Jaffle Inc
Page 31
The former Empties walked with us out across Jaffle Park. People from across the city were coming to meet us, carrying armfuls of clothing, food and freshly prepared hugs. A woman dropped to her knees before me, holding up a pile of clothes as an offering.
“Claire?”
She looked up with a tight look on her face. “Alice, it’s come to my attention that I might have treated you badly,” she said.
“Might,” I agreed.
“Anyway, given your new status, I wonder if you’d like some nice clothes?”
I shook my head. “Claire, I don’t have status. I’m an enabler, not the queen of the world. Please, share your things with those who need them.” I walked on, proud to make a stand against selfishness and snobbery. I spun on my heel and whipped a particularly colourful dress from the top of her pile. “Although this looks nice. I might take this one.”
Helberg linked his arm through mine as we walked. “You are an amazing human being,” he said.
“Indeed,” I said.
“I would very much like to kiss you, Alice.”
I thought about it for a short time. “Very well, Patrick,” I said.
We stopped and faced each other. Wiggler and his friends played and cavorted at our feet. I leaned in and we kissed. It was my first proper kiss. Ever. We’d probably get better at it with time and practice.
“So?” said Helberg. “What do you think?”
I looked at the piglets. “I think I might have to give up bacon,” I said.
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Charged with gross incompetence, Satan is fired from his job as Prince of Hell and exiled to that most terrible of places: English suburbia. Forced to live as a human under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof, the dark lord not only has to contend with the fact that no one recognises him or gives him the credit he deserves but also has to put up with the bookish wargamer next door and the voracious man-eater upstairs.
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F. Paul Wilson: "Clovenhoof is a delight. A funny, often hilarious romp with a dethroned Satan as he tries to adjust to modern suburbia. The breezy, ironic prose sets a perfect tone. If you need some laughs, here's the remedy."
US: http://www.amazon.com/Clovenhoof-ebook/dp/B008PYLULG/
UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Clovenhoof-ebook/dp/B008PYLULG/
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US: https://www.amazon.com/Oddjobs-Heide-Goody/dp/0993365531
UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Oddjobs-Heide-Goody-ebook/dp/B01GVT13XQ
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US: https://www.amazon.com/Snowflake-Heide-Goody-ebook/dp/B07F3X4XF2
UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Snowflake-Heide-Goody-ebook/dp/B07F3X4XF2