimate race for a distance runner, the most followed and contentious distance in the world. Not everyone’s bodies can handle running marathons, competing in them, for more than a season or two. I’ve finally found a solid balance in my training where I push hard, but I know when I’m getting too close to the edge of injury. I’m doing enough strength training now that I’m strong all around, able to withstand the increase in mileage. Still, it’s a little risky making the move to the marathon this early in my career. Most distance runners wait until they’ve hit some milestones on the track in the 5K or 10K.

  I explain all this to Zoe and she asks, “So why do it now? Are you feeling pressured from being on a team with so many elite marathoners?”

  “No. It wasn’t my coach’s idea. Actually, he resisted it at first when I mentioned it.” I’ve explained it to Jace, who understood where I was coming from, but it’s different with Zoe. She doesn’t have whatever Jace and I have that makes us want to chase the biggest, craziest goals. Not that she’s a slacker or anything, she’s just normal, reasonable. Jace and I aren’t normal or always reasonable when it comes to our passions. But I try my best to explain it. “I need to prove myself. Which,” I quickly justify my words, “I know sounds silly. I’ve got a lot of great accomplishments under my belt.” I start to continue but she interrupts me.

  “Don’t worry, Pep. I’m with you. Yes, you got national titles in high school, and college, and you just hit the podium at the world cross championships. But the marathon is the biggest stage and you want to conquer it too. And you especially want it because you want to stand on your own two feet. Prove you deserve your sponsorships. That you aren’t in Jace’s shadow.”

  I suck in a breath at her last statement, and it’s not from exertion as we wind up a hill. No, it’s because everything she said was spot on. Even the last part. The one part I didn’t talk to Jace about. Yes, I want to prove myself in the elite professional field. But it’s more than that.

  “I know that’s messed up. It’s not like I’m competitive with Jace himself, or need or want the spotlight.” I think about it, trying to articulate why it matters. “It’s just that being married to an NFL quarterback, it’s easy to question your own self-worth. Or not self-worth exactly. My purpose. Like, most of the wives don’t have their own goals. It’s just to support their husbands’ dreams and follow them around. Which I’m not bashing. Not at all. Sometimes that’s how it needs to be done. It’s what makes sense.”

  “But not for you and Jace,” Zoe says with such confidence, I feel a wave of tension leave my body. She gets it. She so gets it.

  “No. That’s not us. Neither of us would want that.”

  “You know, the imbalance thing, it’s at a higher level for you two since it’s your dreams and passions, but Wes and I deal with that somewhat too.”

  “Because he made so much money so quickly?” I hadn’t really thought about that. Zoe has never mentioned that the money was a source of tension in their marriage.

  “That’s part of it, but it’s always changing. Like, I don’t need to work because of the money, but I do, for now at least. Maybe that will change when we have kids, but it’s like you said, finding your purpose or whatever, your role. It’s partly what I need but what Wes needs too. Me having a job, a normal one with normal hours that gives me a community and goals and everything, that’s good for both of us. I think Wes is still figuring it out. He was a little lost when he realized he really didn’t need to work anymore. He still tinkers around with stuff on his computer so I guess he is working, but he doesn’t have any goals.”

  “That’s why he’s training for an Ironman?”

  “Yep.”

  “He gets restless quick. Maybe you should try for triplets. That will make it real clear what his purpose and role are.”

  Zoe laughs. “We’re trying. I know we’re young, but we both want a lot of kids. Wes because he was an only child and wanted siblings, me because I have a ton of siblings and need a certain level of chaos in a house to feel like home.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “We’ve already picked out names for like ten theoretical kids. What about you guys? I know you have a lot going on but do you talk about it?”

  “Nope.” I admit this easily at first, but then feel a little sadness. “Maybe we’re just too caught up in our own dreams and goals right now to think about that.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that, Pep. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

  Am I being hard on myself? Maybe. Kids seem like a given, but someday, way in the future. My mind thinks in cycles: get through this training cycle, Jace’s season, another training cycle, Olympic Trials, maybe Olympics, repeat. That’s how my life is right now, in blocks of time that I can manage.

  I fly out the next morning for a race in Boston, excited to have Jace all to myself while he watches me race for the first time in what feels like forever. He’s meeting me there, flying from New York where he attended another event with the team there. But as I’m waiting to board the plane he calls to tell me that his agent booked an advertising campaign for him the next day and he can’t come to Boston after all.

  “If you tell me to blow it off and come see you, I’ll do it in a heartbeat,” he offers. I can’t tell if he wants me to do this, or if he’s just trying to make it better. But we decided early on that we wouldn’t get in the way of each other’s careers, force each other to decide. All these ad opportunities are new and he can’t be turning them down just as his career is taking off.

  “I’m not going to do that, Jace. This isn’t a big race. If I make the Olympics someday I expect you to be there, but this is just a 10K road race. I’ve done plenty of 10Ks in my life. It’s not a big deal.” He also knows I’m just trying to make it better. The truth is, this race is my debut into the elite road racing circuit. After racing only on the trails or track since graduating nearly two years ago, I’ve yet to race at a highly competitive road 10K like this one. There will be lots of former Olympians from all over the world and in the running world at least, there’s been a lot of buzz about where I’ll stand.

  Jace changes the subject as I hear them call my boarding group. “Frankie and Lizzie are gonna come up for a few days when we get back on Monday.” He sounds as torn as I feel. We love spending time with our friends but how is it possible to be married to someone and have so little alone time with them?

  “I miss you,” I say quietly. It slips out, and I can practically feel Jace’s frustration and sadness in the small sigh he makes on the other end.

  “God, baby, I miss you so bad. It’s starting to actually hurt. Do you feel it?”

  I didn’t know he was feeling it as hard as I did. How could I when I see him a few days a month now and during that time one of us is training or in some sort of meeting?

  “Yeah. I do.” My fist goes to my chest, right where that ache is, but it’s not like he can see me. I want to ask how the trade negotiations are going, if all this travel and effort is helping his cause. If there’s any leeway with the Stallions. It seems like his agent has him traveling to New York and California more often than Jace is in Denver, except I don’t reall
y know how this all works.

  I don’t ask. It’s too important. It matters too much. I don’t want to know if the answer is one I won’t like.

  “I have to board,” I say, my voice a little hoarse from an emotion I can only identify as sadness.

  “Okay.” He hesitates, and I wonder if he wants me to beg him to ditch his commitments in New York to meet me in Boston. But instead he says, “I love you. Be safe.” And we hang up.

  Chapter Seven

  Pepper

  Damn it feels good to race. As we pass the final mile marker and head into the last stretch, I know I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do. Like Zoe said, this is a part of me. The drive to compete. When I embrace it, I’m alive. The only other thing that makes me feel this alive is being with Jace, but I push that thought away. Even as my muscles start to burn and spectators scream from the side of the road, I’m missing him.

  I settled in with the lead pack from the beginning. Two runners from Kenya broke off at mile three and are likely too far ahead to reach. The prize money is big, and because of that, the field is deep. The restlessness in the pack grows when the finish line comes into view with half a mile to go. We all want to be on that podium. Not just for the huge paycheck, but the prestige, the momentum going into the rest of the season. We want the podium finish for all the practical reasons required for our jobs as runners, yes, but mostly for the pure raw competitiveness that has us out here, lungs burning, in the first place.

  A few runners keep trying to pull away, make a break for it, but aren’t able to get far from the pack before we reel them back in. As we barrel closer to the finish, Monica Herrick bursts ahead, and instinct has my legs trigger to pick up the pace with her. I was about to make my own move, and I’m ready for the surge. I’ve worked on my speed, and I’m able to turn over my legs faster and take it to the next level. I don’t feel anyone with us, and as I dig inside me, sprinting ahead, I sense Monica falling back too. I’m gaining on the two Kenyan runners who are out of reach. The sound of the crowd grows, and when they break the tape right next to each other, I’m only steps behind.