The Vampire Files Anthology

by P. N. Elrod

  Thank Universe for small favors. “Who am I protecting you from, and why?”

  “I’m afraid I have to keep that information to myself as well.”

  Why did I take this job again? Ah yes, a pile of money. “Withholding this information diminishes my ability to guard you.”

  He tilted his head, looking me over. “I’m willing to take that chance.”

  “I’m not. It also puts my life at a greater risk.”

  “You’re well compensated for that risk.”

  I repressed the urge to brain him with something heavy. Too bad there was no kitchen—a cast-iron frying pan would do the job.

  “I see why the first team bailed.”

  “Oh, it was the woman,” Saiman said helpfully. “She had difficulty with my metamorphosis. I believe she referred to me as an ‘abomination.’ ”

  I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Let’s try simple questions. Do you expect us to be attacked tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  I figured as much. “With magic or brute force?”

  “Both.”

  “Is it a hit for hire?”

  Saiman shook his head. “No.”

  Well, at least something went my way: amateurs were easier to deal with than contract killers.

  “It’s personal. I can tell you this much: the attackers are part of a religious sect. They will do everything in their power to kill me, including sacrificing their own lives.”

  And we just drove off a cliff in a runaway buggy. “Are they magically adept?”

  “Very.”

  I leaned back. “So let me summarize. You’re a target of magical kamikaze fanatics, you won’t tell me who they are, why they’re after you, or why you have been restrained?”

  “Precisely. Could I trouble you for a sandwich? I’m famished.”

  Dear God, I had a crackpot for a client. “A sandwich?”

  “Prosciutto and Gouda on sourdough bread, please. A tomato and red onion would be quite lovely as well.”

  “Sounds delicious.”

  “Feel free to have one.”

  “I tell you what, since you refuse to reveal anything that might make my job even a smidgeon easier, how about I make a delicious prosciutto sandwich and taunt you with it until you tell me what I want to know?”

  Saiman laughed.

  An eerie sound came from the living room—a light click, as if something with long sharp claws crawled across metal.

  I put my finger to my lips, freed my saber, and padded out into the living room.

  The room lay empty. No intruders.

  I stood very still, trying to fade into the black walls.

  Moments dripped by.

  A small noise came from the left. It was a hesitant, slow clicking, as if some creature slunk in the distance, slowly putting one foot before the other.

  Click.

  Definitely a claw.

  Click.

  I scrutinized the left side of the room. Nothing moved.

  Click. Click, click.

  Closer this time. Fear skittered down my spine. Fear was good. It would keep me sharp. I kept still. Where are you, you sonovabitch?

  Click to the right, and almost immediately a quiet snort to the left. Now we had two invisible intruders. Because one wasn’t hard enough.

  An odd scent nipped at my nostrils, a thick, slightly bitter herbal odor. I’d smelled it once before, but I had no clue where or when.

  Claws scraped to the right and to the left of me now. More than two. A quiet snort to the right. Another in the corner. Come out to play. Come on, beastie.

  Claws raked metal directly in front of me. There was nothing there but that huge window and sloping ceiling above it. I looked up. Glowing green eyes peered at me through the grate of the air duct in the ceiling.

  Shivers sparked down my back.

  The eyes stared at me, heated with madness.

  The screws in the air duct cover turned to the left. Righty tighty, lefty loosey. Smart critter.

  The grate fell onto the soft carpet. The creature leaned forward slowly, showing me a long conical head. The herbal scent grew stronger now, as if I’d taken a handful of absinthe wormwood and stuck it up my nose.

  Long black claws clutched the edge of the air duct. The beast rocked, revealing its shoulders sheathed in shaggy, hunter green fur.

  Bingo. An endar. Six legs, each armed with wicked black claws; preternaturally fast; equipped with an outstanding sense of smell and a big mouth, which hid a tongue lined with hundreds of serrated teeth. One lick and it would scrape the flesh off my bones in a very literal way.

  The endars were peaceful creatures. The green fur wasn’t fur at all; it was moss that grew from their skin. They lived underneath old oaks, rooted to the big trees in a state of quiet hibernation, absorbing their nutrients and making rare excursions to the surface to lick the bark and feed on lichens. They stirred from their rest so rarely that pagan Slavs thought they fed on air.

  Someone had poured blood under this endar’s oak. The creature had absorbed it, and the blood had driven it crazy. It had burrowed to the surface, where it swarmed with its fellows. Then the same someone, armed with a hell of a lot of magic, had herded this endar and its buddies to this high-rise and released them into the ventilation system so they would find Saiman and rip him apart. They couldn’t be frightened off. They couldn’t be stopped. They would kill anything with a pulse to get to their target, and when the target was dead, they would have to be eliminated. There was no going back from endar madness.

  Only a handful of people knew how to control endars.

  Saiman had managed to piss off the Russians. It’s never good to piss off the Russians. That was just basic common sense. My father was Russian, but I doubted they would cut me any slack just because I could understand their curses.

  The endar gaped at me with its glowing eyes. Yep, mad as a hatter. I’d have to kill every last one of them.

  “Well, come on. Bring it.”

  The endar’s mouth gaped. It let out a piercing screech, like a circular saw biting into the wood, and charged.

  I swung Slayer. The saber’s blade sliced into flesh and the beast crashed to the floor. Thick green blood stained Saiman’s white carpet.

  The three other duct covers fell one by one. A stream of green bodies charged toward me. I swung my sword, cleaving the first body in two. It was going to be a long night.

  The last of the endars was on the smaller side. Little bigger than a cat. I grabbed it by the scruff of the neck and took it back into the bedroom.

  Saiman smiled at my approach. “I take it everything went well?”

  “I redecorated.”

  He arched his eyebrow again. Definitely mimicking me. “Oh?”

  “Your new carpet is a lovely emerald color.”

  “I can assure you that carpet is the least of my worries.”

  “You’re right.” I brought the endar closer. The creature saw Saiman and jerked spasmodically. Six legs whipped the air, claws out, ready to rend and tear. The beast’s mouth gaped, releasing a wide tongue studded with rows and rows of conical teeth.

  “You provoked the volkhvi.” It was that or the Russian witches. I bet on the volkhvi. The witches would’ve cursed us by now.

  “Indeed.”

  “The volkhvi are bad news for a number of reasons. They serve pagan Slavic gods, and they have thousands of years of magic tradition to draw on. They’re at least as powerful as Druids, but unlike Druids, who are afraid to sneeze the wrong way or someone might accuse them of bringing back human sacrifices, the volkhvi don’t give a damn. They won’t stop, either. They don’t like using the endars, because the endars nourish the forest with their magic. Whatever you did really pissed them off.”

  Saiman pondered me as if I were some curious bug. “I wasn’t aware that the Guild employed anyone with an education.”

  “I’ll hear it. All of it.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I do admire your diligence an
d expertise. I don’t want you to think it’s gone unnoticed.”

  I dropped the endar onto Saiman’s stomach. The beast clawed at the sheet. Saiman screamed. I grabbed the creature and jerked it up. The beast dragged the sheet with it, tearing it to shreds. Small red scratches marked Saiman’s blob of a stomach.

  “I’ll ask again. What did you do to infuriate the Russians? Consider your answer carefully, because next time I drop this guy, I’ll be slower picking him back up.”

  Saiman’s face quivered with rage. “You’re my bodyguard.”

  “You can file a complaint, if you survive. You’re putting both of us in danger by withholding information. See, if I walk, I just miss out on some money; you lose your life. I have no problem with leaving you here, and the Guild can stick its thumb up its ass and twirl for all I care. The only thing that keeps me protecting you is professional pride. I hate bodyguard detail, but I’m good at it, and I don’t like to lose a body. It’s in your best interests to help me do my job. Now, I’ll count to three. On three I drop Fluffy here and let it go to town on your gut. He really wants whatever you’re hiding in there.”

  Saiman stared at me.

  “One. Two. Th—”

  “Very well.”

  I reached into my backpack and pulled out a piece of wire. Normally I used it for trip traps, but it would make a decent leash. Two minutes later, the endar was secured to the dresser and I perched on the corner of Saiman’s bed.

  “Are you familiar with the legend of Booyan Island?”

  I nodded. “It’s a mythical island far in the Ocean, behind the Hvalynskii Sea. It’s a place of deep magic where a number of legendary creatures and items are located: Alatyr, the father of all stones; the fiery pillar; the Drevo-Doob, the World Oak; the cave where the legendary sword Kladenets is hidden; the Raven prophet; and so on. It’s the discount warehouse of Russian legends. Any time the folkloric heroes needed a magic object, they made a trip to it.”

  “Let’s concentrate on the tree,” Saiman said.

  I knew Slavic mythology well enough, but I hadn’t had to use it for a while and I was a bit rusty. “It’s a symbol of nature. Creature of the earth at its roots, the serpent, the frog, and so on. There is a raven with a prophet gift in the branches. Some myths say that there are iron chains wrapped around the tree’s trunk. A black cat walks the chain, telling stories and fables. . . .”

  Saiman nodded.

  Oh crap. “It’s that damn cat, isn’t it?”

  “The oak produces an acorn once every seven years. Seven months, seven days, and seven hours after the acorn falls from the tree, it will crack and grow into the World Oak. In effect, the tree manifests at the location of the acorn for the period of seven minutes.”

  I frowned. “Let me guess. You stole the acorn from the Russians and swallowed it.”

  Saiman nodded.

  “Why? Are you eager to hear a bedtime story?”

  “The cat possesses infinite knowledge. Seven minutes is time enough to ask and hear an answer to one question. Only the owner of the acorn can ask the question.”

  I shook my head. “Saiman, nothing is free. You have to pay for everything, knowledge included. What will it cost you to ask a question?”

  “The price is irrelevant if I get an answer.” Saiman smiled.

  I sighed. “Answer my question: Why do smart people tend to be stupid?”

  “Because we think we know better. We think that our intellect affords us special privileges and lets us beat the odds. That’s why talented mathematicians try to defraud casinos and young brilliant mages make bargains with forces beyond their control.”

  Well, he answered the question.

  “When is the acorn due for its big kaboom?”

  “In four hours and forty-seven minutes.”

  “The volkhvi will tear this high-rise apart stone by stone to get it back, and I’m your last line of defense?”

  “That’s an accurate assessment. I did ask for the best person available.”

  I sighed. “Still want that sandwich?”

  “Very much.”

  I headed to the door.

  “Kate?”

  “Yes?”

  “The endar?”

  I turned to him. “Why were you chained?”

  Saiman grimaced. “The acorn makes it difficult to control my magic. It forces me to continuously change shape. Most of the time I’m able to keep the changes subtle, but once in a while the acorn causes contortions. Gina Castor walked in on me during such a moment. I’m afraid I was convulsing, so my recollection may be somewhat murky, but I do believe I had at least one partially formed breast and three arms. She overreacted. Odd, considering her profile.”

  “Her profile?”

  “I studied my bodyguards very carefully,” Saiman said. “I handpicked three teams. The first refused to take the job, the second was out due to injuries. Castor and Rodriguez were my third choice.”

  I went back to the bed and ducked under it. They’d chained him with a small padlock. Lock picking wasn’t my strong suit. I looked around and saw the small key on the dresser. It took me a good five minutes to unwrap him.

  “Thank you.” He rose, rubbing his chest, marked by red pressure lines. “May I ask why?”

  “Nobody should die chained to the bed.”

  Saiman stretched. His body swelled, twisted, growing larger, gaining breadth and muscle. I made a valiant effort to not vomit.

  Saiman’s body snapped. A large, perfectly sculpted male looked at me. Soft brown hair framed a masculine face. He would make any bodybuilder gym proud. Except for the bloated gut.

  “Is he preferable to the previous attempt?” Saiman asked.

  “There is more of you to guard now. Other than that, it makes no difference to me.”

  I headed into the living room. He followed me, swiping a luxurious robe off a chair.

  We stepped into the living room. Saiman stopped.

  The corpses of endars had melted into puddles of green. Thin stalks of emerald green moss sprouted from the puddles, next to curly green shoots of ferns and tiny young herbs.

  “The endars nourish the forest,” I told him.

  He indicated the completely green carpet with his hand. “How many were there?”

  “A few. I lost count.”

  Saiman’s sharp eyes regarded my face. “You’re lying. You know the exact number.”

  “Thirty-seven.”

  I zeroed in on the fridge. No telling when the next attack would come, and I was starving. You can do without sleep or without food, but not without both and sleep wasn’t an option.

  Saiman trailed me, taking the seat on the outer side of the counter. “Do you prefer women?”

  “No.”

  He frowned, belting the robe. “It’s the stomach, isn’t it?”

  I raided the fridge. He had enough deli meat to feed an army. I spread it out on the bar’s counter. “What do you do for a living, Saimain?”

  “I collect information and use it to further my interests.”

  “It seems to pay well.” I nodded to indicate the apartment.

  “It does. I also possess an exhaustive knowledge of various magic phenomena. I consult various parties. My fee varies between thirty-six hundred and thirty-nine hundred dollars, depending on the job and the client.”

  “Thirty-six hundred dollars per job?” I bit into my sandwich. Mmm, salami.

  “Per hour.”

  I choked on my food. He looked at me with obvious amusement.

  “The term ‘highway robbery’ comes to mind,” I managed finally.

  “Oh, but I’m exceptionally good at what I do. Besides, the victims of highway robbery have no choice in the matter. I assure you, I don’t coerce my clients, Kate.”

  “I’m sure. How did we even get to this point? The stratospheric fee ruined my train of thought.”

  “You stated that you prefer men to women.”

  I nodded. “Suppose you get a particularly sensitive pi
ece of information. Let’s say a business tip. If you act on the tip, you could make some money. If you sell it, you could make more money. If both you and your buyer act on the tip, you both would make money, but the return for each of you would be significantly diminished. Your move?”

  “Either sell the information or act on it. Not both.”

  “Why?”

  Saiman shrugged. “The value of the information increases with its exclusivity. A client buying such knowledge has an expectation of such exclusivity. It would be unethical to undermine it.”

  “It would be unethical for me to respond to your sexual overtures. For the duration of the job, you’re a collection of arms and legs which I have to keep safe. I’m most effective if I’m not emotionally involved with you on any level. To be blunt, I’m doing my best to regard you as a precious piece of porcelain I have to keep out of harm’s way.”

  “But you do find this shape sexually attractive?”

  “I’m not going to answer this question. If you pester me, I will chain you back to the bed.”

  Saiman raised his arm, flexing a spectacular biceps. “This shape has a lot of muscle mass.”

  I nodded. “In a bench-pressing contest you would probably win. But we’re not bench pressing. You might be stronger, but I’m well trained. If you do want to try me, you’re welcome to it. Just as long as we agree that once your battered body is chained safely in your bed, I get to say, ‘I told you so.’ ”

  Saiman arched his eyebrows. “Try it?”

  “And stop that.”

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop mimicking my gestures.”

  He laughed. “You’re a most peculiar person, Kate. I find myself oddly fascinated. You have obvious skill.” He indicated the budding forest in his living room. “And knowledge to back it up. Why aren’t you among the Guild’s top performers?”

  Because being in top anything means greater risk of discovery. I was hiding in plain sight and doing a fairly good job of it. But he didn’t need to know that. “I don’t spend much time in Atlanta. My territory is in the Lowcountry. Nothing much happens there, except for an occasional sea serpent eating shrimp out of the fishing nets.”