by Rye Hart
Thoughts I knew were absolutely stupid and only reinforced the notion that I was a goddamn hopeless romantic.
She'd texted me after she left, but her message remained unopened on my phone. Gabe was right, she was bad for me. Deep down, I knew it. She'd done horrible things to me. She'd used me. Cheated on me. She was a horrible human being, and yet, there I was, still yearning for her. Not because I still loved her, but because I missed what we used to have. The facade of a relationship, the life we were building together. I missed the idea of a relationship, more than anything.
I didn't just lose my girlfriend when we'd split up though. I'd lost my dream house, the kids we'd planned for – I'd lost everything. There were so many questions still left unanswered, and I wasn't sure I'd ever know the entire story. All I knew with certainty, was that Rebecca had cheated on me – countless times – and she didn't even seem remorseful about it.
I pulled up to the house about half an hour after I left the cafe. The For Sale sign was still sitting out front, and there was another at the end of the long driveway. We hadn't had offers yet, but the house had been only on the market for a week now. Originally, I'd considered keeping it, but then I realized there was no way I could live there without her. We built the place together – her design ideas, my money and input. It was our place. Knowing that I would see her in the details every time I walked through the house, I knew I couldn't stay there.
Soon enough, it would be another family's place. Theirs to build their dreams in – those dreams being built upon the ashes of my own.
It was a nice two-story cabin situated right along the lake, and just outside of Castle Creek. Our nearest neighbor was across the lake, and we couldn't see any on either side of us thanks to the trees and the acreage. That was why I'd picked that plot of land. Privacy, nature, and the water. That was all I wanted in life besides a family to call my own.
I walked up the front steps to the wrap-around porch. The living room light was on, and I saw movement on the other side of the window. Great. She was home. As I approached the door, I heard music playing. Soft jazz. Rebecca's favorite. I had half a mind to knock, but then I decided against it. This was still my house, after all. She was merely living in it for now, until it sold. She was supposed to be out looking for a new place – along with a job – but as far as I could tell, neither search was going well.
Could be why she was trying to worm her way back into my life. Undoubtedly, that would have been Gabe's opinion on the matter. Not that I could say he was wrong about that.
I tried the door knob but found it was locked. I pulled my keys out of my pocket just as the lock was turned and the door opened. Rebecca stood on the other side smiling wide at me.
“Evan, baby, I'm glad you stopped by,” she said.
She reached for me and before I could move back, her arms were wrapped around my neck. She inhaled deeply, as if taking in my scent.
“God, I've missed you,” she said.
I wanted to tell her I missed her too, but as she held onto me, I realized that it would have been a lie. I missed what I thought we had – the lie I was living. But, I knew that Rebecca was a fake. A phony. Our relationship, a sham. I didn't miss the woman she really was, not anymore. Not now that I'd seen her for who and what she was.
“I just came by to pick up some more clothes,” I said, gently disentangling myself and pulling away from her embrace. “Remember that the realtor is stopping by on Tuesday to take some more pictures.”
“I know,” she said, her voice going flat. “She called me too.”
I stepped past Rebecca and into the giant living room with the floor-to-ceiling windows facing the lake. The sun was shining down on the water, making it sparkle and seem alive somehow – it was a beautiful sight. It was also one of the main selling points of our home. I stood there for a moment, looking out at the lake and the furniture that Rebecca had chosen for the home, and didn't even feel like I was in my home anymore. I felt like I was standing in an alien world. A place I didn't belong.
I walked upstairs and into the master bedroom with Rebecca right on my heela.
“I was hoping we could talk, Evan?” she said. “Maybe try counseling?”
“Counseling?” I asked, stepping into the walk-in closet.
Most of the closet was filled with Rebecca's stuff that she'd thrown around. It was messy. Disorganized. Chaotic. A lot like her, actually. I had one little rack and shelf for my things, that was kept tidy and neat. Most of my stuff was already over at my parent's guest house anyway, but I grabbed what was left in the closet and tossed it into a suitcase that I pulled from the top shelf.
“Yeah, couple's counseling. What do you think?” Rebecca asked, standing in the doorway of the closet. “To try and work things out. Give you and me another try? A fresh start and all.”
I laughed. “There is no you and me anymore, Rebecca,” I said. “There never was. Not really. It was you, me, and every man in Castle Creek and the surrounding towns. I was just too stupid to realize it.”
“Evan, it's not like that,” she said
She walked toward me, her pretty eyes were filled with unshed tears. She knew I had a hard time resisting tears. When a woman cried, it never failed to pull at my heartstrings and made me make stupid decisions.
“I screwed up. I have a problem, but I'm willing to work on it,” she said. “I'm seeing a therapist once a week already, and we can do couple's therapy every other week.”
Despite her tears and the pleading in her voice, I knew I needed to remain strong. I needed to stiffen the upper lip and not let her get under my skin. I wasn't the one in the wrong here and I didn't need to be made to feel like I was. I moved past her and exited the closet with the suitcase in hand. I took one last look at our beautiful master bedroom – with the lavender-colored walls since Rebecca's favorite color was purple – and shook my head. The white and purple curtains blocked out most of the view for now, but I knew once they were pulled back, you'd see the lake down below.
Our king-sized bed was situated so you could see the view perfectly when the curtains were drawn. There had been many, many mornings were spent in that bed with its incredible view, snuggling and making love with the woman who filled my heart so thoroughly.
Boy, had I been a fucking idiot.
“I'm happy you're getting help,” I said.
Rebecca's face lit up, and a flicker of hope sprang to life in her eyes.
“But I'm not interested in fixing things,” I said. “I'm done, Rebecca.”
“I don't believe that, Evan,” she said. “I can see it in your face.”
She had me there. I didn't fully believe it either, which was obviously a problem. But, there were some days, I actually meant it. Other days, I wanted nothing more than to go back and be with her, allowing myself to remain oblivious to what she was doing in her spare time.
It wasn't that easy though. The curtains of our relationship had been drawn back, but the view wasn't anywhere near as lovely as it was from our bedroom. I would never be able to forget what she'd done, nor could I trust her. She was manipulative and a liar. I had to keep reminding myself of that, because I unfortunately had to face facts – she was damn good at it.
If there's one thing I'd learned, you can't really have a successful or sustainable relationship with somebody who was a professional liar. It just wouldn't work. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
I left the bedroom, and Rebecca followed me down the stairs.
“Evan, I know you still love me,” she said.
“I love the thought of you. The idea of what we had,” I said. “Not you, Rebecca. I don't even know the real you.”
I reached the bottom of the stairs and headed for the door, but Rebecca managed to push her way in front of me and threw herself in front of the door, blocking my way. Tears stained her cheeks, her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked absolutely stricken. As foolish as I knew it was, it broke my heart to see the woman I had once loved hurting.<
br />
“Please, baby, just give me another shot. Give us another shot,” she begged. She sounded so sincere. “I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I know I did. But you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I can't just let you walk away from me. I can't, Evan.”
I knew I had to be strong. Earlier, at the cafe, I'd been caught off guard and had let old emotions and the baggage I still carried, cloud my judgment. I let my memories of us get in the way of remembering who she really was. As I looked at her standing before me, tears running down her soft, smooth cheeks, I felt it happening all over again. I found it difficult to tell her no as she sobbed in front of me, her mascara running down her cheeks, and her voice cracking.
She knew it was a weakness of mine. I couldn't handle it when she cried. It was a weakness of mine she'd exploited more times than I could count. I wouldn't let her do it to me again.
“We'll talk later, Rebecca,” I sighed. “I have to go for now.”
“So you'll consider it, Evan?” she asked.
“I didn't say that.”
“But you will, won't you? Please?” she begged, her voice insistent. “Please. I'm begging you.”
I didn't answer her. I had a hard time saying no when she was crying. Now though, with the small flicker of hope in her eyes, it was even more difficult to do anything but give her what she wanted. Damn, she knew and played me well. Instead of saying anything and agreeing to what was likely a trap, I repeated a phrase that was becoming something of a mantra.
“We'll talk later, but I make no promises,” I said.
I gently nudged her out of the doorway. She grabbed hold of my arm, but I slipped it free from her grasp and rushed out to the porch, running down the steps, nearly sprinting for my car. My heart was heavy though, and until I was sitting inside my car, I nearly felt like I couldn't breathe. I took a deep breath once in the car, however, and it was like a weight had suddenly been lifted off my shoulders.
I started the engine, and even though my insides were twisted and hurting, I drove away, feeling lighter and better with each mile I put between me and Rebecca.
***
By the time the evening rolled around, I had little desire to socialize. I was wrung out as well as emotionally exhausted and conflicted. Truth be told, all I wanted to do was stay in my room in the guest house and mope. In the middle of changing into my swimming trunks, I flopped down on the bed, face down and naked. I heard the gathering outside, their voices and laughter coming through the open window of the guest house.
It was Hadley who asked, “Where's Evan?”
Gabe said, “Probably in the guest house, crying over Rebecca.”
“Be nice,” Hadley said. “I'm going to get him.”
I rolled out of bed and to my feet. I waited for the knock on the front door, but instead, Hadley just opened the door and walked right in. It wasn't locked, after all. I was in the bedroom, but the door was open. Hadley peeked her head in just as I reached for my shorts, but it was too late.
“Eep!” she laughed and quickly covered her eyes, her cheeks flaring with color. “I'm so sorry, Evan. I should have knocked first.”
“It's alright,” I said, trying to throw on my swim trunks as fast as possible. “When have we ever knocked on each other's doors before? I probably shouldn't have been in here naked, knowing you were all out there.”
“I've somehow never managed to walk in on you naked. What a shame. At least I can cross that off my bucket list now.”
She was joking, of course, but I still couldn't help but blush. No, Hadley had never seen me naked. She'd seen me in my boxers, in swim trunks, but never full-frontal nudity. Until now, that was.
“Don’t worry, I’ll try not to drool over you all night now that I’ve seen what you’re packing,” she teased. I tossed a pillow at her and she squealed. Suddenly, all thoughts of Rebecca were out of my head. All that mattered, in that moment, was make sure Hadley smiled and laughed again. I didn't want to bring her down or cause her pain. All I wanted was to see her smile and hear her laugh – and her laughter was contagious. Not to mention, seeing her new curvy body in a bikini did things to me that made Rebecca an even more distant memory.
Hadley was in a deep purple bikini with a gold clasp nestled between her breasts. With high-waisted bottoms that accentuated her waist line, she looked like a Greek goddess or maybe one of those 1950's pinup girls. Maybe a little of both. Her hair was messy and wavy as it spilled around her shoulders. Her green eyes sparkled with laughter as she threw the pillow back at me.
She turned to leave, shaking her tight little ass as she stepped through the door. I could have sworn she shot me a come hither look over her shoulder – though, I could also have been imagining it. As I stepped outside, Jared came up and put an arm around my shoulder, handing me a beer.
“Forget Rebecca, man,” he said, sounding half-sloshed already. “She don't deserve your time or attention, man.”
“Easier said than done,” I muttered.
He pointed at Hadley walking a few feet in front of us, heading toward the pool.
“With an ass like that staring you in the face, how could you remember another girl even existed?”
I cracked a smile. “She's off-limits, Jared.”
“Who says? Gabe?” he asked. “Just because he's too chicken-shit to confess his feelings for her and won't make a move, it doesn't mean the rest of us have to do the same.”
He patted me on the chest and then sauntered off after Hadley, catching up with her and joining her in the pool. I stayed back, drink in hand, and just watched. It was more than just Gabe's feelings toward Hadley that made me keep my distance. The way it tore Chris and Gabe apart when the two of them started dating was enough to make me really consider the wisdom of getting involved with her. The last thing I wanted was to drive a wedge between my brothers and me.
Besides, Hadley meant the world to me. If she didn't feel the same way about me and I made a move, it could make things awkward. Really awkward.
To be safe, I kept my distance, sipping my beer, just kind of hanging out. That's when Gabe walked up to me. Hadley and Jared were splashing around in the pool, laughing and wrestling as they tried to dunk one another. Gabe looked about as happy as I felt about things.
“He's going to keep trying to get in her pants, no matter what,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, but I think it's more than just the sex with Jared,” I said.
“It's always about the sex with him.”
“Not when it comes to her, it's not,” I said.
We watched as Hadley wrapped her arms around Jared's shoulders and tried to pull him down into the water, his face almost perfectly placed at breast level. I could tell that Jared was just going with it, not rushing to pull his face away from her tits.
“You're not the only one who loves her, you know,” I said.
Gabe didn't answer me. He didn't even look at me. His gaze was fixed on Hadley and Jared. There was a heaviness in the air. A tension. On a night when it was supposed to be all about having fun.
“Come on, let's break them up,” I said, playfully punching him in the arm as I walked over to the pool.
Gabe stayed back, drinking his beer with one hand, his other hand in his swim trunk pocket. He looked brooding as he stood there, even to me. As soon as Hadley looked up at me, her gaze fell past me, to Gabe and her smile wavered. She waved hesitantly but got no response.
“What's wrong with him?” she asked me.
I stepped into the pool, thankful the water was heated. It was the beginning of summer, but it still hadn't gotten warm enough for the nights not to turn chilly just yet. The warm water felt nice as I lowered myself into it, and I let out a long sigh of satisfaction.
“What do you think is wrong with him?” I asked.
She sighed, and a frown pulled the corners of her mouth down.
“What should I do to make things better?” she asked me, her blue eyes pleading for an answer. “Can I make things better? Or is i
t all just too far gone already?”
Jared and I shared a look. “Truthfully? I'm not sure,” I said. “Until he's willing to admit he still has feelings for you, there's not much any of us can do. We just have to wait it out and wait for him to sack up and talk to you.”
She nodded, then climbed out of the pool. She padded over to Gabe, who's eyes were bulging out of his head as he watched the way her breasts bounced around in the tiny little bikini. He was doing his level best to keep his eyes focused on her face, but he was having more than a little trouble with it. I expected her to say something, or maybe demand that he relax and have some fun. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips to his. She kissed him, and he didn't fight back. Her hands moved through his hair, kneading at the back of his head, while their tongues explored each other's mouth. Right in front of us.
“Shit,” Jared said beside me.
“You can say that again,” I muttered.
I felt my stomach drop and a sliver of pain pierce my heart. I should have been happy for my brother. I should have been the first over to congratulate him. Hadley was the love of his life. I knew it, but I felt sick at the same time, as I watched them kiss.
When the kiss ended, Hadley slapped him on the cheek playfully.
“Now snap out of it, grumpy,” she said. “We're supposed to be having fun.”
The look on Gabe's face was one I hadn't seen in a long time. He was smiling like a kid on Christmas, his eyes were wide and happy. He was happy. Actually happy.
I had no right to be jealous – Hadley wasn't, and had never been my girlfriend. I had no claim to her, nor any right to be upset that she was kissing another man. Deep down though, I'd always had feelings for her. It was irrational, of course, but seeing her kiss my brother sent a spike of jealousy straight through me.
As it did for Jared, obviously. He looked just as sick as I felt.
“Well, I guess there goes our chances,” Jared mumbled, tipping back the bottle of beer in his hand and finishing it off.
