Always

by Iris Johansen

  “On the prediction of a gypsy soothsayer?” Galbraith asked. “What kind of professionalism is that?”

  Clancy held up his hand. “John, do you suppose you could drop this fascinating debate on mysticism versus realism and get Baldwin to headquarters? We have some questioning to do.”

  Galbraith nodded. “I radioed for a car as soon as we landed. They should be here any minute.”

  Clancy turned to Kira. “I’m sorry to spoil your arrangements, but we’ll have to postpone the wedding until tomorrow. We have to clear up this mess first.”

  “That’s all right. It will give me time to do it right. Don’t worry about Lisa. I’ll take her to the palace and get her settled in your quarters for the night.” She tilted her head, considering. “Maybe I’ll call a few shops and have them send out some gowns on approval. It will give her something to do. Amy Irving was wearing the most gorgeous gown at the Academy Awards when she was expecting. It had a rich, Renaissance quality, and I think Lisa would look beautiful in something like that for the ceremony.”

  Clancy shook his head and turned to Lisa. “Don’t let her run you ragged. Just give her a flat-out no. There are times when she even pays attention to it. Will you be all right without me? I’ll join you at the palace as soon as I’ve wrapped this up. It’s important that I find out who the informant at the palace is, or Alex and Sabrina will be in danger. You understand?”

  “Of course I understand. I wouldn’t have you do anything else.” Lisa smiled. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” A dark blue car pulled around the corner and stopped beside them; the doors opened and several men emerged from the car. Galbraith immediately joined them and began issuing orders. “It seems the cavalry has arrived. Kira and I had better get out of the way and let you do your job.”

  “I’ll have a man drive you to the palace.” He leaned forward and kissed her lightly. “If you need me, just tell Alex. He’ll know where to get in touch with me.”

  She cast a last look at Martin, who was regaining consciousness and sitting up dazedly on the tarmac. How could a man with whom she had shared so much have become such a stranger? Or perhaps he’d really been a stranger all along. They had never been able to reach each other on anything but surface levels.

  “Lisa?”

  Clancy’s eyes were on her face, and there was something in them that reminded her of the raw pain she’d glimpsed when Martin had been taunting him. “No, it’s all right,” she said quickly. She couldn’t bear to see that pain on his face. “You don’t understand. It’s not true that …” She trailed off. She couldn’t explain here, in the midst of all this turmoil. “I’ll see you later at the palace, Clancy.”

  “WE HAVEN’T TIRED you, have we?” Kira asked anxiously. “I warned the others and we tried to be as careful as we could.”

  “No, you didn’t tire me,” Lisa said with a reassuring smile. “I enjoyed myself. I was glad I was able to meet everyone today before the wedding and get to know them. It will make me more at ease during the ceremony.”

  “I told you there was nothing to be nervous about. Now you’ve been officially accepted by the family.” Kira looked at her wristwatch. “It’s nearly eleven. I’d better get out of here and let you get some rest or Clancy will skin me.” She wrinkled her nose. “I suppose I should get some sleep myself. I have to get up early to fly back to the castle and pick up Marna and bring her here for the ceremony. Our departure from the castle this morning was a little too precipitous to board passengers.”

  “Thank heavens it was,” Lisa with a reminiscent shiver. “I haven’t even thanked you, Kira.”

  Kira’s eyes widened in surprise. “For what? It was the best time I’ve had in months.” She turned to the door. “Good night. I’ll be here at ten in the morning to help you dress. That pink brocade gown is going to look fantastic on you.” She paused as she opened the door. “Clancy called you an hour or so ago, didn’t he? Is everything all right? What did he say?”

  “Just that Martin had told them what they wanted to know and they were in the process of arresting not only the palace informant, but the terrorists as well. He said he’d be here as soon as he could.”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to stay until he comes?” Kira asked. “Sometimes a strange place isn’t very comfortable.”

  Lisa shook her head. “No, you go on to bed. This suite doesn’t feel strange to me. I feel very much at home. You said I would, remember?” She smiled. “I think I’ll just walk in the garden for a while and wait for Clancy. I’m too restless to go to bed.”

  “I can see why, after the day you’ve had. Well, if you change your mind, dial seven zero on the house phone. That will connect you with my suite and I’ll come running. See you in the morning.” The door closed behind her.

  Lisa turned away and wandered over to the French doors across the room. Clancy had sounded both grim and harried on the phone. Perhaps she should wait until tomorrow to speak to him.

  No! She had waited too long already. How long had Clancy been feeling that pain he had revealed today? She never wanted to see that particular expression on his face again as long as she lived. There had been too many misunderstandings, too much giving on Clancy’s part, too much taking on hers. It was time to blow away all the inequalities of the past and make way for a new beginning.

  She opened the French doors and stood looking out into the garden. The warm breeze touched her face and she was suddenly surrounded by scent and sound. She could dimly make out the shape of an oleander tree burdened with blossoms in the distance and suddenly heard the musical trill of a nightingale somewhere high in its branches. Or was it perched on the jasmine tree nearby?

  Lisa stepped out into the soft night and closed the doors behind her. What better occupation could she find while she waited for Clancy than to go in search of a nightingale?

  The private garden adjoining Clancy’s suite was fantastically beautiful in the moonlight. The pale, fragrant blossoms that graced it looked like drops of moonlight themselves. White roses, camellias, creamy gardenias grew in profusion along flagstone walkways that wound to a graceful fountain in the very center of the garden. The fountain area itself was surrounded by curving marble benches and encircled by square latticework Moorish lanterns mounted on tall, graceful spears, which glowed with the same opalescent beauty as the garden itself.

  “Lisa!”

  Clancy. “I’m here by the fountain.”

  She heard his quick, heavy footsteps, and then he appeared in the clearing beside her. “I was worried when you weren’t in the suite.”

  “It’s so lovely out here. I thought I’d wait for you by the fountain. This garden reminds me a little of the courtyard at Paradise Cay, but it’s much lovelier.”

  “David Bradford designed this garden. He asked me what flowers I wanted planted here and I told him anything serene and beautiful.” Clancy half sat, half leaned on the rim of the fountain, facing the bench where she sat. He had discarded his jacket and tie, and his white shirt was unbuttoned at the collar. “There’s nothing either beautiful or serene in my line of work, and I decided they’d be very soothing.” He smiled. “When I first saw you I thought of a camellia and wondered how you’d look here in my garden.”

  “Camellias are very fragile,” Lisa said huskily. “And I’m not, Clancy. Not anymore. You’ve made me strong.”

  “You don’t look very strong. That white gown makes you look like a Juliet.” Suddenly he grinned. “I see Kira prevailed. Long live the Renaissance.”

  Lisa smiled ruefully. “Don’t laugh. You may get very tired of this style. Somehow I found myself buying everything Kira suggested. She said the clothes made me look romantic, and I fell for it like a ton of bricks.” She met his eyes. “Because I feel romantic, Clancy. Wonderfully, wildly, gloriously romantic.”

  He grew very still. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

  She took a deep breath. Say the words, she told herself. “I’m trying to tell you that I
love you.” There, the words were out and lightning hadn’t struck. Clancy was still sitting there looking at her.

  His smile was gentle and a little sad. “I know that, Lisa. I know you feel something for me or you would never marry me, no matter how grateful you are. I saw how upset you were when Baldwin was taking those little jabs at me, but you didn’t have to do this. What I told Baldwin was true. I’ve accepted the fact that you can’t love me as I love you. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  Struck speechless for a moment, she stared at him. Then she burst out, “The hell it doesn’t!” She jumped to her feet, her eyes blazing. “I know damn well it means a hell of a lot to you, just as it would to me if I didn’t believe you loved me. Yet you’re sitting there looking at me as if I were a half-wit child who’s not responsible for her own actions.”

  “Lisa …” Clancy stood up, a startled expression on his face. “I didn’t mean—”

  “I know exactly what you meant to do. Protect Lisa. Care for Lisa. Love Lisa. Well, isn’t it time Lisa gave some of that back?” She took a step nearer, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “I am not a camellia. I am not a princess in a tower. I am not an emotional cripple incapable of love. I’m a person of reasonable intelligence and immense emotional potential. And all of that emotional potential has been tapped by you, Clancy Donahue. I love you. And it’s not the puny, insipid affection which is the only thing you seem to believe I’m capable of. It’s big and it’s deep enough to fill my entire life.” She drew a quivering breath. “And so strong that it scares me silly when I think of you crossing a street or when I see you fly away in the helicopter or just run down a flight of stairs.” Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Because I survived what happened to Tommy, but I’m not at all sure I could live without you, Clancy.”

  He shut his eyes, his body tense. “For God’s sake, don’t tell me that if you don’t mean it, Lisa. I’ve grown accustomed to the idea that you could never give me—”

  Her hands went to his shoulders and she gave him a little shake that was far from gentle. “Open your eyes and look at me, dammit. What does it take to get through to you?”

  Obediently he opened his eyes and she saw a glimmering of radiance in their depths. “I think you’re beginning to succeed.” His chuckle was a little husky. “Maybe if you tried a karate chop or two.” He picked her up and swung her in a wild, boisterous circle with a joyous laugh. “You mean it? Oh, God, you really mean it?”

  “I don’t know karate.” She was laughing, too, her eyes alight with the same joy. “But I could learn. Because I’m not—”

  “A camellia,” he finished for her. “Or a princess, or—” He broke off to kiss her with an exuberance that flooded her with happiness. He lifted his head. “But you are my love and the mother of my child and the center of my particular universe. Will you accept that, acushla?”

  “Oh, yes, I’ll accept that.” She nestled her head against his shoulder. “Gladly.”

  He picked her up and sat down on the marble bench, cradling her in his arms. “I think we’ll dispense with the karate lessons until after the baby is born. I think you’re being put through enough daily turmoil without that.” He placed one hand gently on her abdomen. “I was worried about you after that mess at the airport this morning.”

  “You shouldn’t have been. The baby evidently thrives on excitement. He’s been very active this afternoon.”

  “Really?” His other hand joined the first, splaying out gently, searchingly. After a moment his eyes flew to meet her own. “I’m not jealous, you know,” he said. “I want you to realize that. I couldn’t be. I already love our child very much.”

  “I know,” she said softly, and felt an aching tenderness tighten her throat. “It wasn’t true what Martin said, Clancy. Perhaps it might have been in Martin’s case because I never knew what love was all about then. I’ve been thinking about that while I sat here waiting for you.” Her arms tightened around him. “There are all kinds of love in the world. Mother for child, friend for friend, lover for lover. All separate but equal.” Her head nestled in the hollow of his shoulder. “Then, sometimes, if we’re very lucky, we’re given a love that’s very special and combines all of those in one. That’s what I feel for you, Clancy. It doesn’t mean that I loved Tommy or will love our child more or less than I do you. There’s no way of comparing love, because it’s all joy.” She was silent for a moment, searching for words. “Remember that gypsy saying Kira told us about? To share joy is to share the soul. Well, to share love does the same thing, Clancy. It goes into every part of our minds and hearts and binds us together so that there are no shadings, no comparisons, nothing but one shining entity.” She closed her eyes and her voice was a mere breath of sound. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

  “Wonderful,” he echoed. He swallowed and then laughed huskily. “Lord, I feel like I want to shout or cry or …” He shook his head. “I don’t know … something. I didn’t think this could happen to me. I thought I’d missed the boat somewhere along the way. It took such a long time coming.” His lips pressed gently against her temple. “But now I’ve got it all. After half a lifetime of waiting, it’s really here.”

  “We’ve got it all,” she corrected softly. “And who knows, if it had happened earlier, we may not have been ready for it. Maybe we needed to grow to this point so that we could fully appreciate what we have. I know I probably did.” Her eyes opened to gaze at him with love. “You’ve had such a rough day. Do you want to go inside and go to bed?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t feel tired. I feel young and strong and so damn happy that I want to wave banners and send up flares. I couldn’t sleep if I tried. I just want to sit here and hold you.” His big hands moved gently on the swell of her stomach. “And maybe feel our child move beneath my hands. Could we do that?”

  The tears were brimming, but Lisa refused to let them fall. This was not a night for tears, not even tears of joy. “Oh, yes, love, we can do that.”

  She closed her eyes again and relaxed against his warm strength. It was quiet and fragrant here in the garden, and they were surrounded by peace and delight and love. So much love. Now was the time of serenity and anticipation. There was really no need to do anything at all but listen to the sweet song of the nightingale in the oleander tree and wait for the stir of new life to come.