by Valia Lind
"Really? We're playing games now?"
I still feel the effects of the magic here, my body becoming tired by the minute, but it's not as draining as it was before. Curious. But not something I'm planning on asking the creature.
"Why did you bring me here?"
"I should be asking you questions."
This time, the voice is at my left and I'm quick enough to catch a glimpse of the movement. The creature is much faster than I thought, or it's using magic to move around in this dimension. Because I don't believe it's a dream world anymore. It's something other.
"Then ask away. I don't have all day." Maybe antagonizing the creature isn't the smartest idea, but I can't help myself. Everyone I know is keeping something from me. I need answers and if talking to this...whatever...is what it's going to take, then I'm here for it.
"Interesting. There is something different about you."
The creature comes out of nowhere, stopping just two inches from my face and it takes everything in me not to scream. I stand perfectly still, afraid to breathe too loudly and scare it away. Even this close, I can't see its features. It's as if there is a blur on its face, keeping a barrier between us. The creature wears a cloak, with a hood over its head, and it seems to float just a few inches above the ground. I can't tell much more than that, even though it's close enough to touch.
"There is a spot on you."
"What?" I'm studying the creature so intently its words don't register at first. "A spot?"
"A magical connection. I have not seen one such as this in centuries." The creatures sounds almost as if its in...awe. I stay as still as possible, hoping to keep it talking. But I have so many questions now, it's difficult.
"I don't understand," I finally whisper, my eyes still in front of me. The creature floats to one side, then the next, carrying with it some kind of an otherworldly breeze. I'm becoming more tired by the second, the speed with which I deteriorate moving faster once again.
"You do not even know the connection you have." The creature says, and it sounds like he's talking to himself now. For a second, I think he's going to reach out and touch me, but he doesn't. It seems to be a he, but I can't really tell.
"I don't understand." I repeat, because that's the only thing I can manage at this point. The creature laughs, sending my already frayed nerves on edge. I'm still standing, but the need to lay down is becoming stronger.
"He's an Amplifier. A rare sort. Fae have been known to open pathways between the worlds." My attention snaps back to the creature.
"Who are you talking about?"
"Your Nolan."
My heart freezes at the mention of his name. How does the creature know of him? Does that mean he knows me too? The magic is still flowing freely around me, and through me, making me dizzy with its spell.
"But he's not fae?" Nothing the creature is saying makes any sense. And I'm so tired, my brain must not be processing things correctly. He can't be talking about Nolan. My Nolan. I know him. I trust him.
"But he is. High born blood runs in his veins."
"No, he's a fox shifter." I argue. I can't figure out his game, what the creature hopes to accomplish by these lies.
"And a fae." The creature laughs, sending goosebumps up my spine and chilling me to the bone. "Just because you are one, does not mean you cannot be another."
My body sways from exhaustion, and I have no choice but to drop to my knees. I bow my head, mulling over the creature's words, hoping to make sense of them. Even a little. I feel that shift in the air, and then the creature is kneeling in front of me.
"So much raw power, so unchecked. I would never allow you to suffer in such a way. I would teach. I would nourish."
Even in my foggy brain, I know what he's doing. He's trying to coax me into submission, into desire to stay here. But I can't. I have too much at stake, to many questions that need answers. I'm not going to abandon my mission.
"Very well," the creature springs up, flying back a few steps. "But you will return."
And just like that, I'm thrust towards my body, snapping back inside of it with more pain than I can describe. I scream, flailing, when strong arms pin me to a broad chest. Instantly I calm down, before I realize who I'm lying on. Pushing away, I scramble to stand, as I meet Nolan's confused gaze. I wasn't asleep, that much I can see. I was just...somewhere else. I have no idea how to feel about that.
"What happened, Krista?" Nolan asks, after a few moment of silence. He's watching me as if he's afraid he's going to spook me. I can't even imagine what kind of expression my face is wearing. At first, I have no idea what to say, how to explain what just happen. But then, I decide I don't need to. I just need an answer. When I ask the question, his face turns stone cold.
"Are you Fae?”
11
I've taken Nolan by complete surprise.
He moves back just enough to put some distance between us, but I can feel him pulling even farther away mentally. Whatever walls I may have been breaking through this whole time have now been fortified.
"I'm going to take that as a yes," I state, pacing a little in front of the couch. He doesn't stop me as I walk across to the other side of the room. That's more telling than I think he knows. Right now, I would give anything to be able to read him. I'm missing something, and I doubt he's going to share.
We stay like that for a long moment, me with my back to him, he silent on the couch. When I think I won't break down all over him, I turn around. He hasn't moved. But when he meets my eyes, I find regret in his.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, and I shake my head.
"I need you to explain." Is all I say, crossing my arms in front of me. I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, but having my magic has made me less trusting. Simply because I know people's words don't always match with their emotions. And emotions don't lie.
"It's not a well-known fact," Nolan exhales, running his hand through his hair. It's difficult not to react to the visual in front of me. He's clearly distraught and it tugs at my heartstrings. But I won't let him deter me from answers.
"Explain."
He watches me steadily for thirty seconds, before he asks.
"How did you know?"
"The creature told me."
He jerks back at that, but his face remains unreadable. A part of me wishes the creature would pull me back into whatever that place is and give me the answers himself. I can remain unaffected with him. But Nolan is a completely different story. I opened up to him and now I just feel betrayed.
"My family comes from one of the oldest families in Faery..."
"Royal blood. Right?"
I've shocked him once more, but this time he recovers much faster.
"Yes, royal. It's why I can shift. My family, specifically, has fox shifter blood as well. It's not exactly a common thing in our world, but..."
"But that's what you are."
At that moment I realize that I have never even seen him shift. I just trusted him at his word. Joke's on me, I guess. I don't even know what to say to him now. This seems like the biggest secret to me. He's kept a vital part of himself locked up and all I feel is foolish.
"Krista..."
"I'm going to bed," I interrupt, before he can offer more excuses. Or even explanations. My head and heart are so full right now, I don't think I'll be able to process anything else at the moment. "You can let yourself out."
With that, I walk away. Because if I stay, I'll cry and I don't cry in front of anyone.
When I shut the door to my room, I lean against it, completely exhausted. I don't even know what time it is, but it feels like I've been awake for days. And maybe I have. My dreams haven't exactly been relaxing therapy sessions. So much has happened in the last six months. So many secrets have come to light. Should I really be amazed that Nolan was keeping one too?
Maybe I'm not being fair. But maybe I am.
It makes sense now why I can't read him. Fae are known for their glamour, which means they
have to protect themselves on every level. I've met fae before, but those were diplomatic meetings. Places and times where I shouldn't be reading them anyway. A tear trickles down my cheek and I hastily wipe it away. I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself. At least for once it wasn't my weight or insecurities that drove a wedge between us. It was his secrets. But I still shouldn't be focused on myself, I know. There are much bigger problems happening.
But I can't help it. I let someone in, thought that maybe there was more to us than just friendship, and then, that gets ripped away. Just like that.
Grabbing my phone, I scroll to my sister's messages. Everything in me screams to rant, let it all out in a text to her. But something stops me.
I realize that there is no way Mama isn't aware of Nolan's secret. Or Meredith for that matter. I don't understand why they would keep it from me, but what if this is a secret that is not mine to tell? I'm a better person than this. So instead of the rant, I send Leah a quick "I miss you" text, before I put the phone away. No one can help me at the moment. I have to deal with my emotions all on my own.
This may not be the end of the world, but it sure feels like it to me.
A noise wakes me.
I wasn't sure I would even be able to sleep, but after I cried, I must've drifted off. I feel like such a drama queen, crying over a boy, but then I push those thoughts away. One of the first lessons I learned as a child is that no-one can tell the other how they're supposed to feel. And feelings should never be judged, because unless they are experienced directly, it is always unknown what the individual is actually going through.
As a Reader, it's easy to confuse the feelings that are read with those that are felt.
Right now, I need to let myself feel what I'm feeling. Because holding these things inside is even worse.
All of these musings are interrupted when I hear the unusual noise once more. Pushing back the covers, I tiptoe carefully to the bedroom door and place my ear against it. Nothing seems to move, but I'm not about to take any chances. My battle magic flairs up, ready to go at my fingertips, as I push the door open.
Moving carefully, but with purpose, I reach the living room without finding anything. But when I step inside the room, I realize I'm not alone. Nolan is sprawled out on the couch, his arms entwined on his stomach, his large body barely fitting on the sectional. He didn't leave when I told him too, staying instead to keep his word and watch over me.
My traitorous heart speeds up at the sweet gesture, before I tell it to calm itself. He's still a liar, and a good one at that.
We don't trust tricksters, heart. So control yourself.
"Are you going to hover there all night?" Nolan asks, without opening his eyes, making me jump right where I stand. He cracks his eye open just a tad, and it seems like he wants to smile at me, but he's unsure of his reception.
"I realized something," I say, not moving from my position at the entry way. Nolan sits up, his full attention on me, as he runs his hand through his hair. It sends the strands into even a bigger disarray. The urge to reach out and smooth it over almost overtakes me. Instead, I curl my fingers into a fist.
"What did you realize?"
"That I don't know anything about you."
His facial expression cracks a little at my words, and that tugs on my heart. He opens his mouth to say something, but I wave it away.
"No, it's not a dig at you, Nolan." I hurry on to say. "It's just the nature of the beast. You were sent here for a purpose, and that purpose didn't exactly involve getting close to...people."
"No, that's just a perk."
I try not to show how affected I am by his words. Whether I planned on it or not, he weaseled his way into my heart. And I hate myself for feeling so vulnerable. Which brings me back around to the fact that I shouldn't because I am entitled to my feelings.
Focus, Krista. Before you lose control.
I've lost control twice in my life and neither time was it something I want to relive. My magic is potent. It sends people around it reeling. And it's near impossible to pull in once it’s out. Last time, I was still a kid. If it happened now, I might not be able to come back from it.
"Krista?"
I must've been quiet for a long moment, the worry in Nolan's voice is evident. He's watching me carefully, as if afraid I'll retreat back. Which I am contemplating on doing, now that we're here. But instead of doing the cowardly thing, I clear my throat and step a little more into the room.
"It's not fair of me to expect things from you. It's never fair to expect anything from people. Because we're all just people. Even if those people are fae. Or shifters. I mean, I've never even seen you shift. I could be mad about that too, right?" I laugh, but there's no humor behind it. I'm babbling now, starting something I don't know how to finish.
"Do you want to?" Nolan's question refocuses my mind once again, and when I look at him, he stands. There's a sheepishness in him that I find endearing. Then, the question registers.
"Do I want to what?"
"See me shift."
My breath catches at his words. Shifting is not something his kind does just to show off. It's a special, personal aspect of their culture and he's willing to do that for me?
"Are you sure?"
He smiles, slowly walking past me and toward the back of the house. I have no choice but to follow.
When we step outside, the stars are at their brightest. I don't have elemental magic like Harper or Leah do, but I can feel it in the air. The protective spells that have been put up around town hangs over us like a dome. But all of that disappears when Nolan pulls his shirt over his head.
"What are you doing?"
"Undressing."
He follows by unbuttoning his pants and I turn around quickly keeping my eyes focused on the sky. The movement of the clothes against his body sounds too loud in the near stillness of the night.
"I didn't mean to keep it from you," his voice reaches out to me through the darkness, wrapping around me like a comfortable blanket. "It's just not an aspect of myself that I share with people. Growing up as...one of the elites in Faery, it comes with many responsibilities. But it also comes with being treated a certain way. When I came here, I didn't want anyone to see royalty. I just wanted to be seen for being me."
He grows quiet and then I feel a tug of magic at my back. Still, I don't turn around right away. His words are so revealing, maybe even more than his feelings would be. There is a desire in all of us to be accepted for who we are, and Nolan is allowing me to see that. Even though he doesn't have to. I know he's waiting for me to turn, and after I take a deep breath I finally do.
My eyes land on the most exquisite animal I have ever seen. His fox form is almost as big as a horse, his face leveled with mine. The reddish brown tint of his fur seems to sparkle in the moonlight, but his eyes. His eyes are still one hundred percent Nolan. The desire to run my hands over him is almost too much to take. But it seems that he can tell, because he moves closer, leaning down toward my hand. He bumps it with his nose, as if giving me permission. And I don't hesitate.
My fingers get lost in his fur, sensations I've never felt before running over my whole body. Nolan stands perfectly still, allowing me this chance at exploration. I reach with my other hand, cradling his face and pulling it up so I can look him straight in the eye. I know how much this means to him, how vulnerable he made himself for me. In this one moment, my hands in his fur, his eyes on mine, I forgive him.
"Thank you.”
12
A part of me wants to stay outside with Nolan like this forever. He has given me such a gift. It's not something that I will forget easily. But instead, I take a step back and turn around.
"We should get some rest," I say, waiting for the magic to reach out to me. When it does, I feel a sense of fulfillment in the air, and I'm not if I'm projecting or if it's actually coming from Nolan. When he steps up behind me, his warmth teases my back.
"I'm not tired," his voice is much closer t
han I anticipate, and when I turn around, he's only a few inches away. My heart hiccups, a shiver going up my spine at his closeness. He put his pants and shirt on, but he looks like he's just got out of bed, messy and sexy all at the same time.
"Either way, we should head..."
"Krista," he interrupts my protests, reaching for my hand. The sensation of skin to skin contact makes my head spin in a way that's unexpected. Or maybe it used to be. Now, I can't imagine Nolan not making my heart race the way he does.
When I don't pull away, he moves closer, taking my other hand in his, and holding them between us. There are words at the tip of my tongue, but I've seemed to have lost all sense of regular motor skills. All I can do is feel his hands holding mine, and watch his eyes darken with desire.
"I'm so sorry I had to deceive you," Nolan has no problem speaking. The intensity in his words makes his body rigid, and I can see just how much he means them. "I don't want to keep anything from you. Never again."
"I...understand why you did," I manage, because I know I have to speak. But I mean what I say. "It makes sense, in a way."
"What do you mean?"
"Why I can't read you," I blurt out. I can't remember us actually ever discussing my lack of magical ability when it comes to him and it takes him a bit by surprise. But not completely. "You knew."
"No, I had a feeling," he replies. "Because of where I'm from, there are layer upon layers of magic protecting me from basically anything. If you can't read me, it's not because I don't want you to."
That puts a smile on my face. It's the exact right thing to say.
"Then tell me something."
He pauses for a long minute, just watching me.
"When I was ten years old, I had issues shifting. I would do it at anytime, anywhere. I embarrassed myself more times than I can count. I couldn't find control and I couldn't understand why."
"That's terrible."
His thumb makes circles on my skin, his eyes growing sad for just a moment. I want to comfort him, but I'm not sure how. There's something deeper here, I can tell just by looking at him.
