Dash frowned. “Your dad doesn’t know?”
“I didn’t want to worry him, especially when he had such a health scare of his own. I didn’t see the point in telling you, either. You and I were just having an affair. There was no future between us. But now...” I rocked forward.
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “This doesn’t change anything for me. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I looked into his eyes. “But you just said before that you wanted me to be the mother of your children.”
He reached for my hand. “There are other ways to have a family. We could adopt or use a surrogate or donor eggs or whatever else people do these days. But only if you’d be comfortable with any of that. If not, we don’t have to have kids. It can be just us.”
My heart clenched. “I want children, I absolutely do. But this condition just makes me feel so inadequate, as if I’m less of a woman, as if I failed somehow.”
“That’s not true. You’re still the same person you always were, and I’d be lucky to have you.”
“But I’m still hurting that our first baby was taken away.”
“I know. I’m still hurting over that, too. I have so many regrets from the past. And now, seeing you like this... I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. I wish I could make it better.”
“My doctor has been encouraging me to join a support group.” I took a shaky breath. “Maybe I should do that. Maybe it would help.”
“If partners are allowed to attend or sit in on some of the meetings, I’ll go with you...if you want me there.”
Suddenly, the tears I’d been fighting broke free and I burst out crying. Dash was doing and saying everything right, but by now, my emotions were spent.
He leaned toward me, and I latched on to him, bawling in his arms. He held me tight and close, comforting me the best he could. I glanced at the coffee table where he’d left the engagement ring he’d chosen for me.
The heart. The diamond.
He stroked my hair, and I put my head against his chest and listened to the beats of his heart.
So steady, so real.
I cuddled closer, drawing from his strength, from his love, from how much I loved him. Finally, I stopped crying and sat forward, catching the last of my shaky breaths.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “Is there anything I can do?”
“I’ll be fine.” I got up to get a box of tissues, drying my face and wiping my runny nose. “But there is something you can do that will make a difference.”
“Anything, Tracy. Just tell me what it is.”
“Ask me to marry you again.”
He gazed longingly at me, then picked up the ring. When he got down on bended knee, my heart fluttered.
“Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” he asked. “Will you share my home with me? Will you be my partner in every way?”
“Yes,” I eagerly replied. I couldn’t wait for us to start our life together, to make the best of whatever the universe had in store for us. He put the ring on my finger, and as the diamond caught the light, I saw hope in each and every facet. “Look at that. I’m wearing your heart.”
He returned to his feet. “It’s always going to belong to you. But I wish I’d given it to you a long time ago.”
“I have it now, and that’s all that matters.” I wasn’t going to dwell on the pain from the past, not anymore.
We kissed soft and slow, sealing our commitment, taking time to savor it.
After two or three more kisses, he said, “Thank you for loving me all these years. I never understood how important that was. Or how much I needed it.”
I met his gaze. “You’re welcome. But we still have a long road ahead of us, with announcing our engagement to the press, with me trying to rebuild my career, with our options for having a family. There’s a lot to think about.”
He nodded. “I still have to deal with my mom, too.”
I reached out to hug him, comforting him in the way he’d done with me earlier. “Don’t worry, Dash. I’ll help you face that challenge.” I nuzzled the side of his face, letting a bit of his beard stubble abrade me. “No matter what happens, we’ll always be in this together.”
* * *
After a bout of sweet silence, I led Dash to my room, wanting him in my bed. Right now, newly engaged, with his ring on my finger.
“It’s been a while since we did this,” I said, moving closer to him, inhaling the scent of his skin, of his clothes, of his cologne, of everything that was part of him. “We haven’t made love since before the barbecue at your house.”
He met my gaze. “I missed you, even when everything was falling apart.”
“Me, too.” I would never doubt or distrust him again.
He started undressing me, removing my blouse and putting his glorious hands on me. He divested me of my bra and peeled off my jeans, running his thumb along the elastic waistband of my plain white panties. I didn’t want to turn the lights off in the room. I liked that he was looking at me, seeing all of me.
“We don’t have to use protection. You know, since we don’t really need it,” I said. “Besides, I want to feel you inside me without anything between us.” No barriers, I thought. Just him and me.
“I’ll do whatever you want. But I think I should make you come first.”
He dropped onto his knees, and I latched on to his shoulders. He’d already proposed to me in this position, and now he was sliding my panties down my legs...
Down and down...
All the way off...
He used his mouth, doing wicked things to me with his tongue, and I swayed on my feet. I felt as if I’d loved him for centuries. My fiancé. My future husband.
He worked his magic, my skin tingling, my sex going damp. As excitement pitched low in my belly, he used slow, deliberate strokes, making me sigh, making me moan.
I watched him with breathless anticipation.
He looked so strong and handsome and wild, bringing me closer and closer to a climax. He made a pleasured sound, and I got even more aroused. He was enjoying this as much as I was.
I wanted to tell him how good it felt, how he was doing everything right, but by now I was beyond words.
I merely shuddered and convulsed against his face.
He remained on his knees, teasing me, nuzzling me. It was sweet, sweet sin. Could I be any warmer? Any stickier?
Finally, he stood and kissed me on the mouth, intensifying the moment. I leaned against him, breathless once again.
Soon, he yanked off his boots, and I helped him get naked, tugging at his shirt and unzipping his jeans.
He backed me against the bed, and we tumbled onto it, falling down together.
I used my hands, making him fully erect. Then, wanting more, I slid down his body and swirled my tongue around the salty tip of him. His abs flexed, and I took him all the way into my mouth. He let me do as I pleased. For a while, anyway.
When he couldn’t take it anymore, he made me stop.
He climbed on top of me, and we stared into each other’s eyes. He entered me, and I lifted my hips, taking him deeper, relishing the feeling of having him inside me, of being this close. We moved in unison, thrusting in the same passionate rhythm. I wrapped my legs around him, holding him strong and tight. He rubbed his cheek against mine, making me warm and woozy.
He increased the tempo, and I arched my body, bending myself to his will.
In the next pivotal moment, I came in a burst of need, catching my breath with every hot, slick spasm.
With a look of sexy concentration on his brow, Dash followed me, his muscles bunching, his arms straining above me.
I closed my eyes as he came, so glad that he was mine.
* * *
After the sex, we stayed in bed, indulging in co
okie dough ice cream from the carton, passing it back and forth and licking the spoon clean. I’d been eating ice cream every night since we split up, drowning myself in sadness, and now I was celebrating.
Dash said, “I think you should move in with me before we announce our engagement. Otherwise, the press is going to bang down your door, trying to get pictures and interviews. At least at my place, you’ll be behind a security gate.”
“It’s going to be crazy, having people take an interest in me like that.” I’d never been at that level of fame before. “But I’m excited about moving in with you.”
“Then will you pack some bags and move in with me tonight? I can arrange for the rest of your stuff to be trucked over later.”
“That sounds good to me.” I wanted to spend all my days and nights with him. The sooner, the better. “I’ll call a Realtor and put my house on the market. I’ll quit the feedstore, too.” I couldn’t work a public job and be married to him, not without his fans tracking me down there. “But I’ll keep doing my VA stuff until my house sells and I have some extra money of my own.”
“You can work in whatever capacity you want, but I think you should focus on your music. I won’t keep bugging you about the duet, though. You can take everything at your own pace.”
I looked into his dark, sexy eyes. “I’m going to do whatever I can to rebuild my career, but I want to sign a prenup, Dash. I don’t want any part of this marriage to be about your money.”
He shook his head. “You really are stubborn about that, aren’t you?”
“It’ll make me feel better to know that I’m earning my own keep.”
“I’m not going to fight you on your independence. I have faith in you and your career. But if you want my help, I’ll always be ready and willing.”
“Thank you.” I watched him take a bite of the ice cream. “Speaking of money, what’s the next step with your mom?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. But honestly, I think she could benefit by getting some help.”
“You mean therapy?”
He nodded. “The last time I saw her, I asked her about my dad, and she mentioned how hard it was for her to love him because of some bad stuff that happened to her when she was young.”
“When she was in foster care?”
“She didn’t specify, but that’s my assumption.”
“Do you want to continue having a relationship with her?” I needed to know how he truly felt.
“Yes, I do. But I can’t just keep buying her things to win her affection. I want her to learn to care for me in a deeper way.”
“Do you think she’s capable of that?”
He nodded. “She seemed genuinely concerned for me when I was upset over you.”
“Then you should talk to her about getting counseling, so she can explore those feelings. Plus, she needs to try to heal from whatever happened to her when she was young. Maybe you could even do family therapy at some point.”
“That’s definitely something to consider.” He smiled a little nervously as me. “It wouldn’t hurt for me to face my childhood issues, all that crap I’ve been carrying around. But I’m not sure how receptive she’s going to be about seeing someone.”
“Can I go with you when you talk to her?” I asked.
“Yes, of course. But are you sure you’re up for it?”
“Absolutely. We’re in this together, remember?” I intended to stand by his side in every way I could.
* * *
As soon as Dash and I entered his mother’s house, I could tell that she was threatened by me. But I’d expected as much. She wasn’t the type to welcome another female into her lair.
Dash introduced her as Lola, and when she reached out to shake my hand, she tilted her head at a haughty angle. I’d never seen a picture of her when she was younger, so I didn’t know what she looked like before, but she fit what I’d imagined her to be. Along with her false eyelashes and bloodred nails, she had a trim figure and short auburn hair, styled just so. She sported an elegant dress and stately heels, a designer outfit Dash had purchased for her, no doubt. She’d paired her ensemble with several pieces of fine jewelry. Again, things that must have come from Dash.
Within seconds, she caught sight of the ring on my finger, staring blatantly at it.
Dash spoke up and said, “Tracy is my fiancée, Mom. We just got engaged a few days ago.”
“Is that so?” Lola raised her delicately arched brows at me. “Aren’t you the one who was here last week causing a scene?”
“Yes, that was me,” I replied. “But it was just a misunderstanding, and we worked things out.”
“A five-carat misunderstanding,” she quipped, accurately assessing the size of my diamond.
I moved closer to Dash, standing near him, supporting him. We’d already told my dad we were engaged, and he was thrilled for us. Pop had even cried a little, telling me how happy and proud my mother would’ve been. But all Lola seemed to noticed was the value of my ring. Was it going to be possible for this woman to become a better person? Heavens, I hoped so.
She turned to Dash and asked, “Are you sure you aren’t rushing into anything?”
“I’m positive.” He reached for my hand. “I’ve loved Tracy for years. I just had a tough time accepting it.”
She paused, as if she was deciding what to say next. Was she worried that if she didn’t start reacting favorably to his news, he would stop buying her pretty things?
She chirpily said, “Let’s celebrate your engagement with some champagne.” She strutted over to the bar, her heels clicking on the hardwood floors. “I’ll put a bottle of Dom on ice.”
Dash glanced at me, and I shrugged. We had time for a drink. We were here to discuss an important issue, to hopefully change the course of all of our lives.
While the champagne chilled, we gathered in the living room. “This is a lovely house,” I said.
“Yes, it is,” Lola replied. She smiled a bit too adoringly at her son. A second later, she spoke directly to him. “Dash knows how much it means to me.”
He returned her smile, and once the champagne was chilled, she popped the cork and poured it into three crystal flutes. She gave us ours and raised hers in the air. “To the happy couple,” she said.
We all clinked glasses, toasting the moment. A moment that wouldn’t last. I doubted that Lola was going to be happy when she learned what our agenda was.
“We need to talk, Mom,” Dash said.
“About what?” she asked, gazing at her drink.
“About coping with the past.”
She whipped her head up. “What?”
“I think it would be beneficial for you to see a psychologist and work through the stuff that happened to you when you were young. And then maybe later, we can get therapy together.”
“Oh, my goodness.” Her breath rushed out. “It’s been too long, too much time for that kind of nonsense.”
“There’s nothing wrong with getting help,” I said, inserting myself into the discussion.
She quickly argued, “But things are fine the way they are. Dash is happy now.” She turned to him. “Look how good everything is for you. You have an outstanding career, and you’re engaged to be married.”
“Yes, but my relationship with you isn’t normal, Mom. I want more out of it than just buying you fancy gifts.”
“But the gifts are nice,” she countered.
Was she afraid of facing her past and having to learn to be the kind of mother her son needed?
“Just give the therapy a try,” he said.
“If I say no, are you going to cut me off?” she asked.
He set his champagne aside. “You mean quit paying your way? I’m not here to blackmail you. But if you’re not willing to see things my way, then maybe you should get a job and support yourself.”
&nb
sp; “A job? See, you really are blackmailing me. This is awful.” Lola’s voice quavered. “Just awful.”
By now, she was playing the drama queen and trying to make Dash feel sorry for her. But he wasn’t having it.
He kept his cool, even when she heaved a big woeful sigh. Like the heroine of an old movie on the verge of a fainting spell.
Fourteen
Dash
“I can’t work,” my mother said, pleading with me to let her off the hook. I figured that between getting therapy and getting a job, she would’ve chosen the therapy, but she wasn’t agreeing to either.
What an ordeal. I glanced over at Tracy, appreciating that she was here with me. That’d she’d agreed to be my wife. That she loved me in a way that people were meant to be loved. My mixed-up mom didn’t have a clue what that meant.
“Why can’t you work?” I asked her.
“Because...” She lowered herself onto the sofa, as if she was so distraught that she needed to sit and fan herself, using a piece of junk mail she’d left on the coffee table. “I don’t have any job skills.”
“I’m sure there’s something you’d be good at,” Tracy chimed in.
Mom shot her an annoyed look. “This isn’t any of your business.”
“Don’t treat her that way,” I snapped, coming to Tracy’s defense. “She’s only trying to help.”
“But everything was fine before you got engaged. You weren’t trying to get me into counseling then. You weren’t saddling me with a job, either.”
I sighed. “You can’t just sit around here and do nothing.” That wouldn’t accomplish a danged thing.
“What’s wrong with me being a lady of leisure?” she argued.
Wild Nashville Ways Page 14
