Chloe's face softened. "Once again, you weave your magic way with your words. It's not fair, you know. You've got these great shoulders, super sexy five o'clock shadow, and eyes that are so intense that they make my heart stop. It's just not fair that you also know how to say all the right things that make my heart flutter. I don't like fluttering hearts. I don't like being attracted to a man. I don't like that someone can make me feel as good as you do."
Satisfaction hummed through him at her words. He couldn't help but grin. "I have to admit that it makes me damn pleased that I make you feel good. It's my 'need-to-fix' compulsion." He realized that he had leaned even closer, and her lips were just a breath away. "If I kiss you right now, it's going to be dangerous. We're only a couple feet from your bed, it's late, it's dark, and this has been the best night I've had in a really long time. I would tell you to order me to leave, but I really don't want you to. So instead I'm simply going to remind you that I have great abs, and can deliver a twelve-course dinner in one evening."
Chloe laughed, a lighthearted, beautiful sound that made the shadows in the room seem brighter. "As I said earlier, there's no chance we're having sex." She smiled then, a smile that seemed to light up her eyes. "But I'm simply not disciplined enough to pass up that kind of an offer, from you."
Anticipation thrummed through him. "So, is that a 'yes, Blue, kiss me now?'"
She grinned. "Just a kiss, but yes, it is."
Hot damn.
Chapter 13
For a split second, Blue hesitated. He felt like if he leaned forward to kiss her, everything about his world would change. Noticing the flowers on her front steps had been one thing. Listening to her vision of that painting had literally shifted the foundation of his world. He knew that every single time he saw a river, he would think of that scene. He'd think of kids playing. Yeah, he would probably think about whether the river would endanger those kids by being too deep, but he would still think about kids playing with their family, instead of just about kids that had been abducted from their families for ransom.
He couldn't afford that kind of thinking. When he was in the field, he needed to be completely immersed in the situation. Every single one of his senses needed to be one hundred percent attuned to possible threats, not thinking about an imaginary family. The more time he spent with Chloe, the more she got through his shields and made him notice things that he couldn't take time to notice in his real life.
He looked down at her face, her flawless beautiful face, with her expressive eyes, her mouth that was so quick to smile or give him a witty retort, and the brown tendrils of hair tumbling down by her cheeks. Longing surged through him, a longing that was far more than passion, far more than base lust, far more than physical need. Something deeper inside him that was drawing him to her, or her to him, or them to each other. He didn't even know who was doing the pulling, and who was the one being helplessly drawn into the web of the other.
All he knew was that if he kissed her, he was in trouble.
He was equally certain that if he didn't kiss her, he would regret it every second of his life. He had enough regrets already in his life. He couldn't handle another one.
He took a deep breath, then slowly, ever so slowly, giving her time to pull back, he bent his head toward her. She didn't pull away. She didn't lean toward him either. She just waited, anticipation shining in those beautiful eyes of hers.
"Just a kiss," he whispered. "Nothing more."
"Just a kiss," she agreed.
Just a kiss, he whispered to himself. He could handle just a kiss. There had to be a way that one kiss with this woman wouldn't destroy the foundation of what made him able to do his job every day. He closed his eyes, summoning the shields that he kept wrapped around his emotions with such care and success. He locked them around his heart, and around the softness that was trying to take root in him.
Then, instinctively, his fingers tightened on the back of her neck, and his thumb traced a small circle on her nape. He then stopped fighting what he wanted to do, and he closed the distance between them and kissed her.
He had never thought about how to kiss a woman before. He never considered what it really meant. But as his lips settled on Chloe's, he suddenly wanted to kiss her the way she deserved. Her mouth was intoxicating. Her lips were so soft. The sensation was so overwhelming that he almost broke the kiss. Except there was no chance he could. All he could do was focus every last fiber of his being on the sensation of her mouth against his.
Desire began to fill his body, ripping through him like a stone cast on a crystal-clear lake. He prided himself on being mentally calm, like an untouched lake in the early hours of dawn. It was the only way his mind was clear enough to notice every single nuance of his surroundings, but the desire she was evoking in him was breaking the stillness of the surface. One tiny ripple at a time, gaining strength, broadening, reaching out to the next part of him, and the next, and the next, until his entire body was vibrating with the energy of the kiss, and his need for more.
He turned towards her completely, and slid his other arm around her waist, pulling her against him. With a small noise of acquiescence, Chloe came willingly. Her hands went to his biceps, resting gently as she kissed him back. She wasn't gripping him, but the way she was resting her hands on his arms was even more sensual. Her touch was light, so light that he had to focus to feel it, heightening his awareness of the moment. He could feel her knees against his, he could feel the heat from her body through her shirt. Her mouth tasted faintly of wine, and the dark chocolate they'd had for dessert.
He whispered her name, not even sure if he'd said it aloud. He couldn't break the kiss long enough to speak. He knew it was supposed to be a simple kiss, but there was no way for it to stay that way. He angled his head, deepening the kiss, no longer hoping that she would keep him at bay. He needed her to respond to him. He needed her to welcome him. He needed to feel that she was experiencing the same depth of connection that he was, from a mere kiss.
Chloe accepted his deepening kiss, tightening her fingers around his arms as she kissed him back, matching him in intensity. The moment she kissed him back, every muscle in his body tightened, becoming a rigid knot of tension. Suddenly, it wasn't enough to be sitting on the floor touching only the back of her neck, and feeling her hands on his arms. "To the bed? Just to kiss. I swear. I just need to feel more of you against me."
Chloe nodded, and slid her hands up his arms and wrapped them around his neck, still kissing him.
Anticipation flooded him, and he immediately slid his arms under her, and pulled her to his chest. He stood easily, accustomed to carrying kidnap victims at a dead sprint toward helicopters. In comparison, holding Chloe in his arms was like holding peace to his chest. He had to take only two steps before they were at the bed. Still holding her, he lowered them both to the bed, so they wound up entangled before he'd even gotten his foot off the floor.
The moment they were horizontal, they moved at the same time. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and her leg went over his hips. At the same moment, he slid his knee between hers, and pulled her against him so that they were flush from shoulder to pelvis. The feel of her body entangled with his was magical. She felt so alive, warm, and real.
For her to be wrapped around him was a huge statement, a huge sign of trust. He would never betray that honor and that trust. Ever.
He angled his head, sliding his lips along her jaw to the side of her neck. She sighed, her gorgeous mouth sliding into a satisfied smile as he kissed his way along her collarbone. He grinned, pleased that he was making her feel good. "You like that?"
"Not at all. Why would you think that?" She whimpered and slid her hands into his hair when he lightly nipped her skin. "Oh, God. Right, like that. Okay, fine, I'll admit it. This might be the best moment I've had in at least the last ten minutes."
He laughed. "Damn. Only the last ten minutes? I was hoping that this was the best you had in the last ten years. Or in your whole lif
e. I'm only a ten-minute guy? I'm going to have to change that." He pressed her hair back from her neck, and upped his game, nibbling, licking, and gently blowing on her skin.
Chloe's fingers tightened in his hair, and she tipped her head back into the pillow. "Wow," she said. "I had no idea that you were so competitive. I like it. I think you should work harder on upping your game. I think you've gotten to at least the best I've had in the last twenty minutes by now."
Blue grinned. "I can so fix that." He caught her face in his hands, and kissed her deeply, the kind of kiss that took time, slow, luxurious time, the kind of slow luxurious time he never took for anything except when he was forced into waiting during a stakeout. He loved his job, but there was no way to lie to himself. This was a hell of a lot better than sitting in a tree for ten hours.
"Oh," Chloe whispered against his mouth. "I didn't even realize that kisses could be like this. Is it because I find you so wildly attractive, or is it simply because you're really good at it?"
"It's because it's you and me. Plus, I'm damn good." He broke the kiss and began working his way down her chest toward the swell of her breasts. Her tank top wasn't particularly low-cut, so he hooked a finger over the fabric and gently pulled it down. An inch at a time, moving with tantalizing slowness.
He was sort of giving her time to stop him, but he knew she wasn't going to. Maybe it was the way she was shifting restlessly against him, her breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps. Maybe it was the way her fingers were tight in his hair, holding him to her like he was something precious. Or maybe it was simply because he could feel all her emotions through the expressiveness of her face, and the energy that she poured into him.
So he took his time, because there was something about this moment that deserved slow, sensual appreciation and attention.
Chloe arched back against the pillows, gasping as his lips pressed over the swell of her breast. Her nipple was hard beneath her tank top, and he instinctively cupped her breast with his hand.
Chloe gasped, making a small noise of desire that seemed to go right to his gut. "I suppose you're going to tell me that my breast was calling to you."
"Was that the noise I heard? I wasn't sure." Still cupping her breast, Blue continued to kiss his way down her chest, over the little mole on her left breast, then lower, until the brown bud of her nipple pushed into view as he moved her tank top. His gut clenched, and he took it into his mouth, sweeping his tongue across the hard nub.
"Oh, God." Chloe gripped his shoulders, arching her back. "Seriously? That feels amazing." Her voice was breathless, and raw, as if she could barely concentrate enough to get the words out.
He grinned, moving his hand down to her hip. He slid his hand under the hem of her shirt, spanning her side. Her skin was so soft, so warm, so alive. Even as he moved his hand, exploring every curve of her body, he continued to kiss her breast, blowing lightly over the nipple before nipping it gently with his teeth.
He was in awe of Chloe's response. She was so open, the way she was shifting restlessly beneath him, holding onto him, and making noises with each move he made. This was the Chloe he had already gotten to know and expect. Utterly transparent, allowing him to know exactly how he was affecting her. It was so the opposite of how he was, but he loved it. He loved that her responses told him which things to keep doing, which things she liked, and which she loved.
It was the best night of his damn life, and the evening had barely begun.
Chapter 14
Blue realized suddenly that his hand was on the button of her jeans, and he was already starting to unfasten it...in direct contravention of his promise that it would be only a kiss. Swearing, he pulled his hand back and rolled off her. "Shit. Sorry." He rested his hand over his forehead, trying to get his breath back.
Beside him, on the bed, Chloe lay still, breathing as deeply as he was. "So," she said, "that was quite a kiss."
"I know. I'm sorry. I swore it would be just a kiss." He swore under his breath, so pissed at himself for taking it further. He was still trying to get his heart rate under control. It was racing, awakened by the feel of her body against him, and the taste of her. He started to sit up so he could vacate the bed, but he was stayed by Chloe's hand to his chest.
He took a deep breath, then turned his head to look at her. She was lying on her side, her hair tousled in disarray. Her eyes were soft and steady as she looked at him, and a small smile played at the corner of her mouth. "It's okay," she said gently. "I could've stopped you. We both know you would have stopped in a heartbeat." Her cheeks flamed slightly. "It felt amazing. I didn't want to stop."
Reluctantly, Blue laid back down on the bed. He turned on his side to face her, reaching out to trace his finger along her jaw. "You make me wish that I wasn't leaving town in a couple days. You make me wish that I could make this my life. That somehow I could find a way to settle in this moment, and not need to keep moving."
She turned her head to press a kiss to his palm, a gesture so intimate that he felt his throat tighten. "Why do you need to keep moving? If you want to settle, why can't you?"
"Because it's the way I am." But even as he gave the evasive answer he gave everyone, his mind flashed back to that day when he was fourteen, when he became the way he currently was. He tensed, as the images from that day filled his mind with vivid clarity. He grimaced, trying to shut down the memories, but they wouldn't go away as easily as they usually did. Swearing, he sat up, and draped his hands over his knees. He bowed his head and took a deep breath, and then another, trying to clear his head.
Suddenly, he felt Chloe's hand on his back between his shoulder blades. Her touch was soft, designed to soothe. His first response was to shove it away, to refuse it. It was what he always did. But this time, there was something about the fact that it was Chloe that made him go still, utterly still, waiting to see what she would say, or what he would do.
For a long moment, neither of them moved at all. His muscles were razor sharp, strung tight. He knew then, in about one minute, he was going to have to get up and leave. He hadn't been this close to the grip of his memories in a long time, and he knew that he needed to get away from her so he could focus.
Chloe moved, making the bed shift. Blue tensed even more, his hands balling into fists. "Chloe," he said between gritted teeth. "I need to leave —"
He cut himself off when he felt her chin rest on his shoulder, as she slid her arms around his waist. Her breasts were against his back, and her legs were on either side of his hips. He froze, shocked by the sensation of being wrapped up in her body. He knew there was no way he could get up right now. No fucking way. "You need to let me go," he said hoarsely.
"What happened back then?" Her voice was low and soft. Nonjudgmental. But most importantly, it was laced with such deep understanding and empathy that his body shuddered.
"Nothing." A lie. A blatant lie. The same lie he'd been living for so damn long.
She was quiet for a moment, and then she spoke. "There was one foster home that I loved," Chloe said softly. "I was there for almost a year. It was a single mom, and she had two biological children, plus me. I had my own room. I never had to worry that someone was going to sneak in at night and steal my things, or try to hurt me. I went to school with her daughters. We played with toys. I thought that I'd found my home. She even told me that she loved me, and that she would always have a place for me. I remember my room there so clearly. It had a green bedspread, pink walls, and I had my own bookshelf. I had ten books that were mine. I didn't have to share them with other girls in the house. Mine."
From the pain in her voice, Blue knew that this wasn't going to have the happy ending she deserved. "What happened?"
Chloe managed a small smile. "One day, the social worker came to get me to take me back to my mother. I never went back to that house. I never saw that woman again. I don't know what happened to her, or her daughters, or my bedroom. I used to lie in bed at night and wonder how long she waited for me. I won
dered if she'd tried to find me. I wondered if she'd cried because she lost me. It wasn't until I became a social worker and understood the system that I realized that if she had really wanted to find me, she could have." She sighed. "She could've found me again. That home that I thought I had? That woman that I thought loved me? The one real life experience that sustained me for so long, that made me hope that families really did exist? It was a fabrication in my own, little girl, desperate mind."
Blue closed his eyes, his heart aching for the image she'd put in his head. He wrapped his hands around hers, where they were so tightly hugging his waist. "I'm so sorry, Chloe. That sucks. There's no way around that kind of pain."
"I've never told anybody that." She pressed her face to his back, and he could tell that she was resting her cheek against him, sagging into him, as if it was a relief to have told him that. He wanted to turn around and hug her, and kiss her, and offer her his support, but he had a feeling that she'd told him the truth only because they weren't face-to-face.
He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to each finger. "I expect she meant every word she said," he said. "Things sometimes change for grown-ups, as we both know now. My guess is that her heart did cry for the little girl that she lost. Maybe it was too hard to let you go. Maybe her heart was too broken to go through it again, when she knew she would always come in second to your biological mother."
Chloe said nothing for a long time, but he could feel her breasts shuddering against his back. "There was a time that I thought that," she said quietly. "But then I realized that I was projecting my own emotions onto her. Maybe you're right that she did love me, but she wasn't strong enough to feel that love in the face of all the challenges I came with. Or maybe, she didn't love me the way I thought she did. Maybe her love was just transitional, not the forever kind of love that I wanted so much. I'll never know. That's okay. That's why I want to focus on building my own independent life. If you count on people to love you, then even if they say they do, they can still take it away. If you depend on them for a home, they can take it away. The only one I can count on is myself, so that's why I have to do this myself."
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