Thorns Before Roses

by Hanna Ruthie

  “Yes you are.” Caught.

  “Fine, I am,” I admit. “But it’s working, isn’t it?”

  Josie looks over at me and begins chewing on her lip. That damn lip. She’s driving me up the fucking wall. God, the things I want to do to her right now. She blinks a few times and looks down, flustered.

  “You have to be so stupid attractive. With your stupid grey eyes and your stupid dark hair, and your stupid perfect smile,” she mutters.

  That smile on my face, yeah, it grows. Along with other things. She looks up at me.

  “God! You look like freaking… Ryan Gosling’s evil brother or something.”

  I laugh at that, my head tilting back at her comparison. When I look back at her she’s blushing harder and fidgeting a little. She’s turned on.

  “Well if it helps Virginia, I’m not thinking pure thoughts about you either right now.”

  She groans lightly, letting her pretty head fall against the couch cushion as she looks at me.

  “How could that possibly help?”

  I shrug. “It’s just the truth.”

  We stare at each other for a moment, the air between us heating rapidly. The chemistry between us is undeniable. She swallows. I notice. I stare at her lips. She notices.

  “Matthew?” She asks quietly.

  “Yeah baby?”

  She shuts her eyes at that, shaking her head a little. “Will you drive me home?” She manages.

  I raise a brow to her. “Are you sure you don’t wanna stay?”

  “No,” she says quickly. “Which is why I need to leave.”

  I watch her for a moment and then nod my head. I told her I would respect her boundaries and that’s exactly what I’ll do. As much as it pains me to get up off the couch, I won’t tempt fate and toy with Josie’s mind. If I stand any change of not fucking this up, I have to treat every part of her as a gift. If I’m being honest with myself, that’s what she is.

  Chapter 31

  Josie Virginia.

  When Matthew buzzes up to my apartment I let him in, waiting patiently for him to make his way up the stairs. When he finally reaches my door, I let him in. He’s got his training bag with him, so I assume he just came from practice. He’ll probably be tired. He kicks off his shoes at the door and drops his keys on the counter, joining me on the couch.

  “Hey,” he says, flopping down, resting his head against the back of the couch. His training bag is still looped around his shoulder, dragging on the ground.

  “Hi sleepy boy,” I say, pressing a kiss against his jaw.

  He smiles and lifts his head to look at me. “If I fall asleep during the movie are you going to kick me out?”

  “I’d never kick you out, I love it when you stay over.” I blush a little at my shameless confession and look down.

  I feel Matthew’s gaze on me the entire time and finally it gets to be too much. I squirm under his heavy gaze, and eventually break, turning to look at him. “What?” I ask.

  He just stares at me, a small smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. “Nothing,” he shrugs.

  He bumps my shoulder with his lightly. Sometimes I still feel nervous around him, butterflies in my stomach.

  “I got something for you,” Matthew says, pulling his training bag onto his lap.

  He looks at me curiously, waiting for me to bite the line he’s thrown me.

  “Okay,” I say cautiously.

  He opens the bag and pulls out a big box, wrapped in a bow. He hands it to me and I stare at it for a moment, waiting for his permission.

  “Go ahead,” he says. “You can open it.”

  I slowly pull the ribbon, opening the box. All I can see inside is fabric on top, a beautiful silky periwinkle, light blue with just a hint of lavender. I take the fabric carefully and lift, it’s smoothness nearly running through my fingers. When I see the fabric intersecting at the top, creating light, fluttering sleeves, I realize it’s a dress. I gasp, and stand up, pulling the whole dress out. It tumbles to the ground in soft waves. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen in my life.

  “For the banquet,” he says softly.

  “Matthew… ” I say, holding the dress in my arms carefully. I look back down at the material touching my skin. “How much did this cost you?”

  He shakes his head. “That’s not important. Ariana helped me search online for one for days. And Harper helped me with your measurements so we could send the information to a tailor with the dress. So, I’m not solely responsible for it… I had help.”

  I stare at the dress, unable to take my eyes off of it. I don’t know how I’d even wear it, it’s so perfect.

  “Matthew I don’t even know if I can take this,” I say, letting the dress slide back into the box.

  Matthew stands up, grabbing the end of the dress to stop me from putting it away.

  “I knew you would say that,” he sighs. “Which is why I cut the tag off. I can’t return it now. So you have no choice but to keep it.”

  “But I-”

  “You are going to look beautiful in it,” he interrupts. “Go try it on.”

  I hesitate for a moment but then, looking at the dress in my hands, I can’t help it. I can’t wait to put it on, to feel like a princess.

  “Okay,” I say, biting my lip to contain my excitement.

  I scurry to the bathroom and shut the door behind me, quickly undressing and then slowly putting the dress on. It’s so soft against me and I start to tear up when I see it. This dress… this dress is stunning, this dress is royal.

  “Come on!” Matthew shouts. “Let’s see it already!”

  I step out, my fuzzy socks still on my feet, and I lift the dress a little bit, afraid my carpet will somehow ruin it. Eventually I drop the dress back down and look up at Matthew. He’s sitting on the couch, and he stands up when he sees me, and then sits down, and then stands up again. He runs a hand over his mouth, staring at me.

  “Well?” I say, not able to read his expression. “What do you think?”

  His eyes pierce straight through me. “I think you just sucker punched me in the gut is what I think,” he says.

  I laugh, tilting my head to the side slightly, trying to get a read on him. He comes over to me and holds out his hand. I take it, and he spins me, just once, and then drops his hand.

  “What are you thinking?” I ask, wanting to get inside his thoughts.

  He glances up at me. “Lots of things,” he replies vaguely.

  “Like what?”

  He sighs. “I feel like you’re a hologram or something… not real. You’re angelic right now Josie. You’re always a little bit, but right now it’s full on. Full on, like, sent from heaven, just landed on earth, has the power to bring down empires beautiful.”

  “That’s sweet,” I reply, looking down at my feet.

  He lifts my chin with his finger, forcing me to meet his heavy gaze. “I’m also thinking you look incredibly sexy right now, and there’s a good part of me that wants to peel the damn thing off of you.”

  His honestly makes me blush, my nerves shooting through the ceiling, my stomach tightening, my hands shaking at my side. He pushes his hand through my hair gently.

  “Go take it off before I take it off for you,” he whispers into my ear.

  I shiver at the warmth of his breath tickling the shell of my ear and pull away, going back to the bathroom. I change back into my leggings and faded yellow sweater, the most comfortable pajamas I own. When I come back out, Matthew is sitting on the couch again, his eyes closed and body limp with exhaustion. I go over to him and tug on his hand.

  “Come on, let’s just go to bed.”

  He shakes his head at me. “No no, I like our movie nights. I want to watch something.”

  I eye him warily but sit down next to him, turning on the TV. I find some old zombie flick on cable and turn it on, settling into Matthew’s side. It’s not long after that I hear him snoring. I tug on his hand, waking him up.

  “Come on Matt,
let’s go to the bedroom.”

  He shakes his head. “You go ahead, I’m fine.”

  I stare at him for a minute, the truth slowly coming to me as I gain an understanding of what’s going on. I get what’s happening... “You’re avoiding the bedroom. You don’t want to have another nightmare in there.”

  “No,” he says quickly, too quickly.

  “Matthew, it’s fine. I’m not freaked out by it. I’ll just wake you up.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  I sigh loudly, turning my body towards him. “Come on Matt. We have to talk about it.”

  He runs a hand over his mouth. “I’ll just sleep out here.”

  “That’s ridiculous Matthew. I’m telling you it’s not a problem.”

  “Is it for me!” He exclaims. He’s tired. He’s tired and I’m riding on his nerves making him talk about this, but it’s just too bad. We have to talk about it. Especially if it’s keeping him from my bedroom.

  “Why?” I ask. “I’m not going to judge you or anything, I swear.”

  He groans, avoiding eye contact with me. “Can we just watch the movie?”

  “We need to talk about this Matthew. I wish you’d stop hiding from me.”

  “I’m not hiding,” he replies, his teeth gritted.

  “Yes you are,” I return quickly. “If you weren’t you would just come to bed with me.”

  “Why is this such a big deal to you?” He asks. He stands up quickly, putting some space between us. “So I don’t want to sleep in the same bed as you, so what? You’re being so… so clingy.”

  I feel my brows shoot up at his statement. I’m honestly surprised. Clingy? I am a lot of things, but clingy is not one of them. His words frustrate the hell out of me. I get that he’s uncomfortable talking about this, but to spin it on me, make it seem like I’m the one causing the problem… it’s not okay.

  “Fine Matthew. Just go. Sleep at home then if I’m so clingy.”

  He groans again, his head falling back. “You’ve got to be the most frustrating person I’ve ever met,” he says.

  “I’m frustrating? Me? God Matthew, you’re so stupid sometimes! You’re so stubborn!”

  He sighs, putting his hands on his waist. “I don’t want to fight Josie. We have the banquet tomorrow. Can we just let this go?”

  “I don’t know Matthew. What would a clingy person say to that?” I fire back.

  Matthew rolls his eyes. “That’s childish Josie. Be mature.”

  “You’re telling me to be mature? Unbelievable!” I shout, standing up from the couch.

  How does this always happen? How does it always heat until one or both of us is boiling. It’s explosive every time.

  “Fine,” he relents. “I’m sorry I called you clingy.”

  “No you aren’t,” I snap. “You just want to get out of trouble.”

  His eyebrows raise on his forehead. “Trouble? Why am I in trouble? I didn’t realize I was four fucking years old.”

  “That’s the way you act!” I reply.

  “Josie-”

  “Just… leave Matthew. Go home and sleep there. You clearly trust your sleeping meds more than you trust me.”

  “Hey!” Matthew shouts. “That is not fair.”

  He’s right. I said something really wrong there. I can’t blame him for needing help. And I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal of this in the first place. His nightmares are his own. I should let him deal with them the way he wants to. The way he’s comfortable with. It’s just…

  “I wish you trusted me more…”

  “I hardly trust anything Josie! You don’t… understand me!”

  “I’m trying! But you keep pushing me away!” I shout.

  “I’m sorry!” He says louder. “What more do you want me to do?!”

  In frustration the words leave my mouth. “I want you to leave.”

  “But-”

  “Get out.”

  Chapter 32

  Matthew Steele.

  “Get out.”

  She’s serious and she’s not happy. I can see the hurt underneath, and it kills me to know I put it there.

  “Okay,” I concede. “I’ll go.”

  I collect my training bag and find my keys on the counter. I take it all to the door where my shoes are. I pick them up and turn back to see Josie standing a few feet away from me. She looks down at her sock covered feet.

  “What about the banquet?” I ask. It’s tomorrow.

  She looks up at me, more hurt filling her eyes.

  “I’m not allowed to come anymore?” She asks.

  “I thought you wouldn’t want to…”

  She shifts on her feet nervously. “I still want to.”

  “You’re pissed at me Josie. You really want to sit next to me at a dinner table for two hours?” I question.

  Josie bites her lip. “I already took work off.”

  “Well Josie, if you’re only doing this because you took work off, then you may be in it for the wrong reasons.”

  “I’m not,” she snaps. “I want to go and meet your teammates.”

  I shake my head. “Just forget it Josie. I don’t want you to be there if you’re mad. I’m not worth it.”

  “What does that mean?” She asks angrily, throwing her hands up.

  “It means what it sounds like! I’m not worth your time! I’m the one to blame at the end of every fucking argument and it’s getting exhausting!”

  “Then stop arguing with me!” She shouts, her eyes getting wider. “You keep trying to push me away! Every time I get close, you push me away. One step forward two steps back, over and over and over! All this talk about protecting me, trying to make me think you’re somehow dangerous to me! I know exactly how dangerous you are! I’m falling in love with you! You don’t think I know how dangerous that is?!”

  Falling in love with me? Falling in love with me? Falling in love with me? Her words mean more to me out loud than she realizes and I smile. She rolls her eyes at me.

  “You’re falling in love with me,” I say, speaking it out loud, my smile growing at her words.

  She walks towards me and pokes her finger against my chest. I’m acting like a sixth grader, but I can’t help it. She’s falling in love with me. Me! It’s the Fourth of July in my chest. Fireworks, cannons, explosions, going off all at once. Bells and sirens, streamers, balloons, and confetti exploding. Josephine Virginia is falling in love with me. My chest is expanding and expanding and expanding and I swear I’m going to burst from the happiness.

  “Don’t be an ass,” she barks. “I’m still mad at you.”

  “It’s kinda hot,” I tease, my mood lighter now with her confession.

  “You’re ridiculous!” She shouts, throwing her hands up. “One second you’re being serious and the next you-”

  I interrupt her, dropping my things and sliding my hands deep into her hair, kissing her hard. She’s shocked at first, but slowly her lips adapt to mine and she moans underneath me. It drives me mad and I start walking us backwards, our feet tripping and tumbling together. We stumble backwards until her back hits the fridge. She breaks away and kisses down my jaw, feeling powerful herself in the heat of her anger. She tugs at my shirt, trying to pull it off.

  “Take it off,” she says.

  I pull it over my head and let Josie run her hands over me. She kisses down my neck to my collarbone and then further, down my chest until she slides to her knees to press searing kisses against my abs. Hissing at the feeling, I put my hands behind my head. But when her fingers reach the waistband of my sweats, I pull her up.

  “Woah woah, not so fast,” I say.

  The anger in her eyes has been replaced with desire and lust, and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

  “Your turn,” I say, nodding to her sweater.

  Her fingers flit around the edges and she looks at me. “I’m not wearing anything underneath,” she admits.

  “Good,” I growl, kis
sing her hard again.

  She kisses me back and breaks the kiss only to lift her sweater above her head and toss it somewhere to the side. My lips meet hers again in a second as her hands tug at my hair. I grab her hands and hold them above her head, pushing her against the fridge as I kiss every part of her chest that deserves to be worshiped. Unable to resist, I pull my hands away to touch her, kiss her, suck her, pinch her, and her hands fly into my hair immediately, her back arching to my mouth. Her gasps and whimpers spur me on, excitement pumping through me. When I can hardly take anymore, I grab her ass and lift her up, her legs circling against me as I carry her back down the hallway to her room. I drop us to the bed, falling over her as we kiss. Josie rolls us over though, kissing me as she straddles me. I scoot my back to the headboard so I’m sitting up, able to see her better as this angle. She rolls her hips against me, and we both groan loudly at the feeling. The two pieces of cotton between us are acting as our only barrier. Josie works against it though, grinding her hips hard until she’s breathing heavily and I’m groaning, my head falling back against the headboard. Her hands run down by chest and I grab her hips, helping her move against me.

  “You’re so sexy,” I groan, looking at her through hooded eyes.

  She moans and throws her head back as she revels in the pleasure of our clothed contact. And then her head falls forward again, her hair framing her face and making her an absolute vision.

  “Please Matthew,” she gasps. “Touch me. Just… I need… I’m right there.”

  I slide my hand under the waistband of her leggings and she gasps, her body shuttering against me seconds later. Her small gasps in my ear set me off and I bury my head in her neck, groaning as I come down. We stay like that for a while, regaining our breath, letting our nerves settle. Eventually, Josie giggles and slides her leg off of me, rolling to her side of the bed. I slide down the headboard, lying down next to her. My hand pats around the bed for a second before it finds hers, my breathing still heavy.

  “That was…”

  “Amazing,” Josie finishes.

  “I was gonna say hot, but yeah, amazing works too.”