“Okay,” I whispered. “You’re right. You can’t trust me yet. So let’s take the time to get to know each other, learn to trust each other. Why don’t you hang out with me and Hazel more? It will be a good way to get to know each other. And after the getting-to-know-each-other period, if we still like each other, then maybe we can move forward to something romantic.”
He nodded slowly. “How long is this getting-to-know-each-other period going to last?”
I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I think you pretty much know me already. You’re the one who’s going to have to open up and learn to share things with me, to talk about yourself.”
He sighed. “I’m not good with talking, so you’ll have to be…patient with me. But I’ll…give it a try.”
He was willing to give it a try? Something soft and warm settled into my chest. I nodded. Maybe he did feel more than just lust for me. “Okay. That’s a start.”
A heartbeat passed. “Something tells me you’re going to make me earn every little kiss, every little touch, aren’t you?” he asked softly.
Heat swept into my face. “We have to think of Hazel. I don’t want to rush into anything. I dated my last boyfriend for two months before we became intimate. And he didn’t keep secrets from me.”
Jacob scowled. “Two months? Fuck. If I do this, if I take it slow like you want, while we get to know each other, are you going to let me kiss you and touch you and put my hands all over you like I want? Are you going to let me fuck you?”
Desire coiled deep in my belly at his words. I couldn’t speak. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath.
“Answer me, Anna, because I’m telling you right now, that is my ultimate goal. You, in my bed. You, underneath me. You, on top of me. You, any and every fucking way I can have you.”
Oh God. Heat spiraled through me. My core throbbed with longing. How the hell would I be able to resist him while we spent the time getting to know each other?
His hand gently brushed my cheek, and I jerked my eyes open. He’d gotten up from the chair and moved to stand in front of me without making a sound. Would I ever get used to his silent, ghost-like movements?
My breath hitched as my gaze met his.
“I need an answer before I agree to do this. I want you, Anna. But I’m not going to chase you if you’re never going to allow yourself to be caught.”
I couldn’t look away from the smoldering heat in his blue eyes. Could I agree to do this? What if I fell in love with him? What if he used me, then kicked me to the curb? He’d said his ultimate goal was to get me in his bed. I won’t deny I wanted to be there. But not if he broke my heart. Not if that was his only goal.
It will be worth it. You know you want to experience it all with him. Just say yes.
“Yes,” I whispered.
His brow shot up. “Yes, I can touch you? Yes, I can kiss you? Yes, I won’t be wasting my time if I pursue you the way you want me to?”
I swallowed hard. “Yes, to all of that.”
His gaze darkened. He stared at my mouth for several long moments. Then he drew in a deep breath and stepped back, his hand falling away from my cheek. “Okay, then. Where do we start? I’m going to let you lead me in this, since I’ve never done anything like this before.”
His trust in me, his willingness to let me take the lead, made me vow to never do anything to betray him, ever again. I knew exactly what I wanted him to do. I wanted him to get out of the house. To do something normal. I wanted him to do something uplifting, something that would make him feel good about himself. Something that he would be reluctant to do. Because if he agreed, then that meant he was serious about this. About me.
“I want you to go with me tomorrow when I visit the disabled veterans.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Jacob
I can’t believe I’d agreed to do this.
Honestly, I was more afraid of the “sharing” and getting-to-know-each-other period than I was of going out in broad daylight. I’d never shared with anyone before, never bonded with anyone except Ralph, and there were still plenty of things I never told him. Anna knew I’d been a foster kid. She knew my only experience with women had been Celia. And she knew I was dangerous. But that was it. Letting someone inside, letting someone see all the little pieces of me, scared the living shit out of me. But it was what Anna wanted, and I wanted Anna, so I was going to make a grave effort to give her what she wanted, so that I could have what I wanted. Her.
I had tried to get her to agree to just sex. Of course, I had. I’d done everything I could to avoid having to make myself vulnerable, but she hadn’t fallen for it. She was stubborn. She wanted more than just sex. I think I did, too. I just wasn’t ready to admit that yet.
Maybe Jessica was right. Maybe I was falling in love with Anna. All I knew was that I was willing to do just about anything to have her. That’s how badly, how desperately I wanted her. I wasn’t afraid of the sex part. Hell, I was craving that part. I had no doubt once I got her in my bed, she wouldn’t want to leave. The anticipation was going to kill me.
It was the other part, the romancing, the trusting, the friendship and caring, the “sharing” that I wasn’t sure how to do. What if I fucked this all up? What if I did all the things she wanted, and she still refused to sleep with me? What then? If I put myself out there like she wanted, then I expected something in return. And what I expected was her in my bed. I would do whatever I could to convince her to join me there.
I vowed I would do this. For Anna. So I could get my hands on her. I just hoped to God it wasn’t going to take two months. I couldn’t hold out that long. I would do everything in my power to push the timeline forward, move things quickly.
I’d balked at going outside in broad daylight at first. Of course I had. Anna had said it would be good for me. She’d said I would like meeting the disabled veterans. She’d said volunteering always made her feel good about herself and that she wanted me to at least give it a try. She suggested we make a family trip out of it, pack a picnic dinner, and eat under the shade of a tree at the park. I couldn’t deny the idea of doing something “normal” with Anna and Hazel appealed to me. God knew I wanted to be normal. Though who I was, and what I’d gone through, made it unlikely I would ever be like anyone else.
Going outside during daylight hours meant someone was more likely to recognize me. It could put me, and Anna and Hazel, in danger. But I was going to do this. Because it was what Anna wanted.
Eatonton was a small town with a population of just over 6400. Its main industry was dairy farming. It was an historical town with many old buildings and places for visitors to learn about American history. Eatonton was not a ritzy area by any means, and if I were to drive my Beemer through town during the day, we would stand out like a mansion in the center of a trailer park. I did not want to draw any more attention to myself than necessary. So, we opted to walk the short distance to town. This way, we looked like a normal family out on an evening stroll.
I wore a hoodie up over my head, and my dark sunglasses, to help disguise myself as much as possible. Anna eyed me curiously as we left the house, but she didn’t say anything. At first, Hazel skipped happily along, holding Anna’s hand. Then she asked me to carry her, so I lifted her up on my shoulders, which made her giggle and wrap her little arms tightly around my neck. Something in my chest loosened at the sound of her sweet, innocent laughter. Her happiness flowed into me, filling me with my own joy. Before Anna had come into our lives, I’d never heard Hazel laugh. Now I heard her laughter every day. And I loved it. It did something to the deadness inside me, warmed my cold, empty heart. If I tried hard enough, maybe I really could be a good father someday. This bond that was growing between Hazel and me was powerful. It made me feel less alone. Less like an outsider. I loved her innocence, her sweetness, and her joy. Hazel was changing me, making me realize there was more to me than the warrior. There was a man inside me somewhere, a regular guy who wanted happiness just like everyo
ne else. And I wanted that happiness with Anna and Hazel.
We reached the park and Anna spread a blanket out underneath a large oak tree. I kept watch, leaning against the tree trunk while she unpacked the food. Fortunately, most of the town were home eating dinner, so there weren’t very many other people out and about. Still, it was difficult to let down my guard out in a public place like this. Even with the hoodie and dark sunglasses, someone still might recognize me.
“Come on, Daddy.” Hazel patted the blanket next to her. “Let’s eat.”
I didn’t want to sit. Sitting was a very vulnerable position. I didn’t like putting myself in a vulnerable position.
Just do it. There’s no danger here.
I glanced around discretely. An older couple sat on a park bench across the way, sipping smoothies. A young mother pushed a baby down the sidewalk in a stroller on the opposite end of the park. And a man in his late forties or so was jogging along the path with a big brown dog. No one was close to us.
I sank down onto the blanket next to Hazel, though I was unable to completely relax.
Anna smiled at me, her beautiful face lighting with happiness. “Thanks for coming with us.” She handed me a paper plate with a turkey sandwich, corn chips, and some green grapes. “Here you go. Eat up. See, this isn’t so bad, is it?”
I grumbled in response and picked up the sandwich. Taking a bite, I glanced around again, my gaze alert. Threats could come at us from anywhere. The guy jogging with his dog could be a hired killer in disguise. The lady walking her baby in a stroller could have an assault rifle inside that stroller instead of a kid. The older couple on the bench could be spies for The Company. It was impossible for me to completely let down my guard. I had to be ready. Prepared for anything. I was wary by nature, and that wariness had been further emphasized by my training. I could never completely relax when I wasn’t at home.
Anna touched my leg. I glanced down at her hand over my thigh, her touch igniting a heat that spread throughout my entire body. I imagined her hand on other parts of me, stroking...
Flushing, I jerked my gaze up to hers.
“Relax,” she whispered. “Nothing is going to happen to us here.”
I puffed out a breath and took another bite of my sandwich.
We finished eating, then Anna put the leftovers back into the small cooler and folded up the blanket while I kept watch. The older couple had gotten up from the bench and moved on. The guy jogging his dog was now on his third lap around the park. The woman with the stroller was heading toward a section of houses across the park, obviously going home. A homeless guy had shown up while we were finishing our dinner. He was now digging through the garbage can near the playground. I kept my eye on him as Anna and Hazel headed toward the playground. If he made any threatening moves toward them, I would have to take him out.
Hazel squealed with excitement as she scrambled up the slide. I don’t recall ever having such carefree laughter in my life, such unblemished innocence. It made something in my chest tighten. I didn’t know what it felt like to be free. Happy. With no fears. But I was experiencing it now through Hazel, and it made me painfully aware of how much I’d missed out on.
Anna set the cooler and blanket down, then went to wait for Hazel at the bottom of the slide. With squeals of laughter, Hazel slid down the slide. When she reached the bottom, she bounded to her feet and rushed back up the slide. The homeless man lifted his head toward us, his gaze landing on the cooler. Then he began inching his way toward the cooler. He was probably just hungry, but I wasn’t going to bet on it.
Anna noticed him. She opened the cooler and removed the extra half of a sandwich that no one had eaten. Before I could warn her to stay back, that he might be dangerous, she walked toward him with the sandwich. Shit. She needed to be more cautious. Keeping one eye on Hazel, I darted forward, putting myself between Anna and the stranger.
Anna halted, turning to me with surprise. “What are you doing? I was just going to offer him a sandwich.”
The homeless guy eyed the sandwich in her hand, then glanced up at me. He was dirty, stinky, around thirty or so, dressed in rags that barely hung on his bony frame. But he could be in disguise.
I snatched the sandwich from Anna and shoved it into the man’s hands. Then I grabbed Anna’s arm and spun her around, pulling her back toward Hazel.
“Don’t ever approach a stranger like that again,” I hissed in her ear. “He could have hurt you.”
She jerked her arm from my grasp, staring up at me with wide eyes. “What is wrong with you? He was just hungry. And you taught me self-defense. I can defend myself now.”
I snorted. “Yeah, you can. From anyone who’s not bound and determined to hurt you. You still have a lot to learn, Anna. Running up to strangers is a very stupid thing to do.”
She turned away with a huff, and went to wait for Hazel at the bottom of the slide.
I waited nearby for the next fifteen minutes, warily scanning the area, while Hazel played on the playground and Anna followed her around. The homeless guy wandered off after eating the sandwich, but a young couple and their two kids had joined us at the playground. I kept a wary eye on them, especially the man, to make sure they kept their distance from Anna and Hazel.
A few minutes later, Anna and Hazel approached me. Anna bent to gather up the cooler and the blanket. “Let’s go visit the veterans for a few minutes before we head home. I think you will like them.”
The idea of visiting with disabled vets filled me with a mixture of panic and terror. I’d been in war-like situations. Far too many to count. I’d been injured. Discharged. I was disabled, though I hadn’t lost any limbs. My disability was more of the mind and soul, rather than the body. I’d recovered from the bullet wound that had shredded my trachea and mutilated my vocal chords.
I’d been where these guys were at. I could relate to them.
I was one of them.
Anna didn’t know that, of course. She had no idea I was a dreg. She didn’t know that coming here was difficult for me. That being around other soldiers brought back too many memories of my time with The Company. Though I’d struggled for nearly a year to put the past behind me, my past would always be there, creeping up to torment me. Haunting me. It was why I could never let down my guard. My world would never be safe. I wasn’t sure if I could ever overcome the despicable things I’d done, or the horrible things I’d endured. Stepping into the veterans’ center made everything come back to me in a rush.
My head spun with visions of the lab at the facility, being strapped to a hospital bed, screaming while The General ruthlessly pumped experimental drugs into my veins. The torture. The brain-washing. The numerous “tests” to make me stronger. Being locked in a cage. Treated like a beast.
I shuddered, jerking out of my memories of the past as Anna touched my arm and introduced me to a double amputee who was hobbling around on a set of prosthetic legs.
“Kenny,” she said, “this is Jacob, my…”
“Boyfriend,” I said, noting the way Kenny’s one-eyed gaze fastened on her breasts. He wanted her, and I had to squash that interest before it went anywhere. Anna was mine. Or she would be, anyway. Soon. He could back the fuck off.
Anna’s gaze darted to mine, then away. She flushed. Had I embarrassed her? Made her uncomfortable? While I was willing to let her lead me in this getting-to-know-each-other period, I wasn’t going to let her take complete control of the situation. We were working toward an intimate, aka sexual relationship, after all—or at least I was—so I felt I had every right to warn off any man who looked at her.
Kenny turned toward me, wobbling slightly on his prosthetic legs. “Just got fitted for these things yesterday. It’s taking some getting used to.” He eyed me up and down with his one brown eye. Half of his face was badly burnt, and his left eyelid melted shut. Normally, I would feel sympathy, maybe even comradery with a fellow soldier, but the vibe he gave off wasn’t a friendly one, and I was instantly on guard. “You�
�re a big bastard,” he said with a smirk. “What’s with the shades and the hoodie, dude? You hiding from the law or something?” He turned to Anna with a snigger. “Where’d you find him? A dark alley?”
Anna’s gaze darted to mine. The look on her face was one of apology. But I didn’t blame her for this guy’s rudeness.
I sneered at him. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Hazel pulled on my arm, yanking my attention away from Kenny. I glanced down at her, noticed her eyes were wide with fright. I bent and lifted her into my arms. She burrowed into my chest, then peeked hesitantly over at Kenny. The man’s obvious hostility toward me was making everyone uncomfortable. He’d scared my kid and that pissed me off.
Sensing the tension in the air, Anna put her hand on my arm and tried to steer me from the room. “Let’s go visit some of the other guys while Kenny practices walking on his new legs.”
I locked stares with Kenny, the threat passing between us, loud and clear. Though he couldn’t see my eyes through the dark shades, I knew he understood. I didn’t like Kenny, and he didn’t like me. I didn’t want Anna coming here anymore, not if he was here. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t care if he was a fellow soldier. He needed to stay away from my woman. And stop putting ideas, doubts about me, in her head.
She’s not yours yet, you moron. Chill out. He’s just jealous because he wants her.
No. It was more than that. I could sense it.
Did he know who I was?
Shit. That was very possible. The military stationed in Augusta had been told not to engage with any of the dregs, to let us pass by without incident, probably because they were afraid we would kill them if they tried to stop us. I didn’t know Kenny’s story or how he’d been injured, but if he’d heard of me and had seen pictures, then it was very possible that he had recognized me, though I wasn’t sure what the hostility was from. I had no desire to try to get inside his mind. I didn’t care one way or another what his problem was. Punk. He’d better stay away from Anna.
The Fighter Page 14
