Pit: The A**hole Club Series

by Saffire , Blue

  I spin because I can feel the raging bull that raises up in Pit. “You have a full set of tits and a pot belly and you have the audacity to say some shit like that,” Pit seethes. “You would be out of breath after two strokes. Don’t get me started on those grease stains on your shirt and you’re out here trying to make my girl feel like a piece of meat.

  “Yo, bro, look at her and then look at you. Her shoes alone took you out the game. I’m the motherfucker beating all that ass up, so you take notes, you fucking big mouth slob,” Pit barks.

  I don’t think there’s a person in the restaurant not laughing. I catch two ladies giving each other high fives, another fist pumps, and the guys with the dude Pit just chewed out are laughing hysterically.

  “Tell him,” someone calls out.

  And here I thought he was reformed. He’s still an asshole and has no filter. Which makes the other night mean so much more to me. Pit was willing to hold his tongue and refine his rough edges for me.

  Not that I want him to. This is the stuff that draws me to his asshole ass. It’s all about the swag and delivery and Pit has it for days.

  The guy glares at Pit and looks like he wants to say something, but he thinks better of it. Wise choice. I decide to return the call later and move back to Pit’s side.

  He reaches down and palms my ass. I look up at him. “Really?”

  He shrugs and turns back to the counter. What am I going to do with this man? I lean into him. At least I know he always has my back.

  Chapter 29

  We’re All Here

  Pit

  * * *

  I wasn’t sure I could get everyone here on such short notice, especially Tak and Luke. Luke has been going through some emotional things of his own after losing his trainer, but the moment I said it was for Skittles, he made it happen.

  Now here we are in the Turks and Caicos Islands and Skittles is having a great time. We just got back from a run on the beach. Okay, I ran, she walked and danced around in the sand.

  “I don’t know how you keep that body. You wouldn’t even try to run with me,” I say as we enter the villa.

  “Look at how much you’re sweating and all you did was suicides once you realize I wasn’t running with you,” she says. “And as for this body, I was born with it. It’s Mayven.”

  I laugh and shake my head at her version of the Maybelline commercial. She leans her head to the side and smiles. I lift a brow in question.

  “I don’t think you realize how hands on I am with the cars. I get a full workout at the shop,” she says, her phone grabs her attention as I think that over.

  She’s right, I never thought about that. I swear, I see her in a new light each day. Funny how you can know someone for twelve years and still feel like you’re getting to know them.

  I need a shower. Since I want her with me, I bite my lip and take advantage of the diversion of her attention as she looks at our list of activities for the day on her phone. I scoop her up and toss her over my shoulder.

  “Put me down, Pit.”

  “We need a shower,” I say.

  She wiggles in my hold. I tighten my arms and race up the stairs. I can hear some of the guys moving around, but they’re getting used to us for the most part.

  “Put me down, crazy. I need to call my dad.”

  Oh, yeah. I forgot she mentioned that on the way back. Disappointment fills me. When we get into the room, I place her on her feet and peck her lips.

  “Make it quick so you can come join me,” I say and head for the bathroom.

  I strip out of my jogging shorts and shoes and climb in the shower. I start with washing my hair as my mind turns over a few things I want Rome to look into again. We’re missing something.

  I’ve been thinking Blake is right. I’m too close to this. I’m taking everything personal because of Skittles. It hasn’t gotten better now that I’m in love with her.

  I want to get Shawna back. The sooner we have her, the sooner I can tell Skittles how I feel and not feel like a total dick for laying that shit on her when she has so much on her plate.

  “Don’t fuck this up, Pit,” I mutter as I reach for the body wash.

  I’m lost in thought so when I squeeze more body wash in my hand I’m taken back by the glob of glitter in my palm. I look down at my body and growl. I got caught, I’m slipping.

  We always pull pranks on these trips. No matter how pissed we get, it always stays behind when we go home. I’ve gotten in some good one’s so I’m usually more alert.

  The question is, who is responsible for this one? I’m going to kick their ass. I turn off the water and step out to look in the mirror.

  Glitter is everywhere. I look like I’m from the cast of Twilight. When I say I’m going to kill one of these assholes, I’m going to kill them.

  I snatch a towel to wrap around my waist and storm out of the bathroom. My footsteps pound against the stairs as I jog down them. When I enter the kitchen/common area, everyone’s there.

  I know instantly who the culprit is. Her little ass can’t school her face and she’s not on a call with her dad. Everyone else looks up and the room erupts in laughter.

  “Damn, Skittles, that was a good one,” Deacon says.

  You know, I can’t be mad. I’ve caught her getting lost in her thoughts and pulling away from the group a few times since we’ve been here. Mostly after her daily pictures of Shawna come in, making her feel guilty and anxious.

  So, I’m going to suck this one up. She got me, but payback is a bitch. She better sleep with one eye open. I come to these things prepared.

  “Dude, I can’t. It’s everywhere,” Kelex laughs and points at me.

  “Wait, did you put the glitter in his shampoo or bodywash?” Deacon asks as he tries to breathe through his laughter.

  “Both,” the little demon says.

  Yeah, she got me. I should have known better. I didn’t even think to be on guard from my woman.

  Luke swipes tears from his eyes. “This tops last night. I was pissed when you replaced all the liquor with juice and water, but this makes up for the dry ass night you forced on us.”

  I laugh. “Our night wasn’t dry. She hid the real shit in jugs in our room.”

  “I fucking knew it,” Tak says.

  We were plastered last night, laughing at the others going to bed early because there was no alcohol. I look down at my skin as I stand here with only my towel around my waist, still dripping wet. With a nod to myself, I look back up at a laughing Skittles.

  “You do know it’s on now? I hadn’t planned to get you this time,” I say. Pointing at my stomach, I hold her gaze. This means war, half pint.”

  “All is fair in love and war,” she laughs, holding her stomach.

  I stare at her, wondering if she realizes what she just said. I’m frozen, contemplating if I should call her out on it. Not in front of the guys, right?

  This isn’t a moment when I should say fuck my filter. Aw, fuck it. Yes, it is. I go to open my mouth, but Kelex’s words halt me.

  “Well, go try to get some of that shit off. I’m ready to go scuba,” he says.

  I flip him the finger. Fresh laughter fills the room as everyone is set off again. I think better of opening my mouth and I turn my back to leave, and the laughter gets louder.

  “You need help, babe?” Skittles calls after me.

  This time I toss up both fingers for her. Like I said, the only reason I’m not losing my shit is because she’s happy. She’s having fun. And she hasn’t been tossing in her sleep. That’s worth all the glitter in the world.

  Now about this love and war. I grin as I head back up the stairs. It’s on, baby.

  * * *

  ***

  * * *

  I groan and grumble as I rub my stomach. Everyone else is sitting around having drinks now that they have alcohol. I rub my stomach and throw my head back against the couch.

  “You okay?” Tak asks.

  “My stomach. Was that fish an
y good?” I groan.

  He shrugs. “Mine was fine.”

  “Did you eat the shrimp too?”

  “Yeah, maybe you should go lie down,” Tak says, sounding worried.

  Ah, the kid cares. I rub my stomach and groan again. This time Skittles comes over and sits beside me with her legs tucked under her.

  She wipes the sweat from my brow. “Seriously, maybe you should call it a night,” she says.

  “Nah, I’m good.” I lift my ass and the distinct sound of a fart rips through the air.

  “You know what,” Skittles says and jumps up to storm away. “Old funky butt.”

  I groan again. “Maybe I should go to the bathroom. I’m not eating shit else here. That seafood had to be bad.”

  “You’re the only one feeling it,” Deacon says with a frown. “Go check your damn drawers.”

  I get up and head to my room, I catch Skittles glaring at me out the corner of my eye. Good, I let another one sound. She frowns and waves a hand in front of her nose as if the smell reaches her instantly.

  I get to the room and close the door and that’s when I get to work.

  Skittles

  * * *

  I sit with a beer in my hand staring up at the night sky. This trip has been good for me. Although her eyes are sad, Shawna has been looking healthier in the pictures.

  I’ll admit this situation with my cousin is a true dose of reality. For the last twelve years I’ve been running around without a care.

  I do what I want, when I want. Other than handling payroll and stocking inventory, I have no accountability to anything or anyone. Hell, as bad as I want a dog, who’s going to want to walk and feed it?

  I work long hours and if I need to take off for a trip, my mind would be more on what to pack than where the dog would be while I’m away. I’d be the worst fur mommy, but that’s the thing. Aren’t I at the age where I should care about more?

  What does that mean for my assholes? I can see the slow changes happening since Pit and I are a thing. Nothing ever stays the same, but do I want them to change?

  I think about all the pranks we’ve pulled in the last few days. I can’t help but wonder when this will come to an end. We’re not getting any younger.

  “You look lost,” Kelex says as he comes out to sit with me.

  “Just thinking?”

  “Care to share?” he says and lifts his beer to his lips.

  “We’ll all be forty in what? Seven years, six for Deacon. What if this stops? You guys are my lifeline. What if you all fall in love and forget about me?”

  Kelex gives me that pretty smile of his. “Has this come up because you’ve fallen in love?”

  “Oh, hush.”

  “Admit it,” he teases.

  “Yeah, I’m falling for him. I think,” I say and chew on my lip.

  “You think?”

  I roll my eyes. “He’s not what I expected. Yeah, Pit is a total dick when he wants to be, but he’s also caring, thoughtful, and protective.

  “Starting this out, I thought we’d keep it to just sex. Now, if I wake and he’s not there, my heart hurts,” I say.

  “I hear a but in there.”

  “What if this is just happening because of the extreme circumstances?

  “What if you’re finally getting what you want?” I sag my shoulders, incline my head to the side, and smile. “Look, you still won’t tell me what’s going on, but Pit’s different with you. By the way, you guys get married and shit, I’m still coming over for chili and those dumplings. His ass will be sharing.”

  I start to crack up. “Brother husbands? Damn, that’s a lot of fine under one roof.”

  “I’ll come through on the weekends.”

  “It’s a deal.” I laugh.

  “Besides, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m never getting married. You can call me anytime.”

  “You know, I’ve heard all of you say that. I bet ten grand in five years you all have wives and children,” I say.

  “Including Pit?”

  “If he wants me, yeah. I’d be his.”

  Kelex nods with a smile on his lips. “I’m not getting Pitman for life tatted on me.”

  “Oh, my God. Why? You ruin the moment every time. I swear I need new friends.”

  “You love us.”

  I stand and move to kiss him on the forehead. “Yeah, I do. My assholes. Don’t drink too much.”

  “Good night.”

  “Good night, Josh.”

  I turn and head into the house to check on Pit. It’s been a while since his stinky butt ran off. I only get a few steps inside when I run into a hard eyed Tak.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, you should go check on your man,” he bites out and pushes past me.

  I look at the door I just came through and then in the direction Tak has stormed off in. I put two and two together and sigh. We’re going to need to talk.

  I’m already feeling drained so that will have to wait. I toss my empty beer bottle in the trash and head upstairs. Things are changing, whether we all want them to or not.

  When I get to the room it’s dark. I can see Pit’s large frame tossed across the bed, his arm hanging over one side. I fan in front of my face.

  “Damn, what the fuck?” I say, pinching my nose.

  Did he forget to flush? That can’t be gas. I’m not sleeping in here with his stinky ass if he’s farting like that. Oh my God the smell. It’s horrible.

  I move into the bathroom where the scent is strongest. When I turn on the lights, I see red. There’s poop everywhere. It’s like his ass exploded and he left without cleaning this shit up.

  Toilet tissue with poop on it is sticking to the back of the toilet. I’m so angry I could spit. What is wrong with him?

  “Will, William, Pit, get your ass up,” I yell and go back into the bedroom to turn on the light.

  His nasty ass groans. I stomp over by his head where a light switch is. I scream when the lights come on and he comes into view. He has poop on the back of his shirt.

  “Babe,” he groans and lifts his hand to place it on my thigh.

  Tears well as I bounce in place. I refuse to look at my leg. I close my eyes to keep from crying.

  “Will, why does your hand fill slimy on my leg?” He groans. I lose my shit. “Will, why the fuck do I feel like you just put shit on me. How did this happen? You weren’t drinking. How did you shit all over the place?”

  The tears start to spill, this is so gross. I hate it here. I slap his hand away and look down. My leg is brown and it’s not from my skin tone. I cry out in rage.

  That’s when Pit roars with laughter. He lifts and grabs my face before I can move, placing his shitty fingers in my mouth. I get ready to flip his ass until the taste of Nutella bursts on my tongue.

  I close my eyes, feeling so stupid. I should have known better. Pit plans for this shit. I bet I’m gonna find fart spray somewhere. He covers my mouth with his, sucking off the hazelnut spread.

  “Come here, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Let me make it up to you,” he says huskily.

  He moves to lick the sticky treat from my thigh and cups my kitty with his warm palm. He covers my nipple with his mouth over my tank top. I push at him.

  “It stinks in here. Go clean up.” I pout.

  He starts to laugh again. “Next time watch who you prank.”

  “Hate you so much.”

  He pecks my lips. “Sure you do.”

  Chapter 30

  The Truth

  Pit

  * * *

  I’ve been hanging with the guys for a bit. We’re in the middle of an intense game of poker. Tak is the only one not playing.

  “Call,” Kelex frowns and tosses in his hand.

  “Yo, what happened to Rhet?” I ask, throwing in some chips. Someone’s about to pay for my next date with Skittles.

  Kelex takes a drink and grimaces as he swallows. “He was going to come, but something came up.”

&
nbsp; “So are we not going to talk about the big ass elephant in the room. I’ve been waiting like a kid for Christmas for today. Aren’t we supposed to fight him or something? She’s like our sister,” Tak bursts out.

  “Sit your ass down,” Deacon says. “You’re the only one besides him that didn’t see this coming.”

  “Fuck you. I thought she had something with Kelex,” I grumble.

  “And I kept telling you she didn’t. You didn’t want to listen,” Deacon retorts.

  “You did more laughing than telling me anything.”

  He shrugs. “That was my way of telling you.”

  “It’s serious then?” Luke asks.

  “Yeah, after I handle her problem, we need to have a real talk.”

  “What happened to never getting married? We all agreed that shit wasn’t for us. Why change things now?” Tak says in frustration.

  “You need to get over that shit. Give them a year, they’ll be married or engaged at least. Her father doesn’t like us. I think that’s the only thing that’s going to keep Pit from proposing,” Deacon says.

  “You think so? I can’t see him giving a fuck,” Kelex says.

  “Y’all do know I’m sitting here?” I mutter.

  “Are we wrong?” Kelex replies.

  I lift my shoulders. “Like I said, when this is over, we need to talk.”

  “What is this?” Luke asks.

  I shake my head. “She’s not ready to tell you guys. It’s fucked up, but I’m on it.”

  “Anything we can do?” Deacon asks.

  “Not for now.”

  We all fall silent and start to play again. I haven’t missed that Tak is brooding. I’ve seen him watching me and Skittles the entire time we’ve been here.

  Deacon downs his drink and toss in a few chips. “You want another one?” Tak says to Deacon.

  “Yeah, whatever,” Deacon replies not looking away from his cards.

  I know instantly Deacon is slipping. Sitting back in my chair I discreetly keep my eyes on Tak. The little bastard is up to something.