Sink or Swim

by Bailey, Tessa

  Those were the thoughts that had been circling her head when Ajay slid the ring box across the table on their first alone date. He’d blushed and rambled and she’d thought, how bad could this be? At least he wanted the kind of future Jiya envisioned, even if she’d always pictured it unfolding with Andrew. At least Ajay seemed to value what she could add to his life. He came part and parcel with a new endeavor. A new restaurant to mold into something of her own making. And while that didn’t necessarily excite her, not like flying, the thought of making her parents proud…the thought of making up for her inexcusable time wasting…propelled her into accepting the proposal.

  This is what you’re supposed to do. This is the adult decision.

  Never mind that she’d intentionally omitted any mention of her flying lesson today when speaking to Ajay on the phone. Never mind that he’d tried to kiss her after their date and she’d jerked away like he’d bitten her. Attraction would fall into place once she got to know him better. So would honesty. She just wanted to finish her lessons and then…she’d knuckle down and attack her responsibilities in a way that would secure her future.

  She’d make herself proud, if not happy.

  Hey, you’re still paid up for four more lessons. You don’t have to figure out the next step today, all right? But I’m not going to let you talk yourself out of continuing.

  She covered her ears to stop Andrew’s voice from filling her ears, but it didn’t work. It never worked. He’d been whispering in her ear for days, sometimes miserable, sometimes sweet, pushy, funny. He was her very own phantom limb. The ghost of him was still attached, still part of her, but her heart mourned his absence at the same time.

  Hey. Jesus Christ. You just flew a plane, badass.

  “Shut up,” she whispered, rubbing at her gritty eyes. “Go away.”

  “What was that?”

  Rick’s voice jolted Jiya and she gasped. She’d been so distracted by the echoes in her head, she didn’t realize she’d entered the hangar. Rick stepped out from behind the plane they’d flown during her last lesson, tossing a greasy rag back and forth in his hands. “Sorry, Rick. I was just having a one-sided conversation.” She attempted a smile, but it never came to fruition. “I promise I’m mentally stable enough to fly.”

  “Oh, I’m not worried.” He raised a bushy eyebrow. “The front desk kid isn’t giving you trouble, is he? My nephew isn’t exactly a people person and can’t file worth a damn, but I owed my sister a favor.”

  “No, I didn’t even…am I supposed to go in there and check in?” She waved a hand. “Sorry, I’m a little distracted today.”

  Rick whistled through his teeth. “Well look at that. I’d say you have a good excuse for being distracted.” He nodded at her right hand. “Congratulations are in order.”

  “What?” Understanding dawned when she glanced down and the diamond winked back. “Oh! Yes. I’m engaged. It was kind of unexpected.”

  “Was it?” He took the rag off his shoulder and reached up to clean a spot off the body of the red striped Cessna. “It seemed pretty serious to me.”

  “It…what?” She thought back to the week before. How Andrew had held her in the middle of the airfield while she cried. Jiya nodded through the fresh slice of pain. “Oh. No, the guy who drove me here last week? He’s just a friend.”

  Rick frowned. “He must be a really good one. When he arranged the flying lessons back in May, I swear it was more like an interrogation. He wanted to see my pilot’s license, asked for references, even sat there while I took someone up on a test flight.” He laughed. “He wanted to make damn sure I’d keep you in one piece.”

  Jiya’s lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. She couldn’t take a breath. The shaking started in her knees first and spread upward until her stomach was sucking in on itself and trembling. “Andrew paid for the lessons?”

  “Andrew.” Rick snapped his fingers. “That’s his name.”

  Her vision doubled and rotated like a Ferris wheel. “But he…why w-wouldn’t he tell me? I don’t understand. I thought my parents bought them—”

  “And then again last week. He called and asked about extending the lessons. Wanted to know how many hours you’d need to get certified. I think he worked out a payment plan with my nephew, if you want to find out the details.” Rick shook his head wryly. “Are you sure he’s not the one who proposed?”

  Jiya doubled over, arms wrapped around her stomach. “Oh my God.”

  “Are you all right over there, Jiya?”

  “No.” A sob hiccupped out of her mouth. “Why would he do this?”

  “You’ll have to ask him yourself.”

  The way Rick said those words made Jiya straighten and turn around, half expecting Andrew to be standing there behind her. Waiting with open arms. So reassuring and solid. The man who knew her strengths, fears, favorites and never let her down. Ever.

  Not until recently.

  And she knew in that moment that there had to be a reason he’d let her go. A valid one. He would never push her away otherwise. He would never hurt her without a cause. She knew that. Her heart and bones and mind knew it, but she’d let doubt drown out the certainty.

  Andrew had bought her flying lessons because he wanted her to soar, wanted her to have the thing she’d always wanted, without her knowing he’d been responsible for giving it to her—and that kind of selflessness went well beyond friendship. That kind of selflessness was vast and bottomless. It was love.

  “He loves me,” Jiya whispered, relief crashing into her like a semi truck. “But he doesn’t want me to know. Why?”

  Rick walked up next to her. “Why don’t we postpone until next week while you go find out?”

  “I think that’s probably a good idea.”

  He gave her a side hug and she returned it. “Good luck, kid.”

  Jiya pulled out her cell phone while jogging back toward her parked car. She’d been brought back to life. Suddenly there was hope. There was the gut deep certainty that Andrew loved her and she was going to fight and scream until he admitted it and agreed to do something about—

  She skidded to a halt and brought her ring finger into focus. How had she forgotten for even a second that she was engaged to another man? Promises had been made. With the accepting of Ajay’s proposal, her path had diverged from Andrew. She couldn’t just run to Andrew, as badly as she wanted to. It would be wrong.

  Ajay’s parents were planning on investing in a restaurant. Putting her and Ajay at the helm. The opportunity was huge and generous. By marrying Ajay, she was securing her future and making her parents proud in one fell swoop, whereas her relationship with Andrew was anything but secure. It was confusing and tenuous and explosive.

  Jiya took out her phone, her thumb sliding over the screen to pull up Andrew’s number.

  She couldn’t call him, could she? Would speaking to each other frankly about their feelings be unfaithful now that she had agreed to marry someone else?

  Before she could make a decision her phone rang, Jamie’s number popping up on the screen. She answered. “Hello?”

  “Jiya…” He was upset. Breathing hard. So unlike Jamie that Jiya’s blood turned icy. “I didn’t know if I should call you, but—”

  “It’s Andrew?” Her heart knew. Her heart had known all morning. Why hadn’t she listened? “It’s Andrew. What happened?”

  “I don’t know. He’s in the hospital.”

  A pitiful sound escaped her, like someone stepping on a child’s toy. “Is he okay? What happened? Did you talk to him?”

  “I spoke to him. He’s injured but alive. Is he okay? I don’t know. I don’t think so.” He exhaled hard. Car doors slammed in the background. “His happiness isn’t your responsibility, Jiya. Do you hear me? But I thought you’d want to be there—”

  “Shut up. Of course I do. Which hospital? I’m coming.” Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she climbed into the car and started the engine with trembling hands. “I’ll be right there.”
<
br />   As she drove, there was no sound inside the car except for her whispered prayers. She wasn’t even sure what she prayed for. Physically, Andrew was fine. She knew that. However, it felt like she’d been living a life with a veil draped over her eyes and it had suddenly been pulled back. What was coming? What didn’t she know?

  None of those things mattered when she walked into the hospital forty minutes later and saw Andrew being wheeled by a male nurse through the lobby in a wheelchair, purple bruises and a line of black, nasty stiches marring his beautiful face. Jamie walked beside him, but Jiya couldn’t tear her attention off Andrew. They locked eyes from fifty yards away and she almost collapsed over the leapfrogging emotions she counted before he hid them.

  Shock.

  Joy.

  Denial.

  Bitterness.

  Jiya threw her hair back and marched right toward them, though she wanted to crawl on her hands and knees. To lay her head in his lap and wail at his beat up condition. Who would do this? Who would inflict such vicious damage? “Why is he in a wheelchair?”

  “Hospital policy,” Jamie explained. “He can walk just fine.”

  Cool relief coasted down her spine. “Good.” She choked on her next words. “How dare you end up in the hospital the same day I find out you paid for my flying lessons. How dare you.”

  “Please, Jiya.” His eyes blazed. “Don’t come over here with another man’s ring on.”

  She drew up short at his growl. After a few seconds of recovery, she shoved her ring finger into her mouth and used the moisture to pull it off, neatly tucking it into her pocket. “I’m only obeying because you’re h-hurt…” The sob launched up her throat as if shot from a cannon and her eyes filled with a new crop of tears. “Why are you hurt?”

  Her tears visibly devastated him. “Sweetheart, don’t.”

  “Who did this to you?”

  A muscle jumped in his cheek, but he offered no answer.

  Jiya took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, splitting a glance between Jamie and the nurse. “Would you mind giving us a minute, guys?”

  Once they were alone, Andrew watched her stonily, his attention occasionally straying to the pocket where she’d stowed her ring. “I’m not in a good place for this right now, Jiya.”

  “Neither am I. I’ll never be in a good place to see you hurt.” Her pulse tripped over itself, her arms yearning to be wrapped around him. “I will always come if you need me, though. That’s part of the deal. You said we would stay friends, no matter what. You promised.”

  “You don’t understand,” he pushed through clenched teeth. “I’m being the best goddamn friend I know how to be to you.”

  She scoffed. “By ending up in the hospital, Andrew? What is going on?”

  His jaw muscle popped. “Go home, please. I’m begging you,” he said hoarsely. “You think I’m beat up on the outside? Having you this close and knowing you’re engaged is rotting me from the inside.” His mouth opened and closed, his next words emerging in a near whisper. “How did it happen so fast?”

  Today she’d found out he’d paid for her flying lessons. His words now only confirmed that there was so much…yearning going on beneath Andrew’s surface. For her. Meaning their friendship had been lacking honesty. Vital honesty. And she wouldn’t continue that bad habit, because it had landed them here. With him bruised and stitched up in a hospital wheelchair and her engaged to another man. “His parents are investing in a restaurant. A second location for Spice.”

  Andrew blanched, the skin around his stitches turning white. “I…y-your parents must be…fuck, I don’t know if I’d be able to do that for you, sweetheart…”

  The spiky pressure in her throat was unbearable. Tears blurred Andrew’s image. I’d be happier with you. So much happier. Don’t you know that? She wished she’d discovered how Andrew felt before dinner with the Chauhans. Wished she never found out about the potential restaurant. But she did know. She did know about the huge opportunity being handed to her. What was she supposed to do now?

  At this very moment, with the diamond in her pocket, she could only be Andrew’s friend.

  And her friend was clearly keeping something dangerous from her. Something that had gotten him badly injured—and honestly, she was pretty pissed about his secrecy and their circumstances. Above all else, she wanted to rail against the timing.

  “Here’s how this is going down, Andrew,” Jiya breathed. “When we get home, you will tell us what’s going on. All of us. You’re going to stop being a stubborn idiot and let us help.”

  After a moment of visible deliberation, he wheeled himself past her. “Let’s see if you still think I’m worth helping an hour from now.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Everyone sat at the kitchen table with Andrew at the head, expectation heavy in the air.

  Not only his brothers were present, but their significant others, Marcus and Olive, held spots at the table. Jiya sat to his right and it was everything Andrew could do not to pull the woman into his lap, bury his face in her sweet neck and beg for a reprieve. From this discussion. From the situation they found themselves in.

  Godddamit, he didn’t want her to know the worst thing about him.

  Even if he wanted to pull Jiya into his lap, he couldn’t. The ring in her pocket was the seventh presence in the room. Not only that but her fiancé’s family was putting up the money for a fucking restaurant. The flying lessons he’d secured seemed like peanuts now. If he was a good man, he’d be happy for her and the rich future she’d been offered, but he was ablaze on the inside. Having lost the right to be the one Jiya counted on, he would burn forever.

  The silence around him started to buzz, curious eyes doing nothing to divert him from his misery but reminding him they were at the table for a reason. The discussion wouldn’t be put off any longer and Christ, at the moment, he didn’t feel like he had anything to lose, anyway.

  Late afternoon haze filled the kitchen, but they hadn’t put on a light, leaving everything shadowed. Car engines hummed past outside, kids playing street hockey down the block laughed and shouted, seagulls called. But they were wrapped in the tight cocoon of the kitchen and every eye was on him. On his busted eye, the half-moon of stitches above his eyebrow. The cuts all over his face. If one of his brothers…hell, if anyone at this table showed up with these injuries, he would demand to know what happened. He wouldn’t stop until he’d gotten an explanation and every stubborn chin at this table told Andrew how close they’d grown. As a unit. In the beginning of the summer, it had been the Prince brothers. Jiya. Now Olive and Marcus had joined their ranks and he could trust them. That wasn’t the issue. He just didn’t want them to know what he really was.

  No choice, though. This was it.

  They weren’t giving him the option of lying by omission anymore.

  Truth be told, he didn’t know if he wanted to keep the circumstances with Handler from them anymore. When the men jumped him last night in the parking garage, he’d had a moment of clarity amid the crunches, jolts of pain and blood running into his eyes. He was doing the people at this table a disservice. If they kept something this important from him, he would be livid. And wounded. He wasn’t saving them from hurt, he was just finding another way to cause them pain.

  Forget about what he’d do if Jiya was braving something dangerous alone.

  He’d set the goddamn world on fire.

  Yeah, he needed to come clean and he could admit, there was some relief in knowing that by the time he finished speaking, he would no longer be carrying the weight of secrecy.

  Andrew drew a deep breath and let it out. “I guess I should start at the beginning.” He swallowed. “Jiya, you remember that night we saw Mad Max: Fury Road and walked home on the boardwalk? Just over three years ago.”

  She stared into the distance a moment, then nodded. “It rained.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded at Rory. “You’d just gotten out of prison, maybe a couple of weeks earlier. Summer hadn’
t rolled around yet, so Jamie was living in Brooklyn for the school year. It was…I don’t know. Things were coming to a head between our parents. I came home that night and…” Andrew’s leg bounced under the table, but he made it stop. “He was going to kill her. She was unconscious on the living room floor and he just kept hitting her. And hitting her. Hard.” He forced himself to look at Jiya, to watch her reaction to the next part. “I didn’t think, I just picked up the heaviest object I could find and I brought it down over his head. That was it. He never moved again.” He dug his fingertips into his thigh. “I just wanted to stop him, you know? It happened fast and I couldn’t think of what to do after that, except call my brothers.”

  “Oh Andrew,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. He offered his upturned palm automatically, but they remembered her engagement at the same time and awkwardly took their hands back. It was a gut punch and it took a moment to stop reeling from the blow.

  “My mother never pressed charges, not any of the times he hurt her. No matter how badly. Appearances were important to her. Really important. And this was no different. When she regained consciousness, she wanted…she begged us to make it all go away. She didn’t want me labeled as a murderer and most importantly, she didn’t want anyone to know he’d beaten her. As if the whole neighborhood didn’t already know.” Andrew paused to clear the rust from his throat. “We couldn’t convince her to call the police. She told us we’d end up in court, we wouldn’t be able to afford the legal fees. We’d lose the bar, the house. She might have been right, but looking back, I think we were just fucking scared. Mom and us. So we listened. We didn’t do the right thing.”

  Andrew turned to Jiya. “I understand if you want to leave.” He dragged his attention off her unreadable face, looking at Marcus and Olive in turn. “You too. If you don’t want to know the rest, or you don’t want anything to do with me, I would get that.”

  Marcus gave Andrew the finger. Olive pushed up her glasses and firmed her chin.

  Jiya snorted.