Don't Let Go

by Jaci Burton

  "No. I'd like some coffee. Thanks."

  "I'll be right back." She started to turn away, then stopped as a realization hit her. "Where's Roxie?"

  "She's at Carter's shop. I stopped there first, so Molly's watching her."

  "Good to know. I just wanted to make sure you didn't dump her, too."

  He looked down at the floor, then back up at her. "I guess I deserved that."

  "Yes, you did."

  She went into the bedroom and changed into dry clothes, then headed into the bathroom for a quick blow-dry of her hair. She knew she was leaving him out there a lot longer than she should, but the hell with it. He'd dumped her and left her. If he had to wait ten extra minutes while she dried her hair, that wasn't too much to ask, was it?

  She came out and he was sitting at the island nursing a cup of coffee.

  "I made one for you, too," he said.

  "Good to see you still remember where everything is."

  "I remember everything about you, Megan. And I was only gone for a couple of weeks."

  An eternity to her broken heart, but she wouldn't mention that to him.

  Even with his hair slicked back and wet, he was a force of sexy male. In some ways, it was good to see him. In others, it was traumatic, because if he'd come back due to some crisis of conscience and he wanted to apologize for his behavior in order to get some kind of decent closure, it was only going to rip her heart out all over again. She didn't think she'd be able to handle it.

  But she supposed she'd only know if she asked. "Okay, Brady, why are you here?"

  "First, to apologize for the way I treated you in the days leading up to and on the day I left."

  She wanted to wince. This was it. This was his apology and his closure. She braced herself.

  "Okay. Is that it?"

  "No, that's not it. There's a lot more. I went to Denver so I could start over, forget about everything here. Forget Hope. Forget the friends I made."

  She waited.

  "Forget you."

  Okay, that hurt more than she had expected it to.

  "And? Did you?"

  His lips curved in a wry smile. "Hell no. It only got worse. I was trying to run away from everything I felt. Everything I cared about. Everything I loved."

  She'd been studying her coffee, but when he said love, her gaze snapped to his. "What?"

  "While I was there, I started thinking about Kurt, about the good times--and the not so good times. At first I thought I was trying to get away from all the memories I had of him. Then I realized I'd never be able to escape the legacy of my brother, because no matter where I am, Kurt is always going to be a part of my life."

  "Of course he is. You can't erase those memories, Brady. The good ones or the bad ones."

  "I know. It took me a while, but I finally came to grips with that. I also came to the realization that I just have to let it go. I have to let him go."

  Well, that was something. "I guess that's a good thing?"

  "It is. But in the meantime, something else happened while I was in Denver."

  She frowned. "What happened?"

  "I was sitting in a dog park with Roxie, and suddenly the only images in my head were of you. So I went back to the hotel where I was staying and I got out a blank sketchbook. I want you to take a look at what I drew."

  She cocked her head to the side. "You made sketches?"

  "Yeah." He pulled a sketchbook from his backpack and handed it to her.

  She flipped open to the first page and saw a penciled drawing of her face. Uncannily, it looked exactly like her.

  She glanced up at Brady. "You sketched. You told me you never sketch."

  "I was inspired. You were suddenly in my head and you were all I could think of. All these images hit me at once and I had to get them down."

  He motioned with his head to the sketchbook, so she flipped to the next page. Her at the bakery behind the counter. Waiting on customers. She kept flipping pages. Her sitting on the grass by the lake. Here at the house. Playing with Roxie.

  They were incredible. Page after page of sketches of her. Some were just random drawings. Her face. Her smiling. Her laughing. But others were incredibly detailed. Her dancing at Chelsea's wedding, one of her wearing his shirt--and only his shirt. She blushed at that one. She'd never seen anything like these.

  When she got to another page, it was pictures of cars and bikes. He'd drawn the side of a car with dents, then another one of it smoothed out.

  She looked up at him.

  "I was trying to figure out what was wrong in my life," he said. "When I work on a car that's been damaged, I can see perfectly how to fix it. How to smooth out the dents and the damage."

  She flipped to the next page and she saw a man's body, bent over and broken, the limbs not in the right places.

  "That's me, Megan."

  His voice had gone soft.

  "I've spent all these years railing about my brother--about how fucked up his life was. All I could see was this wall with Kurt on one side and me on the other. Turns out he and I weren't so different. He might have had an addiction to drugs, but I'm messed up, too, just in a different way."

  When he looked up at her, she saw so much pain and misery on his face it took everything in her not to go to him and wrap her arms around him. But she held back, knowing he needed to give voice to what was inside of him.

  "It took me a long time to figure out that I'm the one who's broken, Megan."

  Her heart did a small leap. She looked again at the sketch, then at him. "What do you mean by that?"

  "I'm a master at fixing cars. But I can't fix myself without help. I need you. I screwed this all up. I spent so much time isolating myself after Kurt died, thinking that if I held it all in I'd be fine. And then you and everyone else pulled me out and made me start living life again, and I thought if I could do that without feeling anything, I'd be okay.

  "But the problem was, I couldn't do that without feeling, because you made me feel things I'd never felt before. I never even realized I was falling in love with you until it was too late, and once I did realize it I got scared and I ran away from you as fast as I could. I didn't want to feel that deeply, and because of that I hurt you. I don't have enough words to say I'm sorry for that."

  Her heart pounded as she listened to him talk. He hadn't come back for closure. He'd come back to tell her he loved her. But could she trust him? She'd told him when he left that at some point he'd need her and she wouldn't be there for him.

  Was she really the type of person who could walk away when he was this vulnerable?

  Then again, she'd been vulnerable, too. She'd laid out her heart to him, and he'd stomped all over it. He'd not only stomped all over it--he'd kicked it on his way out the door.

  She looked down at the sketches. "These are amazing, Brady. Thank you for drawing them."

  "They poured out of me. Every feeling, every emotion I'd tried to hold back for so long, I suddenly couldn't hold them inside anymore. Because of you--because of how I feel about you."

  She was trying so hard to stand firm, to keep her own emotions in check.

  She delayed by flipping through the sketchbook. There, on the last page, was that man with the broken body, lying on the ground. And above him, was an angel--an angel who looked a lot like her. She was reaching for him, their fingers almost touching.

  "I'm not complete without you, Megan. I need you."

  Tears filled her eyes as she lifted her gaze to his.

  "I love you," he said. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I left you. I'm not whole without you. Please forgive me."

  No, she wasn't the kind of heartless person who could walk away from a broken person who needed her.

  He loved her. And she wasn't complete without him, either.

  She laid the sketch pad on the island and slid off the chair and stepped between his legs. His arms came around her, and she'd never felt anything better than the warmth of his embrace.

  "God, I've
missed holding you," he said as she laid her head on his chest.

  "I've missed you, too." She put her arms around him.

  He smoothed his hands over her back, and she nestled in closer, breathing in his familiar scent. She might never move away from him. For the first time since he left, everything felt right again.

  "I love you, Brady."

  He pulled back and he looked at her. "I love you. I mean those words. They're not ones I take lightly, because I've never said them to another woman before."

  She shuddered in a breath, and then he kissed her and she felt those same dizzying heights she always experienced when his mouth was on hers. It was like being lost somewhere magical, where only the two of them existed.

  They didn't need to say anything as she led him to her bedroom. They undressed and got reacquainted with each other's bodies, taking their time to run their hands over each other.

  And when he entered her, it was with their gazes locked on each other, with such intimacy it took Megan's breath away. She knew then that Brady was fully there with her, his fingers entwined with her as he moved against her in slow, fluid movements. He took his time in such a sweet, sensual way, and when she climaxed, he kissed her, groaned against her, came with her. It brought tears to her eyes and he kissed them as they rolled down her cheeks.

  After, he stayed locked within her.

  "Good tears, I hope?" he asked.

  She smiled up at him. "Yes. Good tears."

  They stayed entwined together in bed for a while, their legs draped over each other.

  "What are you going to do now?" she asked.

  "I talked briefly with Carter. We'll talk more tomorrow. I already apologized for leaving and explained that I needed to get my head right. Because Carter's a great guy, he told me I could have my job back. He hasn't hired anyone to replace me yet."

  She smoothed her hand up his arm. "That's great."

  "Yeah. But I think it's time for me to move on, so I'll take the job back for now. But I'll let Carter know it's only temporary. I want to look at that building Reid mentioned."

  "The one you wouldn't discuss with me when I asked you about it."

  His look turned serious. "Yes. I'm sorry. That was kind of the catalyst for my panic and my running. Thinking about the future. About who I wanted to be. Where I wanted to be. But mainly you and me. Reid also told me about a plot of land near where he and Sam live that's for sale. A place where I could potentially build a house. And that got me to thinking about you and me and forever."

  Her breath caught. "What?"

  He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. "Don't look so surprised, Megan. That's where we're headed. At least that's what I want. Is it what you want?"

  She swallowed past the suddenly arid desert in her throat. "Yes."

  "Then I'll go look into that plot of land. I mean, I guess we should do that. If that's what you'd be interested in doing. I know you have this place. We could live here for now. Provided you're interested in having me here."

  She rose up to kiss him. "I'm very interested in having you here. But this place isn't big enough to raise a family. And I want a family. With you. If that's what you want."

  The look he gave her melted her heart. "That's what I want, too. You, me, Roxie, and a lot of kids. Kids who like cheesecake."

  She laughed. "Sounds like a good plan."

  He sat up. "This kind of sucks as a proposal, Megan, but what I'm saying is I want to marry you. I want forever with you."

  She'd gone from the depths of sadness to the heights of happiness. She sat up and faced him. "Actually, it's kind of a perfect proposal. And yes, I'll marry you, Brady."

  He dragged her onto his lap and kissed her; the kind of kiss that was filled with love and promise. They had their start, and the future looked better than ever.

  Now they'd take it one step at a time.

  Chapter 35

  SINCE HE'D BEEN back in town, Brady had a lot to do. And a lot of apologies to make.

  And it was time for some honesty if he was going to live his life the way he wanted to from now on.

  Megan had been first, because she was the most important person in his life.

  Now he stood at the doorstep of his parents' house. This conversation wasn't going to be easy, but it was necessary.

  His mother gave him one of her happy smiles when she opened the door.

  "Brady! I'm so surprised to see you," she said as she stepped aside to let him in. "I didn't know you were back in town for a visit."

  When he'd left Hope, he'd stopped over at his parents' and had a very short, very abrupt conversation with his mom and dad, telling them he was moving on. It had been uncomfortable and he hadn't stayed long. And like most of the issues in his life over the past couple of years, he hadn't dealt with it well at all, and he knew his parents had been hurt by his leaving.

  He'd hurt a lot of people when he'd left.

  That changed today.

  "I'm not back for a visit, Mom. I'm back permanently."

  His mother's eyes widened. "You are?"

  "Yes. I need to talk to you and Dad, though. Is he around?"

  "He's in the backyard. Let's go outside."

  She slipped her arm in his, and this time he didn't move away. He leaned into his mother and laid his hand over hers. "Yeah, let's do that."

  His father stood when he walked outside.

  "Brady."

  "Hi, Dad. We need to talk. All three of us."

  They obviously sensed it was a serious discussion, because his mother pulled up a chair at the patio table next to his dad, and the two of them grasped hands.

  "What's going on?" his dad asked.

  "I think it's obvious to both of you that I've avoided you since Kurt died."

  His mother looked away for a few seconds, but nodded. "Yes. We know."

  "The reason for that is that I didn't want to acknowledge his death. I avoided dealing with it, just like the two of you have avoided dealing with it."

  His father opened his mouth to object, but his mom squeezed his hand to silence him.

  "Whenever I walk into this house, it's like walking into a Kurt shrine. Pictures of him on the mantel, on every wall. It smothers me. I don't know how you handle it."

  He saw the tears gathering in his mother's eyes. He knew he was hurting her feelings, but this was something he had to get off his chest.

  "We miss him," Mom said.

  "I know you do. So do I. But here's the thing. We're always going to miss him. There's a giant hole in our family and keeping his bedroom the same way it was when he was a teenager isn't going to bring him back. Nothing is ever going to bring him back or change the person he became because of the drugs. He's gone. But we're not. We have to start living our lives again. You know Kurt would want that for us."

  He waited, until his father nodded. "I feel awful. Your mother and I used to go out together all the time. We had fun. We felt alive, until Kurt . . . well, you know."

  Brady nodded.

  "It's like time stood still after Kurt died," his mother said, "and we don't know how to move forward now."

  He leaned forward and clasped his mother's hand. "I know it's hard. I screwed up so many things in my life because I stopped living, too. But here's the thing. I have friends now. And a woman in my life that I'm in love with."

  His mom's face brightened and for the first time, he saw a genuine, happy smile on her face. "You're in love? Brady, I'm so happy for you."

  He smiled, too. "Thanks. I'm pretty happy about it, too, but I really screwed it up with Megan, because I fought that happiness. I didn't want it. I was afraid of it."

  "Because you were afraid of losing someone you loved again," his father said.

  Brady nodded. "Yeah."

  "Oh, no," his mother said. "Did you fix it with her?"

  "I did. She's an amazing woman with an incredible capacity for love and forgiveness. I'm a really lucky guy."

  "I can't wait to meet her," his mother said
. "When you're ready."

  "You will. But first, I need the two of you to start living again."

  Now he saw the tears in his dad's eyes. "I need the two of us to start living again, too, son."

  His dad stood and pulled his mother up. Brady stood, too, and for the first time since Kurt died, the three of them shared a hug.

  This time, it wasn't a hug filled with grief and hopelessness.

  This time, it was a hug filled with hope for the future. For all their futures.

  Chapter 36

  BRADY FELT CLEANSED after the conversation with his parents. He thought they felt better, too. They told him they hadn't realized how they hadn't moved on from Kurt's death.

  He knew he'd hurt their feelings, but he loved his parents and told them he wanted them to live again. They'd had a really long talk and they'd all shed some tears, along with sharing some great stories about Kurt. In the end, he felt like it had helped. At least he hoped it had. He wanted his parents in his life. He knew everything wasn't going to change overnight. His parents weren't going to change overnight. Neither was he. But it had been a good first step. They'd work on it together.

  He'd also sat down with Carter and Molly and apologized for cutting out on them. They were both understanding, and Carter told him he had a job as his body guy for as long as he wanted it, but when he was ready to open up his own place, he'd appreciate some notice next time. Brady laughed and promised him he'd get plenty of notice before he set up shop in a new place, and he'd find Carter someone to replace him before he left.

  He felt a lot better about things now.

  There was only one thing left to do, and it was the most important thing.

  He and Roxie had moved out of the apartment above Carter's shop and into Megan's place. It felt a little odd living with someone. He'd never done it before, but at the same time, sharing a home with Megan felt right.

  Everything about being with Megan felt right.

  There was just one thing that wasn't settled yet, and he intended to rectify that tonight.

  Brady and Megan were going to meet with their friends at Bash's bar for drinks after work.

  He finished up early, went home and let Roxie out back to play while he took a shower. Megan had said she had to run some errands, so she wasn't home yet. He played with Roxie for a while, then Megan got home, jumped in the shower, and got dressed.

  Roxie was all settled in Megan's place as well. She had her favorite chicken--of course--as well as other toys, and her new dog bed was in their bedroom. To Roxie, home was wherever they were, so she was good.