by Vivi Holt
In the images from the past few years, with his nieces and nephews or standing alone by the barn, he didn’t smile at all. His eyes were narrowed, his face more haggard, and his mouth turned down at the edges.
She frowned. He’d been through so much. He must have loved his wife deeply.
Finally, she was done. She ran through the slideshow of images one last time, smiling with satisfaction. It was perfect. She’d left out the photographs from the last three years, only including Christmas memories from happier times and a few snapshots she’d taken on her phone during this trip.
Just as she headed downstairs, she heard Diana call for dinner. She and Chris were flying back to Atlanta later that night. He’d told her he wanted to stay as long as he could but had to be back to work first thing in the new year. She took that as a sign he’d enjoyed himself on this visit. From what Diana had told her, he didn’t usually stay so long for the holidays, often rushing back to work earlier than he’d planned.
She traipsed into the kitchen to help take the food to the table. The rolls they’d made earlier were nestled into a basket, their golden tops shining, and a delicious aroma of baking bread filled the air.
“This looks wonderful,” she said, picking up the basket and carrying it to the table.
She sat beside Chris, a plate of roast beef, potatoes, green beans, carrots, and gravy in front of each of them. Her mouth watered. She glanced up at him with a smile and found him looking down at her, his eyes filled with warmth.
“What have you been doing so secretively today? I was sure you’d want to go for one last horse ride.”
She grinned. “You’ll find out after dinner. It’s a surprise. A thank you for everything.”
“A surprise?” He quirked an eyebrow. “I’m looking forward to it then.”
She ate slowly, enjoying the array of flavors and the warm conversation. Sasha and Todd had brought the children with them for one last meal together. A fire blazed in the hearth, and Kate found herself swallowing back tears as she considered the fact that it would be her last meal with the family, possibly ever.
She still wasn’t sure how things stood between her and Chris—they hadn’t really spoken about it. She knew he cared about her, but was it enough for him to continue their relationship when they got back to Atlanta? She couldn’t be sure. She knew how she felt. She wanted more. Couldn’t imagine not seeing him again. She’d talk to him on the plane. It’d been hard to get time alone the past couple of days, but he’d have to face her on the flight back to Atlanta. Tomorrow was a new year, and for the first time in a long time she wasn’t facing it alone. She hummed with anticipation.
After they cleaned up, everyone moved into the den where Kate had set up the show. Todd sat with his arm around Sasha’s shoulders. The children played with the train set still chuffing around the Christmas tree. Diana and Frank sat side by side in their rockers, and Chris perched on the arm of her chair.
She switched on the television set and projected the images onto it via the laptop. The first was of Chris’s first Christmas. A red-cheeked baby grinned up at them, and he smiled.
“What’s this?” he asked.
She laughed. “It’s Chris’s Christmases.”
“Wow, say that five times fast,” quipped Todd with a chuckle.
All three children attempted it and ended up in fits of laughter as more images flashed across the screen. Soon, everyone was commenting on each photograph and the memories they prompted.
But Chris sat silently, his lips pursed.
She glanced at him in concern. She hadn’t expected this reaction. He should be laughing, pointing, and chatting about old times, just like the rest of the group were doing. What was wrong?
By the time the slideshow reached the pictures of his Christmases with Mia, his arms were crossed over his chest, and his brow furrowed.
Before it was over, he leapt to his feet and stormed from the room. The chatter ceased, and all the adults watched him with worried eyes.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” asked Todd.
“Is he upset about something?” added Sasha, her face creased with concern.
“It’s fine. He hasn’t confronted his past in a long time,” replied Diana. She rocked back and forth in her rocker, smiling at Kate. “Don’t worry about it, honey. He’ll calm down soon enough.”
“But I thought he’d like it…” Kate’s chest tightened, and her stomach clenched into a knot.
“Well, I thought it was great,” added Frank with a wink.
“Thank you.”
Kate set the laptop down on an end table and stood to her feet. She inhaled deeply then followed Chris. She found him in his bedroom, pacing back and forth across the floor, his suitcase sitting on top of his neatly made bed.
“Chris…”
He faced her with a flash of anger in his darkened eyes. “What was that about? Why did you do it?”
She winced. “I’m sorry, I thought you’d like it. I wanted to help you find your happy Christmas memories so that maybe you’d grow to love Christmas again.”
He grimaced. “Love Christmas again? That’s not going to happen. And I can’t believe you went through all my family photographs that way. Don’t push yourself into my business, my family. It’s not your place!”
She gasped, and her stomach turned over. “I’m sorry.”
“Chris, calm down. She was only trying to do something nice for you,” said Diana behind her.
Kate turned to see Diana, Frank, and Todd all standing in the hallway. She bit her lip.
“I don’t care what she was trying to do. I don’t need anyone shoving happy Christmas memories down my throat. Why can’t everyone just accept that this is who I am? I’m never going to be the guy who loves Christmas, and wears reindeer sweaters, and gushes over the tinsel on the tree. That’s just not me!”
Kate took a step back, her head spinning. What was going on? He was completely overreacting. He didn’t have to love the slideshow, but to yell at her in this petulant way—that was something she hadn’t expected.
She frowned, pushing out her chin. “I’m sorry, but I worked really hard on it. If you don’t like it, just say so, but there’s no need to shout about it.”
He glared at her. “Fine. I don’t like it.”
“I thought maybe we could build new memories together…”
He huffed and set his hands on his hips. “Together?”
“Yes, we’ve had a wonderful holiday. And this can be a new start for you, for us.”
“There is no us!” he shouted.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“You and me, there’s nothing between us. I hired you to be my date for Christmas, so my family would finally leave me alone about having someone in my life. That’s it. That’s all it was.”
Behind her, Diana inhaled sharply. Kate backed away, one hand over her mouth. How could he say those things? And in front of his family? What would they think of her now?
Frank’s eyes were wide. Todd’s mouth hung open, and Diana’s eyes glistened with tears.
“Is that right, hon? Is Chris telling the truth?”
She nodded, her own eyes flooding with moisture. “It’s true, but it’s not the whole truth.”
“Has everything been a lie?” asked Todd, his face turning red.
“No, it hasn’t. I’m still me, still Kate Grant. Everything else is true. It’s just that Chris needed a date for Christmas, and I needed the money…but it’s not what you think. I’m a struggling artist, that’s all. And I wanted to meet my birth mother. When Chris said we’d be going to Billings, I saw it as a chance…”
She looked at their stricken faces, and her heart fell. “Never mind. I’ll get my things.”
As she turned on her heel, she heard them murmuring together behind her. Her heart felt as though it’d been broken into pieces. How could everything have fallen apart so quickly? Why had she come?
She fell on her bed with a groan then cried
into the pillow shams. Finally, when she felt nothing but dry inside, she stood and reached for the handle of her suitcase. As she pulled it down the hallway, her chin jutted out. She ran an arm over her face to dry her tears and swallowed. It was time to go home. Time to face a new year. Alone again.
Chapter 19
January 24th
Chris studied the words on the monitor in front of him. His eyes blurred, and he rubbed them with his fingertips. He should really go home. Everyone else in the office had left hours ago, but he’d been staying late every night.
He told himself it was because he had to catch up on all the work he’d missed over the holidays, but that wasn’t entirely true. Most people had taken a break, and there wasn’t much to catch up on. But he’d decided on a takeover of a competing company, Takow Enterprises, and he was intent on making it happen as soon as possible.
“Janet! Come in here please!” he barked into the intercom.
Janet Hampton poked her head through his office door, her eyes stormy. “Yes?”
“Where are the numbers for last month’s earnings for Takow? I asked you to send them to my email address. I can’t seem to find them on the server…”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I did send them to your email address. Is this really necessary at ten o’clock at night? I’d like to go home to my family sometime this century.”
His eyes widened. In the five years she’d worked as his personal assistant, Janet had never griped at him in that tone of voice before. Usually she was friendly, helpful, and sunny.
“Uh…okay, you can go home. I’ll deal with it in the morning.”
She sighed. “You should go home too, Chris. It’s late. And you’ve been a bear ever since the holidays.”
He frowned. “I have not.”
“Yes, you have. You’ve been snarling and snapping at everyone for weeks. Whatever happened in Montana, perhaps you should talk to someone about it, your shrink, or your girlfriend, or whoever you have in your life who’d listen. I would, but I’m too tired.”
His brow furrowed. “I’m fine. Nothing happened in Montana, and you know full well I don’t have a girlfriend. What’s gotten into you today?”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, whoever you’re mooning over, do us all a favor and please just call her. Good night!”
She spun on her heel and strode away into the darkness. He heard her flick off her computer, and then the clack of her heels faded down the corridor. He sighed and linked his hands behind his head. Had he really been that bad?
The drive home was silent. He’d turned off the radio and rode all the way in quiet darkness, his stomach clenched. Things had ended so badly in Montana with Kate, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since. They’d hardly spoken on the flight. Her eyes were red, and every time he tried to apologize, to tell her he was wrong and that he shouldn’t have spoken to her that way, the words got stuck in his throat. She wouldn’t forgive him; it was pointless anyway. He’d destroyed any chance they had of making things work between them.
He pulled into the drive and parked in the garage. As the door wound shut, he slipped into the still house. The kitchen light was on, and he made his way in there. He found a note from Maria and a plate of food in the refrigerator.
As he sat at the counter, eating alone, his mind wandered over memories of his time at the ranch. The meals with Kate and his family, the conversations and laughter. The happy warmth of it all. His throat tightened, and he set down his fork. His appetite was gone.
There was no use denying it any longer. He missed her.
He’d blown it, of course. She wouldn’t speak to him; he was sure of that. The way he’d acted. He groaned and rubbed both hands over his face. He’d been childish and immature and hateful. If she even answered his call, he’d be surprised. No, she’d deserved so much better than what he’d given her. They all had.
He hadn’t spoken to his family since he left that night. And they hadn’t called him either. He sighed, setting the plate back in the fridge. Then he trudged upstairs to his cold bed.
The light danced through the studio window and settled on Kate’s canvas. She cocked her head to one side and studied the painting. It needed more blue.
She reached the paintbrush toward the blue color on her palette and then pressed it to the canvas, brushing across it in broad, sweeping strokes.
January had been a busy month. She was pushing herself to get as many paintings done as she could. For some reason, she felt an urgency she hadn’t felt before, and with the money Chris had paid her when they got back to town, she’d been able to buy a stockpile of art supplies that should last her a while.
She grimaced, reaching for another brush.
The phone rang. She set down the brush and wiped her hands on a rag before searching for the phone beneath a series of sketches on the table beside her.
“Hello?” She hoped the caller hadn’t hung up before they heard her voice.
“Is this Kate Grant?”
“Yes, it is. How can I help you?”
“This is Cameron Fillman from the Moonshine Gallery. We spoke at a mixer recently?”
She nodded, her eyes widening. “That’s right, it was lovely to talk to you, Mr. Fillman.”
“Cameron, please.”
“Okay, Cameron.”
“I took a look at the portfolio you sent me, and I have to say that I’m impressed. Your work is fresh, unique, and yet warm in a way that’s really exciting.”
“Thank you so much. I appreciate your encouragement.” She held onto the breath in her lungs, waiting for him to continue.
“I’d like to offer you a solo showing at my gallery in March. I know it’s late notice, but we had a last-minute cancellation and have to find a replacement.”
Her mouth fell open, and the breath she’d been holding escaped in a gasp. “Wow, that would be wonderful.”
“Do you think you could be ready to do a show so soon?”
“I’ve actually been working on a series of paintings all month. And yes, they’ll be ready.”
“Good. I’ll call later with the details, and I’ll email you a contract. I look forward to working with you, Kate.”
The line went quiet, and Kate looked at her cell, her mind in a whirl. She was going to have her own show at one of the most cutting-edge boutique galleries in the city. It couldn’t be real. Was she imagining things now?
She laughed out loud and jumped to her feet then danced across the studio, waving her arms in the air. “Woohoo!”
Several other painters looked up from their work with puzzled faces, brows furrowed. She smiled and spun in a circle. It was happening. This could be her chance. Maybe she’d finally be able to make something of herself as an artist.
She sank back into her chair, looking beyond the canvas in front of her. Then she sighed. There was only one person whose face immediately sprang to her mind. The one person she most wanted to tell.
Chris.
She hadn’t spoken to him after she’d received the rest of the ten grand. He hadn’t called, and she hadn’t tried him either. After the way they’d left things, she didn’t dare. He’d made it very clear he saw her only as an email-order date. Someone who filled a need he had and nothing more. He’d been terse, rude even, on the jet ride back to Atlanta. He’d hardly made eye contact with her. It was for the best really, since if she’d had a chance to look into the intensity of those blue eyes, she would’ve dissolved into a puddle of tears, and she hadn’t wanted to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he’d hurt her. That was then. Now…now she wished she’d said something, done something, to try to make it right.
Her heart ached even thinking about it.
She’d loved him. She knew that now. It was crazy. She’d only known him for a short time. But still, she’d never felt that way about anyone before. And now that he was no longer a part of her life, her days felt emptier than they had before she met him.
She dia
led the phone and set it against her ear. “Hi, Tamera.”
“Kate, how lovely to hear your voice.”
She smiled. “I have some good news.”
Chapter 20
February 10th
Chris held up a bag of oats, and Mighty Melvin, his bay stallion, pushed his nose into the bag and ate. The animal’s coat gleamed in the stable’s dim lighting, and Chris ran his hand down the stallion’s sleek neck.
He set the bag inside the stall then moved onto the next one. He loved these horses. Though he hadn’t ridden any of them since Mia’s accident. He should have sold them years ago but couldn’t part with them. Instead, he kept them for breeding and found it cathartic to visit the stables before and after work.
It gave him something to do. Someone to care about.
The cell phone in his pocket buzzed, and he gave Melvin one last pat then retrieved it. He glared at the screen, his brow furrowed. It was Todd. What could his brother want?
“Hello?”
“Hi, Chris. How are you?”
He inhaled sharply. “I’m fine. And you?”
“Good, good. It’s good to talk to you, man. We had such a nice Christmas together, and then that thing with Kate…well, I know we haven’t spoken since, but that was crazy.”
Chris wrinkled his nose and leaned against the stall door. “I know. I’m sorry about that.”
“Was that really true? She was your escort?”
Chris’s stomach roiled. Is that what they thought? He should’ve known his outburst would cause that kind of confusion. He squeezed his eyes shut. What must she think of him?
“No, of course not. She wasn’t an escort. It’s a long story, but she kind of happened upon me by accident. She was singing a Christmas-Gram, and I wanted someone to go to Montana with me. Anyhow, she needed the money…so it all just kind of happened.”
