Zook

by Bex Dane

  "I'm aware of that. But if you want to get this done on time, you'll need to read the notes right the first time. There's no time for do-overs. Let her help."

  "I'll come by on Saturday morning. Does that work for you?" Blythe asked.

  "Sure." Mornings to a woman like her meant ten a.m. I'd already have six hours in by then.

  "I'll just go over the details with you and leave you to your work."

  That would be good. I didn't need no woman checking in on me like a mom.

  We walked toward the front door. Torrez pulled out a gun. I jumped back with my hands up. "Dude. I'll let her read me the details."

  "No, man. This is for you."

  He held it out in his palm with the barrel pointing at the wall.

  "I already have a weapon."

  His eyebrows rose. What did he think? I wouldn't protect myself? "What you got?" he asked.

  "It's a Smith and Wesson Shield .45." He didn't ask me how I got it, and I didn't offer the information.

  "That's good for personal carry. This is a full-size Glock, carries seventeen nine-millimeter rounds. Take it." He offered the gun to me.

  Holy shit. Seventeen rounds? I thought my gun was impressive with seven rounds. "Alright." I took it from him and inspected it. Nice looking gun. Not as heavy as I expected for a high-capacity handgun. He gave me four boxes of ammo. I locked them in the hidden safe next to the Shield. "You expecting vandals up here?" Maybe an all-out war?

  "I have associates that would like to see this project fail. I promised you I'd keep your hands clean, but that doesn't mean I can protect you if they come looking to start trouble."

  I nodded. I knew he had illegal ties when I took this gig. I could handle it.

  "Can you shoot a gun?" Blythe asked.

  "Of course."

  "I can give you a lesson."

  No way. Bad enough she'd be reading to me. Not taking shooting lessons from her. "Not necessary. You need me for anything else, cuz I'd like to get back to work?"

  "That's it. I'm happy with the progress. Keep it up." Torrez patted me on the shoulder.

  "Thank you."

  Chapter 10

  Cecelia

  "What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?" Zook broke the silence.

  We'd been sitting at our usual tutoring spot in the library for about five minutes. Zook relaxed with his knees wide and his eyes watching me. I fumbled with my papers and snuck glances at his belt buckle, which was even more tempting today after what we'd shared Friday night.

  "I don't know," I said without looking at him.

  "A synonym roll."

  I paused my preparation to watch his proud-of-himself grin.

  The smile I cracked could not be held back, so I let the laughter flow through me. His smirk widened to a white-toothed smile. This is what Zook did to me, forced me to feel joy I'd denied myself for so long. I felt like Dorothy walking in the colorful part of Oz when I was with him. Too bad it was all temporary.

  "No more distractions." I handed him a pen and today's worksheet.

  "You are one giant synonym roll of a distraction."

  "Do I need to get a ruler and smack your fingers?"

  "No, ma'am, but I'd be happy to smack your ass if that's somethin' you'd enjoy."

  Oh my.

  And so we began this session as we had all our previous ones, with me blushing and embarrassed trying to focus on teaching and him laughing at me blushing and being embarrassed.

  "Read these to me," I said in the firm voice I used when I stood in front of my students in the student teaching program.

  "Th-rog?"

  "Through. In this case O-U-G-H makes the oo sound. This one?"

  "Roo?"

  "Rough. In this case o-u-g-h makes the F sound."

  "You're shitting me."

  "No. O-U-G-H can make up to eight sounds."

  "O-U-G-H can go pound sand."

  "You'll just have to…"

  "Memorize it. Got it. Why does English even have rules if everything is an exception?"

  "Not everything is an exception, but there are many. Once you learn them though…"

  "It'll be easy. Still waiting on the day any of this is easy."

  "You're doing great. I'm proud of you."

  I took a fortifying breath and peered into the azure blue of his eyes. The comfort they brought me would be gone soon. The glint of humor in them and the way he made me feel when he looked at me. Gone. Not mine.

  "I've prepared these study packets for you."

  "Okay..."

  "They'll take you through third-grade reading and math."

  "They will."

  "Yes."

  "And will you take me through third grade?"

  "No."

  He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees as his eyes narrowed in on me. "Are we back to this?" he said in a low whisper.

  An uncomfortable itch bothered the back of my throat, but even coughing didn't clear it. "Yes. We need to end it."

  He glanced out the library window. The weather had turned cold. Too chilly to discuss this outside. "Let's take this somewhere private."

  "No."

  "C'mon."

  "I'd prefer to stay here."

  "Come into the stacks with me." He angled his head to the tall shelves in the reference section.

  I shook my head.

  "Let's go."

  When his fingers grasped my arm, I stayed put, keeping my head down.

  He paused and sighed. His other hand slid up my back, leaving a trail of tingles on my spine. He wrapped his palm around my ponytail and gave it a firm tug. "Come into the stacks with me." His hand on my arm moved to my cheek and his voice lowered to a growl. "Now."

  His commanding tone combined with the heat of his hands hypnotized me like the magician had done to the audience of his show. Zook could order me to plunge to my death at the end of the bluffs and I would obey. As I stood, the hand in my hair moved to my shoulder, guiding me deep into an old unoccupied section of the library.

  He crowded me and the shelf shook when my back hit it. I peered up at him, feeling weak. His hands skimmed my hips and his thumbs dug into my ribs. "What's going on, CeCe?"

  "I'm ending this." When he stood this close, the urge to kiss him overwhelmed me. He was too beautiful. Too flawlessly gorgeous.

  "I get that's what you want. I need to know why. Are you spoken for?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "You belong to someone?"

  "No." It was a half lie. Maksim controlled me like property, but I didn't belong to him. My heart belonged to Zook.

  "Is it cuz I'm poor and stupid?"

  "You're not. Don't say that. You're much smarter than me. You'll be a huge success."

  His eyes scanned mine back and forth, searching for the truth, but I'd learned to mask it a long time ago.

  "You don't want to be seen loving on a punk with a record?"

  "No. Gosh. No." I hated the self-doubt I saw in his eyes. I'd never forgive myself for that.

  "You're lyin'. This is all about your social status. Someone's forcing this on you and you hate it. Money doesn't factor when we're together and you know it."

  "You're perfect. I was lucky to know you."

  "Was? I don't get this. You didn't have any issues when you were coming all over my face a few days ago. You were all yes, Zook, yes."

  He spoke the truth. Friday night I got swept away. I'd spent all weekend crying about today and what I had to do. "Please. Just let me go." I tried to pull away, but his strong hands forced my shoulders back against the shelves, his body pinning the rest of me. Pushing back on his chest did nothing to dislodge him. He had me caged. His spicy scent, the intensity of his tall frame, the passion in his eyes. My brain short circuited and I could barely form words. "I need to focus on my studies."

  "No. You need me and whatever the hell I'm giving you that you aren't getting. You're scared shitless about what I make you feel. You've got some fucked up notion in your head th
at a woman should drop to her knees and serve. I'm challenging everything you think you know. And you're running from it."

  "Please, Zook. Just… Don't fight this."

  "Don't fight? Don't fight for you? For us?"

  "Give me some space to—"

  "Fuck space. I don't buy the drivel you're slinging right now."

  "I— I'm sorry. Drivel?"

  "Means nonsense. Bullshit. Which is what you're talking now."

  My heart swelled with pride at Zook's expanded vocabulary. He'd come so far.

  "You're scared. Let me tell you something about fear. I let fear rule my life, fear I'd lose my mom, my family. I lost them anyway. I hurt a woman. Probably screwed up any chances she had of recovering from some sick shit she was already suffering with. Went to prison, and I made a decision. I'm not letting fear rule me anymore. I got a second chance at life and I'm tackling it by the balls. I know there's better out there in this world for me and I'm fighting for it. I'll go down fighting for it. So you learn something from me, teacher. Don't do this. Fuck the fear and let me in!"

  Tears rolled down my cheeks as a sob escaped my lips. I wanted to hug him and scream yes. He kissed me, and I kissed him back through my tears. A kiss goodbye. He wasn't buying my excuses about focusing on my studies, and he wouldn't let me get away with saying I was scared. I had to bring out the one thing that would really hurt him. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, his hips smashed against me and I groaned.

  "Stop." My voice was weak. He nipped down my neck to the tops of my breasts. "Stop. It is my family. I can't be seen with an illiterate ex-con. They'll disown me. I'll have nothing."

  His torso rocked back and he stilled. Pain passed through his eyes. Rejection he'd probably felt his entire life. Now I was using it against him. "You'd have me."

  I shook my head. "Not good enough."

  He wiped his lips with the back of his hand, the lust in his eyes turning black. "I see. Not sure if you're telling the truth or not. But I'm done. I'm done trying to convince you we're right together. So fuck it." He snarled as he stepped back. "Go focus on your studies. Tell your family you dodged a bullet with a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. I got a damn house to finish. I'm so far behind schedule because of you." He jabbed a finger near my chest, but didn't touch me. "I don't have time to sit in the Hale Library getting my dick wanked around by some uptight snob lookin' down on me. I got money to make. I'll wager after I make it, like magic, once you see my fat wallet, you'll be crawling up my leg to get back on my dick. But don't be surprised if that spot's occupied. Plenty of women out there would be happy to have my illiterate ex-con cock in their cunt."

  He turned and walked to the end of the aisle. His warmth left me and my stone heart crumbled to ashes.

  Come back. Don't leave me.

  He stopped at the end of the aisle and glared over his shoulder at me. "Goodbye, babe. Thanks for the fucking study guides."

  My knees buckled and I slid to the floor, my legs bent in front of me. I hugged my knees and ducked my head. I couldn't watch to see if he took the study materials or not. It didn't matter. Why did I do that? Why did I say what I said?

  Because I had to crush us. If Maksim found out, he'd torture and kill us both. I couldn't fathom the horrific pain Zook's death at Maksim's hand would cause. I'd seen him smother my beloved canary in his bare palms. I'd seen Maksim and his brothers rape and kill a girl before my eyes. Maksim was very capable of heinous things and he perpetrated them with no conscience or recourse. Doing this to Zook hurt, but putting Zook on Maksim's radar would be much worse.

  No. The woman I was awaited me.

  This alternate reality with Zook was a temporary fantasy. A cruel, ephemeral farce.

  Chapter 11

  Nineteen days away from Zook. Not even three weeks since I'd seen him last and my world collapsed under the crippling pain. What was the point of all this without him?

  Zook was a cool salve filling the divets of my scars, slowly curing my wounds. He gently wrapped bandages around my heart, and for a brief moment, I believed I could heal. Now I've ripped them off and rubbed salt in the open lesions, making it all so much worse than it was before I met him.

  It wasn't his fault.

  I did this to myself. I caused my own pain.

  Why?

  The logic escaped me in all the bitter tears.

  I had to do it. To save him.

  I need to save him. Right?

  "Sissy, sit up. Time to eat." Soraya came into my room carrying a plate with a homemade Hot Pocket on it. She loved the stupid snack food, but I thought it was disgusting, so I taught her the recipe for a homemade version. We made it for each other as a simple gesture at our lowest times. It didn't help, but sometimes it was the only thing we could do. I'd made them for Zook, and he loved to tease me about my hot pocket. Sigh. I missed him and his jokes.

  "Sit up. Take a bite. You haven't eaten since yesterday."

  I pulled my torso up and leaned against the headboard. I'd been wearing the same T-shirt and yoga pants for days. I took the pastry and blew on it to cool it down.

  "Professor Connery called my phone asking for you. He said you missed your office hours the last two days."

  I nodded. "I know. I need to go. I've just lost track of time."

  The bed dipped where she sat down. She placed a hand on my knee. "The first nor'easter of the season is rolling in tonight. Can't believe it's only the last Saturday in October. Isn't the first snowfall usually November or December here?"

  "A storm?"

  "Yeah, a big storm coming in. I stockpiled plenty of food and water. Got a generator in case the power goes out. I bought a Boston cream pie from Parker's for you. It's Boston Cream Pie Day. October twenty-third. We can eat it and watch a movie. What do you wanna watch? No romance. How about something scary?"

  "You did all that? Not like you to plan ahead."

  "I've been worried about you. All I can do is try to plan something. Anything."

  "I don't know about a movie."

  "You can't lie in bed crying anymore. You've made your decision and now we move on. We're strong. We can do this together."

  "He hates me."

  "I'm sure he doesn't. He's probably just confused."

  I took a bite of the Hot Pocket, the gooey ham and cheese mixture warmed my cold soul. "He'll never forgive me for what I said."

  "Go ask him."

  "What?"

  "Get out of bed, get dressed, drive up there, and say you're sorry."

  God, I wish I could. "I can't. It's too risky."

  "I'd take the risk, Sissy. If a man like Zook wanted me, I'd take the risk. I'm doing it with Cage. I haven't been caught."

  "Yes, but you aren't me. And Yegor could catch you anytime. It's too reckless."

  "Be reckless. Who cares? We're going to be miserable. It's inevitable. But like we always do, we enjoy our freedom when we have it. Then we have the memories to help us through when we go home."

  She was right. Over the years, we'd allowed ourselves certain risks and pleasures. We'd actually gotten away with it too. Maksim and Yegor didn't check on us much anymore as long as we came home for Christmas and summer break. This semester was our last in the States before summer break. My last chance to have any pleasure. My last chance to be with Zook.

  "Alright."

  "Alright?"

  "Yes. I'll do it." I climbed out of bed and headed to the shower. "Do you think I can make it up there before the storm?" The holes in my heart started to fill with the sweet hope of being with Zook again.

  She beamed at me. "Yes, you could. It hasn't started snowing yet. They're still watching it off the coast."

  "He was trying to get the roof done before the storm. I wonder if he did it."

  "Go. Go see."

  "Okay."

  "And you never know what could happen. There's still eight months left before we have to go back. Maybe you and him can find a way to be together forever."

  I turne
d and nailed her with a serious look. "No. No, Soraya. Don't push it. If I do this, it's temporary. We're not dragging him into this."

  Her smile faded. "Whatever. Go now then. We'll worry about that later. This could be so wonderful."

  Filled with Soraya's enthusiasm, I frantically showered, dressed, grabbed the Boston cream pie, and drove my Mercedes up to Province Bluffs.

  ***

  Anxiety bubbled in my tummy like acid. This was impulsive and daring. Soraya was those things, not me. I tried to swallow the nervous energy as I drove, focusing on the possibilities. We could have eight more blissful months together. I need to convince him to forgive me and take me back. Then I'd have to lie to him. Inevitably, I'd have to crush both our souls. But it was too late to avoid pain. Might as well take what I could now, then hold the memories close as I nursed my broken heart back at home.

  It felt like a race against the dark swirling clouds as I drove up the main road to Province Bluffs. The first drops of rain turned the fall leaves into a layer of rusted compost on the dirt road.

  My breath caught in my throat when I reached the top of the drive. The house was stunning. It didn't have any siding or ornamentation, but the walls were up and it was grand! Several stories tall with round turrets at different elevations. A carved wooden door with a stained-glass window had been installed at the top of unpainted wooden stairs. Slate tiles covered the roof of the mansion, or most of it. He'd finished. I knew he would. Zook never failed. He was a winner.

  His bike sat off to the side near his construction stockpile. Good, he was home.

  I parked beside a shiny black Range Rover in front of the main entrance. It didn't seem like the kind of car Zook would buy. Perhaps he had a visitor.

  A light rain tapped out drops on my hood and my cooling engine ticked in the silence. As I popped open my driver's side door, a threatening voice assaulted my ears.

  "Don't move!"

  All my muscles tensed. My fingers squeezed the keys, still in the ignition. If I'd been caught, I could start the car again and take off. I scanned the porch, fully expecting to see Maksim standing there.

  I had to squint through the rain to make out the figure at the top of the stairs. A woman wearing a black pantsuit. Pointing a gun at my windshield!