When We Break

by E. L. Todd

  “That’s not true…”

  “Yes, it is true.” I clenched my fists again. “This fairytale ending wasn’t a fairytale at all. It was bullshit—that’s what it was. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I never did anything to deserve your doubt. You should have stood beside me instead of throwing me out.”

  She stared at the ground as her eyes coated with tears. “Cayson, I know. I’m so sorry…I can keep apologizing but it won’t change anything.”

  “You gave me an ultimatum to confess. Even then I didn’t do it. But that still meant nothing to you.”

  “I was just confused—”

  “You shouldn’t have been confused—not about me. How could you possibly think I would ever cheat on you? Whether I was in the country or out of it? It goes against everything we stand for. The entire world can point the finger at me but you’re supposed to stand beside me. That’s what marriage is.”

  “But the letter—”

  “KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE DAMN LETTER!”

  She moved to the opposite wall and crossed her arms over her chest. Her tears bubbled over and fell down her cheeks.

  “If this was reversed, I would believe you in a heartbeat. If some guy claimed you fucked him I would tell him it wasn’t possible. When it’s anyone’s word against your own, I’ll always pick you. Because I married you. Because I know you. Because we’re a team.”

  “I’m sorry…”

  “Well, sorry isn’t going to cut it, Skye.”

  She sniffed and wiped her tears away. “What does that mean?”

  “It means…we’re done.”

  She stopped crying. She stared at me with a look of devastation that extended past agony. It went on a much deeper level, a type of pain most people never feel. “Cayson…you don’t mean that.”

  “I do mean that. I can’t be with someone who turns their back on me like that.”

  “You told me you would forgive me—”

  “If you came to the conclusion on your own. But you didn’t. Sean did.”

  “Cayson, don’t.”

  “We can’t come back from this, Skye. You made me suffer so much. The only person who had my back was Slade. It should have been you, Skye. It should have been you.”

  “I made a mistake.” She started to sob. “Forgive me.”

  “No. I got on my knees and begged you to listen to me. But you refused. You fucking refused.”

  “Cayson, it was more than just the letter. You didn’t tell me what happened—”

  “When did you want me to tell you?” I snapped. “When I got off the plane and found out you were pregnant? When we were making love left and right? When we were going to the doctor, picking out toys, and finding out the gender of our baby? I wasn’t going to ruin the greatest moment of our lives over something so insignificant as a whore making a pass at me. I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t worth mentioning. It wasn’t because I was hiding something. And I was going to tell you. I was just trying to find the right time. I’ve explained this at least a hundred times. Not once did you listen to me.”

  She looked at the ground again then placed one hand over her stomach. “Cayson, we’re having a baby…”

  “You’re going to guilt me into staying with you?” That was an all-time low.

  “No,” she said quickly. “Just remember what we made together. Remember what we just did. We love each other. Please let this go.”

  “Let it go?” I asked incredulously. “I can’t just let something like that go. I don’t think you truly understand what you’ve put me through. You have no idea what it’s like to sit behind bars while your whole family thinks you’re guilty. There’s obviously no trust between us despite everything I’ve done to prove myself to you—my entire life.

  “I’m not the kind to brag, but I’m pretty damn perfect, Skye. I’m not like other guys. I will do everything and anything for the woman I love, and I’ve only loved one woman. I’m honest, noble, and compassionate. I’m the guy that every dad wants for his little girl. You had me and didn’t appreciate me.”

  “That’s not fair…you’re acting like our entire marriage was spent that way.”

  “No, it wasn’t. But when it mattered most you weren’t there. That’s what it comes down to.”

  “Cayson…” She started to cry again. “Don’t do this. You’re just upset right now.”

  “Right now?” I asked. “No, I’ve been upset for two months. This is how I’ve been every single day for the past two months. You just haven’t seen it.”

  “I’ll apologize as many times as I have to—”

  “I don’t want your apology. I want a wife that trusts me. I want a wife that actually believes in me.”

  “I do, Cayson. I swear I do.”

  “No, you don’t. The second things got rough you turned your back on me. The only real person I have in my life is Slade and I’m not even related to him. Your dad told me I was a son to him and he turned his back on me so easily. I know if I were Roland he wouldn’t have behaved that way.”

  “He can’t see straight when it comes to me…”

  “Yeah, you got that right.” I grabbed my shoes then forced them onto my feet. “Well, we’re already divorced so I guess there’s nothing else we need to do.” I headed to the door because I didn’t want to look at her anymore.

  “Cayson!”

  I kept walking.

  “Cayson!” She was hysterical.

  I turned around even though I didn’t owe her that much. “What?”

  She moved to her knees in front of me.

  Despite my rage, it hurt to watch her.

  “I’m begging you…” She pressed her hands together and intertwined her fingers. “I’m on my knees…begging you. I know you love me. And I know how much. Please give me another chance. I promise I won’t let you down again.”

  I closed my eyes because seeing her like that hurt me. I guess there was still some compassion in me after all. “I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m doing this because I don’t have any faith in you.”

  Tears welled up and fell down her cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, Skye. There’s no other way.”

  “You. Love. Me.”

  “With everything I have. That will never change.”

  “Then please.” She remained on her knees. “Please. We’ll do marriage counseling. I’ll quit my job and stay home. I’ll give you anything you want to make this work.”

  She really was desperate if she was willing to sacrifice her dream job. I slowly approached her then gripped her by the arms. I helped her to her feet because, no matter what she’d done, she was above that. “Skye, I love you so much. That will never change as long as I live. I will never love another woman. I’ve expended everything I have on you.”

  She gripped my hands and continued to cry.

  “But this marriage is over.”

  She closed her eyes like the words pained her too much.

  “I can’t be with someone who thinks so little of me.”

  “I don’t think so little of you. In the back of my mind I kept feeling the doubt, that you didn’t do it. I wanted to believe you—”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “Please…” She squeezed my hands.

  I closed my eyes because I couldn’t look at her anymore. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “You love me. You’ll make this work. Because it’s me…”

  “Where was this faith two months ago?”

  “It was always there…I just couldn’t find it.” Her eyes continued to water. “I’ll do anything, Cayson. Please don’t leave me.”

  “I’m not leaving you. You already divorced me, remember? I begged you not to and you did it anyway.”

  “I take it back…”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t work that way.”

  “Please don’t do this.” Her bottom lip trembled.

  I couldn’t watch this anymore. “I will always be here for you. I wil
l always love you. And I will take care of you and our child—no matter what happens between us. But that’s all I can give you.”

  “No…”

  I dropped my hands and stepped away.

  “No…”

  I kept walking. I was too angry to feel anything other than rage. I assumed she came back to me because she finally woke up and realized whom she married. But in the end, it was Sean who figured it out.

  Chapter Seven

  Skye

  I burst into Slade and Trinity’s apartment without knocking. I wasn’t in the right state of mind and I certainly wasn’t thinking straight. “Slade?”

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Slade quickly got off of Trinity shirtless. Trinity lay on the couch but she quickly sat up and adjusted her hair and clothes.

  I didn’t have time to be sensitive. “I need your help. Please help me.” Tears were still in my eyes and I had no sense of time or reality. My life just ended and I was drowning in my own sorrow. I needed help.

  Slade immediately pulled his shirt on then darted to me. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?” He grabbed my arm. “Do you need to go to the hospital? I can carry you.”

  “No, I’m physically okay.” I pushed his arm off. “But I need your help. You’re the only person who can help me, Slade. I’m so sorry for everything and please take pity on me…”

  “What are you talking about? What did you do?”

  “Cayson…” Just saying his name broke my heart all over again. “Help me get him back. I’ll do anything. Please…”

  Slade was more confused than ever. “Get him back…? Does that mean you believe him?”

  When Trinity was composed she joined our conversation. “What happened, Skye?”

  I told them the whole story, about how my dad went to London and spoke to Laura. I immediately ran to Cayson and told him I knew he was innocent. We had a great afternoon together and everything was perfect…until it went to shit.

  Slade gripped his skull. “Why won’t this nightmare just end?”

  “He was innocent?” Trinity asked.

  “Of course he was,” Slade snapped. “Come on, people. It’s Cayson.”

  “He says we’re done.” I started to cry. “He says he can’t be with me when I distrusted him so much…and I can’t blame him. I hurt him so much. What I did was unforgiveable…”

  Slade grabbed both of my shoulders. “Skye, calm down.”

  “I begged him to take me back but he refused…” The tears streaked down my cheeks.

  “Skye, I need you to calm down.” He guided me to the couch before he sat beside me. “It’s not good to be this worked up when you’re pregnant.”

  “I know…” I sniffed loudly. “But I hate myself for the mistake I made. He was innocent the whole time. Slade, I know you were right. I know you must hate me. But you have to help me.”

  “Hate you?” he asked. “Never.”

  I stared at the ground.

  “I love you, Skye. You’re my friend.”

  “Yeah?” I wiped my nose.

  “And I’m going to fix this.”

  “You are?” I turned to him with hope in my eyes. Slade was the only person Cayson trusted without question. He was the only person Cayson was loyal to. Without him, I didn’t stand a chance.

  “Yes. I will get you back together. I promise.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know…I know Cayson. It doesn’t look like he’s going to change his mind. And after what I did…I’m surprised you want to help me.”

  Slade was quiet for a long time while he composed his thoughts. “I think it’s really fucked up that you didn’t believe him. Cayson is honest and always has been. If there were something to confess, he would have told you himself. He spent the past two months trying to get you back but you wouldn’t even hear him out. I think that’s pretty terrible…”

  I felt the shame creep into my bones.

  “But I know Cayson will never be happy as long as he lives—if he doesn’t come back to you. He might date eventually and might even get remarried. Maybe he’ll have more children with some other woman. But I know he would never be truly happy. I don’t know what it is about you, Skye. But there’s something about you that he’s innately obsessed with. My best friend will only be truly happy if he has you. And I’ll make it happen.”

  I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  “It’s okay, Skye.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Now, you need to calm down.”

  I buried my face in his chest, showing him more affection than I ever had before. When he took care of me when Cayson was away, our bond deepened. We’d always been cousins but now he truly felt like a brother. He looked after me with the same diligence he looked after Trinity. “Thank you…thank you for helping me. I thought you would never forgive me for what I did.”

  “You made a serious mistake. I think you’re being punished enough as it is.”

  Trinity moved closer to us on the couch and rubbed my back. “You’ll get him back, Skye.”

  “It’s different,” I said into Slade’s chest. “He’s different…”

  “He’s just upset right now,” Slade said. “Give him space and he’ll come around.”

  “You don’t understand,” I whispered.

  “I know Cayson pretty well,” Slade said. “Would you agree?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “I know he loves you more than anything,” he said. “He’ll come back. Believe in that.”

  I wasn’t sure if I could believe in anything.

  ***

  I called in sick to work because I didn’t want to face anyone. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and try to sleep as long as possible. Whenever I was unconscious the pain went away. I wasn’t awake to enjoy it, but my heart felt a little better when I woke up in the morning.

  It was the middle of the afternoon when my phone rang. I immediately snatched it in the hope Cayson was calling me. It turned out to be my father. He was the last person I wanted to talk to so I didn’t take the call.

  But he called again.

  I sighed then finally answered it. “Hey, Dad.”

  “Hey, pumpkin. I just wanted to check in. You called in sick three days in a row…I’m assuming you aren’t sick?” There was a smile in his voice, like he assumed Cayson and I were shacking up and never leaving the house. He thought I was stupidly happy and I didn’t have a care in the world. My immediate response was to lie, but that would catch up to me quickly.

  “I’m not sick. I’m heartbroken.”

  There was a loud pause over the phone. “What do you mean, pumpkin?”

  “When Cayson found out why I believed him…he left me.” The words hurt as I said them out loud. They stung painfully, like a blister that wouldn’t pop. “He said we were done—forever.”

  “What?” Dad blurted. “I don’t understand…”

  “He’s hurt that I didn’t believe him on my own. And I wasn’t even the one who went to London to figure out what happened—you did. He said he can’t be with someone who has so little faith in him.” The tears burned my eyes. “Dad, I really messed up…I should have believed him.”

  Dad was silent like he was thinking. “Pumpkin, it’ll be okay. Cayson will come around.”

  “No, he won’t…he meant it.”

  “He’s just upset right now.”

  “I wish that were true.”

  “Cayson loves you very much, Skye. He’ll come back.”

  Not after the way I hurt him.

  “I’m coming over.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I want to be alone.”

  Dad sighed like he didn’t like that answer. “Can I send Mom over?”

  Mom was good at taking care of me. She didn’t say much and she just stroked my hair. Dad usually got teary-eyed and couldn’t hide the heartbreak on his face. Mom was better at keeping me calm. “Please…”

  “I’ll call her,” he said. “And I’ll che
ck on you later.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m so sorry…”

  “I know.”

  ***

  As soon as I walked into his office, the secretary looked at me.

  She knew exactly who I was, and obviously had no idea Cayson and I were on shaky terms because she let me walk inside without questioning me.

  I wondered how long that privilege would last.

  Cayson was pacing in front of the window with the phone held to his ear. “Ship the supplies to South Guinea. They have to leave on the cargo ship today otherwise everything will be delayed for a week.”

  I stopped in front of his desk and just stared.

  Cayson glanced at me then did a double take when he realized it was me. “Anything else, Jim?” He listened for a response. “I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up and stopped pacing. He shoved his phone into his pocket before he looked at me. There wasn’t warmth in his eyes or apology.

  He was still angry.

  “Hi…” I didn’t know what to say to him. Our relationship was strained like it used to be, but now I was on the other side of the table.

  “What can I do for you?” He sat behind his desk and stared at me.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “I just want to talk…”

  “You do realize I’m at work, right?” Irritation was in his eyes.

  “You told me I could come to your office whenever I wanted.”

  “That was when you were my wife. You aren’t my wife anymore.”

  That burned more than a fire in the hearth. My eyes immediately watered.

  Cayson bowed his head in shame. “I didn’t mean it like that…”

  “I’m still your wife. And I’m going to stay that way.”

  “The papers have been filed.” He grabbed a pen and spun it in his fingertips. “What’s done is done. And don’t make me feel bad about it. You’re the one who was so eager to get it taken care of.”

  “But you never signed them.” Dad came back empty-handed.

  He stopped spinning the pen. “Yes, I did. Your dad dropped them off and I signed them right in front of him. Then he left. That was weeks ago.”

  “What…?” That didn’t add up. “When Dad came back to the office he said you refused to sign them.”

  Cayson shrugged. “Well, he lied.”