Filthy Beautiful Love

by Kendall Ryan

  I've returned to working part time with Kylie. I've been jogging several times a week. Things are back to normal with me and Colton. He no longer withholds himself from me anymore. He gives himself to me freely, understanding that our shared intimacy helps me. But I'm still not me and through some strange twin connection thing, Becca is calling me out on it.

  I jog up the stairs and pull the letter from the special box on top of the dresser that I keep it in. I re-read it twice, looking for clues. The penis drawing still makes me laugh.

  Focus, Sophie.

  The third time through the letter, I get it. Realization slaps me across the face. She doesn’t want me just going through the motions of my life – working, jogging, making love with my boyfriend at night. She wants more from me. She wants more for me. At the pool party she challenged me to live each day like it was my last.

  I sink down onto the bed with the letter in my hands.

  Shit.

  I want to yell at her, tell her that it's not that easy to do. The truth is I have no idea how to go about it. All my life I've lived to please others. I kept good grades and never gave my parents a reason to worry –they had one daughter with cancer – they didn’t need any additional stress in their lives. I was a good sister, a good person. Polite, well-mannered, everything I was supposed to be. Selling myself at the auction was the craziest thing I've ever done, and even that wasn't for me.

  Dammit, Becca.

  I have impossible conversations with myself all afternoon, trying to figure out what she wants from me. Sky-diving? Bungee-jumping? What?

  And then it hits me.

  She never wanted me to do something crazy just for the adrenalin rush. All she wanted was for me to be happy.

  "I'm getting there," I say to the empty kitchen.

  God, I feel like I'm losing it.

  I check the clock. One more hour until Colt is home.

  One hour to come up with something to do tonight to prove to myself that I can do this whole living life to the fullest thing.

  Colton

  On the drive home from work, my thoughts drift to Sophie.

  I don’t know how I was lucky enough to go home with Sophie that night, but over the course of the past several months, I've been thankful for that fact countless times. She saved me from a bitter and lonely existence. And now I'm taking care of her through the hardest part of her life. But I see her progress little by little each day.

  I'm helping her to live again – and remind her often that it's what Becca would have wanted. I stop on my way home from work and pick up packages of Starbursts, hiding the pinks around the house for her to find – one set next to her morning coffee, one in her makeup drawer, another in her running shoe. The smile in her eyes when she finds them makes my chest tighten.

  I see her strength every time she laces up her running shoes, every time she cooks for me, in every smile, in every laugh – I can feel her bravery. She's choosing to live.

  Of course, some days are still hard. Some days her eyes are puffy from crying when I return home from work, and it breaks my heart. But little by little, I'm getting my sweet Sophie back.

  But tonight is the best. Because there's a little rosy glow to her cheeks and her eyes are bright with mischief.

  "What are you up to Miss Evans?" I ask her, after arriving home from work.

  "Nothing. I just have plans for us after dinner, is all." She smiles sweetly and my chest tightens.

  We share a meal of roast duck that Beth has prepared and I fill Sophie in on the details of my company's progress. Things have really turned around. It's nice having someone to share the ups and downs with. She's successfully broken down my walls and taught me what it means to fully share yourself with another. In the past, I would have kept all my business shortcomings bottled up. Now I know there's nothing I need to hide from her. She accepts me as I am. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world. With her, I feel whole.

  We finish eating and I'm just about to ask her what she'd like to do tonight when my phone starts ringing. I turn it over and the name Stella is displayed across the screen.

  "Why is Stella calling you?" Sophie scrunches her nose in disgust.

  "Good fucking question."

  "Answer it," she says.

  Christ. Here we go. "Hello?"

  "Hi Colton," she says.

  "Why are you calling, Stella?" The annoyance in my voice is unmistakable.

  "I have a few things I wanted to say."

  "Sophie's here with me. I'm putting you on speaker." I click the speaker-phone button without waiting for a response. I won't have her wondering what is being discussed between me and my ex-wife, and I won't deliberately hide anything from her.

  Stella clears her throat and momentarily stalls. "I never meant to be the villain, Colton," she says softly. Sophie squints down at the phone in my hand as Stella continues. "I was young and foolish. I loved you–in my own way–but I realized quickly after we wed that it wasn't a forever kind of love. You worked long hours, you were building a company at such a young age and were so driven and singularly focused. I wasn't cut out to live my life in the shadows of your work. I felt neglected and as wrong as it was, I let myself get swept up in the attention of another man. I felt wanted and desired and those were things I'd been missing from you. You provided everything I could want materially–but you weren't emotionally available to me. And I'm not blaming you. We just didn’t have that deep connection. Your work was your first priority."

  "Why I are you telling me all this now?" I ask, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. I don't know what game she's playing, but if it's forgiveness she wants, she's barking up the wrong fucking tree. She cheated on me – slept with our gardener, then took half my damn money. Relationships take work – if she was unhappy in our marriage, she could have talked to me about it.

  After a long pause, Stella continues. "My lawyer mentioned in passing that you were out of work due to a death in the family. I was curious, so I called Marta."

  I had no idea she was still in contact with Marta. For some reason that pisses me off. My gaze flicks over to Sophie's and her eyes go wide.

  "Yes, we lost Sophie's sister, Becca," I explain. I take hold of Sophie's hand and lace my fingers in between hers.

  "I heard and I'm very sorry," Stella offers.

  "Is there a reason that you called, Stella?" My patience is wearing thin.

  "Yes. When I heard about your situation I guess it struck something in me. I wanted to call and apologize. I realized that after all this time, it was something I'd never officially done and while I know that a simple I'm sorry isn't going to undo everything, I do hope you'll accept it."

  I suck in a deep inhale. "Sure, I'll accept it," I say. It doesn't mean everything was swept under the damn rug, but I'm not going to waste the energy fighting with Stella anymore. "Anything else?" I ask.

  "Yes, actually. I wanted to tell you both that I've made a donation in Becca's name. Two million dollars to cancer research."

  Wow. I'm actually speechless. I look to Sophie, who's eyes are filling with tears.

  "Thank you, Stella. That was very kind of you," Sophie says, her voice shaky.

  "You're welcome. I'm sorry again – about everything." Stella says.

  In the strangest turn of events I could have ever imagined, Stella has made amends and emerged as the hero. Well, not quite, but that donation was pretty impressive.

  Once I end the call, I turn to Sophie. "Well that was fucking weird," I say.

  "It was nice."

  "I suppose it was." I kiss the top of her head. "But one nice gesture doesn't mean I have to forgive her for cheating on me."

  "You don't have to forgive her, but I guess in a way, I understand her a little bit more. Plus, selfishly, I'm awfully glad you two didn’t work out."

  "Me too. Because I have you now." Her eyes find mine and they tell me everything I need to know. "Now tell me more about what you had planned tonight."

  "I'd rather s
how you." Her eyes light up with mischief and I know my sweetness is back.

  Sophie

  Practicing my most enticing walk, I sway my hips as I strut toward the shoreline. The moon provides just enough light to see by and Colton's low hiss tells me he's appreciating the view. A slow smile uncurls on my mouth. "Are you coming, Mr. Drake?"

  "Fuck yes," he says. His footsteps grow closer and with a squeal, I take off down the beach, Colton giving chase behind me. In a quick glance behind me, I see him strip off his suit coat and toss it onto the sand. But I don't stop until I reach the surf.

  Taking a deep, fortifying breath, I charge straight into the water, despite the freezing temperature. There's nothing like charging into the ocean fully clothed to make you feel reckless and spontaneous.

  As soon as I hit the waves, I begin to understand what Becca has wanted for me all along. The crunch of sand in between my toes, the cold water rushing over my skin, and Colton's bright smile as he watches me fight my way into the surf makes everything crystal clear. I feel carefree. Alive. With a flash of clarity I get everything she's been trying to tell me. It feels so good and freeing that I almost cry. But instead, I laugh, a raw, primal sound bursting from my lips. God, I don’t remember the last time I laughed. Actually laughed out loud. It feels fucking amazing.

  Colton's gaze snaps to mine at the sound and a slow smile uncurls on his mouth. He can feel it too. I'm back. I've got this. I'm going to be okay. I'm not merely going to survive. I'm going to thrive. I'm going to ensure Becca doesn't go quietly. Her message will ring out loud and clear if I have anything to say about it.

  A sense of euphoria washes over me and I throw my arms out to my sides, turning in a circle and looking straight up at the dark sky as the cold water washes over me. Then I swim deeper, needing more of this feeling.

  Colton chases after me until I'm chest deep. Goosebumps break out over my skin as the cool water envelopes me, my wet clothes clinging to my body. The water laps at his waist and we stand there, watching each other, breathing hard. The moon is covered by a haze of low clouds, painting the night sky in a dark, luminous hue.

  Colton moves confidently toward me. He is so at ease with his body, so controlled in all that he does, it's hard not to feel small and feminine in his presence. His strong stature commands attention. And he has mine – full and undivided.

  He's unbuttoned his dress shirt and I watch the waves lick against his toned belly and chest, wondering if he'd taste salty from the ocean spray if I decided to lean down and lick him like my brain is demanding I do. A current of sexual awareness buzzes between us.

  He finds my hand beneath the water and tugs me closer.

  I reach for him and wrap my legs around his waist, relishing the feel of his hot skin against mine. With my legs tangled around his hips, my center is angled at just the right spot to feel the stirrings of his erection.

  "Hmm, and here I would have thought I excited you a bit more than that," I say, feeling cheeky.

  "The water's a bit cold, sweetness. Give me a minute."

  I shrug. "We'll see, Mr. Drake."

  "Trust me, you won't be disappointed," he says, his tone sure and authoritative.

  "Good. Because I was looking forward to exploring something more tonight."

  "More?" He raises one brow, watching me expectantly.

  "More," I confirm.

  His lazy smile is back and his eyes latch on to mine. "What's gotten in to you tonight? Not that I'm complaining," he quickly adds.

  "Life," I say. "I lost sight of it for a little bit there."

  "Understandable." With one hand still resting under my bottom, he uses the other to cup my cheek and sweep the hair back from my face. "You're my everything. You know that, right?"

  I nod, letting the deep feeling of his love cascade over me. I've been afraid to feel these last few weeks, but now I'm letting every emotion pour over me and it's overwhelming – but in the best possible way.

  "I can't lose you, Sophie," he murmurs. I can see in his eyes that he's been scared, even if he never said it, my behavior has caused him worry.

  "I'm here. I promise."

  Like a perfect sign from above, it begins raining. Completely pouring. Giant raindrops cascade down on us and turn the ocean into a tumultuous force, alive with its own brand of wild energy. It looks like a giant pot of boiling water.

  I untangle myself from him and swim toward shore. "Come on!" I yell when I notice he's still standing where I left him, watching me curiously.

  When I reach the beach my clothes are twisted and hanging heavily on my body and my wet hair whips wildly around my face.

  I grab Colton's hand – it's freezing – and pull him along, jogging toward the house while the hot rain pelts us from above.

  Once inside, I sprint up the stairs, racing away from Colton's freezing, grabby hands against a bubble of laughter that I can't contain.

  Colton's low chuckle rumbles from behind me as he gives chase. The house has been devoid of laughter for so long, the sound is like music. Beautiful and full of life.

  As soon as I reach the bedroom I dive onto the bed. Needing to get warm, I roll myself up in the fluffy comforter like a burrito. In an attempt to not get the bed soaking wet, I whip off my clothes and only emerge from the covers to fling them off – dropping the articles onto the carpeting with a dull, wet thud.

  Colton's laughter dies on his lips as his hot gaze slides over my curves, heating me up from the inside out. After making their way up my body, his eyes land on mine. "You're so fucking beautiful," he says.

  Somehow I know that he's not talking about how I look on the outside, he's talking about what's on the inside. The life he can see burning brightly within me. And I feel beautiful, with his dark blue stare eating me up and the deep love and acceptance I feel radiating out from his gaze.

  "Come here." He holds out his hand and I rise onto my knees, crossing the bed until I'm kneeling before him. Colton swallows heavily and watches me while he undresses himself, shrugging off the wet shirt and letting his pants and boxers fall to the floor.

  A flash of lightning lights up the sky as anticipation pulses through me. Everything about tonight feels different. And I like it.

  When our skin presses together, we're cold and clammy and sticky from the salt water, but his skin feels amazing pressed against mine.

  After a few sweet kisses, he leans forward and takes my breasts in his hands, lifting them to his mouth and alternating between each one with hot, wet kisses and flicks of his tongue.

  Oh dear God.

  I reach down and find him hard and ready. I tug him by his shoulders down on top of me, loving the weight of his body on mine. Without warning he angles himself against me and thrusts forward letting me adjust to every hard inch of him as he fills me slowly but completely.

  We fuck slowly, our gazes locked as we move together. We're quiet and the mood is intense and I love everything about this moment.

  Colton's eyes watch mine as he continues his lazy thrusts in and out of me.

  "I want you to fuck my ass," I breathe, planting a kiss to his mouth.

  His lips still, his entire body goes as tight as a wire, as if he's pausing to be sure he heard me correctly. Then he kisses me again, his tongue sliding against mine, and he withdraws.

  "Are you sure, Sophie? We don't have to…"

  "Yes, I'm sure." My voice is sure and steady.

  Leaning across the bed, Colton opens the drawer of the bedside table and removes a small bottle of oil. "Remember when I brought this home?" he asks.

  I nod. It's the massage oil he used to massage me my second night here. "Of course."

  "You thought it was lubricant." He smiles. "Lay down on your belly for me," he says.

  Drizzling some of the fragrant oil over my back, he begins giving me a slow, sensual massage. Working his way down from my neck, to my shoulder blades, soon his hands are on the globes of my ass and he's kneading them in his palms. My body hums in anticipation o
f what is about to turn into an erotic massage. At least I hope it is.

  Every time his fingers draw nearer to my center, I lift my hips, giving him an open invitation to touch me lower. But he doesn’t. He takes his time, rubbing my lower back, my butt, until finally I feel him part my ass cheeks and glide his fingers between my legs, spreading some of the oil over my back opening. A rush of tingles skitter out from my core and my body, ever responsive to his slow, tortuous touches, comes alive. His fingertip caresses my forbidden opening and I have no idea how or why, but his touches back there feel incredible. Erotic. Sinful. And so sexy.

  "You have a perfect ass." His voice is low, rough and thick with arousal. It only makes me want him more.

  A low growl emanates from his throat and without further prompting, he slides one finger, then two into me, stretching me, readying me. The sensations overwhelm me and I groan out loud.

  After a few more thrusts, Colton withdraws from me completely and I'm about to protest the loss of him when I feel the blunt head of his cock at my back opening. Oh God. My entire body goes tense.

  He leans over me and plants a wet kiss in between my shoulder blades in an attempt to relax me. Then I feel his hot breath against my hair. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Just breathe for me. And relax. I promise I'll make this feel good."

  I hear the slick sounds of him coating his cock in lubricant and then he's right back against me, spreading my ass apart and pushing forward.

  I squeeze my eyes closed and focus on breathing, and relaxing my body, just as he said to do.

  "That's it, beautiful girl. Let me in." His voice is impossibly tight and my insides go molten at the sound of his command.

  He presses forward and sinks inside me, my body screaming out at the intensity of the pleasure and pain of being stretched. He pauses while I take a few deep breaths and then begins easing in and out in a series of shallow thrusts.

  The sensation is like nothing I expected. I feel impossibly full and taken in a way I've never experienced before. In that moment, I am his. Every part of me belongs to this man. He owns my ass. Literally and figuratively.