by C. S. Moore
“Madgie? What are these?” Amanda asked, her voice full of panic.
“They are markings called Ronbi,” Madgie said.
Amanda searched through her education in a few short seconds. She had no definition for the word. “I don’t know what ‘Ronbi’ means, Madgie. Why don’t I know?”
“We don’t often discuss them. They are incredibly rare and a topic of great fear,” Madgie explained.
“What are they?” she pressed. Madgie looked down at the mirror, now lying in her lap.
“They are evil marks. It’s what we see when a demon has corrupted a soul…” She paused and tucked a bit of graying hair behind her ear. “And taken it to where we cannot tread.”
“What, like I’m something evil and unclean now? Do you think that, Madgie?” she asked.
From the way the woman averted her eyes, she already knew the answer, though Madgie didn’t give it.
“No, no. I don’t believe that, and I can’t tell you what I do believe. I haven’t a clue as to what’s going on. If a Healer has been corrupted, it isn’t something they can live through. The demon’s essence poisons their very blood, taking all that is human and all that is spirit, consuming them like a ravenous dog,” Madgie said.
The hard glint in her eye made it clear Madgie was trying to convince not only Amanda that she was whole, but herself too.
I may not be gone, but I’m corrupted. I can feel it. Closing her eyes, she searched her body, mind, and spirit. She could sense the internal struggle and feel the heaviness of the demon’s essence. It thrashed in her veins and spread a dark, unearthly smell into her skin. No, she wasn’t clean, but her spirit was fighting and it was strong. She’d be fine. But why? Why was she alive?
Amanda stopped thinking and voiced her question. “So why am I alive?”
“I don’t know. You must have just slipped out in time. I don’t understand how you’re still breathing. Just look at you. You should be dead, Amanda, and you aren’t.” Fear and confusion were apparent on her face.
“Listen, Madgie, I don’t care about what these stupid marks are or why I’m not dead. Just help me, please. I don’t know what that demon’s venom has done to me, but as you’ve noticed, I can’t move,” she said.
Madgie’s head turned swiftly away from her gaze and the aversion had nothing to do with her haunting red stare.
She spoke franticly, trying to get Madgie to understand the importance of haste. “I need to move, I have to find that Scar and free her, this little spirit. She was stronger than any soul I’ve ever encountered, but she won’t last long. After you figure out a way to get me up and moving again, you have to tell me how to find her.”
Madgie slowly turned her head back toward her and spoke slowly, making sure she understood every word. “The demon’s venom is still attacking your spirit, not your body.”
“That’s not true, Madgie. I can’t even tell you how much pain I’m in, and I can’t move a muscle,” she said.
Madgie shook her head slowly. “You’re in pain because your spirit is fighting the Hell fire within you, child. Your body is tainted, but working.”
“So why can’t I move?” Amanda asked.
Madgie opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed unable to answer. At least not to Amanda’s face. Fixing her gaze on something just outside of Amanda’s line of sight, she spoke. “You are unable because the Ancients have made it so.”
“The Ancients have made it so?’ What does that mean?” She strained her eyes to see what Madgie was gazing at, and in her peripheral vision, she could just make out the shape of a syringe. Her mind raced as she struggled against the manufactured concoction flowing through her veins. “They drugged me? How could you do this? I trusted you!” Amanda shouted at her.
Madgie’s kind face streamed with tears. “It was for your own good, Amanda. We didn’t know if you would be yourself when you came to or if what awoke would be a terrible creature of nightmares. We were scared to even use magic to keep you immobile for fear of what it might do to you or us. This is unheard of. I don’t even think the Ancients know what to do. Don’t worry. The drug will wear off by the time the Ancients are ready to hold council.”
Amanda tried to let her anger at them go. The venom in her seemed to bubble and grow in it. “What about the Scar? Is there a way to find it?”
“No, I can’t tell you how to find your Scar. I don’t know if it’s even possible. Seeking isn’t our way. Scars find us, not the other way around. This is how it’s always been done,” Madgie told her grimly.
Amanda’s last hope for Kaedin receded like the tides as she gave herself back over to the scorching pain that was now a part of her.
When Amanda surfaced, she scanned the small sterile room for daylight. Having no windows to peer though, she couldn’t tell how much time had elapsed. She sat up in a swift motion and immediately crashed back down, clutching her chest. This was going to take some getting used to.
Her muscles screamed in protest, but she forced herself into a sitting position. Amanda didn’t think it was even possible, but the pain was greater when she moved. Taking deep breaths, she moved her arms around, attempting to get used to the hurt. Bright stars filled her vision, washing out the world around her. So, she couldn’t see who walked through the double doors, but she could hear the hesitant footfall and sensed the person’s unease. Knowing both Madgie and the Ancients weren’t people who made a shy approach, she guessed it was Nell. She went to cover herself but found she was thankfully wearing a robe.
“Hello, Nell. Are you doing better today?” Amanda asked. Nell stepped back and glanced at the doors, looking to be contemplating a hasty retreat.
“Don’t be such a mouse, Nell. I won’t bite. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll even keep my creepy eyes closed, okay?” she said, shutting her eyes.
“Are you Amanda or something else?” Nell sounded unsure if she was supposed to ask that question or not.
If Nell was asking, it must be the topic of discussion outside of these walls. She turned to face her and took the pain that came with the motion. “Nell, you think a demon could take me down. I’m surprised at you. Haven’t I always been at the top of my class?” she asked, making Nell smile.
“Well, even if that were true, and it’s not, that isn’t saying much. You’re in some of my classes, and I’m three years younger than you.”
She was glad Nell felt more comfortable. It hurt to frighten her. Amanda had always been so protective of her. She thought her much too sweet and delicate. Nell should have been a normal girl with a normal life, instead of having to walk into nightmares. Nell was considerably better at closing Scars than she was, but every time one took the young girl, Amanda wished she could have gone in her place just the same. She knew every Scar held a terror that was too much for anyone to deal with. Let alone a fourteen-year-old girl. Even a mature one. Nell had always seemed to enjoy hanging around with the older crowd. Madgie told her Nell had had to take care of herself from an early age, before she was put in a home. Apparently, she’d a terrible childhood. However, Nell never talked about it, and she didn’t press her to.
“Can I open my eyes or will you run away again?” Amanda asked smiling, but still keeping her eyes closed.
“I didn’t run away! Madgie gave me an important task.”
Amanda chuckled and opened her eyes slowly. She could see fine, although she still had lights dancing in and out of view.
Nell went to speak but closed her mouth again. She smiled at her reassuringly.
“I assume you came here to tell me something, is that right?” she asked.
Nell’s unsure head bobbed up and down.
“Well, go on then. Spit it out.”
Her young friend looked back at the large unmoving doors and whispered, “The Ancients are here, Amanda. They’ve summoned you. I’m here to retrieve you, but I don’t know if you should go. They’re strange things, and I get the most terrible feeling around them.”
As
Nell spoke, Amanda could feel concentrated fear dripping off her. She’d always been wary, like a small animal, but never afraid. As Amanda dissected Nell’s emotions, she burst into tears.
“Amanda, how can I help you? I don’t want you to die. No, it would be even worse than that! You’re on the verge of losing yourself, your light, your soul,” Nell cried out.
Amanda spoke slowly, not sure what to say to comfort her. “Listen, Nell, you shouldn’t be scared of the Ancients. They are the wisest of us all. It may seem as though they aren’t like you and me anymore, but that’s only because age and power affects people. There aren’t too many people out there with more age or power than the Ancients. Everything will work out fine,” Amanda said, hoping Nell would believe her statement, even though she didn’t.
She patted the girl lightly on her shoulder and nearly winced in pain but was able to stifle the sound. “Are you still hurt?” she asked.
Amanda got off the stiff hospital bed as delicately as possible and replied, “Let’s go. I can’t stay in the Hovel long. I have to go somewhere.”
Nell started through the doors, still looking at her anxiously. Amanda hobbled after her as dignified as possible, slowly staggering to an unsure fate. Nell led her toward the main meeting hall, but instead of entering the arena, she directed her to a large red door.
“This is where they asked me to take you,” Nell said, biting her lip again, a nervous habit.
“Stop biting that thing, girl. You’re going to need it for kissing someday,” Amanda teased.
Nell rolled her eyes, they both knew neither of their lips would ever be used for kissing.
She took a deep breath and reaching for the handle, but the moment she touched it, Nell tugged her back, pulling her into an embrace.
Shaking with emotion Nell spoke into her shoulder. “Please do whatever you can to keep yourself safe. I’ve never had a family, except you. Be nice to them and don’t lose your temper. I have the feeling they aren’t on your side,” Nell said.
Amanda wished she could reassure her, but she had the same creeping feeling. From what she heard about the Ancients, they were all about uniformity, and she was so out of uniform she didn’t even know what team she was on anymore.
“I love you, Nell, more than you know. Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. Everything will be fine. And I’ll try to behave myself,” she said.
Nell stomped her sneakered foot. “You do better than try. You promise me.”
“You already know I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I’ll see you after the meeting.” Amanda planted a kiss on top of her head.
Nell looked up at her with large pleading eyes. “Promise?” Amanda gave her one last hug and walked through the door. For a moment, she thought her pains had blinded her again. The room she had walked into was pitch black, but she quickly realized the darkness in the room was pre-determined. A hand shot out of the darkness, grasping her, and then another. Soon she found herself struggling against the strength of several hooded men, but she wasn’t much of an adversary. Every movement brought with it a torrent of pain. She opened her mouth to scream something out, anything, but she choked it back, remembering Nell was right outside the door. She looked down in time to see the glimmer of a long needle just as it pierced her skin.
AMANDA FOUND HERSELF LYING on a pedestal in the middle of the arena surrounded by shadowed faces that were both familiar and unknown. As she attempted to turn her head, she found herself paralyzed yet again.
Apparently, she needed to get used to immobility. She looked down at her body and was glad that public nudity wasn’t something else she needed to get used to. Amanda was wearing a floor length, shimmering white gown. The material was so delicate she could make out her black veins underneath. It was an extravagant gown and something she’d never would have chosen to wear.
She’d never seen the arena like this. As she tried to separate the people she knew from the strangers, she noticed a shimmering light. She wasn’t sure if the Ancients had been there the whole time or had just appeared in the arena, which was unnerving. She could feel most people before they even enter a room.
She concentrated on their location but only picked up a kind of hazy silence where the five Ancients stood. Either they’d mastered a way of shielding their emotions from being read, or they had none. She looked at them for the first time in her life, though it was hard for her to stare into the light that they gave off.
Now she could see what Nell meant when she referred to the Ancients as strange things. They didn’t even look like people. At the time, she’d thought it was a mere slip of the tongue, but now she understood. The nearest Ancient seemed female, though she didn’t know why she thought that. There wasn’t a thing feminine about the creature, and it outsized any person she’d ever seen by two or three. The arena was probably the only room that they fit into comfortably.
Their heads were misshapen and held a few strands of long white hair. They were neither slender nor plump, but there was something incredibly solid about them. Both their bodies and faces bore sharp haunting angles with no roundness to them at all. Their skin was the color of old parchment and had strange faded patterns scrawled into it. They looked so out of place here, like they didn’t belong in her world. It was almost as if two- dimensional characters tore themselves out of a frightening portrait and began walking around.
As they drew nearer, their light burned more brightly. She kept her eyes locked on them, despite the pain, as long as she could before having to look away.
The largest of the Ancients spoke in a deep unearthly voice. “Brothers and Sisters, do you see? She cannot even bear the sight of purity. Does it hurt, Demon, to gaze upon me?”
It took her a moment to realize he was referring to her. She felt the curses rising to her throat but reeled them back and spoke the way Healers were supposed to speak, reverently.
“I’m no Demon, I’m a Healer. Born to serve, I’ve been entrusted with the sacred duty of freeing trapped spirits. It’s what I’ve always been and what I am now,” she said, her voice steady, though she had to fight to keep it that way.
He paused a moment before speaking. “What you have always been? You never wanted to be a Healer, never felt thankful for this ‘sacred duty’.”
She went to speak, but he silenced her with a raise of his sharp hand. Even their hands were different from hers. Amanda took in his claw-like appendage with strange tattoo-like markings a few shades darker than his yellowed skin.
“Amanda, you may lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to me. You never wanted to be a Healer. Three years after the Dredging, you ran from us. You selfishly ran from your responsibility here. Then you came crawling back two years later. Why? Because you didn’t have the strength to stand on your own. You needed our strength, our energy, and our light because you had none,” he sneered at her.
She was burning with anger and couldn’t stop herself from shouting at him. “You don’t know me. I came back to this place because I wanted to learn how to help them. I wanted to be a better Healer. I just couldn’t handle failing them anymore. No, I didn’t come crawling back for your support, because it is not your strength and light that I call on. Unless you think yourselves Gods now?” she finished.
“Yes,” he answered. “Do you see my light and my power? Look around you. Look at my flock. If I’m not a God, what am I?”
It took her a moment to realize she was hearing his voice, not through her ears, but inside of her mind.
Oh, he wants to keep this a private conversation-too bad.
“You’re a monster!” she answered loudly. There were gasps all around the arena. The Healers seemed unable to believe what she’d just shouted at their beloved leaders. Some even began crying.
He smirked one last time at her before putting on a pained face and addressing the crowd. “I fear that she is beyond us, my friends,” he said, choking on faked emotion.
He turned and walked to the lone female Ancient and lightly touched
her shoulder. She stepped forward as he fell back into her position. As she spoke, Amanda was surprised that it was still the first Ancient’s deep voice filling the air.
“What was the other thing you said, dear? Oh, yes, a Healer is what you are now. No, what you are now is ruined. I can smell the evil in your veins and don’t tell me you can’t feel it tearing the goodness from you. We all sense your pain.”
Amanda spoke steadily, remembering Nell’s advice, although she hadn’t done a very good job at following it. “I do feel the darkness in me, but I’m alive and so is my spirit. I am strong. My spirit will prevail. I’m not ruined. I’m fighting!”
“Spirit will prevail.” The Ancient turned to look at her.
“Do you really believe that, Amanda? Your spirit can barely manage the strength to heal a single Scar. You believe yourself strong enough to purge out this evil? Well, we do not.”
She turned and touched the smallest of the group who faced the audience and spoke to them in the same commanding voice. “We have reviewed the plight of this girl.” She waved his dagger-fingers toward her. “And we have found that death is in her best interest and the only way.”
Amanda’s heart jumped into her throat. Could they be serious? The hundreds of spectators began to make sounds of protest, apparently unconvinced.
The Ancients were unmoved by their discord.
The smallest Ancient began to speak again. “Brothers and Sisters, this is the best choice for her. If you dispute the truth of the statement, just look at her.” He turned to face her. “She’s in a beautiful dress of purity. Perhaps that’s why you don’t see what’s really before you, but it’s only an illusion. Look well, and you can see the poison underneath.”
