Thorns Before Roses

by Hanna Ruthie

  “What’s up with you man?” He asks.

  “Fuck off is what’s up.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Just man up and ask her out if you like her that much.”

  “It’s not like that… and it’s not that simple.”

  “Why not?”

  I stand up, aggravated. “You don’t get it Chris, and you never will. So fuck off.”

  He shoves me. Not hard, just enough to make me back up a step. “Don’t tell me what I do and don’t get. I get more than you think fucker.”

  “You think so?!” I shout, completely enraged now. I should have done this at the gym, taken my anger out on the punching bag. But I didn’t and now Chris is the one standing right in front of me. I shove him hard, and his back slams against the door.

  His hands curl into fists, but he doesn’t make a move. “What’s the problem Matt? Is she seeing someone else or something?”

  My own hands curl into fists. “Don’t fucking start.”

  “She doesn’t want to put up with your bullshit? Then be a better man,” he says, coming off of the door.

  I shove him again. “Don’t you dare,” I seethe, pointing my finger in his face.

  He slaps my finger away from his face and there’s a pause in the air where we can practically hear the buzzing of my anger. It sets me over the edge and I swing. Chris sees it coming and ducks. I hit the door instead and curse, grabbing my hand. Chris snaps back up and shoves me.

  “Asshole,” he grunts.

  I drop my hand and look at him. “Come on then,” I urge.

  He shakes his head. “I don’t want to fight you Matt.”

  I swing again, and Chris catches my hand. He swings back, hitting me in the jaw. I groan, stumbling back a little bit, and growing angrier.

  “You done yet?!” He shouts.

  A frustrated sound emerges from my throat as I swing again, landing a punch right on his cheekbone.

  “Come on,” I say, bouncing on my feet a little, holding my fists up.

  He shakes his head again, grimacing and putting his own fists up. “You asked for this.”

  I swing, Chris dodges and hits me in the eye. It hurts like a bitch but I just shake it off. My fists are already stinging, they’re going to be bruised to hell. Before I have another chance to swing, the door opens, and Ariana comes in.

  “What the hell!” She says. She shoves herself between us, holding us apart with her hands.

  “What’s the matter with you two?!” She asks.

  Chris shakes his head at me and walks out. I hear the front door to the apartment slam as he leaves. Ariana curses, looking at me. “Don’t do anything stupid,” she says.

  She runs after him, and I sink back down on the bed. Don’t do anything stupid? Too late.

  * * *

  Not an hour later, I’m sitting on the couch in complete silence and darkness. I fucked up. I fucked up with Josie, I fucked up with Chris. I fucked up. Chris isn’t my enemy, I’m my own enemy. The door opens, and light floods in from the hallway. I look over and see Thomas walk in, holding a girl’s hand. He turns the light on, and I sink into the couch, looking away from him.

  “Hey,” he says, dropping the girl’s hand and coming over to me. “So do I need to kick your ass, or did Chris do enough of that to satisfy you?”

  I keep my head down. I know I deserve the lecture, but there’s nothing he can do or say to make me feel worse about myself than I already do. He sighs.

  “Harper, you remember Matthew, my roommate, who’s usually an asshole, but setting surprising new records for himself today,” he introduces.

  I look up at her. She’s just like I remember from the movie theater. Small, curly brown hair, beautiful blue eyes.

  “Hey,” I say quietly.

  She smiles and gives me a small wave.

  Thomas turns back to her. “Make yourself at home, okay? I’m gonna chat with Matthew in the hallway.”

  He turns back to me, his expression serious. I stand up and make my way to the hallway, awaiting my punishment. After a couple minutes, Thomas comes out of the apartment, walking over to me.

  “Alright listen,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Obviously, Chris told me about what happened… I agree he said some things he shouldn’t have, but make no mistake, you’re at fault for what happened. You threw the first punch.”

  I nod slowly.

  “So what the fuck is going on Matt, spill it.”

  Maybe I’m cracking. Maybe it’s the fact that Thomas asked. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired of holding it all in. Whatever the case may be, I tell Thomas everything I’m feeling. I tell him about how Josie and I talked this morning, and how I said shitty things to her and how that scares the hell out of me. I admit to him that I don’t want to drag Josie through… well through me. I talk and talk and he stands and listens. When I finally finish he nods, seeming to understand my state of mind a little bit more.

  “Look Matt, if you’re not ready to commit, that’s fine. But let’s get one thing out of the way right now before it gets messy. This angry shit has got to stop. Clearly you have feelings for Josie, and if you’re not ready to act on them, that’s fine, but don’t go around hitting your roommates over it.”

  I nod. He’s right.

  “And you owe Chris an explanation man. This living situation and our playing on the basketball team only works when we all get along. So when he gets back, you’ve got to tell him everything you just told me.”

  I sigh. I don’t really want to play catch up with Chris, but Thomas is right. He deserves to know why I snapped at him.

  “And finally, I’m bringing Harper with me to the team banquet. Stop being a pussy and ask Josie to come with you. Because I could tell you that you’re worth it, but I don’t think you’d believe me. But if Josie takes a chance on you, I really think she can help you.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” I mutter.

  Thomas rolls his eyes. “For God’s sake-”

  “I’ll ask her,” I say, wanting any excuse to see her. “I’ll ask.”

  He sighs in relief. “Good.”

  We walk back inside, sitting down at the counter. Just then, the door opens and Chris walks in.

  “Oh Christ,” he says. “What did I walk into here?”

  Thomas stands and moves around the counter, patting me on the back.

  “Good luck,” he says. He walks down the hallway to his room, where Harper is, and shuts the door behind him.

  Chris sits down in his spot. “About what happened earlier, I shouldn’t have pushed you,” he says.

  I release a deep breath. “No, it was my fault, but you should know why I was… well why I was acting insane,” I huff.

  Chris chuckles and stands, opening the fridge. He pulls out two beers, sliding one to me. I pop it open and take a long drag as Chris sits back down. And then we talk, and I tell him everything I told Thomas. When I finally finish, Chris looks sad.

  “You think I don’t know how you feel, but I do. Ariana’s way too good for me. Besides her being the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, literally, she’s good. She’s honest, kind, respectful, and I know, I know I’m gonna fuck it up.”

  I listen to his own insecurities and nod slowly. He was right, he does understand me, maybe even more than Thomas can.

  He shakes his head. “I keep thinking, what could I possibly have to offer her?”

  “Sounds like you’re serious about her,” I say, surprised.

  “I am,” he says, his face showing surprise at his own statements. “It’s not something I was expecting, she just hit me out of nowhere.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean,” I respond.

  Chris looks at me for a second and laughs. “We sure throw a good pity party don’t we?”

  I laugh. “Yeah I guess so.”

  “Let’s make a deal,” he says. “If you catch me doing something stupid- like grounds for Ariana to hate me, please try to stop me. And if I catch you doing the same thing with
Josie, I’ll try to stop you.”

  I stick my hand out immediately. I can use all the help I can get in not royally screwing things up with Josie.

  “Deal,” I say.

  Chris takes my hand and shakes it firmly. Then he stands up, throwing his beer out. He walks around the counter and pats me on the back, pointing to my face.

  “Your welcome for the shiner by the way,” he says, smiling. “Girls totally dig that.”

  I smack his hand away, laughing. “Get out of here dumbass.”

  He laughs, running down the hallway. “I’m serious!” He shouts down to me.

  I snort a laugh, rolling my eyes. Then I turn back to finish my beer. It’s pretty late already, and I’ve got to get more sleep before we start practice tomorrow. I drain the last of my beer and throw it out. As I head to my room, I feel a lot better. I won’t get to see Josie for a little while, but I will get to see her. And what means more to me is that the boys know how I feel, and they’re on my side. They have my back. Tonight I fall asleep feeling the first ounce of contentment I’ve had in a very long time.

  Chapter 16

  Josie Virginia.

  I make my way back to my apartment entirely exhausted. I’ve spent the last five days trying to stay up to date on my classwork while also doing everything in my power to help Cammy adjust to her new home. Another treatment center. Now that she’s there, half the trouble is done. Now we wait and hope. What we’re hoping for? I’m not entirely sure. I guess just a happy place. A nice place. A place where she’s well cared for and can relax. An Uber drops me off at my door late. I heave my suitcase out of the trunk and walk up to my apartment complex. It’s not until I’m nearly at my door that I realize there’s a dark figure standing in front of it.

  “Hello?” I ask, cautiously.

  The figure steps forward and I make out the distinct features of Matthew. A breath of relief exits my mouth.

  “Jesus Matthew, you scared me.”

  “I-I didn’t mean to,” he answers.

  I sigh, moving forward and pulling out my keys. “What are you doing here anyways?”

  I unlock my door and walk inside, leaving it open for Matthew to follow me. I drop my suitcase at the entrance and go to my kitchen, searching for a water. I turn on the light, hearing Matthew close the front door behind him. I grab my water and turn around just in time to see Matthew enter the kitchen. His head is hung low, almost in shame. And in his hands are… a lovely bouquet of roses.

  “What are those?” I ask, taking a sip of my water.

  He clears his throat, holding them out for me. “They’re for you. They’re flowers… I’m sorry flowers.”

  I take them from him cautiously. “I’m sorry flowers?” I repeat.

  Matthew nods.

  “And what exactly are the flowers sorry for?” I ask.

  “The flower’s aren’t sorry… I am.”

  I take the roses, looking at them. They’re an assortment of all different kinds, pink, red and white. I turn around, grabbing a vase from my cupboard. I fill it with water and slide the flowers in, arranging them a little bit. I leave them there, right on the counter.

  “They’re beautiful,” I say, turning back around.

  Matthew’s head is still hung low. I move around the kitchen table separating us.

  “What’s this about Matthew? Why won’t you look at me?”

  He releases a long breath and pulls off his hoodie. “Don’t freak out,” he tells me. He looks up at me and I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. His jaw is purple, one of his eyes swollen shut and black.

  “Oh my God, what the hell happened? Who did this to you?”

  “Why,” Matthew chuckles. “You gonna give ‘em a piece of your mind?”

  I rush back behind the table, grabbing a bag of frozen peas from the freezer.

  “Be serious Matthew,” I scold, pressing the bag against his eye gently.

  He chuckles. “It’s not fresh Josie, it’s from earlier this week, I don’t know how much good icing it is going to do now.” He grabs the bag from my hand, holding it against his eye, wincing. “It was Chris. But I deserved it.”

  I pull out a chair at the table and sit. Matthew sits across from me, holding the peas against his face.

  “Listen,” he starts. “The main reason why I’m here is to apologize. I’ve been a dick these last couple weeks. First with the thing at the pizza parlor and then with the tutoring. I’m really fucking sorry Josie. I’ve just been… all over the place.”

  “What’s going on with you Matthew?” I ask, equal parts concerned and mystified.

  He runs a hand through his hair. “It’s… complicated.”

  “Should I be worried?” I ask.

  Matthew slides his free arm across the table, leaving his hand out for me to take. I slide my own into it. He shakes his head. “I don’t want you to be worried about anything,” he whispers.

  “I don’t like seeing you hurt,” I say, squeezing his hand.

  He drops his head briefly and brings my hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss against my knuckles. My stomach warms at the small action. He sets our hands back down on the table and looks up at me for a few seconds.

  “Alright, I should get out of your hair. You’re tired.”

  “I am,” I admit. “But we can talk more on Wednesday.”

  “Right,” he laughs lightly, standing up. “Tutoring.”

  He gives my hand another squeeze and releases it, putting the peas back in the freezer. I watch him do it all, exhausted from my last few days. Before leaving my side of the table, Matthew leans over, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

  “Goodnight Jos,” He says against me.

  I shut my eyes at the feeling, sighing contently. “Goodnight.”

  He leaves after that, closing the door gently behind him, leaving nothing but kisses and flowers in his wake.

  * * *

  The next morning, I’m sitting in oceanography, five minutes early as usual, when someone flops down next to me. I look over and see a slightly familiar face, Thomas’ date from the movie theater.

  “Hey,” she says, breathing heavily. “Sorry I’m so out of breath, I just came from the gym, I thought I was going to be late.”

  I laugh a little as she drops all her things on the table in front of me, trying to brush her hair out with her fingers.

  “Oh no worries. It’s Harper, right?”

  She nods her head. “Yup. And I know you’re Josie, Thomas and Chris talk about you a lot.”

  Talk about me? Talk about me? A lot?

  “They do?” I ask, shifting in my seat nervously.

  She nods, finally catching her breath. “Yeah, they say that Matthew’s different because of you.”

  What? Different? Different how?

  “I-I’m confused…” I say, watching the hyperactive brunette in front of me. There’s a coffee on her desk and I really hope it’s decaf.

  She shrugs in response. “I don’t really know Matthew all that well so I can’t say. But he seems…”

  She trails off, biting her lip, struggling to find a positive adjective. I laugh a little.

  “It’s okay,” I say, letting her off the hook. “You can say mean. That’s how he comes off to everybody.”

  “Even to you?” She wonders, pulling out her notes.

  More students are walking in now, making their way to their own desks.

  “Um, at first, yeah. But we’re friends now.”

  She nods her head, leaning back in her chair. “Well anyways, I hope it’s okay that I sat here. I don’t have many friends… and well… yeah.”

  I smile at her, trying my best to be friendly. “It’s no problem. To be honest with you, I don’t have all that many friends either. I’m kind of a hermit.”

  Harper giggles. “Really? I think I’m the opposite. Very extrovert.”

  I nod my head, my eyes watching her. “But extroverts usually have so many friends…” I say, thinking out loud.

&nb
sp; She takes a sip of her coffee, her leg shaking under the table. “I actually just transferred here from the local junior college. It’s my first semester here, so I haven’t had a chance to meet many people yet.”

  “But you met Thomas,” I point out.

  She laughs. “Oh no, Thomas and I have known each other for years. Since Middle School I think.”

  “Oh wow,” I reply, surprised. “So how long have you two been together… if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “Just a few weeks,” is her answer. “We kinda… reconnected.”

  “That’s nice,” I comment.

  She looks down at her notes, smiling. “Yeah it is. Anyways, how’d you meet Matthew?”

  I smile myself at the memory. “Tutoring.”

  She laughs a little, looking over at me. “I don’t wish I was you.”

  I shrug, a small smile on my face. “Oh he’s not so bad.”

  My eyes meet Harper’s again and I can’t help but laugh. She has an eyebrow raised at me, her expression one of disbelief. Our professor walks in just then and I bite my lip to contain my laughter. He begins to speak but I lean over to Harper.

  “Hey would you maybe want to get coffee after this?” I whisper.

  She looks over at me and smiles. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

  I smile, turning back to our professor. I think I just made a friend.

  * * *

  “So, what’s your story?” Harper asks me, stirring her straw through her iced coffee.

  I shift in my seat, laughing lightly.

  “Well… without getting too much into it, my Mom passed away, my Dad’s in Tokyo on business and my sister’s here in Connecticut.”

  “Cool,” Harper replies, taking a sip of her drink.

  I cup my hands around my hot chocolate trying to warm my fingers from the cold air outside.

  “How about you?” I ask.

  She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Dad’s dead. Mom’s here. I’m an only child.”

  I nod my head slowly, surprised to hear that her own parent passed away.