Guilt and Punishmen

by Sophia Schmidt

  For once, Lith was honest with her and told her how he had attempted to save Protector, giving it all he had and more.

  "There's no need to scold me. Now I know that what I did was stupid and useless, just like me."

  "No, you are wrong again." Elina lay on the bed beside him, hugging him tightly.

  "Stupid? Yes. Reckless? Sure, but it wasn't useless. You did it out of love because you cared for him. I would do the same thing for any of my children if I had the opportunity. No parent should outlive their children, it's a pain too great to bear."

  Lith nodded. Carl had been more like a son than a brother to him, his death still haunted him. He conjured another water mirror to look closely at himself. Maybe it was the aftermath of his failed spell, maybe it was because of the grieving, but for the first time, Lith felt his age weighing on him.

  He felt old and tired. Too tired to keep fighting a losing battle. He thought about leaving the academy. Being there every day would remind him of Protector, also he didn't know how Linjos would punish him for his behavior.

  He also thought about abandoning his family for good. It would mean no more chains, no more ties, no more weakness. He was already tall enough to pass for an adult and with his magic talent, money wouldn't be an issue.

  Solus was deeply scared of his mental condition. She could sense his mind swinging back and forth from desperation to anger, Lith's calm was only an appearance. She had spent the last days pondering what to do.

  Telling him the truth would lift his spirit, but what about the long term? What if one of his relatives suddenly died or they were beyond saving? Despite all of his power, despite his strength that grew by the day, Lith was far from invincible.

  Solus had noticed right after he had been hospitalized that his body was rebuilding itself stronger than before, the problem was his mind. It was shattered once again, now another deep scar was engraved in his soul, but it also represented the opportunity for him to change.

  Solus didn't want him to become a saint or a hero, nor to forget about his past. She just wanted him to live his life without letting Carl's death affect every important choice he made.

  "He needs to learn that loving someone means knowing when to let them go.

  I don't know what I feel for him anymore. It could be love or the childish desire of a little daughter who wants her father all to herself. I know nothing about human relationships outside of what he has taught me.

  Maybe I'm just scared at the idea we may grow apart once he has a real girlfriend instead of a high school sweetheart. Even if it's love, and even if he returned those feelings, I have nothing to offer him. I could have cried and begged him not to be with Phloria, but it would have been just cruel and egotistical.

  She can give him everything I can't. A shoulder to cry on, the warmth of a real embrace, maybe some love. I don't care what he chooses to do, as long as he doesn't punish himself out of fear of being hurt."¨C She thought.

  "Life sure has a twisted sense of irony. It's only thanks to Balkor's past that my family is so heavily protected, yet it's also because of him that Protector died. I must remember to thank him before killing everyone and everything he holds dear in front of his eyes."¨C Lith thought.

  From that day, Lith could finally start eating real food instead of being forced to drink potions while he was asleep. It took him less than two days to be able to walk again, even if he needed help to do it.

  Lith would have liked a walking stick, but there was always someone offering their arm to him, to not leave him alone for even one second.

  Even if his body was quickly recovering, his psychological trauma was only getting worse. Ever since he had regained his consciousness, his eyes kept acting weird. If he looked at someone long enough, Lith would start to see odd things.

  The first time, it happened with Phloria, since she was the one spending the most time with him. She was telling him about what had happened to the academy and the Griffon Kingdom while he was unconscious when he saw an invisible hand cut her throat.

  Blood spilled everywhere, leaving Lith incapable of moving from the shock. The moment he blinked, Phloria was alright again, like nothing had happened. Then, he watched her aging decades with each passing second.

  Phloria turned into a nice looking woman, then into a mature lady, and into an old woman with a kind smile. Lith felt like he was living in a nightmare, but it became even worse when she turned into a corpse, her old body started to rot while fleas and maggots feasted on her flesh until only a skeleton remained.

  Tears streamed down his face.

  "What's wrong? Are you in pain? Is there something wrong with your body?" Phloria asked.

  Blinking returned everything to normal again.

  "Solus, what the heck is happening?" He was too shocked to answer Phloria's worried questions. He needed to know if what he was seeing was real or if it was just madness seeping into his mind.

  "Nothing happened." She replied not understanding the reason for the question. -

  After checking his memories, Solus didn't have any idea what he had seen either. They both checked his body and brain, but aside from the after effects of his attempt to save Ryman there was nothing new.

  Then, Lith watched Phloria's heart getting pierced by a sword, her head cut off by an ax. He was forced to watch her die in a different way over and over again, and there was nothing he could do.

  It happened the same way with everyone, be they members of his family, of the Ernas household or their staff. Soon Lith wasn't able to take it anymore and would keep his eyes closed most of the time, pretending to be tired.

  "Is my mind playing tricks on me or is this some kind of new power I developed? Seeing the death of the people close to me without any indication about how to stop it seems more like a curse than a power though. Solus, tell me the truth.

  Am I losing my mind?"

  Solus was hesitant to reply, she knew how fragile his psyche was.

  "I think your mind is slipping, yes. I don't know if it's all in your head or it's somehow related to your current condition, but I believe you are torturing yourself. In a very twisted and cruel way, you are trying to get accustomed with the thought that sooner or later, everyone dies.

  It's like your subconscious is showing you that some things are inevitable and there's nothing you can do about it ."¨C

  Solus's words made sense. Lith was still conflicted between finding a way to hide everyone he loved away from the world to prevent them from getting hurt or just cutting his ties with his current life. If he was alone, then he had nothing to lose.

  However, the thought of spending the rest of his life alone made death look alluring. Power and immortality had no meaning to him by themselves, they were just a means to an end. Lith's end had always been to find a place where he belonged and live a happy, quiet life.

  He was only twelve yet had already experienced more battles to the death than most of Earth's professional soldiers. Lith wasn't willing to give up on life again, but he didn't know what he was fighting for anymore.

  ***

  After she had returned home, Friya was giving her all practicing swordsmanship. She had too many thoughts crossing her mind to practice magic. She decided to keep her promise and use that unexpected free time to get to know Orion better.

  Orion was overjoyed. It was the first time that his adoptive daughter had asked for his help. He knew that it was only a matter of time before Quylla joined them too. Those two were inseparable.

  They spent the first day going through the basic forms. Only when Orion grasped what her skill level was, he decided what style was more suitable for Friya. Over the years of his military career, he had become proficient with most weapons

  From the second day onwards, Quylla joined their practice as Orion had predicted. He had several of his subordinates come to his house to use them as sparring partners for Friya while he taught self defense to Quylla.

  "I know you don't like fighting, little one,¡" He
caressed her head every time she learned a new move.Find authorized novels in Webnovel£¬faster updates, better experience£¬Please click www.webnovel.com for visiting.

  "¡but there's no telling when it might come in handy."

  As for Friya, her basics were solid. She had studied under a good master for years, after all. What she lacked was practical experience. Orion had arranged opponents of different genders and builds for her to help her learn how to adapt her style according to the situation.

  Fighting someone smaller or bigger than Friya required adjustments that she needed to execute in a split second, otherwise a skilled enough opponent could take advantage of such an opening to put her on the back foot right from the start.

  When Orion corrected Friya's mistakes during a sequence or a stance, she would only reply: "Thanks, dad." With a smile that almost moved him to tears. Until that moment, she had only called him by his first name.

  Orion was happy that Friya was starting to accept her new family.

  There were only two sore points in spending quality time with his two new daughters. The first was that Phloria wasn't willing to join them, spending all of her time taking care of Lith.

  Orion dearly missed the good old times when his little Flower would only have her dad in her eyes and ignored all the stuck up brats that Jirni sent her way. Back then, they were like minded, only thinking about magic and sword.

  Sure, he had to suffer Jirni's daily nagging every time she failed, but keeping his baby safe was worth the price. Now he and his wife had switched position. Jirni now gloated all day and he could only prepare for the worst.

  The second one was that too many of his subordinates looked at Friya with lustful eyes. Orion had to admit that she was almost as beautiful as Phloria. His fatherly eyes still refused to accept that, while Phloria was a really cute girl, Friya was a true beauty.

  The tiny droplets of sweats during the exercises would make Friya's visage sparkle under the sunlight.

  Her long black hair framed her face, bringing out her fair skin and light chestnut eyes. Coupled with the grace and elegance of her movements, she was truly a sight to behold.

  Most of the times it was enough for Orion to clear his throat to remind those idiots of his presence. Sometimes, he was forced to take Friya's place to show her what she was doing wrong and wipe the floor with their as*es.

  He only did it for educational purposes, of course. Friya needed to learn her forms while the others their own place in the world.

  Chapter 228 Moving On

  After the training session was over, Friya, Quylla, and Orion spent some more time together in the park nearby. House Ernas had two training areas. One indoors, to practice during bad weather or run fighting simulations in different scenarios.

  The walls and the ceiling were enchanted, allowing them to shapeshift to recreate caves, narrow corridors, or small rooms.

  The other one was located behind the house. It was a large clearing, with no vegetation or furnishing outside training dummies. It was the perfect place to practice magic and sword techniques in the open under different weather conditions, with complete freedom of movement.

  "Dad, there's something I need to talk to you about." Friya sat on the ground in front of him with a sad expression on her face. Orion could tell there was something haunting her.

  "During the last day of the attack, I killed a few undead. I wouldn't even mention it, if not for the fact that they were people I knew." She told him about what had happened while she was looking for a Healer to save Phloria and Yurial.

  "When I killed that woman, during the second exam, I felt terrible. Some days, I can still see her terrified expression the moment before I executed her. This time I didn't feel anything. I know they had become monsters, but they were still my classmates.

  "I should feel remorse, some pain for their deaths, something. Does this make me a bad person? Am I turning into a cold blooded killer?"

  "No to both your questions." Orion shook his head without hesitation.

  "It just means that you have got your priorities straight. On the battlefield, remorse or hesitation leads to premature death. Even if your enemies are humans, mercy is a luxury you can't afford.

  "You killed the first woman in cold blood, you killed the others in self defense while trying to save the people you love.The two events are worlds apart. Also, they weren't your classmates. At least not anymore. They were just reanimated corpses, there's no reason to feel guilty. I'm proud of both of you."

  He hugged them, kissing the top of their heads.

  "Dad, I have something to say too." Quylla had never had a family before. She still found hard to believe that someone like Orion was her father now.

  Orion was brimming with joy. Quylla had finally called him dad instead of father.

  "Surviving the god of death's anniversary made me understand a few things. After so much death, I realized that I don't like fighting. Unlike my sisters, I'm not suited for the battlefield. I want to become a Healer and help people."

  Orion nodded.

  "It's good that you found your way so soon. Fighting is not everything. You must always think about your happiness and your future first."

  "About that, I don't want to spend the next year only studying magic." She said averting her eyes and fiddling with her hair.

  "There's more to life than grades and exams. Phloria is right, we have so little time left before our duty replaces our life. I want more. I can't just wait for good things to miraculously fall into my lap."

  "Yeah, me too." Friya chimed in.

  "Honestly, I never thought Lith's and Phloria's relationship would last this long, nor that it would become so special."

  "No one did." They both blushed in embarrassment. They had secretly bet against it. Quylla had given them a week before breaking up, while Friya's wager was that their first date would also be the last.

  "While we were at the mining town, I was so envious of them that more than once I daydreamed about being in Phloria's place. So there's one thing I have to ask you."

  Friya looked resolute, making Orion worries go through the roof.

  "So do I." Quylla became beet red. He could now only fear for the worst.

  "Can you please bring us to social events during the weekends?" Friya said.

  "I don't want to marry yet, but I want at least to start dating. Please dad, can you help us?"

  Despite only just getting to know them, Orion felt like he was already losing them. Inwardly cursing his bad luck, he could only agree.

  ***

  'It's time to hasten my recovery. To use Accumulation or Invigoration I need to be alone though. I cannot risk a breakthrough occurring in front of witnesses, it would raise too many questions. Loneliness is a luxury at the moment, but luckily, I know a heavy sleeper.'

  Lith had noticed that his natural recovery had made most of his impurities nearly reach his core. Even if he did nothing, it was just a matter of time before a breakthrough happened. He decided to avoid relying on luck and take the matter in his own hands.

  That evening, after a particularly large meal, Lith made his move.

  "Mom, Lady Ernas, I'm really thankful for everything you have done for me so far. I think now I have recovered enough. It should be safe leaving me alone for a good night's sleep."

  "I don't think that's true, young man. You could still have a relapse. It's better if someone keeps you company, so if anything bad happens, help will come immediately." Lady Ernas shook her head.

  She was spending a lot of time with Elina these days. Which meant she also spent a lot of time with Lith and his sisters

  He could clearly see what Jirni's goal was and he didn't like it one bit. Yet she was the reason why he had been able to improve so quickly while his family managed to remain so calm despite his situation.

  Lith knew he was indebted to her and that she was going to use it as leverage to ask him for something in return at the right moment. It was exactly what he would have don
e in her shoes.

  "Then what if only Phloria stays with me tonight? We have much to talk about, yet we never managed to get a little alone time." The cough was long gone, his voice back to normal too.

  Yet Lith pretended to cough a couple of times, using that horrible raspy, hissing voice that had tormented him after he woke up to appear as harmless as possible.

  Phloria and Elina turned beet reed, while Tista and Rena giggled like crazy. They whispered things among themselves that Lith had hoped his sisters would never think about him.

  "When I say 'talk', I mean it." He coughed again, looking at them sourly.

  "I'm still recovering. Not to mention that I look like a monster." Lith's hair had yet to regain their color. He didn't look like an old man anymore, but he had still a few wrinkles on his face and hands.

  Because of the massive weight loss, Lith also had deep set eyes, like he had been recently resurrected from the grave. The only problem with his claims was that despite his visage being still quite unsettling, the rest of his body told a different story.

  He had lost almost all of his body fat, so his physique was almost purely muscle. Lith was quite thin, but exactly because of that, he had a six pack for the first time in his life.

  "If you call this being a monster, lil bro, you should have seen how yourself when you first arrived here. Yet your girlfriend never left you until we forced her to. You should really find a way to thank her properly." Tista giggled.

  "Tista, what are you saying in front of our host?" Elina was embarrassed by her daughter's words and so was Jirni, at least apparently. Lady Ernas saw through his lie and inwardly nodded at Tista's words.

  "Well, Elina, your son may be a little too bold, but he is right. We both know there are some things that a young couple shouldn't discuss in front of their parents, right?" Jirni whispered in Elina's ear.

  When Lith and Phloria were left alone, Lith started wracking his brain about something to say. Also, he needed her to quickly fall asleep, since he had no idea how long he could last before fatigue overwhelmed him.