by Donna Alward
“Well, cheers to that.” The siblings touched glasses.
Sarah relaxed a little. “Seriously, though, congratulations. I’m surprised as hell, but one of us deserves to be happy. When’s the due date?”
“April fourteenth,” Tori supplied.
“Well, you might as well come in. You can’t stay in the doorway all night.”
Tori’s club soda arrived, so her hands were full of purse and drink as they entered a room that she was sure was nearly as big as her whole house.
The men wore black tie, the same as Jeremy, creating a striking look. The women were dressed in conservative cocktail dresses, with nary a bared shoulder or plunging neckline in sight. Except for one woman, Tori noticed. She had on a little black dress that dipped to the waist in the back, and came to mid-thigh. When she turned around, it was like looking at Sarah all over again, only twenty-five years older and with three times the amount of makeup.
Unless Tori was sadly mistaken, she’d also had substantial work done. Her face had a pinched look that wasn’t quite natural.
The woman spied Jeremy and smiled, then her gaze lit on Tori, drifted down to her belly and moved back up with both surprise and distaste in their depths. Here we go.
At least the front of the dress was more appropriate than the back. She excused herself and came to stand in front of Jeremy, as if Tori wasn’t there at all.
“So good of you to come, Jeremy.”
“Mother.” He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Tori wasn’t sure the kiss had even made contact with skin. “Merry Christmas. I’d like to introduce you to Victoria Sharpe.”
Tori put down her drink and held out her hand. “Hello, Mrs....”
It struck her suddenly. Jeremy never mentioned his mother by her first name, and since she’d remarried her last name wouldn’t be Fisher any longer. It would be something else. Something Tori didn’t know. She wanted to sink through the floor, especially when the other woman made no move to reduce Tori’s embarrassment. She didn’t even shake her hand. Tori dropped her hand to her side, feeling sick to her stomach.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Tori. Mom is now Carol Heppner. I can’t believe I forgot to mention that.”
“Yes really, Jeremy, it’s like you don’t care who I am at all,” his mother chided, but instead of being hurt she just looked...disinterested.
“Oh, wait.” Tori tried a smile and pried open the catch on her purse. “Mrs. Heppner, I brought you something. Just to say thank-you for having me tonight.”
She took out the robin’s-egg-blue bag and held it out. When she’d been shopping for Jeremy’s decorations, she’d seen it and had thought maybe it would be fancy enough for his mother. She hadn’t wanted to arrive empty-handed.
Jeremy looked uncomfortable and Carol stared at the bag for a moment before taking it. “Thank you.”
She moved to hand it off to a servant when Jeremy’s brittle voice came from beside her.
“Aren’t you going to open it, Mother?”
With a sigh, Carol opened the bag, then the box inside, and the pouch inside that. She removed the delicate snowman on the red ribbon that Tori had thought so cute and that had taken a substantial chunk of her bank account.
“Isn’t that...charming.”
She stared at Tori’s belly again, then looked at Jeremy and said, “I do hope you enjoy the party. Have you seen Sarah? She’s here.”
“We saw her on the way in.” With a defiant set to his jaw, he added, “She wanted to congratulate us on the baby.”
A weak smile touched his mother’s lips. “Odd, how you wait until a party to tell your own mother. Oh, well. Let me add my congratulations, then. But excuse me. I do have other guests to attend to.”
She walked away. Tori watched as she handed off the ornament to a staff member as if it were nothing at all.
“You got her a hostess gift? Tori, that’s ballsy.”
“Yeah, well, she didn’t look impressed.”
“Of course not. She’s never impressed.” His gaze softened.
“I knew she’d have...exacting tastes. I know it was small. And a snowman... I’m an idiot.”
He put his arm around her. “No, you’re not. You’re incredibly sweet and have better manners than my mother. Come on, let’s find Sarah. She’s as emotionally stunted as the rest of us, but she tries. And she’s an ally.”
Tori tried not to laugh but couldn’t help it. Emotionally stunted? She didn’t think Jeremy was. She thought he covered a lot with smiles and charm, but the last week he’d revealed a lot about himself.
“All right. Could I have another club soda, though? I feel like I need to have something in my hand.”
“Of course. And dinner will be soon.”
They mingled their way through the room in search of Sarah, whom they found in a corner drinking a glass of wine and holding an animated conversation with a man who looked perhaps thirty. As they drew closer, Tori could tell the conversation was centered on financial stuff she didn’t understand. Sarah was clearly schooling the younger man, who was openly flirting back. What was it like to have that kind of confidence?”
“Excuse me,” Sarah said. “I’m going to chat with my brother for a few minutes.”
She extricated herself from the conversation and turned to Tori and Jeremy. “Oh, my goodness. They get younger every time I turn around. Thanks for the rescue.”
“One good turn deserves another. We saw Mom.”
“That must have been entertaining. I’m sorry I missed it.” She took a big sip of wine. “What did she say?”
Tori looked up. “She said congratulations.”
Sarah snorted. “She did not. And if she did, it wasn’t in that sweet way that you just did. By the way, I can’t place your accent. Where are you from?”
“Nova Scotia.”
Sarah looked at Jeremy. “Last summer’s trip.”
He grinned. “Surprise.” Then he leaned over and kissed Tori’s cheek. “It wasn’t quite what we planned on happening, but life doesn’t always go according to plan.”
They chatted a while longer and Tori started to relax. Once everyone was seated at dinner, she let out a long breath. “Okay. I think I’m doing okay.”
“You are. I told you not to pay any attention to my mom. Everyone else loves you.”
Well, everyone except Jeremy’s stepdad. The best that could be said of him was that he was utterly ambivalent.
Tori and Jeremy sat together during the meal, which included foods that Tori had never even seen before but bravely tried. She avoided the pâté and soft cheese, but enjoyed whatever the poultry dish was—perhaps duck?—and some sort of fancy potato. And the dessert was delightful, a tarte tatin with cream. Not too exotic, but extra special. Something she’d love to have at the Sandpiper...
Except she wasn’t going to be there anymore, was she? Her heart gave a little pang at the thought. Saying goodbye was going to be so very hard. She’d put her heart and soul into the resort.
As the sounds of clinking silverware and crystal glasses slowed, she wondered if this kind of thing would become her life. It was nice for a visit, but she wouldn’t want to live like this. Then again, Jeremy didn’t live like this. His place was extravagant but his mood was relaxed, his tastes plainer. Like eating casserole two hours late, or ordering in a pizza from his favorite pizza joint. Cheesecake at ten o’clock at night.
She understood now why he’d wanted her to come. This was where he’d come from, but it wasn’t where he wanted to be. He’d always be connected to his family, but this wasn’t the life he had chosen for himself.
Or for his child.
She leaned over. “This was delicious, but I think I get it now.”
“Get what?”
“What you said about me needing to see it. Promise me we won’t end up like this. I want backyard
barbecues and kitchen parties and people feeling welcomed.”
He looked into her eyes. “Of course you do. It’s what you’ve always known.”
“I’m sorry you haven’t.”
“I survived.” He flashed her a smile. “Come on, let’s go back to the drawing room, as Mother likes to call it. It makes her feel aristocratic.”
She laughed and they rose from the table. Now that dinner was over, the mood was even more relaxed in the large room. More wine was poured, and brandy. Tori realized that Jeremy had had his cocktail upon entering and one glass of wine at dinner, but that was it. When she mentioned as much, he shrugged. “I know we said we’d stay the night and go back tomorrow morning, but now I’m thinking we can drive back tonight. If that’s okay with you.”
She had no desire to stay any longer than she had to. She was a fish out of water here. “Whatever you want to do.”
“I’m going to find Mom and let her know. We don’t have to stay much longer if you’re tired.”
He left her with Sarah, who was definitely staying as she’d now switched to gin and tonic. “I know, I shouldn’t,” she said. “But I am staying the night, and it’s the only way these parties are bearable.”
“Then why come?” Tori asked. She’d given up club soda and was now drinking straight-up water.
“I don’t know. Because it’s expected. Because we get the ‘you only visit your mother twice a year’ guilt trip. And because we can’t stand each other, but a few times a year we pretend to and it makes us feel better about our stupid dysfunctional family.”
Tori snorted. Sarah didn’t have much of a filter after a few drinks.
“But you and Jeremy...you get along okay.”
“We muddle through. Out of the whole family, we’re probably the closest.”
“I’m glad. He talks about you a lot.”
Sarah looked pleased at that. “I think you’re good for him, if tonight hasn’t scared you off.”
“We’re trying to figure it out.” She put her hand on her stomach and sighed. “Can you tell me where the powder room is? I haven’t gone all night and the baby’s sitting right in a good spot.” She smiled at Sarah.
“Outside the door, go right, down the hall. There’s a door on the left just across from Bruce’s office.” She turned up her nose. “He likes to go in there for a cigar after dinner. Gross.”
“Thanks. If Jeremy comes back, tell him I won’t be long.”
She made her way down the hall, away from the noise. The house truly was gorgeous, a real showpiece with creamy walls, white trim and a gorgeous iron railing on the staircase leading to the next floor, which was now bedecked with boughs and ribbon. There wasn’t a speck of dust or a thing out of place. No personal knickknacks or photos; just perfectly placed flower arrangements—holiday themed, of course—and pieces of art on the walls. Each one was perfectly level, as if it wouldn’t dare be a little bit crooked.
Beautiful, and perfect. But there was no personality, no sense of the people who lived there.
She caught sight of an open door—presumably the powder room—when she heard voices coming from the room across the hall.
Jeremy’s voice. And his mother’s in reply.
She went to the door, staying slightly behind. There’d been a strident reply to something from Jeremy, but she hadn’t been able to make out the words. Now she strained to hear. She hoped he wasn’t getting a lot of grief from his mother. They could just stay over if it was going to be a big deal for them to leave early.
“Why didn’t I tell you before? When was the last time you called me, Mother? Asked how I was? I mean, do you even care?”
“Of course I care, Jeremy.” Her voice was cold. “I’m going to be a grandmother.”
“I highly doubt it. You weren’t mother material, you sure as hell aren’t cut out to be a grandmother.”
Ouch.
“You’re so cruel,” she replied. “And finding out tonight, in a room full of guests? It was embarrassing. Or was that your intention?”
He didn’t answer, so his mother continued in her patronizing voice. “Look, she’s probably nice enough, in her way. But really, Jeremy? She’s not our kind of people. She’s plain, and...uncultured.”
“And you know that after sneering at her for two minutes?”
“Seriously. The way you’re acting, you’d think you were in love with the girl. You aren’t, are you?”
Tori held her breath. Her pride stung from his mother’s assessment, but she was angry on Jeremy’s behalf. No wonder he stayed away. What a horrible creature.
Jeremy hesitated. Then he said the words: “Of course I’m not. Don’t be ridiculous.”
Tori’s heart plummeted to her feet. The way he’d kissed her. Held her hand. Made love...
It couldn’t all have been an act.
She refused to believe it.
“I’m not going to ask you how she got pregnant. We both know that and I don’t need the details. What are you going to do about it now?”
“She’s here, isn’t she?” he snapped, and Tori blinked back tears. He sounded so...harsh. “Look. No kid of mine is going to wonder where the hell his father is. You and Dad...you should never have procreated. He left and you wanted nothing to do with us. And here’s what you need to know. I will do anything—anything—to make sure I do a better job of parenting my kid than you ever did.”
Silence dropped for a moment. Then his mother spoke quietly. “Even pretend to love its mother?”
“Even that. Whatever it takes.”
“So you’re not in love with her. I knew it.”
“Mother, please.”
Tori stepped backward from the door, reeling from the pure derision laced in his voice. She hurried back down the hall, determined he not see her. She came across one of the waitstaff and asked where she could find another bathroom. Once she’d located it, she went inside, shut the door and sat on the closed toilet for thirty seconds while she tried to sort out her thoughts. Her feelings.
She’d been played.
Mother, please.
Those words replayed over and over in her head. She’d really fallen for it, hadn’t she? All the expensive outings and private flights and sweet words... He’d used his money after all, to get her to do what he wanted. He didn’t even have to get a lawyer involved. He’d used her emotions instead, and played her like a violin.
She got off the toilet, turned around and opened the lid. Though she hadn’t thrown up for weeks now, her dinner came back up and left her gasping.
Then she flushed the toilet, washed her hands, and patted her face as best she could. She wouldn’t cry, not now. But she was more than ready to go home and lick her wounds. And once she’d done that, she’d start making plans to raise her baby.
Hurt threatened to pierce her heart, but she steeled herself and kept it away by sheer force of will. She’d gone along with every single thing he’d suggested, and she’d fallen in love with him. Except it wasn’t really him; just a show he’d put on to get what he wanted. And what made her the angriest was that he was planning on working out his childhood issues by using his own child as...what? Therapy? That was no way to bring a baby into the world. Not to solve your own problems.
She still had her clutch with her, and she took out her phone, turned on the data and booked a flight back to Halifax for the next day, on a commercial flight, which left approximately seventy-two dollars of available credit on her card. A knock sounded on the bathroom door just as she was getting the confirmation email. “Tori? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she replied, lifting her chin and staring at herself in the mirror. Right now she hated this dress. It wasn’t her. It was someone she thought she could be. It was a lie, just like everything he’d said had been a lie.
“Are you sick?”
“I’ll be
right out.” She squared her shoulders and opened the door, unprepared for the shaft of pain she felt upon seeing his concerned face. He wanted her baby, not her. And she rather wished he’d just been honest about that from the beginning, rather than manipulating her.
“Sorry. Turns out dinner didn’t agree with me after all. I think I’d like to go...” She hesitated before saying home. “Back to the apartment.”
He didn’t say much, just watched her with an odd expression as she passed him on her way out the door and led the way to the stairs.
“If that’s what you want, I’ll get our coats.”
It was a long drive back to the city. She didn’t relish the idea of being in the car with him for that long, because she wasn’t ready to talk about this yet. But it was her only way back to New York. It wasn’t like she could ask Sarah. She’d been drinking all night. And Tori refused to cause a scene here.
She didn’t bother saying goodbye to Sarah and she certainly didn’t say goodbye to the hosts, who hadn’t wanted her there to begin with. The snow flurries had stopped, thankfully, and at least they wouldn’t be driving back in a heavier snowfall.
She got in the car and he turned on the heater while he cleared off the half inch or so of snow that had fallen earlier.
“Are you sure you’re all right? You look flushed.”
“I’m fine. Tired.” Her heightened color was because she was agitated. Her heart ached and yet she felt outrage. At him, at herself for being so willing to fall for him and his pretty stories of what their life could be together.
She’d been a fool.
And yet she didn’t know how to navigate the conversation that needed to happen, so she leaned her head against the car window and stared outside at the darkness. After a few minutes, she closed her eyes and pretended to sleep.
Her thoughts were anything but quiet.
Her heart was broken. Her trust was broken. Her faith was broken. She’d believed him when he’d said he cared for her. When he’d promised not to use his money to fight for his advantage. But he’d used it anyway, in a method far more ruthless.
He’d never said he loved her. He’d used the words like and care. But never love. It was as though his conscience wouldn’t let him go that far.
