When We Break

by E. L. Todd

  “Even?” Cortland violently jerked away from her. “Not even close.”

  I didn’t wipe the blood away and let it drip down my face.

  “You crossed a line you can never uncross,” Cortland said. “It’s unacceptable to hit my son, not when he didn’t do anything to deserve it. You just lost a friend.” He turned back to the door.

  “Cortland, wait.” Scarlet grabbed him. “Hold on a second.”

  “Let me go, Scarlet.” He moved out of her embrace again.

  “Don’t say things like that,” Scarlet said. “Sean was just upset—”

  “Shut up, Scarlet.” He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

  Scarlet crossed her arms over her chest then stared at the door for a few seconds. Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to calm down. Then she turned back to me, concern and resentment mixed into the features of her face.

  I wiped my nose on my sleeve and stared at the blood smeared across my skin.

  Scarlet grabbed a towel then attended to me like she always did. She wiped away the blood with shaky hands, like she was really worried about me. “Sean…are you okay?”

  “No.”

  “Maybe we should go to the hospital.”

  “Why? They can’t fix this.”

  “They can stitch up the wound.”

  “No—I meant my relationship with Cortland. No one can fix that.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Slade

  I finally came home even though I didn’t want to.

  Everything was different now that I knew I let my wife down. All I could think about was her disappointment. She said everything would be fine and I was overreacting, but was I?

  The last thing I expected was for me to be the problem. Was I not masculine enough? Did I drink too much? Did I not have enough testosterone? Why was my body failing me when I needed it most?

  There were other options to conceive a child. I understood that.

  But that wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

  After I got off work, I finally returned to the home I shared with my wife. It was hard to look at her and not hate myself. Just a few days ago my life was perfect. I had a beautiful wife and a big house.

  But now all of that went to shit.

  When I walked in the door, Trinity was already there. She wore an apron while she worked in the kitchen. Judging the smell, she was cooking low-fat turkey burgers. According to her, I ate too much red meat because of Mega Shake. But I couldn’t tell the difference anyway. She turned around when she heard the door. “Hey, Husband.” She gave me a cheerful smile like that would fix everything.

  “Hey.” I walked past her and didn’t give her any affection.

  Her smile dropped. “Are you here to pick something up…?”

  “No. I’m staying.” I didn’t want to stay with my parents anymore. They didn’t kick me out but I could tell they had enough of me. “I’m going to the jam room.” I walked off and didn’t look at her again.

  “Slade.” Her voice changed. It was happy one second and now it was sad.

  I turned around even though I knew no good would come of it. “Don’t rush me the second I come in the door.”

  “I’m not.” She played with the apron in her fingers. “I just want you to have dinner with me. I’ve been eating by myself and it’s been pretty lonely.” Her lips fell into a frown.

  Fuck, I hated myself more.

  Trinity didn’t do anything wrong but she was being punished. It wasn’t her fault there was something wrong with me and not her. She got the bad stick of the situation.

  I really was a shitty husband. “I’ll eat with you.”

  “Great.” She smiled again, but it was only half-assed. She returned to the kitchen and set the table. All the condiments were placed on a platter and she made a side of macaroni salad instead of fries.

  I sat across from her and immediately constructed my burger before I took a bite. I’d been eating out a lot since I exiled Trinity. Having a come-cooked meal was a nice change.

  “So…how was your day?” Her hair was in long curls and the bracelet I got her was on her wrist. She looked beautiful, like always. If you told me five years ago that I was going to get married to Trinity I would have told you that you were crazy. But now I didn’t understand how she wasn’t my wife five years ago. She should have been my wife the second I turned eighteen. I would have been much happier if she were.

  “Okay. Yours?”

  “It was hectic. I worked with a few designers for the spring collection.”

  “It’s not even winter yet.”

  “I know…they start early.”

  I ate the macaroni salad and felt my stomach rumble. “This is good.”

  “Thanks…” A slight tint came to her cheeks. “How are your parents?”

  “Glad to get rid of me.”

  She chuckled slightly. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “No, it is. Mom told me I was cramping her style—and she wasn’t going to clean up after me. Apparently, I’m your problem now.”

  “You’re a wonderful problem to have.”

  I stared at my plate before I released a deep breath. “I’m sorry for my behavior…it’s not fair to you. I shouldn’t have left. This is difficult for you too and we should be in this together…I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes fell in sadness. “Slade, it’s okay.” She moved her hand across the table and rested it on mine. Her fingers felt warm, and the second she moved her scent came my way. It was filled with vanilla and flowers. “I understand why you’re upset. It would upset anyone.”

  I averted my gaze because I didn’t feel like I had any right to look at her. She was the definition of beauty, with such softness in her cheeks and lips. She was like an angel, something I’d only see in my dreams. “I feel like I let you down.”

  “You didn’t.”

  I still didn’t make eye contact with her.

  “Slade?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What if the situation were reversed?”

  My eyes moved to her face. “What do you mean?”

  “If I couldn’t give you children would you think less of me?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Would you think I was a lesser woman?”

  “No.”

  “Then what makes you think it would change the way I feel about you?”

  I kept my hand underneath hers. “Because…I know how important this is to you. This is your dream…the biggest one you’ve ever had.”

  “And we can still have that dream. When we go back to the doctor we can decide how we want to proceed. Just because it’s not happening the way nature planned doesn’t mean it can’t happen at all. And it certainly doesn’t mean it won’t happen naturally. The doctor said it was possible.”

  “But not probable,” I whispered.

  She brushed her thumb across my hand. “The point is, we will have our children one way or another. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

  “Yeah?” The tension was finally leaving my shoulders.

  “Yes,” she said firmly.

  My spine straightened as my body became strong again. My weakness seemed to disappear the longer she touched me and looked into my eyes with that usual look of love. Everything would be okay. “Twins runs in my family, you know?”

  Trinity gave me a breathtaking smile. “Yeah?”

  “Well, Silke and I are twins.”

  “Thank god you aren’t identical,” she teased.

  “We have identical attitudes. That’s for sure.”

  “I would love to have twins,” she said.

  “I’m not sure if that little belly of yours could handle it.”

  “Oh, it could,” she said. “Women are Roman soldiers when it comes to childbirth.”

  The idea of her waddling around with a swollen stomach made me feel…warm. It was the weirdest sensation I’ve ever felt. When I thought about my life with Trinity I didn’t think about kids down
the road, but now it was all I can think about. Fatherhood still scared me, and I had a feeling it would always scare me. But after the visit to the doctor’s office and the results that shook the foundation underneath me, I realized it was something that I needed to experience. It wasn’t until you couldn’t have something you wanted it more. “So… When do you want to go back to the doctor?”

  Trinity stared at me with a look of fondness. It was a look I’d grown accustomed to but I never got tired of it. “Whenever you’re ready.”

  “Well…do you know what option you want to do?”

  Trinity picked at her food on her plate but didn’t take another bite. “There is always artificial insemination. I think that’s what we should do next.” The fact she kept looking at her plate and not me told me she was worried about my reaction.

  “And what is that, exactly?” I didn’t know anything about this kind of stuff. If you asked me about tattoos, guitars, or drinking I would have a lot to say. Outside of that realm I was pretty much clueless. Sometimes I wondered how I graduated Harvard, especially with my sporadic thoughts, but somehow I made it through.

  “It's when they fertilize the egg without sexual intercourse.” Trinity looked up at me again, her fingers resting on her chin. Her eyes were as blue as they usually were. They had a guarded look to them.

  “So… They basically take all the fun out of it?” That sounded lame as hell.

  “Since your sperm can’t reach my egg on its own this is the best solution.”

  That not only sounded complicated, but possibly a little dangerous. The overprotective husband inside me came out. “What are the ramifications of this? Is this dangerous? What are the possible side effects? Does it require surgery?” I wanted to have children as much as Trinity did but I wasn’t willing to risk my wife.

  Trinity rested both arms on the table. “Honestly, I don’t know. I think we should go to the doctor before we make assumptions.”

  “We better get all the facts straight. I’m not going to go through with this unless I know you’re going to be okay.”

  “Slade, these procedures are done all the time. I’m sure you’re worrying over nothing.”

  “Are there any other options?”

  “Adoption is the only thing I can think of.”

  I pressed my arms over my chest and leaned back in the chair. I already devoured my food so there was nothing left on the plate. Trinity was a really good cook. I would've married her for that alone. “I guess we'll find out more when we go to the doctor…”

  “I’m sure everything will be fine.”

  The guilt started to weigh inside me all over again. We were considering the options because there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t exactly romantic, and I knew this wasn’t how Trinity imagined having her first kid. Fortunately, Trinity loved me enough to stick around.

  She read my mind, like always. “It’s really not a big deal. A lot of couples go through this.”

  “ We aren’t even thirty yet, Trinity. Stuff like that isn’t supposed to happen.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Conrad

  My life was awesome.

  I had a place in Manhattan, I had an awesome job, and had great friends. I wasn’t sure why I had a relationship with Lexie at all. What I had now was so much better. Being tied down to one woman was overrated, and I would never do it again. Monogamy was pointless and people needed to stop trying. Roland thought I was having a breakdown of some kind but he couldn’t be more wrong. I was perfectly fine.

  Seriously, I was.

  Why wouldn’t I be? I was living the dream right now. How many people can say they are the future CEO of a huge software company? Not too many. How many people can be as good-looking as I am? Maybe Roland was just jealous. I don’t know. Roland has been my best friend forever and I told him everything, but things felt different. He didn't look at me the way he used to. His eyes were always guarded.

  I was lying on my couch in the apartment when my phone rang. The game was on in the background but I didn’t pay attention to it. My eyes kept moving to the window overlooking the city. The whole world was at my feet and I knew it. In the evening the lights came alive like they were on fire. Sometimes all I did was stare.

  I never expected Lexie to call me. I change my phone number, not to avoid her but I got a brand-new phone and a new number came with it. It didn’t matter anyway because I knew she would never call me. You didn’t reject someone’s proposal and call them up for lunch.

  When I looked at the screen I saw Brandon’s name. He probably had a lead on a big party in the city, and he was calling to make me tag along. I took the call and spoke into the phone. “Yo, what’s up?”

  “Hey, man. What are you up to?”

  “Just living like a king. You know, the usual.” I knew I acted like a dick most of the time but I didn’t care. If someone had a problem with it they can walk away.

  “Are you still seeing Amanda?”

  “I haven’t talked to her in a week.”

  “Well, are you going to?”

  “Why?” I asked. “Are we girls now?”

  Brandon laughed into the phone. “No, I'm not here to gossip. If you aren’t tapping her, then I should. That’s all.”

  Now it was my turn to laugh. “Like you could ever get her.” I put my feet on the coffee table. “She’s feisty. Don’t think you can handle her.”

  “Believe me, when it comes to pussy I can handle anything.”

  I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. “Whatever you say, man.”

  “So, you aren’t with her?” Hope was in his voice. It radiated through the phone might heat waves.

  “I’m not with anyone, dumb ass.”

  “So… She’s fair game?”

  “She is if you can land her.”

  “Yes!” He clapped loudly over the phone. “I’m going for her.”

  I knew he would strike out. Amanda wasn’t the kind of girl that was easy to land. She required certain prerequisites. Being rich, being handsome, and being charming were all necessities. “Good luck. Enjoy my leftovers.”

  “Gross.” He gagged it over the phone. “You didn’t have to go there.”

  I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “Was that the only reason why you called?”

  “No, I got some pretty exciting news.”

  “The doctor said they’d give you a penis transplant?” I pressed my lips tightly together and tried not to laugh. He was so easy to pick on.

  “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”

  I busted up laughing. “Sorry, you made it too easy.”

  “As I was saying, I got some exciting news.”

  “Stop being a girl and just spit it out.”

  “There’s a Maxim party downtown tonight.”

  That caught my interest. “As in, from the magazine?”

  “Yep. All the models are going to be there.”

  I rubbed my hands together greedily. “When and where?”

  “I don't know if I should tell you…” He paused over the phone. “You were a dick to me just a second ago.”

  “Whoa…hold on. Let's not get carried away here.

  “Yeah… That’s what I thought.” He laughed like he was enjoying this.

  “Amanda is all yours. All help you land her if you get me into the party.” I've been to a few high-profile parties in the city but nothing on this level. Models were my favorite things on the menu.

  “I wonder how long I can get you to kiss my ass.”

  “Not very long. I’m sure I could get in myself if I really wanted to. How did you find out about this anyway?”

  Brandon moved the phone like he was trying to do two things at once. “I know people…”

  I didn’t believe that I didn’t call him out on it. “All right. Time and place?”

  “Ten at the elixir. Make sure you dress nice because this is going to be a swanky party. Like, a suit or something. Don’t show up in your gym clothes or whatev
er.”

  Seriously, Brandon could be a little dense sometimes. “When have you ever seen me dress as a slob?”

  “I don't know… I don’t see you all the time.”

  “Well, I can assure you I won’t show up in a garbage bag.”

  “Good. Otherwise I would act like I didn’t know you.”

  The last time Brandon and the guys were over we had an underwear party. The guys hooked up with the girls and I ended up with Amanda. I guess Brandon wasn’t seeing Sarah anymore. “What happened with you and Sarah?”

  “Sarah?” He acted like he had no idea who I was referring to.

  “You know, from the underwear party?”

  “Not ringing any bells…”

  I didn’t have time for his poor memory. “Whatever. You want to meet here before we go?”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Don't dress like a slob,” I teased. Let’s see how he likes it.

  “What does it matter what I wear? I’m going to be naked at the end of the night anyway.”

  ***

  Elixir was a high-end club downtown. The music played from the speakers, the base drowning out all other sound. The bouncer at the front door made Thor look like a child. Pretty girls were everywhere, wearing short dresses that practically showed their ass cheeks. Sky-high heels were on their feet, making their legs look long and sexy. There wasn’t a single girl there that I went take on the sheets. The get-together was pretty exclusive, and I couldn’t figure out how Brandon got us in.

  I set my beer down while I scan the dance floor. Women dancing cages off to the side, and strobe lights shine across the room. A smoky haze filled the air, almost looking like fob. Or it could be cigarette smoke, I couldn’t tell the difference.

  Brandon wore a classic gray suit with a black tie. He hardly ever dressed up, unless it was for work. He held his beer as he stood beside me, and he leaned in before he lowered his voice. “Who do you want?”

  I shrugged. “All of them.”

  He chuckled. “Whether you are a sex God or not you couldn’t handle that.”

  I took a drink. “Shows how much you know.”

  Brandon scanned the crowd and his eyes stopped on a blonde. “That one.”