Always and Forever: Rugby Brothers, Book 3

by Tiara Inserto

  “You’re a catch for somebody, and by the way he looks at you, I think he likes you back.”

  “I know he does, but there’s someone in his past he can’t forget. He has a lot from his past he can’t forget.”

  “Seriously? Is she still in the picture?”

  Eden sighed. “Not actively. But she’s the reason he went back.”

  “And?”

  “And that’s where he’s different from anyone else. But I get it. I can understand why he’s struggling to let go of the life they had.”

  “I don’t get it. And you, of all people, shouldn’t be on the sidelines waiting for some rugby player to get off his ass and start paying attention to you. You deserve better.”

  Eden shrugged. “Maybe. But can you imagine being the one who earns that kind of love, that kind of loyalty? That’s pretty special, don’t you think? Being loved no matter what.”

  “What kind of Kool-Aid are you drinking? If you love the guy, hold on to him and don’t let him go.”

  Eden stood up and pulled the towel closer over her. “Logical, but this is emotional.”

  “If you say so. But back to the swimming: why was San Luis Obispo the deal breaker? You know you pretty much have right until Nationals to qualify. Tommy says you’re very close.”

  “Very close,” she repeated softly. “I’m a better swimmer now than I was fifteen years ago.”

  “There is Mesa. And others.”

  “Yes, but I need to go back to work at the start of the year. My savings will only last so long on a part-time basis.”

  “I’m willing to help out with money, Eden.”

  “It’s not just the money. St. Anne’s has bent over backwards to accommodate my training schedule. But I don’t want to lose my benefits. San Luis Obispo was the deadline for me.” Eden shrugged. “Logical. Not emotional.”

  Brandon stood up and surveyed the pool area. “It all smells the same, doesn’t it?” A smile stayed on his face. “Mesa is still on the table, if you want it. It’s a good meet for you: you do better in the long course anyway. Your turns were always your Achilles heel.”

  Eden elbowed Brandon. “That’s a lie!”

  Brandon smiled but his eyes grew serious. “I want to help. I owe you. Let me. Let us. You have your team: your dad, Pop, Aidan, me, Lisa. And now Mano. You can do this.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  It was going to be about a three-and-a-half-hour drive to Tekapo from Christchurch. Mano declined offers from Blake and Neela to join him. Tim also offered to go.

  “No thanks, mate,” Mano said.

  Tim frowned then smile. “Hang on, you have to drive through Geraldine. How about me joining you until there? And you can pick me up after you see Margot.”

  “No.”

  “There’s a really good bakery there. Right on the High Street. Maybe you could—”

  “No.”

  “They have the best scones.”

  Mano shook his head as he walked out of the townhouse and got into the ute; Tim stood at the front door, hands resting on his hips, his frown back.

  Mano lowered the window. “Go to work! I’m sure there’s an endangered species somewhere that needs your attention.”

  He checked his phone one last time. Still no message from Corrine. He had asked her to let Margot know he was coming. The last thing he wanted was a scene in a public place. After he entered the name of the motel she was now working at, he followed the traffic through the city center then out of it.

  Tekapo wouldn’t have been the first place he thought Margot would run to.

  The last time he was there, he was about ten years old. Surrounded by wide open spaces, Tekapo’s lake was famous for its unique turquoise color. It drew stargazers from around the world as part of UNESCO’s Dark Sky Reserve.

  His lips lifted slightly at the memory of his dad and Uncle Malcolm impulsively loading up him and his cousins into a big truck one late afternoon and starting to drive. The kids didn’t bother asking where they were going. As long as they were together, it was going to be all right. Back then, he didn’t remember the turns and twists or the teasing views of the mountains before they disappeared whenever the road changed direction.

  Joe, Sam, and he were quite the trio back then. His cousins drew him out of his preferred place of few words, encouraging laughter with irreverent jokes made in hushed voices. When the truck finally stopped, golden rays reached toward them from afar, then almost suddenly, red washed the sky of the last of its blue. Did they have dinner that day? Was he cold? He remembered his father’s arm draped across his shoulders in the dark as the stars exploded above them. Bright and large, he had tried reaching up for them even though he knew his fingers would never touch the magic.

  He hadn’t been back since.

  And never with Margot.

  Whenever they sought escape from his fame, they headed higher into the Southern Alps. In such grand surroundings, there was plenty of space – both physically and mentally – for quiet moments when everything seemed perfect.

  Maybe that’s why she chose Tekapo.

  There would be no memories of them there.

  Like for him in Ahipara.

  Mano tightened his grip on the steering wheel. His feelings for her couldn’t have been wrong. The whispers of love, the gentle caresses, the feeling of contentment in each other’s arms…they were real. They must have been.

  She loved me once. None of what we had was in my imagination.

  He glanced at the sign that welcomed him to Geraldine. He drove past the bakery on the high street but didn’t have second thoughts about stopping. Tim wasn’t that big a fan of scones.

  The phone sounded as he entered the carpark of a motel just off the highway

  * * *

  Corrine: Are you there?

  Mano: Just pulled in.

  Corrine: She says she’ll come out.

  * * *

  The dark, looming mountains in front of him, still lightly dusted with snow, should have drawn his attention. Instead, he kept his eyes glued to the rearview mirror, now angled to the glass doors of a brick building.

  When it slid open, Mano reared instinctively, a rush of adrenaline shot through his body at the sight of the petite woman walking out.

  He got out of the car; his movements drew her attention. She stopped. Her body tensed up.

  As she watched him, he watched her.

  She had managed to gain back some of the weight she had lost during chemo; her hair was long again, now tied back into a ponytail. The nose piercing was new.

  Margot raised her hand, hesitantly, in greeting.

  He responded in kind then walked toward her. She stayed rooted to the spot. He half expected her to turn around, to return to the safety of the motel, but she continued to stand her ground.

  “You look well,” Margot said when they were face-to-face. She broke their eye contact, stared at her feet before rushing through her next words. “I know why you’re here. I don’t want to see him. I told Mum; said the same thing to Corrine. Not sure why they think you’d change my mind.”

  “How are you?” Mano asked.

  She raised her head and met his eyes again. They were clear, proud, and unapologetic. “I’m happy. Everything’s been real good.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “How about you? Corrine said you’ve been in America. You didn’t fly back just for me, did you?”

  “I’m good. And, yeah, I did.” He paused. “Why won’t you go see your father?”

  She stared past him; he was sure she wasn’t seeing the view either.

  “Dad won’t remember me. What’s the point?”

  “You don’t know that.”

  Irritation laced her voice. “If I go back, Mum will make it hard to leave again. I can’t stay in Christchurch. There’s nothing for me there.”

  “Your mum, Corrine—”

  “—belongs in my past, Mano. Don’t you understand? I’ve been given a second chance to live, to do th
e things I’ve been afraid to do before.”

  “None of us would have stopped you from doing anything—”

  “Not out loud! But I would have felt your disapproval!” She took a deep breath, as if to gain control of her emotions. “I just want to do things without feeling I owe anyone an explanation. Mum should understand. She gave up her whole life in Auckland for dad. Broke my grandfather’s heart apparently.” Margot laughed softly. “Full-circle, I guess.”

  “Margot—”

  Her touch on his arm surprised him. “I am sorry I didn’t talk to you before leaving. To tell you to your face why. You deserved that. I was—am—too much of a coward. It’s just easier and less complicated for me to just go.”

  He nodded slowly then gently drew his arm away from her touch. “You disappearing hurt more than anything. I thought we could always count on each other for the truth.”

  “I didn’t lie. I told you to forget me. I tried to do the same. But the past comes back when it wants, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” he said, softly. “It does.”

  Margot looked over her shoulder. “Listen, I’ve got to go back to work. But tell Mum I will call her. I just don’t want to go home right now.” She turned before he could say anything. A part of him wanted more from her; he deserved answers to so many questions. But a stronger voice knew he had all he needed. She had said enough.

  Margot stopped at entrance of the motel just as glass doors opened automatically. “Thanks for coming, Mano. Really. You didn’t have to. You’ve always been more than I deserve.”

  And then, suddenly, he was alone again.

  He walked back to the ute but wasn’t ready to drive back. Instead, he headed to the shores of the lake. In the distance, kayaks speared through the still-calm water. A young couple was scrambling on the rocks. Their laughter and shouts reached him. Rain was forecast for later that day. He angled his face to feel the fullness of the sun. The clouds remained white and non-threatening.

  For now.

  He sent a group message to Corrine, Neela, and Tim:

  * * *

  Mano: She didn’t change her mind. I’ll tell Antoinette myself.

  * * *

  He switched off his phone immediately, shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and headed east for no reason.

  Her voice surprised him. Different from the soft, musical tones that used to warm his heart whenever he heard it.

  Today, he didn’t recognize it at all.

  It was the voice of a stranger.

  Memories of their time after the diagnosis flashed through his mind: her anger, her fear, her fight, a surprising need to keep people out of her life. His cousin had fought her cancer quietly but not secretly. Rieann had warned him that this could change Margot, that it could change them. She told him to be prepared.

  But Rieann and her husband’s relationship didn’t change; instead, it seemed stronger because of her illness. He followed Trey’s example: he made sure he was there by Margot’s side for all the treatments. If practice and work schedules allowed, he took Margot to her doctor’s appointments. He asked Connor and Mitch to take over all his sponsorship duties. Fortunately, his friends had enough name recognition in rugby to appease the powers-that-be so there was little fuss about his absences.

  He had promised Margot that he wouldn’t leave her, that he would take care of everything, and all she had to do was fight the disease.

  Which she did.

  His pace quickened on the track. The wind had come up slightly; the rhythm of the waves lapping the shoreline had increased in tempo. Mano looked behind him; the couple was still scaling the rocks, camera in hand. No doubt still in search of the perfect selfie.

  The sky remained blue; the sun continued to shine.

  Uncle Malcolm’s words came back: small signs tell you when big changes are coming.

  He scoured the horizon. He could just pick out a large mass of dark clouds moving toward the lake.

  Small signs.

  He had missed them with Margot. So big was the battle, he didn’t pay attention to her changing. He just wanted her alive for him, for her parents, for tomorrow. He never once asked her what she wanted. After all, they were the perfect couple. The World Champion and his beautiful girlfriend. What could go wrong?

  Nothing went wrong. She just changed.

  He stopped walking.

  I lost her before she left.

  He heard his own breathing; the pounding in his head began.

  He fought back.

  Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

  His body listened as he watched the rain approach him steadily. The pain in his head lessened.

  Mano blinked and stared at his hand, fast becoming wet. He then transferred his attention to the mysterious blue lake where stronger waves grew in response to the changing weather. Raising his face to the dark clouds now overhead, Mano shut his eyes and savored nature’s baptism.

  He was tempted to stay until he was completely soaked, to rid himself of parts of the past he didn’t want. But Eden was right. Like it or not, the sorrows were just as important as the joys.

  He looked at his watch. Antoinette would be waiting for news. Time to go.

  He retraced his steps back to the motel carpark and reached the ute as the rain began to fall harder. He checked the back and found his old gym bag. He grabbed it just as the rock-climbing couple rushed past him. The young man tried to shield his lady-companion with a thin coat, but it only sagged under the volume of water. Still, they laughed as they ran into the motel.

  He changed his shirt and toweled off his hair, then waited out the rain before driving straight to Antoinette’s house. He thought he had perfected the art of hiding his emotions as captain of the National Team, but Antoinette’s smile faded as soon as she saw him.

  She bit her bottom lip as a trembling hand held the door open.

  “I’m sorry,” Mano mumbled.

  “You tried,” Antoinette said. “Did you both have at least a chance to talk?”

  “Not for long.”

  “It’s still hard for her.”

  “She said she’ll call you soon.”

  Antoinette slipped her hand into Mano’s. “I’m sure she will. But stay for tea. I hate eating alone. You still need to let me know about your new love.”

  Over stewed beef, boiled potatoes and peas, Antoinette firmly opened a new chapter for them, one that had nothing to do with Margot.

  She didn’t produce an album full of memories. Instead, she asked to see pictures of his life in California. She smiled when she saw Eden’s face, fawned over Aidan and didn’t stop laughing at his Halloween costume.

  When it was time to go home, Antoinette held him tight. “You will always be my son, Mano. We don’t often choose who enters our lives, but we have a choice in who we keep.”

  Eden’s phone call was right on schedule, letting him first have a conversation with Aidan, before shutting the door to her bedroom. “You know, there is technology these days that would allow us to talk and see each other,” she said.

  “Do you want to switch to Skype?”

  She considered the choice. “No. I actually like hearing your voice in my ear. It’s like our talks in the dark. Well? What happened?”

  It wasn’t hard to relate the facts. Harder was explaining how he felt.

  “And she just walked away?”

  “Well…”

  “Didn’t you want to stop her? Or spend more time talking? At the very least, I think she owes you an explanation.”

  “She gave me one.”

  “That she wanted to live her own life? Wow. Cat was right.”

  “Cat? What did Cat say about Margot?”

  “Nothing,” Eden said quickly. “And don’t say that I mentioned Cat’s name.”

  “Who would I say anything to?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. But don’t say anything!”

  “Have you made a decision about working with Brandon?”

  “Oh, no
you don’t, Mano Palua. You’re not switching the subject on me. I’m here to… you know… for you to unload your burden.”

  “Pardon?”

  “You know, to be there for you.”

  “You are. You’ve been there for me since the moment we met.”

  “Since I’m not good at being subtle, I’ll just ask. But you don’t have to answer. Do you still love her?”

  He stayed still for a few seconds.

  “Mano?”

  Keeping the phone to his ear, he laid on his bed, put his arm behind his head then stared at the empty ceiling. “I don’t know.”

  “Wrong question?” Eden asked.

  “No. I just don’t know.”

  After a few seconds, Eden spoke again, her voice gentler. “Feelings just don’t disappear, you know. They change. For example, there’s still a lot of love between Brandon and me.”

  “Because of Aidan.”

  “Aidan’s a big part of it, but we created a new relationship in order to parent Aidan. And part of it is based on a kind of love. I think it’s a mix of friendship and common interests and history. Feelings don’t end just because a relationship does. And because we both love Aidan, it only made sense we learn to include each other in our lives. Not saying it’s easy. I’m not sure if I want him back in my swimming. He can be a fathead about stuff. I’m babbling, aren’t I?”

  Mano smiled. “Yes.”

  “But no, I haven’t made a decision about taking his help. Why is it so hard to turn away from a sport? I thought I was done. But the questions are still popping up. Could I? Should I?”

  “Your times say you’re not quite done yet, Eden.” Mano’s eyes settled on the shadow box on his wall. The gold medal it protected was barely visible in the dark. Rieann had put it up, horrified when she found the medal in a kitchen drawer a week after the World Championship.

  “My times aren’t quite what’s needed.”

  “But they can be. We all know how close you are.” Mano’s gaze dropped to the framed photo of the National Team, taken moments after Mitch had lifted rugby’s most famous silverware in victory. “You know, at one point, Mitch was supposed to quit international rugby. A lot of people didn’t believe he was the one to lead us. And if he had retired, no one would have thought much about it. He was still a legend. But he couldn’t until he delivered the World title to New Zealand.”