Just Married?

by Natasha West

  There was a moment’s pause and then a belligerent, ‘Hey, what?’

  ‘We need to be out in an hour. My mom set something up.’

  ‘Something?’

  Ruby got up and washed her hands. ‘A pap thing. She wants us having breakfast at a place on Sunset, some photographer is tipped to it. They’re gonna snap us being, I don’t know, newlyweds in love or some shit.’ She dried her hands as she waited for a response. ‘OK?’

  ‘Fine’ came the reply.

  Ruby opened the door. ‘You sure about that?’

  ‘Sure about what?’ Emily asked.

  ‘About performing like that. You’re not an actor.’

  ‘No, but I’m British. We know how to pretend we’re happy’ Emily said dryly. Ruby was tempted to laugh, but she stopped herself just in time. ‘Well, alright then.’

  ‘Alright then’ Emily said and turned away from the bathroom. She called over her shoulder, ‘Oh and I need to shower too so you better hurry up.’

  Ruby gritted her teeth and closed the door. She used the shower to prepare herself for the performance of a lifetime.

  ***

  Sitting on the patio at the restaurant, Jasper’s, Ruby watched Emily eat a full breakfast with pancakes, bacon, the works. She herself was working on a fruit salad. It was murder being so close to the carbs she couldn’t touch. She was doing Keto right now. That fried food in Vegas was an aberration, and now she’d have to pay by being extra careful.

  But Emily didn’t seem to care and she was rubbing her delicious food right in Ruby’s sharply cheekboned faced. Ruby nearly lost it once or twice, fantasising about grabbing a waiter and demanding all the carbohydrates they had. After all, Emily looked pretty good for the fact she didn’t sweat what she ate, it had to be said. Then again, her face and body didn’t have to stand up to HD.

  ‘We need to be smiling’ Ruby told Emily.

  ‘I’m eating. I don’t smile when I eat.’

  ‘Try’ Ruby told her.

  ‘I can’t say I’ve seen your teeth yet today’ Emily shot back.

  Ruby stretched her lips back over her teeth. ‘There’ she said her bare teeth. ‘Your turn.’

  Emily finished her mouthful and tried to match the wattage of the smile. If you were measuring the smile in teeth by the millimetre, she was there. But it didn’t reach her eyes. ‘How’s that?’

  Ruby kept her smile in place as she said, ‘Passable. But you need to tell the rest of your face.’

  Emily thought for a second and then held up a piece of bacon. Love came into her eyes immediately. ‘Like this?’

  Ruby nearly laughed. For the second time that morning, she shoved it down.

  ‘Where’s this photographer, anyway?’ Emily said, stuffing the bacon into her face.

  ‘You don’t always see them’ Ruby told her. ‘They can be subtle, sneaky…’

  Suddenly a forty-year-old guy in a snapback, wearing a giant SLR camera around his neck, ran over to the table. ‘Hi guys? Can I get a shot of the gorgeous newlyweds?’

  Emily turned to Ruby. ‘You were saying?’

  Ruby rolled her eyes at Emily. She turned to the photographer. ‘You want us to pose?’

  ‘If it’s cool’ the guy said.

  Ruby had thought this was going to be a candid thing. But this guy had clearly not gotten the memo. ‘Yeah, sure.’ She turned to Emily. ‘That alright with you, Honey?’ she asked sweetly.

  Emily looked momentarily thrown but recovered quickly. ‘Yes. OK, then. Sweetie.’

  ‘Alright then’ the photographer said and raised his camera. ‘Let’s see you get close.’

  Ruby hesitated only for a moment before sliding around the table, leaning in to Emily, keeping a sliver of air between them. ‘Like this?’

  ‘Come on, guys, you can do better than that!’ the photographer said.

  Ruby really didn’t think she could. She was about to tell the guy to fuck off and stop pushing his luck. But then she felt arms around her waist and a pair of lips planted on her cheek and the camera went, click, click, click. ‘Beautiful’ the guy said, checking his display. Ruby took that moment to turn and look at Emily, who was moving quickly back, with a mouthed, ‘Sorry.’

  Ruby shook her head and mouthed, ‘Whatever’. She turned to the photographer. ‘Where’s this gonna show up?’

  He looked back up from his viewfinder. ‘Don’t know yet but my guess is Buzzfeed will buy it. Anyway, thanks. Enjoy your breakfast.’ He dashed off, presumably looking to get a shot of someone more famous doing something more interesting. Perhaps Kevin Bacon collecting his dry cleaning.

  Once he was gone, Ruby cleared her throat. ‘You didn’t need to apologise.’

  ‘I feel like I did’ Emily said, her eyes darting back down to her plate as Ruby slid back round to her spot. ‘We never discussed touching. I just felt pressured in the moment.’

  Ruby watched Emily eating in an embarrassed fashion and for a moment, she felt a kinship. Emily wasn’t some opportunist looking to make a buck any which way she could. She was remorseful for crossing the smallest line. Ruby appreciated how respectful it was. ‘This is weird, isn’t it?’ Ruby said.

  Emily gave her a real smile then, brief but bright. ‘It really is.’

  Ruby felt silly suddenly, silly for being such a bitch to Emily. ‘I’m sorry for making this hard’ she said.

  Emily nodded. ‘That’s fine.’

  ‘You don’t have to say that. I know I’ve been a dick.’

  Emily smiled thinly. ‘I wouldn’t use the word dick. Necessarily.’

  Ruby shrugged. ‘Anyway, it’s just been… I don’t know how I feel about all this’ she admitted.

  ‘Me neither. I keep thinking I’ve made a mistake.’

  Ruby was relieved to hear that. Her instinct was to put the brakes on, for both their sakes. ‘It’s not too late to correct it. We could stop this. Right now.’

  ‘But I agreed with your mother. We have a verbal contract, I promised to be your wife. Not to mention the written non-disclosure on top of that.’

  ‘But the NDA is just to stop you talking. It’s only the verbal agreement that says you have to do this whole marriage thing. But she can’t make you do anything, not really. I mean, you know what they say about verbal contracts?’

  ‘Not worth the paper they’re printed on’ Emily finished. ‘So is that what you want to do?’ Emily asked. ‘Fuck it all off?’

  This was Ruby’s moment. She could cancel this whole thing, tell her mother where to shove it. Let the chips fall where they may.

  But before she could say yes, screw it, doubt crept into Ruby’s heart. The big lead was at the back of her mind. She didn’t really know if it was what she wanted, but could she really afford to fling such an opportunity to the wind? Because if she shut this thing with Emily down right now, her mother had as good as convinced her that was what she was doing. Throwing her career away.

  So what do you do when you don’t know what you want? The only thing you can. Keep your options open.

  ‘What if I was alright with it? What if I said let’s keep it going? What would you say?’ Ruby asked casually.

  ‘Are you saying that?’ Emily asked, bewildered.

  ‘Like I said. You’re free to quit it right now. I’ll drive you to the airport. But if you decide not to go, I… I could commit to it. Go all in. Commit to the lie.’

  Emily nodded, and Ruby couldn’t tell if she was relieved or disappointed. ‘Right. So we’re really doing this.’

  ‘Your call’ Ruby pressed.

  Emily stared off past Ruby’s shoulder, beyond the patio, to the street. ‘I’ll stay.’ She ate a small bite of food. ‘But we’ve got to find a way to make it easier on each other or the situation will become impossible. Don’t you think?’ Emily asked.

  Ruby couldn’t argue. ‘I know.’

  ‘So let’s do what any two colleagues would do. Be civil. Get through the work day.’

  ‘I guess that’s how it should be�
�� Ruby agreed. It felt good to stop being awful to Emily. She couldn’t think now what had made her be that way. Emily was a good person in a jam, and she was making the best of it. That was all. She wasn’t anything like her mother. Or Ruby, for that matter.

  ‘Oh and I think we’re going to need some kind of bathroom schedule’ Emily added.

  Ruby burst out laughing. She couldn’t help it. ‘That’s a great idea.’

  ‘But first off, as just became rather apparent, we need a discussion about boundaries.’

  ‘Look, I didn’t mind the cheek kiss’ Ruby explained. And she didn’t. It had surprised her, sure, but not in an unpleasant way.

  But Emily had a bee in her bonnet. ‘That’s nice and I know this sounds odd, but I did.’

  ‘But you know we… You know we kissed before, right?’ Ruby said, her eyes flitting away from Emily’s. They still hadn’t really talked about all of that.

  Emily coughed into her hand. ‘Yes, I do.’ She took an embarrassed pause. ‘Actually, while we’re on the subject… Did we, umm… I don’t quite recall, if we… I mean, I was three sheets to the wind and I don’t know how far…’ She rolled her eyes at herself. ‘I don’t know how far… Things… Got.’

  Ruby burst out laughing. ‘You don’t know if we had sex or not?’

  ‘Keep your voice down’ Emily hushed her, blushing. ‘If anyone heard that, it’d give the game away a bit.’

  ‘Sorry, right, of course’ Ruby said quietly, checking for any ears pointed their way. But no one gave a shit. They only cared about their food. ‘Actually, that bit… I kind of remember’ Ruby told her.

  ‘Do you?’ Emily asked.

  ‘I guess I was starting to sober up a little. I think we just... I’m pretty sure it was just some making out. On your bed.’

  ‘Was it?’ Emily asked, relieved.

  ‘I mean, it wasn’t totally PG13. We did get a little… But before anything could happen below the waist, you fell asleep’ Ruby cleared her throat, embarrassed. ‘Your virtue is safe.’

  A sharp laugh fell from Emily’s lips. ‘OK, well, good to know.’

  Ruby was abruptly nervous. She wanted to stop talking about this. It felt dangerous. It felt confusing. Theirs was a business arrangement now and they were entering into it in a new spirit. Talking about that night could have nothing to do with this or it was doomed to get weird.

  Plus, and this was the bigger thing of it, Ruby didn’t want to have to talk about what she’d done. She’d been ashamed of it even before she’d had to face Emily again. She was fighting an hourly battle with that mortification now. How could she explain that, despite the lovely night they’d had, Ruby had felt compelled to sneak out like a criminal? It was pathetic, embarrassing. It shone a light on Ruby’s insecurity. Ruby couldn’t handle that. It wasn’t cool to let people see what fucked you up. Despite what the talk shows said, it wasn’t some beautiful thing that helped you to learn and grow. Any display of weakness only served to make people disgusted with you. She’d learned that in the business. Any feelings Ruby had, she put it into work. It was the thing that made her a decent actress, in her own opinion. And a flaky girlfriend. So she had to avoid the topic of her sad little creep out of that hotel door at all costs. ‘So yeah, anyway, we didn’t do it. Which is probably better. Because now it means we don’t have to get all weird with each other, right?’ Ruby said quickly.

  Emily blinked. ‘Yes, I… Yes, I’m sure you’re right.’

  ‘Cool, shall we shake on the new deal, then?’ Ruby said, sticking her hand out, feeling more fake than ever. Emily’s handshake was soft, gentle. In view of that, Ruby did her best to make the handshake brief. This whole situation was spiralling. She half wished she was still being shitty with Emily. It wasn’t right, it felt bad. But it sure was simpler.

  But that time was over. And now? She was committing to her ‘Wife’. For a few weeks. It would involve faking warmth, love, a healthy sexual relationship. She’d never really seen any of that before in real life. But that was OK. She’d seen it on TV. Hell, she’d seen herself do it on TV.

  Emily started eating again and Ruby went back to picking at her salad. Emily glanced at Ruby’s plate and gave a giant sigh. ‘Right, that’s enough of that. Waiter?’

  As the guy came over, Ruby asked, ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I’m ordering you some real food.’

  ‘No, Emily, I’m-’

  ‘What can I get you?’ the waiter asked.

  ‘This one will have pancakes’ Emily said, nodding at Ruby. ‘With whatever fried meats come with it.’

  The man nodded and left.

  ‘I’m on Keto’ Ruby admonished.

  ‘Oh’ Emily said. ‘You want me to cancel the order?’

  Ruby licked her lips and sighed. ‘No.’ And then ‘Thanks.’

  When the food came later, Ruby ate voraciously. Emily held a piece of pancake on her fork and said, ‘To carbs!’

  Ruby smiled, picked up a whole pancake and touched it against Emily’s. ‘To carbs. But this does mean I’m gonna have to work out extra hard today.’

  ‘That’s up to you. But I can’t stand to see someone deny themselves proper food. It’s mentally unhealthy.’

  ‘I feel like this marriage is going to cause me to put on weight, the way it’s going so far’ Ruby told her.

  ‘You can afford a couple of pounds’ Emily said, taking a sip of coffee.

  Ruby didn’t know how to respond. She’d never heard anyone say that, not in her years as an actress. She was shocked and delighted.

  Thirteen

  Emily about rolled out of brunch, stuffed to the gills. If she could say one thing about America, it knew what to do about breakfast. It was utter madness to look at a menu like that and order a fruit salad. She didn’t care what Hollywood bollocks Ruby had been told. She just hoped she hadn’t overstepped. Despite one nice moment, Emily had to remind herself they weren’t a real couple. It had been easy for a minute, too easy. Like that night in Vegas.

  But she had to remember who she was, where she was, why she was. Because that man had said kiss and she’d thought nothing of it. It was only as the man left, she realised no-one was paying her to touch Ruby. Ruby’s mother had said, ‘Be affectionate in public’ but she’d never really had that talk with Ruby. One person couldn’t command you to touch another without their say-so. Even if they’d kissed before.

  As they walked back to the car, it was time to put the rules in place. ‘So, I thought we could just establish where the boundaries are.’

  ‘I guess that’s a good idea’ Ruby said with a nod. ‘So first off, what you just did? The cheek kiss? That’s fine.’

  ‘Great. And obviously, my cheek is also open for business’ Emily responded.

  ‘But what about lips?’ Ruby asked.

  ‘I don’t think lips… I don’t think that’s a good idea’ Emily said quickly. She was feeling a heat spreading up her neck at the word lips for some reason. She prayed it wouldn’t reach her face.

  ‘Why not?’ Ruby asked.

  ‘Because it’s too intimate’ Emily said.

  ‘Doesn’t have to be. I do screen kisses sometimes and, in that situation, there’s nothing intimate about it at all’ Ruby told her.

  ‘But as you pointed out, I’m not an actress’ Emily replied. ‘So everyone I ever kissed, I meant it’ she said without thinking. She felt that familiar awkward atmosphere rise up again. The ghost of that night, would it ever stop haunting them? How were you supposed to talk about pretending to kiss someone you’d really and truly kissed?

  But Ruby just jumped right on over the elephant in the room, saying, ‘OK, look, you’re right. You’re not a trained actress. So how about we make it a specific, small amount, so it doesn’t feel like we’re doing it all the time. A maximum number of kisses on the mouth?’

  Emily thought about it. It sounded better somehow, knowing neither of them could get carried away. ‘OK, how about two?’

  ‘Four?’ Ruby
asked.

  ‘Three’ they both said in unison. ‘And it doesn’t matter who initiates them, once they’ve run out, we don’t do it again’ Ruby added.

  ‘Agreed. Oh and hands on waists?’ Emily asked.

  ‘That’s alright with me. Oh, how would you feel about handholding?’

  ‘Yeah, that’s no problem.’

  They were at the car by this point. ‘So this has been weird’ Ruby smiled. ‘But I gotta get to set. Can I drop you somewhere?’