Thorns Before Roses

by Hanna Ruthie

  “Hey, you know what I just realized?” I ask.

  Matthew holds the door open for me, letting me walk out before him.

  “What?” He grunts as the door closes behind us.

  “This is our last week of tutoring. I mean… counting the lessons we’ve both missed. But still, semester is almost over.”

  Matthew grumbles something else under his breath, pulling out his car keys. I pull on his arm to stop him from walking.

  “Hey,” I say. “Don’t worry. We can squeeze in another session this week before your test.”

  He eyes me carefully. “But you won’t get paid.”

  “Yes well, I’m a very determined tutor. I insist all my students pass their classes.”

  He shifts on his feet. “You’d really help me out some more?”

  I nod swiftly. A breath of relief leaves his mouth and he grabs me in a hug. “Can you come over to my place tomorrow? We can study there.”

  “Sure,” I reply. “I get off work at nine so it’ll have to be after that.”

  “That’s fine,” he replies, releasing me from the hug. “Thanks Jos. I really appreciate it.”

  “Sure thing.”

  Chapter 19

  Matthew Steele.

  Thomas and I slide into two open seats at the counter of The Burger Joint. Josie comes over, smiling at us.

  “Back again,” she says, tilting her head to the side. “Couldn’t get enough of me?”

  Thomas snorts a laugh. “More like we can’t get rid of you. Do you live here?” He asks.

  Josie squints at him, knowing he’s teasing. “And you?” She asks, looking at me. “Can’t get rid of me?”

  Can’t get enough of you

  “Never,” I play along. “Like a leach.”

  Josie shakes her head, laughing lightly. “You guys are so mean.”

  We laugh too, opening the menus that she slides in front of us.

  She leaves to give us some time and then comes back to take our orders. She brings it to the kitchen and then comes back, resting her hands on the counter.

  “So what’s goin’ on guys?”

  “Not much,” Thomas responds. “We just got back from a game in New Jersey.”

  “We won,” I add.

  Josie smiles and nods her head approvingly. “That’s good.”

  “No Johnny today?” I ask Josie, looking around for him.

  She shakes her head no. “He’s off today.”

  I nod my head, a little disappointed. I’ve been wanting to check in with him.

  “How’s Harper?” She asks Thomas.

  Her eyes are curious, not jealous or prodding, just kind.

  “She’s… she’s-”

  “She’s Harper,” I interrupt.

  Thomas rolls his eyes. He knows I don’t like hearing about her.

  “What do you think of her?” He asks Josie, prodding.

  “I think she’s great,” she replies. “We’ve been talking a lot in oceanography. She’s like a friend now.”

  “That’s good,” Thomas says, noticeably jabbing his elbow into my side.

  I shake my head. “Wonderful, now we’re all buddies.”

  “Don’t be mean,” Josie says. “Harper’s great.”

  Rolling my eyes, I change the subject. “You still up for tutoring tonight?” I ask Josie.

  “Yup,” she answers, grabbing a rag to lazily wipe down the counter.

  “Can I drive you?” I ask.

  She looks up at me with a smile and nods. “Okay.”

  The bell rings from the kitchen and she grabs our food, bringing it back to us. From there, she leaves us in peace to eat and talk on our own.

  * * *

  “So, are you excited?” Josie asks me as we begin our drive towards my apartment. Her backpack is at her feet.

  I look over at her, running a hand over my mouth. I need to shave soon, the short hairs on my face are starting to itch.

  “Excited… about?”

  “About almost being done with biology! You’ve just got finals and then you’re all finished!”

  I shrug. To be perfectly honest, I hadn’t really thought about it. But now that I do, I realize what it means. No more biology means no more tutoring. And no more tutoring means no more Josie…

  Ignoring her question, I ask my own. “How’s trig going?”

  She sighs heavily. “It’s alright. I have a B. I’m just praying it stays there.”

  I nod my head slowly, listening to her. It’s cold out, so I turn the heater on and point it towards her. “You have to make up math units next semester?”

  “Yeah, but I’m just going to take something simple. I’m done trying to ‘challenge’ myself.”

  She puts the word in air quotes and giggles at it. Man is she cute. We sit for a while in silence, covering a block or two with just the sounds of the engine. I spend the time trying to work up the nerve to ask her to the banquet. When I’m finally ready, I open my mouth to speak but Josie speaks at the same time. She giggles nervously and I look down at the steering wheel.

  “Go ahead,” I say gruffly.

  “Oh, I was just going to say, your eye looks a lot better. It’s not black and blue anymore.”

  “Yeah, it gets a little better everyday,” I reply.

  We stop at a red light and I notice Josie cross her arms over her chest, shivering a little bit. “Did it hurt?” She asks quietly.

  I shrug my jacket off and swing it over her shoulders. She smiles up at me, sliding her arms through it as she waits for me to respond.

  “Well I…” I scratch my chin. “It didn’t feel good.”

  Josie nods slowly. It’s quiet for another minute and then she clears her throat.

  “Matthew… we’re friends right?”

  I look down at her, my brows pinching in concern. “Yeah…”

  “Good friends right?”

  “Sure,” I reply cautiously.

  The light turns green and I slowly pull my eyes away from Josie and press on the gas.

  “When we’re done tutoring, can we still hang out?” She asks.

  I look over at her briefly and swallow nervously. “Yeah,” I manage to get out.

  She looks at me for a few seconds and then shifts her glance down to her feet, shuffling them nervously.

  “Really?” She asks.

  I nod my head. “Yes really.”

  I pull up in front of the apartment and turn off the ignition, getting out. Josie follows me inside my apartment where it’s quiet. The guys must be out with their girls.

  “You want something to drink?” I ask her, trying to be a good host. A good host? Who the fuck have I become?

  “No, I’m good thanks,” she replies.

  I grab myself a water and lead the way to my room where all my school stuff is. Josie follows me, leaving the door open. I sit down on my bed, back against the headboard and watch Josie as she walks around, examining my room. She looks at the books on my shelf, mostly historical, and the movies there too.

  “Wow,” she says. “This is a gold mine.”

  Her dainty fingers push through my movies, picking one up every once in a while to examine it and then setting it back. She picks up Donnie Darko and shows it to me.

  “This movie is terrifying,” she says. She looks at the cover and shutters, putting it back.

  “It’s not that bad,” I argue.

  I hear her scoff, her back still to me as she looks through the rest.

  “I’m going to have to borrow some of these,” she says, turning back towards me. She sits at the foot of the bed and sets her backpack in front of her, pulling out some notes. I watch her for a moment, in shock. Josephine Virginia is in my fucking bed.

  “I was thinking we could take a look at chapter sixteen again,” she says.

  I snap back to reality, flipping through my notes until I get to chapter sixteen. “Sure.”

  We get started, reviewing what we missed yesterday until my brain turns to mush. A couple hou
rs later, my head actually hurts.

  “Okay… stop,” I say, rubbing my forehead. “No more, please. If I fail, too fucking bad. At least I can say I tried.”

  Josie’s head falls back in relief. “Thank God,” she says. “My brain can’t do anymore biology.”

  She stands from the bed, stretching her legs out. I hear the front door shut close, voices floating in from the living room.

  “Matt you home?” Thomas’ voice calls.

  I stand from my bed and poke my head out of my room. Harper’s standing next to him and I give them a wave of my hand.

  “Josie’s here too,” I say.

  “She is?!” Harper asks excitedly.

  Josie pokes her head out of my room. “Hi guys,” she says. “I was just helping Matthew study.”

  “Naked I hope,” Thomas murmurs.

  It doesn’t go unnoticed by me, or Josie, who blushes furiously at the comment. Harper elbows him in the side and covers for my idiot friend.

  “We were just going to bed. You guys can have the TV,” she says.

  “Thanks,” Josie replies. “But I was just leaving.”

  Damn you Thomas. I shoot daggers at him and he gives me a small shrug. I pull Josie back in my room.

  “You don’t have to leave so soon,” I say. “We can watch a movie if you want.”

  Truth is, I’m fucking terrified. My final is tomorrow and after that… I’m done with bio. I told Josie we could still hang out, but when? She shakes her head, her cheeks still blushing from Thomas’ comment.

  “No, I should really be going.”

  I watch her as she packs up her things, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. She’s tapping on her phone when I finally speak.

  “Can I at least drive you home?” I ask.

  She holds up her phone, showing she has an Uber coming to get her. “No need,” she replies with a smile. I nod my head, swallowing nervously. I need an excuse to get her back here, and soon.

  “Do you want to borrow something?” I ask, nodding my head to my movies.

  Josie looks over at them and bites her lip. She wants to, I can tell. It makes me smile.

  “Kinda,” she says bashfully.

  I chuckle, gesturing to the line of films. “Go for it.”

  She walks over to them and searches through carefully until she finds the one she wants and plucks it out. When I see Scarface poking out of her hands I smile. This girl is after my fucking heart.

  “I’ll walk you out,” I say, leading the way out of my room. We walk through the apartment and down to the street in silence. I close the gate behind us and wait with her for her ride to show up.

  “So,” she says, turning towards me. “Good luck on your final. And I’ll see you…”

  She trails off and I see her eyes flicker in sadness. She looks down at the ground and shuffles a little. “I was going to say I’ll see you next Wednesday but…”

  I watch her, my gut squeezing. I’m fucking panicking. I don’t want to be done with her. This can’t be the end for Josie Virginia and I.

  “You will see me next Wednesday,” I blurt out.

  Josie looks up at me, confused. “I-I will?”

  I nod my head, quickly thinking up an excuse. “For… Donnie Darko.”

  She smiles and then laughs a little. “What?”

  I chuckle, shoving my hands into my pockets. “It doesn’t have to be that movie. Any movie really.”

  Josie smiles at me and Goddamn if it isn’t contagious.

  “Here? At your place?” She asks.

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “Okay,” she says softly. She looks down, biting her lip. Her hair falls in front of her face and it takes every muscle in my body to stop from pushing it back and kissing her right here. My hands flex inside my pockets. I’m saved when her ride shows up a minute later. She gets in, a beautiful smile on her face and drives away, leaving me in the darkness with nothing but the memory of her light.

  * * *

  “Fuck yes!” I shout, throwing my fist in the air.

  The students around me on campus jump and shoot me looks of concern. I pull out my phone immediately, typing a message.

  Me: Guess what?

  Josie: What?

  Me: Parkins posted the grades outside her classroom

  Josie: AND?!

  Me: I passed

  Josie doesn’t respond for a couple minutes and I stand waiting, my heart slamming against my chest in happiness.

  Josie: You didn’t see it… but I was doing a little happy dance

  Me: Um you’re gonna do it again for me tomorrow, right?

  Josie: During Donnie Darko? NO. There will be no dancing, only trembling and hiding behind pillows

  Me: Wimp

  Josie: I was going to bring food but now… I don’t know…

  Me: Did I say wimp? I meant wonderful

  Josie: That’s what I thought

  She’s got me wrapped around her little finger, and it’s right where I want to be.

  * * *

  I’m awoken from my afternoon nap with a knock at the door. I get up, trudging to the door sleepily. When I open it, Josie is standing there. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a thin pink sweater, her hair curled loosely. She looks up at me with those hazel eyes and glossy lips. She looks like a Goddamn wet dream.

  “Oh no,” she says. “Did I wake you? Were you taking a nap? You must be tired from basket-”

  I interrupt her, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the apartment. Once she’s inside, I release her hand and shut the door behind her.

  “Hi,” she giggles. She holds up a bag in her hand. “I brought food.”

  “Oh hell yes,” I groan, taking the bag from her hands and looking inside. I walk to the kitchen with the food, trying to figure out what’s inside.

  “Oh I see,” she says, crossing her hands over her chest. “The food takes first priority does it?”

  She’s just teasing, but I still feel a little bad. I set the food down on the counter and take a couple steps towards her, squeezing her into a big hug.

  “Is this what you wanted?” I ask.

  She laughs against me, patting my chest to have me release her. “Okay okay.”

  I relent, releasing her, and turn back to the food. She sits down at the counter as I take out a hamburger and fries.

  “For me?” I ask.

  She nods. Then she reaches in and pulls out a sandwich.

  “Grilled cheese,” she tells me. “My favorite.”

  I nod my head, approving her choice. “You want a beer?” I ask.

  She scrunches her nose. “No thanks.”

  I grab one for myself and slide her a water bottle instead. She takes it, smiling to me gratefully. I move to the couch with my food and Josie follows. I pop Donnie Darko in the DVD player and take my spot on the couch. Josie sits next to me, curling her feet up to the side.

  “Jos, could you hand me the remote?” I ask.

  When there’s no response, I look over and see her staring at me, smiling.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Nothing. I just… I like when you call me Jos.”

  “Yeah?”

  She reaches to the side and grabs the remote, putting it in my hand. “Yeah, that means we’re good friends.”

  I smile and shrug. I’m not crazy about the word friends, but she’s not wrong. We’ve spent a lot of time together. I feel comfortable around her. I like being around her. I like her, but friends is good. For now, I can do friends. I turn on the TV as Josie starts her sandwich. I start the movie, skipping the previews since they’re for old films. We watch and eat in silence, just content being in each other’s company. When we finish our food, Josie grabs a blanket and throws it over her legs, leaning into me a little as we watch the movie. We watch for a while longer when the door opens. Chris tumbles in, drunk, some girl giggling behind him. It’s not Ariana. I stand up from the couch immediately. He throws his arm over her shoulder and they start past the couch w
hen I jump in front of them.

  “Excuse me,” I say to the girl. “I need a quick word with my friend.”

  She looks over to Chris and presses a wet kiss to his cheek. I recognize her. She’s been here before. “I’ll be in your room honey.”

  She walks down the hallway and goes into his room. When I look back at Chris, he’s already got shame written all over his face.

  “What are you doing man?” I ask, my tone harsh.

  He shrugs, looking at the ground. “We got into a huge fight. I’m pretty sure it’s over.”

  “Pretty sure isn’t sure.”

  He looks up at me. “You’re too late Matt, I already fucked it up.”

  He tries to move past me, but I step in front of him again. “Remember that deal we made? This qualifies as grounds for her to hate you Chris. I can’t let you do it.”

  He looks at me with anger in his eyes and the tension builds between us. I don’t want this to be another fight.

  “Come on Chris,” I urge. “Don’t do something you’re gonna regret.”

  He pushes his finger in my chest. “One bruised jaw wasn’t enough for you?”

  I shake my head. “You’re drunk Chris. Just sleep it off, alone.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Josie get up. She’s been listening the whole time, but now, with tensions mounting, she comes over.

  “Everything okay guys?” She asks.

  Chris looks over at her and then back at me. He seems to calm down. We exchange eye contact for a long time and Chris cools off.

  “Yeah,” he says. “We’re good.” He drops his hand and takes a step back. I move to the side, and Chris walks to his room. He’s back in his right mind now, and I can relax knowing he’ll do the right thing.

  Josie sits down on the couch and I flop down next to her, releasing a breath of relief.

  “What was all that about?” She asks. “What deal did you guys make?”