“He loves the vanilla slices, as I’m sure you already know.” He was a sneaky man when he put his mind to it. She wondered why he was really there. Aggie grabbed a paper bag and slid two slices in and added two jam tarts as well. May as well pander to the men’s sweet tooths. She scrunched the top of the bag and placed it on the counter. “I think that will win you points. Now how about you tell me why you’re really here.”
“I swear you’re too observant for your own good, dear girl.” He took out his wallet but she brushed it away. “Did you hear about what happened with Liam yesterday?”
A quick rush of panic swept up her throat. “No. What?”
“Poor lad lost a patient in the waiting room. I hear he’s beside himself with guilt. Refuses to think anything other than it was his own fault.” Bradley tsk-tsked. “I’ve never met a more knowledgeable doctor and to think he might be thinking of giving up? Well, I’m in shock, to be honest.”
Giving up? Why would he do that? “But I don’t understand. Was it something he did?” She ran a shaking hand over her cheek.
“We won’t know until the coroner’s report comes in but he’s blaming himself, so be prepared.”
“That’s not right. Liam’s a brilliant doctor.” She crossed her arms, shaking her head. How could he think that way?
Bradley picked up the bag of pastries. “I think he needs someone to talk to him and since your brother isn’t here…”
There it was, the real reason Bradley was standing in her shop this morning. Liam needed help.
But there was more to it than that. Bradley was, at heart, a matchmaker. So it didn’t come as any surprise when Aggie connected the dots. “You’re sneaky, Bradley.”
He feigned innocence. “Not this time. I’m concerned about the island community losing a very good doctor.”
“Losing a doctor. He hasn’t said he was leaving, has he?”
“The comment came up, but I can’t honestly say if it was from him or not. You know how people talk, so there may or may not be a grain of truth in it. But I’d hate for it to get that far. If there’s any way you could go and talk to him, make him see that his self-blame is, as yet, unfounded, I’m sure he’d appreciate it. If he’s thinking of leaving because of this, please change his mind before he gets too far down the track with that idea.”
“I don’t see how he can think like that. He did nothing wrong, I’m sure of it. Sometimes bad things just happen.”
Bradley stared at her over the counter, and it took a second for Aggie to understand what he had said and how she’d reacted. Sneaky, just like she’d said. “That’s different, so don’t even go thinking along those lines. You’re wrong.”
“Am I?”
“I’ll go and see him, okay? Will that get you off of my back for a bit?”
“Thank you, Aggie. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”
* * *
Liam grabbed his briefcase and shut the front door behind him. He could count the days on one hand when his heart wasn’t in his work. Hardly anything overrode the passion he usually felt. Every day this week he’d headed for his office and wished he was anywhere else. If Drew wasn’t away on his honeymoon, he’d be tempted to call in sick.
He grabbed his car keys from his pocket and clicked the automatic door button when Aggie walked past the Japanese boxwood hedges bordering either side of the driveway. Her shoes made a crunching sound on the gravel. Not like her to be visiting him after what she’d said post wedding. “Aggie, are you okay?”
She paused a few steps away from him. “Yeah, but are you?”
She had a smear of flour in her hair and he almost lifted his hand and stepped forward to brush it away. “Why would you ask that? Someone told you of my great achievement yesterday, did they?” He opened the car door and threw his briefcase on the passenger seat. The island rumor mill. He’d almost gotten used to it again. “Funny how bad news travels fast.”
Aggie shook her head. “It’s not like that. Nobody’s blaming you. Bradley thought I might be able to make you feel better.” She gave him an encouraging smile. He recognized it from their childhood. “Care to tell me what happened?”
His mood soured. Of course everyone would be talking about it. It was only natural, considering the seriousness of the situation. “Not really. I’m sure he told you enough for you to understand why I blame myself.”
Aggie protested. “There’s no reason why you should, Liam. You’re a brilliant doctor. We’re lucky to have you on the island.”
“So lucky that you can’t bear to be around me.” He slid his hands in his trouser pockets, hating the bitterness in his voice.
Shutters came down over her eyes and he knew he’d gone too far. “This has nothing to do with me and you.”
“I disagree. Oh, not from your side of course,” he quickly tried to reassure her. “This is all on me and I accept that. I wonder if I hadn’t been so distracted, would I have noticed more? Found what it was before it took his life? I wasn’t paying attention, Aggie, so of course I blame myself.”
“No. You always give your patients total focus.”
“And how do you know that?” He stepped closer. “You won’t give me the time of day unless you’re half wasted on champagne, so tell me, Aggie, how do you really know what I’m like?”
Confusion flickered through her eyes. “Don’t make this about me, Liam. Please.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “I can’t help it. All I think of is you. How wonderful it felt when you and I were together. How soft your skin was and how well you fit against me in my bed.” He shook his head and looked up at the sky before meeting her eyes again. “And how the heck am I supposed to carry on without you in my life after the other night? It was the best night of my life. I don’t understand why it has to go back to how it was before you let me love you. I can’t do this, Aggie. I can’t see you and not have you after what happened between us. You’ve ruined me and you won’t tell me why. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t focus on anything else.”
“And that’s my fault?” She looked at him like he’d kicked a puppy. This was going from bad to worse.
“No. I didn’t mean it like that. I was distracted, and it’s on my shoulders. But I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s doing my head in. Maybe if I wasn’t on the island and didn’t know you were so close, I could get on with things.”
She dropped her head and kicked at the driveway for a moment. When she looked up, sadness flattened her gorgeous lips and tears hung on her lashes. “I’m soiled goods, Liam. You don’t want me.”
Soiled goods? What the hell did that even mean? “I don’t understand. You’re Aggie, the same girl I’ve always loved.”
She shook her head and jammed her hands in her pockets. “No, I’m not. Trust me on this.” She licked her lips and looked everywhere but at him before she spoke again. “I was sexually assaulted.”
He stood with his mouth open, the words stuck in his throat. Sexually assaulted? No, not his Aggie. How…why…?
Tears ran freely down her cheeks. “I haven’t told anyone but April and Bradley. Now you. I’d appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself. My father wouldn’t take it well.” She sniffed and lifted her chin as if defiant.
“Someone raped you?” How could that happen to her? He tried to think of something sensible and kind to say but his mind couldn’t get past her words. How could he not have known this before? How did she think it was okay to suffer in silence like this?
Aggie kept silent, her misery hanging over her like a dark cloud.
“Are you okay?”
She snorted and wiped a hand over her face. “I wake up every day. Is that good enough?”
Get your words right, Liam. “I mean physically, emotionally. Is there something I can do for you?”
Aggie shrugged. “No.”
“That’s why you left Seattle suddenly, wasn’t it? Why you came home and bought the bakery.”
She played the tip of her shoe in the g
ravel instead of looking at him. “Yeah.”
“And you think that’s going to put me off? That it should change things between us?” He stepped closer, his arms out to hold her, but she moved away as if she couldn’t bear his touch right now. “Aggie, you should’ve told me sooner.”
A spark of defiance lit up her eyes. “Why? So you wouldn’t have had to be my wedding partner? Or maybe so you could’ve kicked me out of your bed before things went too far.”
He understood why she was bitter but it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t the one who’d done wrong by her. “Why are you acting like this?”
Her back straightened and he waited for her to strike out. Instead she spat out the words that had just as much impact as a punch to his gut. “Like what? A woman with a tarnished reputation? That offend you, Liam?” The anger burned in her eyes, but there was no way either of them could let this go now that it was in the open.
He was gutted she thought he was like that. “Do you really think I’d do that to you? I love you. I always have. This makes no difference to me apart from the fact that I want to tear the bastard from limb to limb. Did you report it?”
A bitter laugh escaped her lips and she turned away. “No.”
No? “Why not? Why let him get away with it?” But even he knew that almost half of sexual assaults never got reported.
She spun around to look at him and brushed a hand across her cheeks, spreading the tears over her flushed skin. “Because it was dark and I didn’t see his face.”
“But there had to be something you remembered. Anything to help the police find him.”
“He smelled bad and told me I was pretty. That’s not enough to go on, Liam.”
“Surely there was something else. His clothing, a hat—anything.”
“Nope. Not a thing.”
“Not one person heard you scream? Nobody walked past and saw anything? Nobody came to your rescue?” He couldn’t believe it. It shouldn’t be so easy for an assailant to get away with it.
“No. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t dressed slutty; I was in my work uniform—black pants and a white shirt. I didn’t walk in dark places or flirt with anyone. I couldn’t scream because my throat locked up in panic. I couldn’t do a thing to save myself, and it wasn’t like I didn’t want to. I didn’t ask for it, Liam. It just happened.”
How could she think he’d even give that idea room in his head? “I never thought you would. Don’t go putting words into my mouth.” He reached for her again and this time she let him touch her. “I know what it’s like. I dealt with cases in Seattle emergency rooms. Every time a women reports a rape, people ask how short was her skirt. Was she drunk? What did she do that made him do it? I understand that mentality but I don’t agree with it.”
“So you say now, but I’m not going to risk that you might change your mind.”
He ignored that, more concerned about how she’d shouldered all of this on her own. “So all this time, you’ve blamed yourself for what happened, and you didn’t tell anyone apart from April because you were worried they’d say you asked for it?”
“Yes.” Her muffled voice almost broke him.
He held her close, desperate for her to let him into her heart. The stiffness in her shoulders slowly eased as he held her and Aggie rested against his chest. “Don’t let this come between us, Aggie. Please don’t push me away because of what happened.”
“I have no choice. One day you’ll look at me with doubt in your eyes and there’ll be no coming back from that. It’s easier if I keep my distance now. That way I won’t get hurt when you decide I’m not good enough.” She sniffed again and pulled away from his hold, blinking the tears away. Her eyes changed and the vulnerability disappeared. “But that wasn’t why I came here. I came to see how you are, what I can do to help you.”
“I think you’ve already done it. You’ve finally told me why you won’t commit to me. Now I have the chance to change your mind.”
She shook her head and heaved out a sigh. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t want to have a relationship with you. I want to be left alone.” She turned and stormed down the driveway, her feet crunching out her angry steps.
He spoke to her back but that was okay. She didn’t need to hear the words as much as Liam wanted to say them out loud. “Too late, Aggie. You’ve already shown me that’s not the case. You’re protecting yourself, and now I have to prove to you that you don’t need to do that where I’m concerned.”
Liam walked back to his car and climbed in. As he drove the short distance to work, he tried to figure out how he was going to convince Aggie that his feelings for her would never change, no matter what happened or had happened. It was going to be a big ask but he was sure he was up to it. He just had to work out how to go about it without ruining what little confidence she had left. He had to prove to her that she was worthy of so much more than the life she’d resigned herself to. But how did a person go about helping a rape victim when she didn’t believe in herself? It was something he had to work on. No, Aggie shouldn’t see herself as a victim. She was a woman who’d been raped. Big distinction.
Chapter 15
“Go easy on her, Ben,” Liam begged his training partner. He couldn’t share her secret but he would protect her any way he could.
“I’m not going out of my way to hurt anyone. I’ll treat Aggie the same as the rest of the ladies here tonight. They’re coming to me for a reason.”
Liam held up his hand. “I know that, but be prepared for some of these women to have underlying problems too. You wouldn’t be running the class if everyone on the island felt safe.” He put his gloves back in his bag and zipped it up.
“I know how to deal with victims, Liam. It’s part of my job. Now scoot out of here and let me do what I do without you hovering around the edges. You’ll only put them off.” Ben pushed him toward the door as the first mother and daughter walked in, hesitated, and waited for Liam to pass them.
“Welcome.” Ben stepped forward. “Come on in. You have a few minutes before the class starts so feel free to grab a drink or have a look around. Dr. Davidson is just leaving.”
Liam nodded at the ladies and walked outside to his car, wondering if he’d see Aggie. Maybe Ben was right. It might be better if he wasn’t around to distract her or put her off.
He’d managed to keep away from Aggie for the last few days. He’d thought giving her space to get over what she’d told him was a good idea. Last thing Liam wanted was for her to regret telling him the truth. Or finding ways to avoid him because of it.
He’d spent considerable time reading reports from counsellors regarding rape and its effects on women. If he’d noticed sooner, would it have made any difference? He wasn’t sure but it still didn’t make him feel any better. He had to find a way to help Aggie work through her experience if there was any chance of them having a life together. And there was no way he was giving up on that dream now that he’d had a taste of what could be.
* * *
Aggie stood self-consciously with the small group of women and girls and wished she’d thought twice before signing up. They all knew each other but this was different to anything that had been offered on the island before. How many of them had been ‘encouraged’ to join up like her? Knowing Ben didn’t help as much as she’d thought it would.
“Ladies, welcome. So glad you could all come tonight. All of you know me so there’s no need to be shy. This is going to be a fun experience—at least, I hope so. Tonight is going to be an awesome experience and I know you’re going to love it. Believe me, you’re going to get so much out of this class.” Ben smiled and Aggie started to feel more at ease.
“So this course is to give you a little bit more confidence. You may never need to use the techniques I’m going to teach you, but it never hurts to be prepared. Besides, everyone loves the idea of being able to take care of themselves. Nothing like a little bit of empowerment to raise your self-esteem, right?”
Ben had such a
lovely way of interacting with people, Aggie was surprised he wasn’t already taken. He’d never been short of dates in school. The way he worked in the community and how he was making everyone in the class relaxed went a long way to convincing her she was in the right place no matter what her nerves were telling her.
“Now, firstly, I want to say something that you may not have thought of. When we get into the training, it’s going to be hands-on. Some of you might find that confrontational, for any number of reasons. You may fear not having control of your own situation, and that is just one of the things we want to deal with in this class.” He paused and let them digest his words.
“You might have found yourself in a situation already that you couldn’t control. It’s possible you will panic either way, but don’t let that put you off trying. I want you to use that fear, that anger, to protect yourself. I want you to harness that unease and use it where it will best help you. You won’t be a victim ever again.”
A young woman Aggie didn’t know spoke up. “I’m not sure I follow.”
“That’s perfectly fine,” Ben explained. “When confronted with violence, it’s easy to freeze up, to panic. That could happen here tonight even though we’re in a perfectly safe environment and you all know me. It’s your body’s fight or flight response kicking in—it’s automatic, a basic instinct we all have. What I have to do is teach you how to make that work to your advantage, not to let it be the thing that stops you taking charge of the situation.”
“Right. Got it.” She skipped on the spot. “Tell me more.”
Ben grinned. “Some of what I’m going to teach you is pretty simple. Like for example, when you’re walking down the street and someone, a man perhaps, or anyone you don’t know, comes toward you. How do your react until you get past him?”
“Look away.”
“Look down.”
“Pretend you don’t see him.”
Don't Let Go (Hope Harbor Book 3) Page 10
