Alchemy With Benefits

by Katalina Leon

  With a dip of her chin, she offered the gum. “That’s what I thought. You might want to freshen up.”

  Reaching for the gum, Madame mouthed the words, “Thank you.” The stick of gum was stripped of its wrapper and chomped between her teeth. She chewed with the same grinding jaw movements as a horse. “Go in.”

  Estele climbed the steps with Madame close behind, Shutting the door after she entered.

  “I know it’s warm, but I’d like a little privacy.” Madame Shamansky fanned herself. “There’s always some nosy clown hanging around.”

  Scanning the trailer, Estele was impressed that it appeared much more spacious on the inside. The compact interior, plain utilitarian kitchenette, and tiny bathroom were decorated in vivid colors and rich textures that lent the space a bohemian vibe.

  Val perched on the edge of a foldaway bed draped in purple veils.

  “Welcome to Xanadu on wheels.” Madame gnawed on the gum. “This is great gum. Can I have another piece?”

  Estele felt a jolt of worry about Fae dosages. “Um... uh, sure.” She pulled the pack from her purse. “Here.”

  Madame took another piece.

  Val opened his hand. “I’d like one too.”

  She recoiled. “No. You wouldn’t like it.”

  He nodded. “I’m sure I would.”

  Shaking her head, she sat on the bed. “You don’t want this. It’s girly gum.”

  “Girly gum?” He thrust his hand out. “Now I insist on trying it.”

  “Val, that’s not a good idea.” She shot him a warning stare, but he didn’t take the hint. “I was saving this gum.”

  He took the pack from her hand. “I’ll get you more later.” Shucking the wrapper, he folded the stick of gum between his teeth and chewed. “Oh, it is good.”

  Biting her lip, she watched in horror as Val chomped the candor-spell-infused gum, adding to the dose of Fae enchantment he’d already imbibed with the mojito.

  Madame Shamansky munched away with a dreamy expression on her face. “You know what this gum reminds me of? Those flat boxes of tart candies they used to sell in movie theaters. God, I loved going to the movies when I was a little girl. Back then my dream was to be an actress. Everyone said I was pretty enough. A talent scout told me I looked like a young Ava Gardner. That was back when people knew who Ava Gardner was. I tried acting. Even came close to getting the lead on a few big auditions. The few jobs I got were mostly movie-of-the-week crap, but every now and then I got handed a plum script. I played meaty character parts like ‘woman dies dramatically in elevator’ or ‘bystander crushed during panicked stampede.’ The last job I got was in The Poseidon Adventure 2. Not the original with the Shelly Winters swim scene, the other one. Then I met the late Mr. Shamansky and married a carny twice my age. What the fuck was I think—”

  The candor spell had kicked in big-time. Estele interrupted. “Are you ready for your psychic reading?”

  “No.” Madame was busy chewing. “Who cares about a psychic reading anyway? I already know what’s going to happen to me, and it’s not pleasant. By the way, my real name is Marge. All of a sudden I feel like I just need to talk, air my thoughts. You don’t mind listening, do you?”

  Val leaned in. “I feel like I need to talk too. I’m hungry. We skipped dinner, didn’t we? You know what? I think the incense is too strong and it’s giving me a headache.”

  She gently hushed him with a gentle nudge. “Let me finish with Marge. Then we can leave and get something to eat.”

  Looking as innocent as a five-year-old, Val said, “I think Marge is a nice woman. She’s a little sad. I feel bad for her.”

  Afraid Val would spill the beans, she patted his hand reassuringly. “Val, please let me do all the talking, okay?”

  Marge went misty-eyed. “Thank you, Valentine, for being so sweet. I get zero sympathy around here. Especially from those damn clowns! Those nasty bastards. Everyone thinks running a professional carnival is so easy. It’s not! My God, the horrible things I’ve had to endure. I’ve practically sold my soul to Luther.” She clamped her hand over her mouth. “Holy shit, what am I saying. I can’t talk about Luther! It’s not allowed. Why did I even mention him?”

  Val smiled at Estele. “The first moment I saw you, walking toward the taco truck, I thought, ‘She’s probably a flake and she’s trying too hard to look like somebody else.’ Then I realized I was looking at my tattoo come to life. I got so excited. It felt like it took forever for you to reach the front of the line. I think the retro thing really works for you. You’re adorable. You know what else I like about—”

  Turning toward Val, she pantomimed zipping her lips. “Shush, please.”

  The ground rumbled. The trailer shook. A low moan floated past the window.

  Marge looked startled. “Was that an earthquake? It seems like we’ve been having a lot of earthquakes all day. Am I the only one noticing them?”

  Grabbing Val’s hand, Estele stood. “I think we should leave.”

  Bam, bam, bam! A fist pounded on the trailer’s tiny door.

  “Who is it?” Marge leaped to her feet.

  “It’s me, Sparky,” a gravel voice sounded from outside.

  Marge cautiously drew the door open.

  A clown with a red nose, blue wig, and a yellow polka-dot jumpsuit stood on the steps. He peered inside the trailer with a mean glare at odds with the happy smile painted around his lips. “The boss wants to talk to you in his office.”

  Marge bristled. “Excuse me? Technically, I’m still the boss. Tell Luther I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Sparky’s gaze swept over Estele. He looked annoyed. “Luther said now.” He turned and headed into the shadows.

  Estele grabbed hold of Val’s wrist and made a move toward the door. “You have important things to do. We’ll be on our way.”

  Marge’s face drooped with disappointment. “You’re leaving? Don’t go. I was enjoying the company.”

  Val dug his heels in. “I want to stay and visit with Marge. Look at her, she needs someone to talk to.”

  “But we have errands to do. Remember?” She coaxed Val out of the trailer. “It was lovely meeting you, Marge. We’ll talk again soon.”

  Marge pouted. “If you’re serious about the job, you’ll show up bright and early tomorrow morning.”

  Estele was careful not to commit.

  Marge waved them out. “You’d better go. Luther has the patience of a two-year-old. I have to lock the trailer. I remember a time when I didn’t have to.” After securing the door, she hurried away.

  Estele and Val stepped into the warm evening air, stirred by a faint breeze. Beneath blinding bright lights, workmen buzzed around the fairgrounds with forklifts and power tools, bringing the midway to life.

  Marge walked toward a hulking black trailer with red flames painted on the sides. Climbing the steps, she knocked. The trailer door opened. A weird vibe rolled through the air like a silent shockwave. It was dark inside the trailer, and impossible to see more than a silhouette of a large man, as broad as a bull, blocking the doorway. Marge entered and the door shut.

  Estele pulled Val behind Madame Shamansky’s trailer and peered across the midway. “I couldn’t see very well, but did that guy look human to you? He’s built like an Orc. I didn’t even see a neck on him.”

  Val’s nostrils flared. “Something about Luther is off.” His gaze focused on Estele. “I’d sure like to unzip your dress. You look soft.”

  “Val, the less you say right now the better off you’ll be. I have a confession. The gum was sprinkled with—”

  Sparky approached them and stood with his hands on his hips, frowning in a clownishly exaggerated expression of outrage.

  Estele acknowledged him. “What do you want?”

  The clown stomped his huge red shoe on the ground, making a loud slap, while holding up two fingers. He stood frozen, in silence, glaring at them.

  “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell us.” She took
a guess what the two fingers meant. “Go in peace?”

  In a burst of agitation, Sparky fluttered his arms in the air, stomped his foot, and again held up two fingers.

  “I get it!” Val jumped in. “He wants to play charades. First word has two parts?”

  Sparky bobbed his head idiotically in agreement.

  “All right!” Val cheered. “Two words—go!”

  Holding up one finger, Sparky continued.

  “First word!” Val shouted.

  Sneering while making obscene motions with his hips, Sparky pantomimed a classic dirty dog maneuver of humping an invisible partner.

  “Eww.” Estele looked away. “I don’t want to see that. Now I need eye bleach.”

  “Copulate!” Val blurted.

  The clown scowled. His hip-pounding motions grew more vulgar.

  “Screw?” Val sounded uncertain. “Naughty monkey mambo? Fuck! It’s fuck, isn’t it?”

  Sparky nodded like a fool. He held up two fingers.

  “Second word?” Val blurted.

  The clown pressed his flattened palms together and allowed one to slide past the other and drop.

  “Fall?” Val imitated the motions. “Slip?”

  The motion was repeated, but this time Sparky allowed the top hand to slide across before lifting into the air.

  “Fly? Float? Take off?” Val got very animated.

  Sparky pointed in approval.

  “I get it.” Val clapped. “The words are fuck off!”

  More wild head bobbing from Sparky, followed by two more raised fingers. He stomped behind a stack of pallets and returned holding a cream pie. Menace burned in his eyes.

  “Run!” Estele squealed. “The bastard’s going to throw a pie at us!”

  Sparky held up a palm as an indication to halt. He then calmly set the pie on the ground, squatted low, and allowed himself to plop onto it with a loud squish. Cream oozed out of the plate and onto his baggy pants.

  She was perplexed. “What the hell does that mean? Is he threatening to squash us with his ass?”

  “No! I think he’s showing us that he killed the pie.”

  Sparky’s face lit with joy as he pointed enthusiastically and made a spinning motion with his fingers.

  Val squinted. “Rhymes with pie?”

  More clownish head bobbing from Sparky.

  “Okay, I get it now.” Val rubbed his hands together. “The message is fuck off and die. Or fuck off and die—you’re going to be squashed like pies?” He shook his head. “Maybe he just doesn’t want us to come back to the fairgrounds?”

  Sparky pinched his red nose and made it beep, beep in the affirmative.

  “Aha. I was right.” She searched her purse for the hexed gum. “Under threat of death, the psychotic clown doesn’t want us coming back. I see nothing ominous or suspicious about this message, do you?” She offered Sparky a piece of gum. “Live a little, Bozo. Thanks for the heads-up.”

  Accepting the stick of gum, Sparky turned and duck waddled into the shadows.

  “That was weird.” She stared. “Do you think Luther sent him to scare us?”

  Val shuddered. “Clowns creep me out. When I was a kid, I used to hide from them at birthday parties. Why am I telling you this?”

  “Maybe we’ve done enough recon for tonight. Val, I need to tell you something.” Taking his hand, she led him toward the car. “Let’s leave before you start telling people the truth.”

  He walked at her side. “Why would I do that?”

  “I did something foolish.” Steering him past a crew of workmen who ignored them, she hustled him across the midway. “On my way out of the Voodoo Hoodoo lounge, Sid slipped me a vial of candor spell. I sprinkled a few drops on the pack of gum. That’s why Marge opened up and started talking like she’s my new best friend. You consumed some of the enchantment too. I’m so sorry. I tried to warn you.”

  He looked hurt. “I came to San Buena as an ally to you. I want to protect you, so you can do your job. Why would you feel the need to hex me? Have I presented myself as dishonest or untrustworthy?”

  Now she felt terrible. “No. But you’re a stranger, and strange things have been happening. In my book, being a brujo earns you double points for suspicious motives.”

  “Really?” His brows dipped. “Until today, I had no idea brujos had such a negative image. We need better PR, maybe a public service announcement? How long will the candor spell last?”

  “I have no idea. It’s likely to last a few hours.”

  His gaze fixed on her. “Then you should take advantage of it.”

  Arriving at the car, she unlocked the passenger door. “What do you mean?”

  “Test me. Ask me questions while I’m under the influence. I’m not afraid of an honest answer.”

  “Val, I didn’t intend for you to fall victim. You seem like an okay guy. I was hoping the all-seeing eye of destiny might have something helpful to say about matters at the fairgrounds. I definitely felt the wicked vibe. There are some seriously odd things going on here. The roadies are acting like zombies. Not one of them has even turned to look at us. And what’s with that Luther character? I get the feeling he’s the one we need to know more about.”

  Standing close, Val touched her arm. “Estele, I’d like to know more about you. Would you be angry if I kissed you?”

  She leaned breathless against the car. “That’s not a good idea.”

  He brushed his fingertips against her cheek. “Why? It seems like a good idea to me.”

  “Because there’s a great big shadowy figure stomping toward us and I think it’s Luther.”

  Chapter 5

  A TINGLE OF ELECTRICITY crackled in the air. One by one the generators ground to a halt. The lights in the parking lot dimmed. All machinery stopped. The fairgrounds went dark and silent. Work stopped. The rumble of heavy footsteps like those of a stone giant shook the ground.

  A shiver of primal fear rippled down Val’s spine. “Get behind me.” With a firm shove he put himself between Estele and the unknown. Staring into the shadows, he fought a sense of rising panic. “Where is it? I can hear it but I can’t see it.”

  Estele clung to his back, quaking. Her warm presence would have been a treat were it not for the feeling of dread.

  “With the lights out,” she whispered, “I don’t see it anymore. A minute ago, I thought I saw movement near the trailers. It was a massive shapeless hulk.”

  His furtive glances delivered no useful information. He was here to protect Estele and he was not doing a good job. The ground beneath his feet trembled as if heavy equipment was moving earth. “The moon’s up and we’re standing in an open parking lot. If it’s as big as it sounds, why can’t we see it?”

  Estele pointed over his shoulder. “Something’s lurking in the shadows behind the trailers. I think it’s avoiding the moonlight.”

  Boom, boom boom....

  The asphalt beneath their feet flexed.

  Attempting to sound calm, he mumbled, “Do you have the car keys in your hand?”

  “Yes.” Estele’s voice cracked.

  Stealthily opening the passenger door, he climbed in. “Get in the car and start the engine—now.”

  Taking mincing steps as quick as her high heels and tight dress would allow, Estele scurried to the driver side. She unlocked the door and leaped in. Staring out the windshield with eyes wide, she gasped. “Whatever that thing is, it’s headed straight toward us. I keep thinking I can see something, but it doesn’t quite take shape.”

  Waaaahhhh! A screeching howl like a desert wind roared toward them. The loose suspension on the VW made the car sway.

  She turned the engine over.

  In front of them, a mass of black smoke congealed in the air, taking the shape of a charging beast with two horns atop its head. The uncanny creature pawed the asphalt then thundered toward them, making the ground shake.

  “Go, go, go!” he shouted.

  “Holy crap! What is that thing?” Estele hit
the gas and cranked the steering wheel. With an explosive backfire, the car sputtered in a half circle. The smoke beast overtook them, slamming into the VW with a loud growl and a burst of noxious-smelling sulfur. The cab of the car was engulfed by a murky haze that left them coughing. A second later the black smoke vanished, leaving a foul rotten egg scent behind.

  “Good Goddess!” Estele wheezed. “Roll down the windows. Whatever that was, it’s worse than a fart from Hell.”

  Gagging on the nasty fumes, Val opened the window and fanned the smell away. “If there was any doubt before about the presence of evil at this location, it’s gone now. We know with certainty that dark forces are at work here.”

  Her hands trembled on the wheel. She made a few erratic zigzags as she drove across the parking lot toward the exit. “What a stench! I’m going to have to wash my hair and burn this dress.”

  “I’ll help you do both.” He said it too eagerly. The thought of stepping into a warm shower with Estele to massage fragrant suds through her hair sounded amazing. The task would be performed with intense devotion and dragged out as long as possible. It had been so long since he’d touched anyone tenderly. Alchemical training and preparations for first flight—or, more accurately, first flight with an ally—had demanded all his energy and time. Now here she was, his new ally, cute, curvy Estele, the Wiccan star.

  She looked annoyed as she steered onto Seaside Lane. “Why are you looking at me like that? We just escaped a stampeding Hell beast and you look like you’re having horny thoughts.”

  He glanced away but it did nothing to stop his X-rated thoughts about Estele. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s been ages since I’ve been around a woman I found so attractive and even longer since I got—” The VW backfired like a shotgun as they crossed the freeway overpass and thankfully drowned out his confession.

  “It’s okay.” Her tone softened. “I’m not angry, I’m just surprised. That thing at the fairgrounds got me spooked. Did you feel how much power it summoned? How are we going to fight something like that?”

  Had his training prepared him for anything of this magnitude? No. He was better prepared to be a sous-chef than to attempt to do the work of a saint driving menace from the land. He hung his head with a sigh.