Just Married?

by Natasha West

  Emily blushed and then admitted, ‘Well, I was checking you out.’

  ‘You were?’ Ruby asked, jolted. She’d caught her staring, but she’d thought it was the fame thing. She’d never actually asked herself why this whole thing had started. She’d thought from the minute they met that she’d talked her way into Emily’s attention.

  ‘Obviously’ Emily said, eyebrows in her fringe. ‘What did you think I was doing?’

  ‘I forgot to ask. I was too busy being a smart ass if you recall.’

  ‘I recall it all’ Emily said. ‘Well, up until the shots.’

  That cast a shadow over Ruby. ‘I can’t believe I got married while I was black-out drunk’ Ruby frowned.

  ‘I know. It’s funny, I was engaged for years to Katie. We never even set a date.’

  ‘And then you go and marry some schmuck after a few hours’ Ruby said.

  ‘You’re not a… A schmuck’ Emily said, awkwardly. Ruby laughed.

  ‘Are you laughing at me?’ Emily asked.

  ‘Yeah. Sorry.’

  ‘Please, laugh. God knows we could do with a light moment.’

  ‘I’m in the loop on this shit-show?’ Ruby asked.

  ‘Of course you are. I’ve met your mum, don’t forget’ Emily said and then put a hand to her lips, ‘Oh Christ, cardinal rule, never criticise someone else’s family.’

  But Ruby didn’t mind. It was actually nice to hear someone tell the truth about Denise. Most people were too scared of her to say a bad word. ‘Please, criticise all you want. Does my heart good to hear it.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Sure. Makes me feel less alone’ Ruby confessed, slumping deeper into the couch.

  ‘Have you considered giving her the sack?’

  ‘Actually, no. The fucker of it is, she’s good at her job’ Ruby said, picking at a loose thread on the sofa arm.

  ‘Depends how you look at it’ Emily said philosophically.

  ‘Whaddaya mean?’ Ruby asked.

  ‘You know what? It’s not my business’ Emily said quickly. ‘I’m gonna shut up now.’

  ‘No, go on’ Ruby pleaded.

  Emily paused before she said, ‘Well, it seems like maybe she’s good at being a manager. But is she good at being your manager? I mean, does she do what you want, or does she tell you what you want?’

  Ruby considered the question and she almost felt her defences pop up. But something in her was tired of pretending. ‘The second one.’

  ‘So why do you go along with it? Why do you let her tell you what to do?’ Emily asked tenderly.

  ‘That’s the problem. It’s always been really hard to separate what I want from what she wants. How do you know which voice in your head is your own?’ she sighed. ‘God, that sounds pathetic-’

  Emily shook her head vehemently. ‘It doesn’t at all. My voice got lost too. Katie replaced it to the extent that I didn’t know if I was doing things for her because I loved her or because I was just afraid to lose her.’ A tear slipped from her eye and she wiped it. ‘I was waiting for those tears when she left. They never came. Funny to see them now.’ More tears came and she hid her face in her hands.

  Ruby didn’t quite know what to do. Her instinct was to hold Emily, tell her it was going to be alright. But despite the unexpectedly tender moment that had arisen, she still didn’t know if that was cool.

  But she couldn’t watch Emily cry without doing anything. So she took a risk. She draped an arm around her. She felt Emily lean into it, almost imperceptibly. Ruby took an even greater risk. She slipped her hand up to Emily’s head, pulling her gently into her neck. Emily leaned in further. Ruby felt the moisture of Emily’s tears on her neck and they could have been her own.

  After a while of sitting like that, Emily said quietly, ‘I made you a promise.’

  ‘What promise?’

  ‘That I’d never do what I did in that bathroom again.’

  Ruby couldn’t see Emily’s eyes, they were hidden by her own hair. She wished she could see them, to read them. ‘Yes. You did.’

  ‘But you still have two kisses left. It’s up to you what you do with them’ said Emily and she looked up at Ruby. Now Ruby could see her eyes. The tears had cleared, something else was there. Want. And if one thing could be said of Ruby, she always hit her marks, always took her cues. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Emily’s. They kissed gently, nothing like before. The last kiss had been pure sex. This was something else.

  ‘What are we doing?’ Ruby asked between kisses. She was a little scared about what was happening, but she didn’t dare stop it.

  ‘Comforting each other’ Emily said.

  Ruby felt herself relax. So that was what this was. That was OK. She could let herself do what she wanted as long as she had something to hide behind. As long as Emily didn’t know the truth. That Ruby craved her. She had from the start. All the ups and downs, right down at the bottom was always this.

  Twenty-One

  Emily couldn’t believe this was happening. She hadn’t dared wish for it. But Ruby was pulling her clothes off, guiding her to the bedroom slowly. Emily was ready to run for it, but she had to tell herself, ‘Easy, easy. Don’t let her think you’re desperate.’ But she was desperate. She’d been trying not to think about this but now it was happening, her body was racing with hormones and emotions.

  In the bedroom, semi naked, Ruby pushed Emily onto her back on the bed and began to kiss her neck and she felt her eyes roll back in her head. ‘Mmm’ she murmured.

  And then it stopped. Emily lifted her head. ‘Something wrong?’ she asked Ruby.

  ‘I just wanted to check in’ Ruby said from on top of her.

  ‘Did you change your mind?’ Emily asked, praying not to hear a yes to that.

  ‘I’m just making sure we… I think we should talk about... About what this is.’

  ‘Oh’ Emily said and swallowed. ‘What is it?’

  ‘Like, this isn’t part of… The thing. You know I know that. Right?’

  ‘What…’

  ‘I didn’t buy this, is what I’m saying.’

  ‘No, you didn’t buy this’ Emily told her quickly. ‘But if you like, we can… Maybe some compartmentalisation wouldn’t be the worst thing’ she said in a rush. It was clear that Ruby didn’t want to get tied into anything past the original terms of the contract. Emily supposed that was fair enough. This wasn’t love. They should treat it just the same as the agreement. ‘How about we decide this is a one off.’

  Ruby bit her lip. ‘Alright. And maybe we agree that it should last a set time. It doesn’t go over an hour.’

  Emily nodded. ‘And I leave your bedroom once it’s over.’

  ‘And everyone gets an orgasm’ Ruby added.

  ‘Well, I would hope that’s a given’ Emily said with a lopsided smile, sitting up on her elbows.

  Ruby nodded. ‘OK, is that everything?’

  ‘Unless you wanted to get something down on paper’ Emily quipped. ‘Maybe get your mother’s lawyer in.’

  ‘I think a verbal agreement is fine’ Ruby laughed softly. ‘So, should I keep-’

  ‘God, yes’ Emily said and fell back. Ruby went straight back to her neck, flicking her tongue around some extraordinarily sensitive skin. Ruby removed Emily’s bra and moved her mouth down to even more sensitive areas. Emily’s moan deepened into a growl. Ruby removed Emily’s knickers, pulling them down with her teeth, which no one had ever done to Emily before and she was in heaven as Ruby pushed herself deep into the most sensitive part of all, her tongue whipping Emily into a shaking, sweaty puddle of desire. Emily grabbed ahold of the back of Ruby’s head as she hit the apex of her pleasure and she almost pulled a handful of hair out but when she looked down, Ruby was smiling up, looking quite pleased with herself. ‘Jesus’, Emily whispered, her body falling quite limp.

  Ruby slipped her way back up to the head of the bed and Emily turned to look at her. She was a little dishevelled and although Ruby always looked sexy, sh
e looked better for a few hairs out of place. Emily realised that she hadn’t taken Ruby’s clothes off yet, and the strength that had just gone out of her suddenly came back.

  She climbed on top of her and set to work, pulling layers off until she was looking down at a completely naked Ruby. She thought it was the kind of sight you took to your deathbed, branded forever on a part of her brain reserved for the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. That list included a waterfall in the Brecon Beacons, a sunset seen from a boat on the Thames… And now Ruby.

  Yes, Ruby worked out and yes, Ruby was careful about what she ate. But it wasn’t just that. Ruby was always so careful, always had her guard up. But now she was helpless and exposed in Emily’s hands and that was her beauty. Emily touched every part of that body she could, taking her time to explore its every curve and dimple. She felt Ruby respond to her touch with passion and fervour and Emily went further and deeper. Ruby grabbed hold of her hand and pushed it down those last crucial few centimetres and Emily was thrilled to watch Ruby as she climaxed with a light but very long moan.

  A little while later, Ruby and Emily lay next to each other, naked, peaceful. They weren’t looking at each other. Emily had a million things she wanted to say but she knew she shouldn’t. Couldn’t. They’d put restrictions in place and though no one said, ‘You’re not allowed to say anything about falling for the other person’, it was an unspoken rule. So Emily wasn’t going to say anything like that, even if it was precisely what was happening to her.

  How stupid, she mused. To fall in love with your own wife. Well, no, you were supposed to do that, but usually before you married them and not during a preposterous fake relationship that followed. But how the hell was she meant to have put her guard up against any of this? Her simple little life had been ripped to shreds. She had no defences. It had made it all too easy for Ruby to slip in and occupy space, with all her charm and unexpected vulnerability.

  ‘Hey’ Ruby said, and Emily’s head whipped around. ‘Yeah?’

  ‘What time is it?’

  Emily raised an eyebrow. ‘You have to be at the gym again?’

  Ruby laughed. ‘I got my workout, don’t worry. I was just wondering…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘How long was left in our hour?’

  Emily grabbed her trousers from the floor at the side of the bed and ripped her phone out. ‘I think we’ve probably still got some time if…’

  She never got to finish that sentence because Ruby slipped quickly on top of her, taking the phone from her hand and tossing it onto the floor, kissing her voraciously. Despite how they’d just spent the last half hour, Emily thrilled at the kiss as though it were new and they made love again, as though it were the first time.

  Twenty-Two

  One little hour. It wasn’t close to enough.

  But the end came and when it did, Ruby was forced to let Emily go. As she watched Emily put her clothes back on, she was filled with all kinds of silly urges. She wanted to say, ‘Stay.’ She wanted to drag her back into bed. She wanted to make love to her right through the night. She wanted to hold her when it was over and tell her the truth.

  But Ruby knew better than to do any of that. Because the terms were set. She’d helped set them, out of nervousness. She worried she was taking advantage, that Emily might feel pressured by the situation. She’d never want that, which was why she’d had to have that horrible conversation before things went further.

  But they had gone further. Too far, probably.

  Ruby sat up in bed, covering herself with a sheet, feeling suddenly embarrassed by her nudity. She supposed that was because the leash was back on. She was supposed to be all business now. Emily had been sad about her break-up and she’d wanted comfort. Ruby accepted that, did her best not to take it personally. Because she’d gotten to feel something she wasn’t expecting to get from Emily. Closeness. Even if Emily didn’t feel it.

  Only now, Ruby was starting to know what she was missing. For the first time in her life, she knew the feeling of not getting enough of someone. Every relationship in her life, she’d gotten bored before or at the same time as the other person, the end always a relief. But Ruby hadn’t had enough of Emily, not even close. And she never would. Emily would no doubt see the terms of the agreement out, giving whatever was asked of her. But the other thing, the thing Ruby really wanted, wasn’t on the table.

  Emily, now fully dressed, turned with a shy smile to Ruby that just about broke her heart. ‘That was… That was really nice. Thank you.’

  ‘Thank you?’ Ruby repeated, trying to sound light, sarcastic, Ruby-like. ‘You gonna leave a tip too?’

  Emily’s smile fell. ‘Don’t do that.’

  ‘Do what?’ Ruby asked.

  ‘Just don’t’ Emily said and walked out of Ruby’s bedroom. After the door closed, she heard the sound of the bathroom light coming on, the shower running. Ruby knew what was happening, Emily wanted to rinse this hour off herself.

  Ruby lay back on the bed, her hands behind her head. She was body tired, but her brain was still wired. She knew she’d just done a really fucking stupid thing. But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t take it back, no matter what pain lay ahead in the wake of it. Whatever the cost would be, she was just gonna have to suck it up and pay it.

  Twenty-Three

  Emily left Ruby’s bedroom in a daze. Partly from some earth-shattering sex. But mostly from some very silly emotions that had cropped up. What hurt the most was that comment Ruby had made at the end about tipping her. Ruby hadn’t needed to be so brutal. It almost made Emily wish she hadn’t initiated things. But she couldn’t help herself. They’d been so close, it was just a small step to get even closer. But she shouldn’t have done it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Everything would just be harder now. Why couldn’t she just let this go, be what it was and cash her cheque when it was over? She was supposed to be a mayfly. A mayfly!

  It was all Ruby’s fault. If she’d just let Emily cry, not touched her, Emily wouldn’t have lost her head so thoroughly. But that warm hand on her arm, pulling her in, it had felt so intimate…

  After it was over, she was back on the outside. So she went for a shower, just so she could have somewhere private to feel whatever she was going to feel about all of it. As the water ran down her back she cried, for the second time that night. The first tears seemed like nothing now. The loss of Katie had proven to be for the best very quickly. Any remorse she felt about it was only for the waste of years. She’d been much more upset about the potential loss of her reputation, though even that seemed less important with Ruby’s arm around her.

  But these tears wouldn’t dry so quickly. They hurt more, lasted longer.

  ***

  The next morning, Emily was woken by one of the most abrupt texts of her life from a number she didn’t recognise.

  I’m downstairs in a cab, come down.

  Emily was initially confused. Who would text her that?

  I’m sorry, I don’t have your number saved. Who is this? Emily asked the stranger as politely as she could.

  It’s Denise, who the hell else would it be? Come down. Don’t say anything to Ruby.

  Fear shot through Emily’s body. Denise wanted to talk to her, alone. She was in trouble.

  ***

  In front of Ruby’s apartment building sat a cab. Emily leant down to the window to see Denise sitting in the back. ‘Hello’ she said nervously.

  The door flew open. ‘Get in.’

  ‘Where are we go-’ Emily began but the look on Denise’s face was enough to stop the sentence in its tracks. She climbed in the back.

  ‘Driver, let’s go. It doesn’t matter where’ Denise barked at the man driving the cab. ‘And turn some music on.’

  ‘Yes, Ma’am’ the old guy said amiably, switching on a jazz station and pulling off down the road. Denise immediately started checking her emails on her phone. She didn’t look at Emily at all. The whole thing gave Emily the sensation of being in a mafia movie.
And she was the character who got a bullet in the back of the head. ‘Err, Denise-’

  Denise said, ‘Aaand send’ and finally turned to Emily. ‘OK, right, let’s get down to brass tacks.’

  ‘Brass tacks?’

  ‘Yes. You and Ruby.’

  ‘Are we not… Is there something else you wanted me to do? More Instagram stuff?’ Emily babbled nervously. She wished she had the wherewithal to just wait and see what Denise had to say but the woman made her nervous.