There was an edge to his voice which told her that it wasn't a casual question, designed merely out of curiosity. It was a question that was personal to him. So she gave him the truth. "No," she admitted. "Every single night, when I go to bed, I feel that same isolation and loneliness that I've endured every night of my life. When I was little, I would go to bed hugging my backpack, and whispering a prayer that when I woke up in the morning, I would be in a bedroom with the flowered canopy, and my mom would be standing in the doorway telling me that my waffles were ready." She looked at him. "I don't say that prayer anymore, but I still feel when the lights go out, that the world is too dark, and that it's trying to crush me. Even when I place a child with a family for adoption, it doesn't make the weight of bedtime any different. I mean, I'm so grateful that I was able to save a child from the life I had, but it doesn't change how I feel when I lie down at night."
"My sweet Chloe." Blue's face softened, and he slid his hand along her jaw. He bent his head, and pressed a kiss to her mouth.
It was the sweetest, most tender kiss she'd ever had. It was the kind of connection that a lost little girl dreamed of night after night, first from a mom, or a dad, and then from a man who might sweep her away from her life. It was a kiss that was so tender that it didn't even feel like it could be real.
Except it was.
Blue pulled back, his gaze searching hers. "I try not to sleep," he said. "At least you're brave enough to try to sleep. I try to avoid the whole thing."
His voice was grim, and her heart tightened. "What is your darkness?" She asked.
He shook his head. "This is your time. Not mine." His fingers tightened on her jaw, and his eyes became more intense. "You should never let someone else define your heart. If you create your home yourself, no one can ever take that away."
She sighed. "I know that now. That's why I'm not planning to date anybody. I realize that now. When Ronald kicked me out, and I lost my job, I realized that what little sense of belonging and stability I had in my life was completely dependent on someone else giving it to me." She shrugged. "Never again. I'm going to find it for myself this time."
He grinned and nodded. "That's my girl."
Her heart leapt at his possessive endearment, so she immediately tensed. "I'm so not your girl. Did you just miss the entire discussion?"
His eyebrows shot up. "I know that, obviously. It just felt right. Like we'd been bonding, and I was on your team, cheering for you."
"Oh." Heat flared her cheeks. "Yeah, you can be on my team, as long as you don't try to be captain. Or just one of those really annoying peons who try to force the entire team into trying some sort of asinine play that will get them barred from the league."
He grinned. "I'm not going to lie. I'm super athletic and a great asset to any team, but I promise not to try to take over. It's your team, babe. I'll just be your backup."
"How about a temporary coach with no ties to the team? I'll bring you in for coaching sessions and pep talks. Then, after the weekend, you go on to your other projects."
Blue put a hand over his heart and gave a pained look. "Damn, girl. Rejecting me already? Before I've even had a chance to prove my brilliance and my worthiness. Maybe you want to hire me for a week, or two. Or even keep me on retainer indefinitely."
Chloe grinned. "In case you forgot, I lost my job and I'm currently unemployed. Given that I was a social worker for a state agency, it wasn't as if I was exactly rolling in wealth. There's no way I can hire a super athlete/mind coach to be on retainer indefinitely."
"I'm willing to trade sex for my brilliance."
Chloe burst out laughing. "Seriously? I thought we already had that big discussion about no dessert and stuff like that."
Blue gave her a serious look. "I am far more substantial than a dessert. I'm more like a twelve-course dinner of the most gourmet food in existence. Just so you know what you're rejecting. I wouldn't want you to make an uninformed decision."
She laughed again, all the trauma of revisiting her past drifting away in the face of his humor. And she couldn't deny the fact that having a man as handsome and compelling as Blue flirting with her felt really good. After being in a relationship for a decade where any kind of physical affection felt like an obligation, Blue's flirtation felt amazing. It made her feel vibrant and alive to have Blue giving her that mischievous look, and suggesting such torrid things as a twelve-course dinner worth of sex. She poked at his chest, still grinning. "You're trouble, my friend."
He wrapped his hand around hers, pinning her hand to his chest. "You mean, I'm getting to you, right? Isn't that what you meant? So, really what you're saying is that I should keep reiterating my culinary analogy until you eventually realize that you can't live without my fantastic chef skills? Is that what you're trying to say?"
She was having a little trouble focusing, with his hand wrapped around hers and putting her hand to the hard muscles of his chest, but she did her best to continue to act as if she was able to articulate basic words. "No, what I'm trying to say, is that we both made it pretty clear that we weren't interested in dating, romance, sex, or anything like that. And now you're standing here trying to flirt with me, and trying to convince me that I want nothing more than for you to throw me over your shoulder, race up the stairs, and toss me onto the bed." At the comically hopeful look on his face, she started laughing again. "And no, that was not a subliminal attempt to convince you to go all caveman on me and abduct me to the upper levels of this house."
But even as she said it, she had a visual of Blue doing exactly that, and she couldn't help but smile. How ridiculous would that be for her to be carted upstairs by this deliciously sensual and tormented man, and worshiped all night? It was so not her. It was so not anything she'd ever even taken time to fantasize about. She was always about working, building her foundation, trying to grasp what little stability she could find. Never in her entire life had she been about flirting, sex, and a little bit of mischief.
Blue made her think about it, which she found interesting, intoxicating, and completely distracting. She wrinkled her nose at him and pulled her hand free of his. "For your information, I need to go to bed, alone, soon. I need to get up in the morning and get to work on my résumé. It's not going to help my future if I stay up all night, making me too tired to get anything done tomorrow other than wish that I had been more responsible."
"First of all," Blue said, "I am the epitome of responsible. Therefore, if I think it's worthwhile for us to spend the night making love, then it must be. I would never do anything that was irresponsible. It's against my nature. Second, I thought you were working on your résumé today. No?"
She grinned, lighting up as she thought about what she had done all day. "Oh, no. I got completely distracted by this house. Do you have any idea how many amazing things are here? The family, the Parkers, left this house mostly furnished. They didn't clean out all the closets, or even the dressers. There's so much amazing stuff here, things that tell the story of the family, and the three generations that lived in this house. I stumbled upon a box in my bedroom when I was going to hang up some of my clothes, and that was it. The whole day became a giant treasure hunt of their memories and stories."
Blue's smile faded, and he got a more serious expression on his face. "It's like the flowers."
She frowned, having no idea what he was talking about. "What flowers?"
"The bushes out front." He nodded toward the front of the house, and she realized he was talking about the flowering bushes that were growing all around the front steps. "I never noticed flowers. Ever. They aren't relevant to what I'm doing with my life. But when you noticed the flowers last night, it made me see them. All day while I was on the roof, I kept noticing the flowers." He grinned. "I never saw flowers as beautiful. I never saw them as something that I should be spending time noticing, but you changed that. It was amazing to watch the colors of the pink change depending on how the sun was in the sky. Did you ever think about how import
ant the flowers are to bees? I never did. But I did today." He looked at her. "You see the world differently than I do. It's really cool."
Chloe felt something inside her blossom at his words. "No one has ever said anything like that to me before. I never even thought about it myself." She smiled. "It makes me feel like I'm special, or something like that."
"You are." He gestured at the house. "When we arrived here yesterday, and today when I was on the roof next door, I kept looking at the house, trying to see what you see in it. But I only saw that the paint is peeling. I noticed the missing shingles on the roof. I noticed the dirt on the windows. I still don't see the charm that you see." He cocked his head, studying her. "Show me something you found today. Show me something that you thought was super amazing about this house."
"Really?" At his nod, excitement rippled through her, and she knew exactly what she wanted to show him. She immediately grinned and grabbed his hand. "Come." She hurried into the house, leading him through the dining room, across the living room with its amazingly huge stone fireplace, and up the front stairs with its beautiful carved railing.
Her feet thudded on the stairs as she ran, so excited to share her findings with him. She was so used to doing everything alone, and having to face everything by herself. The thought that he might see the same beauty that she did was exhilarating. It made her feel like maybe she wasn't so weird or so strange that she found comfort in physical things that no one else thought were beautiful.
She hurried upstairs, to the bedroom that she had claimed as her own. As she walked in, she noticed that her suitcase was open on the floor, and her clothes were strewn everywhere. She had never gotten around to unpacking them, once she'd started making all her discoveries. For a split second, she felt embarrassed, afraid he might think she was a slob, but then she caught sight of what she brought him up to see, and all her thoughts about her messy clothes fled from her mind.
"There!" She hurried across the room to the picture leaning against the wall across from the foot of the bed. She knelt down before it, and held out her hands to it, as if she could absorb the magic of it through her fingertips. "This," she whispered. "Isn't it amazing?"
She looked up at him to see if he was watching, and her heart tightened when she saw he wasn't looking at the painting. He was looking at her, as if she was the magic he'd been searching for his entire life.
* * *
Blue knew he was supposed to be looking at the picture that Chloe was kneeling in front of, but he couldn't take his gaze off of her. Her face was glowing more brightly than anyone he'd ever seen in his life. Her expression was pure rapture and fascination as she stared at the painting.
Something inside his gut turned over, and for a moment he seemed to have trouble breathing. He lived in a world of darkness. And even when he saved the day and brought home a kidnap victim, the reunions were full of heart wrenching tears, and he knew that the shadows of the experience would haunt every victim and their loved ones forever.
But Chloe's face right now was pure joy and appreciation. Even love. He never saw that. He never thought about it. And he never experienced it. But right now her emotions were flooding him, literally shifting the foundation on which he stood.
She nodded at the painting, her face riveting in its beauty. "What do you think?"
"I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."
Chloe's eyes widened, and her breath caught in her chest. "You mean that," she said softly. "I can tell."
"Yeah." He didn't have anything more articulate to add. He was just too caught up in the moment. He was too focused on trying to absorb every nuance of her face, trying to breathe it into his body, as if it could chase away the darkness that gripped him so tightly. He knew he'd never leave behind the shadows, because they needed to be a part of him. They were what drove him, and they were what defined him. But damn, it felt good to have a break from it for one minute.
Chloe smiled, and patted the carpet beside her. "Come sit."
Blue didn't hesitate. He crossed the threshold of her bedroom, strode across the thick carpet, and went down on his knees beside her. His body was facing the painting, but he was still watching her.
Chloe smiled again, and lightly pressed her fingers to his jaw and turned his head toward the painting. "Look at this," she said. "Really look at it. What do you see?"
Blue took a deep breath, and allowed his gaze to rest on the picture. It was a painting, sort of amateurish. "It looks like a bunch of people having a picnic near a river. Green grass and trees." He narrowed his eyes, studying more closely. A flash of pink on the banks of the river caught his attention, and he pointed to it. "Flowers, maybe." He laughed softly, amused that the third thing he noticed about the picture were flowers.
Before yesterday, he never would have noticed flowers. How did he usually see things? From the point of view of someone trying to stay alive. He searched the painting again, this time looking at it the way he usually did. "The river looks deep. Probably dangerous for kids. Those rocks on the side of the river look shiny, which means somebody could slip on them and fall."
Chloe raised her eyebrows at his comment, but she didn't judge it. "Do you want to know what I see?"
He realized he did. "Yeah. Tell me."
She pointed at the letters down in the bottom left corner of the portrait. "Do you see that name? Louise Parker. That's the name of the woman that had the knitting store downstairs. I think she was the mom in the house, and now the grandma. She painted a picture of her extended family." She pointed at a woman sitting down, holding a baby in her arms. "There's a picture of that woman and that baby over the fireplace. I think that's Louise's daughter. Do you see how tenderly she's holding the baby? She really loves that baby, and Louise painted that love because she could feel that same love."
Blue stared at Chloe. "Seriously? You think she painted love?"
"Yes. She didn't just paint love. She painted as though she was full of love while she was thinking about her family and painting them. This is a portrait of the family that she loved, captured on a day when they were all together and having a great time." She pointed at the lower section of the image, where there was a picnic table and what looked like a big cake. "See? They were celebrating something. Some birthday, or anniversary, or wedding. Something that the whole family came together to celebrate. If you look across the scene, you'll see different ages of kids playing. You see dads playing with their kids. You see women sitting together, sitting just close enough that you know that they're close friends, or family. There are no cars. There are no cell phones. Nothing in real life that can take away from this moment." She sighed, her gaze running carefully over every inch of the painting. "This is family," she whispered. "Do you feel the love in this painting? So many people, all of them related, all of them together. Isn't it beautiful? That's why the Parkers haven't sold this house. Because the house is full of love like that. It's full of family. This house defines family. Not just one generation of a family, but multigenerational. It's the kind of family that takes care of each other up and down the generational lines. No one in that painting will ever have to face life alone."
Blue was no longer looking at the painting. He was watching Chloe's expression as she told the story that she saw in the painting. There was such intense longing on her face that his heart ached for her. Despite what she claimed about wanting to be independent, it was so clear that the one thing she wanted was the family she had never had.
Instinctively, he slid his hand to the small of her back, rubbing gently, as he listened to her expand her vision of the family in the painting. Her face was rapt, glowing as she allowed herself to be swept into the magic of Louise Parker's family. There was longing yes, but not sadness. Somehow, she was able to simply feel the joy of this other family's moment, and not let her own loss interfere with her ability to appreciate it.
She looked up at him, and he suddenly realized that she had stopped talking. Her smile faded
as her gaze settled on his face. "What is it?"
"You," he said softly. He pressed lightly on her back, turning her toward him. As he had told her earlier, he liked to fix things. He needed to fix things. He needed to fix situations, people, he needed to save things. Right now, he felt like he had been sent here because Chloe Dalton was who he was supposed to be rescuing right now. "I don't have a family to offer you," he said softly. "I don't have friends. I don't have a home. I can't offer you any of those things. So why am I here?"
Chloe frowned. "What do you mean? Of course you can't give me a family, or friends, or a house."
He lightly slid his fingers along her jaw, studying her face. Her skin was so beautiful. So soft. So flawless. Instinctively he touched the scar on his own face, comparing his skin to hers. "How can I be sitting here with you? There's so much purity in you, and there's none in me. Why was I brought here? What am I supposed to do?"
The little furrow between her brows deepened. "What do you mean, 'what are you supposed to do?' I don't understand."
"My job, my life, is about rescuing people. That's why I exist. So if I'm here, with you, there must be a reason."
Her brow smoothed, and she set her hand over his. "I don't want to be rescued, Blue. I want to rescue myself. Maybe you're here because I need to save you. Did you ever think of that?"
"No. Definitely not." His gaze went to her mouth, and the deepest yearning began to pulse through him. "All night I've been wanting to kiss you. But never as much as right now."
Chloe's eyes widened, and she went still, searching his face. "I want you to kiss me too," she whispered.
"You think I should?" His fingers slid, unbidden, around to the back of her neck, lightly clasping her.
"Definitely not." But she leaned toward him ever so slightly, her breath shallow with nerves, or maybe anticipation.
Blue slid his fingers through her hair. "Your vision of that painting was the most beautiful thing that I've heard in a long time. There's such beauty in your soul. It makes me want to stay here with you, and lose myself in it."
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