by Vivi Holt
Her father was dead. Both birth parents had loved her and hadn’t wanted to give her up. Something deep down inside her rebelled against those new truths. But she decided not to listen, accepting instead what Tamera told her. She was loved, accepted, and wanted. And now she knew the family she’d always imagined and dreamed of. Where they’d go from here, she couldn’t say. But she’d already talked to them about her next visit, and Tamera had promised to bring them all down to stay in Atlanta for Easter.
Kate smiled and leaned one cheek against Chris’s back as he steered the snowmobile up a gentle slope. When they reached the top, he let up on the accelerator, and the vehicle slowed then shuddered to a stop.
“This is the best view around,” he said, sweeping one arm wide.
She straightened and looked out over the valley. Evergreens lined the side of the incline, and below them, fields opened up with white-sprinkled hilltops and deep snow-filled hollows. Hoof prints and paw prints were scattered here and there, like darkened pockmarks on the white that blanketed the landscape.
Kate sighed and flung one leg smoothly over the seat behind her to stand. She stretched her arms high in the air and yawned. It was so refreshing to take time off, to relax, surrounded by beauty and peaceful quiet.
A cow lowed in the distance, but otherwise, with the snowmobile silent, the valley lay quiet.
“How could you leave this place?” she asked.
He grinned. “I was young. I wanted to get away, to make my mark on the world. I’m not like Dad or Todd—they love the daily routine of the ranch. Not me. I don’t know where it came from, but something inside of me drives me to work, to achieve, to reach higher. I couldn’t ignore it.”
She nodded. “I suppose I can understand that. You followed your dream.”
“Exactly,” he said. “Have you ever felt that way?”
“Ah…I guess. I became an artist because that was my dream.” She laughed. “Still, mostly I work so that I can pay my bills and eat. Those are the things that drive me. But there never seems to be quite enough to go around. Some dreams pay better than others.”
He chuckled. “That is very true.”
Chris climbed from the snowmobile and came to stand beside her. His hand slipped easily into hers, and her skin tingled at his touch. What was going on between them? She hated to even ask herself the question, since she preferred to just let things develop. Still, she knew they’d be headed back to Atlanta the following evening and wasn’t sure what he was thinking.
She couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy. At least not since the accident. She had a family again, and Chris’s hand was warm in hers. Her heart swelled, and she smiled out at the world.
“I’m so glad I came here.”
He glanced at her with a half-smile. “I am too.”
“It’s been just what I needed. Last night was…”
“Intense.”
She chuckled. “Yes, and amazing. I finally have a family again. I still can’t quite believe it. I have to keep telling myself, so I don’t forget it. I’m not alone in the world anymore!” She called the last part out to the silence surrounding them, and her voice echoed across the valley.
He laughed. “No, you’re not.”
She faced him. “So, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For inviting me here.”
He grimaced. “I wish I had invited you…instead I think I shouted at you and ordered you to come with me.”
“That’s true.” She chuckled.
“You’ve made Christmas bearable this year.”
“Bearable?”
He grinned. “Okay, more than bearable. Not sure I’ll ever really love this time of year again though.”
“I’m glad to help. And even though the holidays didn’t end the way I’d planned, I don’t regret it. It’s been so fantastic meeting your family. I love your mom. She’s great. And you’re pretty okay yourself.”
It felt strange to admit that and even stranger to open up to him. Not so long ago, she’d thought him arrogant, mean, self-centered. Now, here she was facing him in the middle of a snow-covered wilderness, ready to admit she cared for him.
“You’re more than okay,” he responded, taking a step closer and sliding his hands around her waist.
Her heart thundered against her ribcage.
“I kind of like you,” she continued.
He grinned, and her gut did a flip. How hadn’t she noticed the depth of his blue eyes before that moment. Like a thunderous sky on a rainy day. They sparked with intensity as they met hers, and his face lowered toward her.
His lips pressed to hers as her pulse accelerated, making her head spin. The kiss was soft at first, his lips exploring hers. She stood on tiptoe to deepen the kiss, winding her hands around his neck and pushing her fingers into his thick, wavy hair. The kiss intensified, and he pressed her firmly against him.
When she pulled away, her breath hung in the air between them, her lungs empty.
She inhaled slowly, and a smile crept across her lips. He returned her smile, and they climbed back onto the snowmobile, happiness seeping into her thirsty soul.
The sun, a brilliant orange disk that lit up the sky and highlighted the outline of the ranges west of the ranch, bathed the barn in a warm light. Chris leaned his arms on the top rail of the fence that surrounded the yard by the barn and watched as several of the younger horses trotted in a circle. They kicked up their heels and shook dainty heads at one another, working out their pecking order.
He smiled, reaching out to pet a bay mare who loped over to him, her nose outstretched. She searched for a treat and, finding none, turned her back on him, twitching her ears in his direction. She wanted a scratch.
He chuckled and obliged, running his short fingernails over her coat beneath the edge of her blanket.
“There you go, Mandy. Is that good?”
Her ears flickered back and forth, and her tail swished once. He laughed again. Mandy had never been shy in making her wishes known. She was getting on in years now, but she hadn’t changed, except perhaps to become more ornery than ever.
She wandered off, and he rested his chin on his arms, once again folded on top of the fence rail. What was he doing out here in the frigid air? Everyone else was inside preparing supper in the warm kitchen. No doubt the children were watching their hour of television—Sasha usually let them sit in front of the screen during what she termed “crazy hour,” while she fixed their meal. But tonight, Mom had made her sit down with a glass of Coke, while she made the meal. It wasn’t often Sasha got a rest, and Mom had said she liked to make certain Sasha sat and put her feet up every now and then.
He shook his head and sighed. He and Kate had spent the afternoon riding the snowmobile around his favorite childhood haunts. The ranch had been his playground, and he’d given up on it when he lost Mia. He’d given up on a lot of things.
Still, now that they were back, he was second-guessing himself. What was he doing? He barely knew her. She was supposed to be his pretend Christmas date, and now he was out in the snow kissing her, taking a romantic snowmobile ride around his family ranch. It didn’t make any sense. He considered what Steve would say if he knew. He’d probably say that Chris must be losing his mind.
What was it about Kate that prompted him to finally let his guard down? There’d been plenty of women he could’ve allowed into his life over the past three years, but he’d never given them a chance. What had changed? Was he finally ready to take that step?
The kitchen door slapped shut behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder to see Mom shuffling toward him over the frozen ground. She was bundled up in a coat, scarf, and gloves, and the toes of her favorite leather boots peeked out from beneath a full-length woolen skirt.
“Hey, Mom,” he called.
She nodded and joined him in leaning against the fence, one eyebrow arched. “Hi there, son. Just wondering what you’re doin’ out here?”
He sighed. “Thin
king.”
“I figured. That’s what usually happens. If you have somethin’ on your mind, you just up and disappear. I guess it is hard to think with a lot of noise all around.”
He chuckled. “Especially with three small people.”
Her eyes twinkled. “Ain’t that the truth. So, what is it, Chris? What’s on your mind?”
He turned to lean his back against the fence and stared toward the house. Smoke curled from the chimney, lights blinked from the square windows, and a delicious aroma floated toward him.
“It’s Kate.”
Mom nodded. “She’s a lovely woman. I’m real happy you brought her home to meet us.”
“Yeah…about that…”
“Whatever it is you’re thinking about with that melancholy look on your face, I want you to stop a moment and consider this. You’ve smiled more on this trip than you have every visit home in the past three years combined.”
He tipped his head to one side. “Really?”
“Yes, and that’s because of Kate.”
“I know, she’s great. But…”
Mom’s eyes flashed. “But what? She’s good for you. And you need something good in your life. It’s been far too long.”
He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips. “I don’t know, Mom. There are things about Kate, about our relationship, that you don’t know.”
“I don’t need to know either. That’s between you and her. Let me give you some advice that I didn’t give you before your wedding and should have. When you’re married, you keep things between you and your wife. There isn’t anything you can’t work out if you stick together, stand by each other’s side always, and pray about it.”
He nodded. “Thanks, Mom. But this is different.”
“Whatever it is, if you love her, you can work it out.”
“I don’t know if I do.”
“Well, that’s something you have to figure for yourself. But if you want to know what I think…”
“I do.”
“I think I haven’t seen you so smitten since Mia. That’s what I think.”
His chest tightened. No doubt it was true, but it wasn’t saying much. No woman had even sparked his interest since Mia.
“I do like her…”
“Like I said—she’s good for you. And that counts for something. Give her a chance. Don’t run this time, Chris. Just see where things go. Give yourself a chance to find love again. Mia would’ve wanted you to find happiness.”
His throat closed over. He coughed to clear it. “I don’t know if she’s good for me… Or if I even deserve her.”
Mom chuckled and patted his arm. “That’s because you’ve lost sight of what’s good for you and what isn’t. And no one deserves anyone else, that’s the beauty of love—it’s freely given, deserved or not. Your problem, my dear son, is that you don’t embrace life, you tackle it. Everything is so serious. It’s all about what you can achieve and accomplish. But it’s time to enjoy yourself, and loving people is all part of that. What’s the use in reaching the pinnacle of success and having the whole world at your feet if you have no one to love and no one to love you back?”
She kissed him on the cheek and shuffled back to the kitchen door, letting out a burst of noise, shouts of laughter, and the succulent smell of roasting meat for just a moment as she stepped inside. Then it was gone, and the sounds of evening on a ranch filtered back in.
He shivered, glancing at the now-dark horizon. Perhaps Mom was right. He should allow life in, give himself a chance to hope again, to love again. But could he do it? His stomach roiled at the idea, and he ducked his head and strode into the barn.
There were still a few palings to nail into place. That could be his excuse for staying outdoors a while longer. He wasn’t ready to go inside just yet.
He lit a lantern then climbed into the loft. He’d left his hammer, nails, and new palings there earlier. With the lantern perched on a bale of sweet-smelling hay, he got to work.
Before long, he heard a sound downstairs. He shook his head. Perhaps one of the horses had knocked something over or was up to mischief of some kind. Some were still out in the yard since Todd thought the night mild enough for them to spend it outdoors. The rest were in their stalls. He really should check what the noise was and put Mandy away before much longer. She was too old to be outdoors for a full night, but she loved to get outside for some exercise.
He packed his things up, grabbed the lantern, and was headed to the ladder to climb back down and check on everything when he spotted Kate. She led Mandy through the barn, opened her stall, and ushered her inside. Then, she unclipped the lead from her halter and hung it on the wall beside the door.
Chris watched, his brow furrowed. He didn’t want to interrupt and wasn’t ready to talk to Kate just yet. Instead, he sat on the top step and dimmed his lantern.
She filled Mandy’s water bucket and grabbed her some feed. Then she stood by her shoulder while she ate, patting and stroking her coat and talking in a quiet, gentle voice.
He smiled. This was a side of her he hadn’t seen before. Just as he was about to clear his throat to let her know he was there, she broke into song. Her clear, full voice reverberated throughout the barn. It rose and fell, swelled and then dove. The melody was unfamiliar to him, but it tugged at his heart in a way he hadn’t experienced in a long time, until his throat was tight and his eyes wet. Her voice was beautiful, full, sweet, and emotive.
He rested against the barn wall, his arms crossed over his chest as he listened. Then he sighed. He cared about her more than he’d been willing to admit—to himself or to Mom. He couldn’t help it. She’d found her way into his heart, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. But he wasn’t sure he could survive losing someone again. He sighed and let his eyes drift shut. Perhaps he should just give up and stop fighting it and let Kate Grant into his life and his heart.
Chapter 18
December 31st
“You look happy this morning,” said Diana with a grin.
Kate couldn’t help smiling in response as she kneaded the bread dough on the smooth timber board. “I am. It’s been a wonderful holiday. I can’t thank you and Frank enough for letting me stay.”
“You’re so very welcome. And I was pleased to hear you had dinner with your birth mother. I hope you don’t mind, Chris told me all about it.”
Kate’s heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t sure how she felt about people knowing that part of her life. Usually, she held everything so close to her chest, as though letting people in on her secrets would somehow bring them to ruin. Shanice was the only one she’d told about her mother and her hopes.
“I don’t mind. I’m glad he told you. It’s not something I talk about much. I guess I’m still not used to the fact that I know her, got to meet her and embrace her and her family. My family. I’ve been looking for them for such a long time. It’s amazing, really.” Her throat tightened, and she blinked back the tears.
Diana patted her arm gently. “It’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you. And maybe having them close by will mean we’ll get to see you more often as well.”
Kate chuckled. “I hope so.”
“What are you going to do today?” asked Diana, laying out the bread dough to cut into roll-sized circles.
“I have to pack, since we’re leaving tonight. And I want to say goodbye to the horses. It’s going to be sad leaving them all. I’ve really come to love them, especially Mandy. She’s such a feisty but sweet old thing.”
“She sure is.”
“And I had an idea of something else I might do, but I wanted to talk to you about it first.”
Diana paused, flour-coated hands poised above the dough, and cocked her head to one side. “Oh?”
Kate sighed. She wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but she hoped it was. “Chris told me he hates Christmas, and even though I’ve spent so many Christmases alone, I can’t imagine hating the holidays. It’s such a wonderful time of year, espec
ially when you’re with loved ones—and he has all of you to share Christmas with. So it doesn’t make sense for him to keep hating the season, though I understand why it’s been so hard for him the last few years.”
“It’s true, he used to love Christmas time. Especially the food. The way to Chris’s heart has always been through his stomach.” Diana laughed.
“So, I’d love to put together a slideshow of happy Christmas memories, you know from his childhood, his life, and show it to him before we leave today. Maybe it’ll help him remember the good times, not just the bad.”
Diana’s eyes narrowed, then she smiled. “I think that’s a wonderful idea. I’ll log you onto our old laptop after we finish with this bread. I’m afraid it’s probably not as fast as you’re used to, but we don’t need it for much other than keeping our accounts up to date, paying bills, and such. Still, we had all our photographs scanned and put on something called a sky or a cloud a couple of years back. I don’t understand it, but I can find them well enough. Would that help?”
Kate grinned. “That would be perfect.”
She spent the rest of the morning, and a couple of hours after lunch, trawling through Everett family photographs. Pictures of a baby Chris, then a small, chubby-cheeked boy, a teenager, and then the young man he became made her smile, filled her eyes with tears, and warmed her heart. He’d always been good-looking, but he’d really grown into his looks as he aged.
One thing about the images that really struck her was the way that he’d smiled in the earlier ones. His smile had changed over the years. Shy at first, uncertain, turning to more of a scowl around ten years of age when it looked as though he resented having to stand still to have his photograph taken. Then, during his teen years, his smile became mischievous and erupted into times of laughter in the stills captured of his young adult years. Those were the photographs when a petite brunette began to appear by his side.
