Lovewrecked

by Halle, Karina

  He lets out a panicked bleat, a sound that breaks my heart.

  “Oh my god!” Daisy cries out from beside me, Lacey and Richard running up behind her.

  “I’m coming Wilson!” Fred cries out but the knot won’t come undone. “I’m sorry I left you behind, I meant to come back for you!”

  “Are those sharks?” Lacey squeaks.

  I look back. Why yes, in the distance behind Wilson, is a shark or two. They don’t look too big, but they’d quite happily, and easily, tear a goat apart.

  Fuck.

  I look back to Fred, whose face is red, crushed in panic as he tries helplessly to get the knot undone, crying out every time his fingers slip. I saw him tie it up extra tight earlier because of the storm. I can’t tell if he’s crying or it’s the rain, all I know is that he’s about to lose his best friend.

  Not if I can do something about it.

  I kick off my shoes and run right into the lagoon, splashing through the shallows, knowing very well that whatever fuss I’m kicking up in the sand is creating the perfect environment for a shark attack.

  “What are you doing, Tai!” Daisy is screaming bloody murder from the shore. “Tai!”

  I have to ignore her. I keep going, pushing through the water toward Wilson.

  Wilson stares at me with his weird goat eyes, giving me a look that says he’s giving up. He’s too exhausted to keep trying.

  His head starts to go under.

  The sharks come closer.

  I push off the bottom and start swimming now, using quick powerful strokes, not a single second to waste.

  Then I’m diving under, briefly opening my eyes into the sandy, murky water.

  I see Wilson.

  I grab him under his front legs and haul him up to the surface.

  He spits out water, making a sad little gurgling sound, but he’s alive.

  Thank god.

  And those sharks are still there, still coming. I can see their shadows for a moment, before they either dive deeper or are obscured by the growing waves.

  I can’t think about that. About the fact that at any moment, in this limited visibility, any of them could mistake my legs for a goat.

  It’s that feeling when you have a target on your back.

  I’m prepared to feel their mouths closing over my calf, teeth slicing into me.

  But I keep going, then suddenly it’s easier for me to walk. With all my strength, I run the last few yards out of the lagoon, the goat in my arms, and then pretty much collapse to the ground, Wilson leaping out of my grasp and stumbling a few feet away.

  “Wilson!” Fred yells, running over to the goat. He’s bawling, wrapping his arms around the goat, crying with relief.

  Daisy is doing the same to me.

  “You asshole!” she hits me on the arm. “You stupid asshole, you could have been killed!”

  Then she throws herself on me, crying, and holding me tight.

  I pat her on the head as I catch my breath, stare up at Lacey and Richard.

  “That was a brave thing you did there, captain,” Richard says.

  Lacey just nods, wiping her tears away, and looks over at Fred and Wilson.

  “Let’s never fight again,” Fred is whispering to Wilson, who is bleating softly. “Never.”

  I close my eyes and sigh, wrapping an arm around Daisy.

  My work here is done.

  * * *

  The storm takes two days to fully pass. The night that Wilson almost drowned was the worst. The wind even ripped the roof off one of the bungalows, and we found the dinghy in the east lagoon, despite Fred’s crazy knot.

  The next day the wind had calmed but the downpour was torrential. It turned the lagoons a muddy color, and wouldn’t let up. On Fred’s weather system, it looked like the storm just parked itself over the atoll and decided to let it all out. Give us all a bashing, just for the hell of it.

  The third day, the sun came out and we emerged from our mess hall and bungalows, blinking at the light like newborns. The air was fresh, the sun was bright, and filled with birds. We survived again.

  And yet with the storm, I knew that something else had changed.

  Shifted.

  I could feel it deep inside my bones.

  I asked Daisy to come with me. We took the boat across the lagoon to the barracks, and then headed inland following the stream for a bit, then trekked across to our old campsite.

  We arrive on the beach to a sight I expected.

  Out there, on the reef…the Atarangi is gone.

  I had suspected the second storm would do this, would dislodge her from the reef and take her back out to sea where she would sink, but it still pains me to see.

  I fall to my knees in the sand, feeling like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me.

  “Where did it go?” Daisy asks, putting her hand on my shoulder.

  I try to swallow the lump in my throat. “The ocean took her away. Took her to a watery grave.”

  She squeezes my shoulder and then kneels in the sand beside me.

  “Are you okay?” she asks softly.

  I shake my head no, because I’m not. Because the boat is gone, like my sister is gone.

  It’s all so final.

  Then I shake my head yes, because I never really got to say goodbye before, and this time I do.

  I close my eyes and grab Daisy’s hand.

  “We had a tangihanga ceremony for Atarangi,” I whisper to her. “Like a traditional memorial, a chance to mourn. But it wasn’t enough. I never let myself mourn.” I take in a deep, trembling breath. “I think I’m ready now.”

  She squeezes my hand. “Then let’s have one now.”

  And so I start to pray.

  Nineteen

  Daisy

  Daisy’s Log: Day ?

  How do we get through this?

  One sunrise at a time.

  * * *

  Humans can get used to anything. We’re nothing if not adaptable. It’s probably how we’ve survived on this planet for so long. With each wrench the world tries to throw at us, whether it be sabertooth tigers, or famine, or disease, or Facebook, we have found ways to adapt and learn and come out better for it.

  We’ve adapted to our new (albeit temporary) life here.

  It’s been two weeks since we were told rescue would arrive.

  In those two weeks a lot has happened.

  And a lot hasn’t.

  I think the storm helped, dredging up all of our feelings to the surface and making us confront each other and our mortality once again. When we lived through that, then we were ready to come to terms with what was happening, and we were finally able to move on.

  Together.

  As a team.

  Adapt or perish, as Richard said.

  Okay, that was a little bit dramatic since things weren’t that dire for us. We have a fresh water source, we have shelter, we have clothes, we have coffee. We have had enough food to go around, especially with Richard fishing with the line, and Tai taking up spearfishing. Meanwhile, Lacey goes off into the jungles of each little island, pillaging it for fruit and other items, like the leaves of the beach almond tree which she makes into a tonic of sorts. If anyone complains about a headache from being in the sun too long, she’ll come right over to you and stick the leaf up your nose. Richard says it works, but no one else has let her test it out.

  The best and worst of her botanist treasure chest is the kava root. The bush grows everywhere here, and when you grind up the roots and add hot water to make a drink, it turns into a mild narcotic. It tastes awful, like dirt and pepper, and it makes your tongue completely numb, but it gets you high. It’s completely replaced alcohol for us, and many nights we sit around the campfire, telling stories and laughing until we can’t feel our lips.

  Live together, die alone. We’re living together.

  But, of course, we miss home. You can have all your basic needs met, but those aren’t your only needs. We miss civilization. Being around people. Rest
aurants and bars. Bookstores. Hot showers and hair appointments. We’re all the scraggliest bunch of castaways you can imagine, considering we’ve been here three weeks in total, plus ten days on the boat, and I definitely need a haircut, fresh nails and a wax. I mean, I’m lucky my body hair is fair, but this shit is getting crazy. Not to mention I just finished having my period. That was not fun. All I’ll say is thank god Tai isn’t squeamish about blood, and also praise be to the Diva cup.

  Most of all, we miss the certainty. Or at least the illusion of certainty. Many late-night kava talks have touched on how the future has always been a dangling carrot for most of us. We know what to plan around, what to look forward to, we think we know what’s coming, but the truth is we don’t. And when it becomes apparent that we never had control, that we never could truly count on the future, that’s when people get scared. The unknowing fog of it all.

  Right now, it’s that fog that weighs over all of us, even if we make the best of it.

  I think we’re all just having to dig deep right now, lean on each other, and have a little faith.

  Besides…things can always be worse.

  Right now I’m on turtle watch, which is pretty much my version of heaven.

  I’m on the little island where my suitcase washed up, you know, Naked Island, which also happens to be a place where the local population of the hawksbill sea turtles come to lay their eggs. I’ve been watching them do this at night, watching from a distance as to not disturb them, and trying to count how many eggs they lay. I won’t be here for them to hatch (in two months), which is kind of sad, but I like to at least hang out here and make sure no predators try to dig the eggs up.

  Either way, Fred assured me that my work is much appreciated, since looking after the critically endangered species is one of the things that the Nature Conservancy is trying to do.

  Satisfied that none of the nesting sites have been dug up, I head back around the island and proceed to swim across the shallow blue lagoon, back to the barracks. That’s where I live now, with Tai. Lacey and Richard live in the research camp with Fred. It’s funny, you’d think that I would have wanted to live there too, since the buildings are new and have proper mattresses and pillows (and a flush toilet!), but I’m getting used to living here, like a bit of a vagabond. We don’t even sleep inside the building anymore, we just lay our sleeping bag out on the beach and sleep under the stars.

  Plus, I’m here with Tai, and that makes everything better. This living situation is the best for all of us. We all need our space, or we’ll get up in each other’s faces, and on each other’s nerves. This way, Richard and Lacey, and Fred, can geek out over their researcher stuff over there, and Tai and I can have peace over here.

  And sex. Lots and lots of sex.

  Tai is lying on his back on the beach, a book across his face, the spear he fastened out of wood at his side. He looks like one sexy-ass warrior man.

  That is until I get close and notice the book covering his face.

  “Secrets of a Mafia Princess?” I read the title.

  Tai jolts awake, snatching the book off his face.

  “I was using it to shield the sun,” he says, squinting up at me.

  “Then why are your sunglasses and hat beside you?”

  “Uh,” he says.

  I flop down on the sand beside him and poke him in the side. “You read romance, you read romance,” I tease.

  “It’s not a romance,” he scowls, waving the book at me. “It’s about crime.”

  “It’s a dark mafia romance, Tai. In fact, it’s the first in a series.”

  “A series? You mean, it continues?”

  I nod.

  “Do you have the other books here?”

  I shake my head. “No. And it ends on a cliffhanger. Will she marry her betrothed childhood sweetheart, Alonso, or fall for the enemy who kidnapped her?”

  “Enemy that kidnapped her, obviously,” he says.

  I grin happily at him. Sometimes when I look at him, I feel like all the world is sliding into the right place, puzzle pieces in my chest that are finally coming together. It’s scary and it’s exhilarating and consuming all at once. The weirdest part is, even though things can’t possibly feel right, they do.

  The truth is…I think I’ve fallen in love with him.

  I think I love him.

  Oh, you love him.

  “What are you smiling at?” he asks.

  “You,” I tell him, poking him again. I know he’s ticklish there, right down his sides.

  “Stop that.” He actually giggles. It’s the cutest thing in the world.

  Fuck, I really am in love with him, aren’t I?

  Since when did this happen?

  When you started letting him in.

  When you stopped being and started becoming.

  “Hey, I got an email today,” I tell him casually.

  The other good thing about Fred’s place is that he has wi-fi from the satellite. It works every other day it seems, everything has to load without HTML, you can’t surf the web or do anything fun, but we’ve still been able to communicate in emails. I’ve been in touch with my parents ever since. Actually, I’ve never talked to them so much in my life. There’s something about being in such an uneasy, foreign situation that makes you want to reach out to your loved ones. Makes you realize how much they matter to you. New perspective and all that.

  “From your parents?”

  I shake my head. “No. Actually, from a job I applied for just before I left for New Zealand. Feels like another life, I totally forgot about it.”

  He studies my face. “And?”

  I shrug. “They want to do an interview.”

  “That’s great,” he says. He sounds happy for me. In a way, I wish he wasn’t. Does that mean he wants me to go back to the States?

  “Maybe. I mean, great to know that it’s a possibility. But…I’ve had some time to think. I’m not going to go for the interview.”

  “Maybe not now, but when you get back…”

  I shake my head again. “I don’t…”

  Want to go back?

  Want to leave you?

  “Don’t what?” he asks.

  “I don’t want to go back,” I tell him, giving him a quick smile. “I don’t want those kinds of jobs anymore. I want something…I want to do something for my soul.”

  “You’re not going to join a monastery, are you?”

  I laugh. “No. Could you imagine? Though my parents would be very proud.”

  “What do you want to do? What does your soul tell you?”

  “I think…” I say carefully, still mulling it over. “I think I want to go to school. I never went. I was going to, but then as you know, I got the job and that was it.”

  “School? Like uni?”

  “College? Yeah.”

  “Where? What are you going to study?”

  “Okay…don’t laugh, but I think I want to do marine biology.”

  He frowns. “Why would I laugh? I think that’s perfect. That’s what you always wanted to do.”

  “I know, I know. It’s just, I’m old.”

  “You’re, what, twenty-eight? That’s not old. You’re never too old to go back to school.”

  “Look, now you’re just thinking of Billy Madison.”

  “It’s true. People do it all the time. A lot of people can’t afford to go to university right away. They go when they can.”

  “Well, that’s another thing. I have saved up money but school is so damn expensive. Plus, I only have my high school grades to go on. I sucked at math, barely passed, and that’s so important for anything to do with science.”

  “Daisy,” he says to me, sitting up. “You’re smart. You’re going to have no problems with this, I promise you.”

  “I was smart,” I tell him. “I feel like I’ve dumbed down over the years.”

  “You’re going to have to go for this, you know it. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t at least try.”

 
; I rub my lips together, suddenly too shy to say the next part.

  “I was thinking…maybe I could go to school in New Zealand.”

  There. I said it.

  It has been said.

  Tai blinks at me. “New Zealand?”

  Oh crap. Oh no. Oh, that was the wrong thing to say.

  “I mean, I’m not saying I’ll be near you. No pressure! I just thought…you know, somewhere. Maybe down south where Lacey and Richard are.”

  He frowns, shaking his head. Okay, I guess going to school to be near them is a bit of a stretch. “Well, that’s fine. I can come to you.”

  “What?”

  You can come to me?

  “Daisy, are you serious about this?”

  I nod, wanting him to go back to what he said before, that he could come to me. “I think so.”

  “You think so? Do you really want to move to New Zealand, to go to school?”

  “Yes?”

  He puts his hand at my cheek and searches my eyes deeply, looking for something inside me. I want him to see what I feel for him. “You’ll stay with me?” he asks, brows furrowed.

  “Stay with you?” I repeat, my heart starting to pound.

  “Yes,” he says.

  “Are you asking or—”

  “I’m asking, Daisy. I’m asking that if you move to New Zealand, that we can be together. And if you go to a school somewhere else, we can be together there, too.”

  My stomach flips. Butterflies have been unleashed.

  “You’d want that?”

  “Gingersnap,” he says, pressing his forehead against mine. “I’ll go wherever you go. All I know is that I’m going to be with you. I told you that. One sunrise at a time, with me by your side.”

  I thought those were pretty words. I didn’t think he really meant it.

  “What about your chartering company?”

  “I’ll make it work. You’re never too far from the ocean when you live on an island.” He kisses me softly on the lips. “You have no idea what I’d do for you.”

  My god.

  I am melting inside.