by Valia Lind
"It was. But that's not a secret. Everyone saw my...embarrassment. The big secret is that the reason why I couldn't shift properly is because I was scared."
If he was vulnerable before, this just laid him completely bare in front of me. He told me once before that he was scared, but this is a new level.
"It's okay to be scared sometimes."
"I learned that now. But when you're in my position that was unacceptable. My parents sure thought I wasn't going to amount to much. It's why...it's why I was sent to live outside the kingdom."
"You were banished?" This time, I don't even try to hide my surprise. For some reason, I never would've imagined someone as powerful and important as Nolan to be kicked out of his community.
"My magic is raw, and I couldn't control it."
"I know the feeling."
I take a step back, severing our connection. My own insecurities creep up at the mention of his. Reader magic can be very dangerous, if not wielded correctly, and I struggled with that for years. Now, I'm struggling with it all over again.
"I had to learn for myself not to be afraid of the power," Nolan's voice come from behind me and I hear the conviction in each syllable. I thought I was that confident. But with the White Plague upon us, all I am is helpless. And once again afraid of my own magic.
"How do you do that?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper, but I know Nolan can hear me. He doesn't answer right away, and then he steps around, once again only a few inches in front to me. His presence forces me to look up to meet his eyes and I find nothing but comfort and encouragement there.
"You realize that magic is a part of you, just like anything else is. As a Reader, you know even when people don't want to feel things, they do. Because emotions makeup who we are. Just like our magic."
"You make it sound so simple."
"And it's anything but," he chuckles, lifting his hand and catching a piece of hair between his fingers. At first, he just stares it, but then, he reaches over and tucks it behind my ear. The movement brings us even closer together and then I do what I wanted to do since I met him. Running my hands up his arms, I tug him forward, until our bodies are flush together. For a second, we just stare at each other, as if seeing the other first the first time. Then, I place my head on his check, as he wraps his arms fully around my waist and back. I want to kiss him, more than anything, but for right now? This is exactly what we both need.
We find comfort in each other, as the moon shines bright over our heads.
The next morning, Nolan and I are at the library before the sun has even risen.
"Are you sure about this?" He asks once more, as I march into the building and straight for where I left the book yesterday. I'm not, but I portray all kinds of confidence with my actions. It's a good thing he's not a reader.
"Krista, the Elders in this town know what they're doing," he says, when I don't answer. Plopping down in the chair, I pull the book towards me and begin to leaf through without a comment. "Hey."
Nolan lowers himself to the chair beside me, before putting his hand over mine. I look up at him, at his calmness, and realize I probably am acting a little crazy, but I also don't care.
"Nolan, the Elders don't know what they're doing. They used Ancient magic for some unspeakable spell forty years ago and it didn't help at all. Because it didn't destroy the sickness, it just sent it away. And now, we're left to clean up the mess."
"Okay, that's fair," he replies, and I go back to looking through the book. "What would you like to do about it?"
I stop then, a smile blossoming on my face as I look up at him. Last night, our relationship has reached a new level. I'm not exactly sure what it all means, but I know that I've fallen harder than I've ever imagined I would. And his support now is exactly what I wanted.
"I want to see if there is something in here that gives me a clue on exactly what the spell was designed to do and how it was implemented."
"I thought your mother said they're forbidden by magic to speak or even write about it."
"Yes, but last night I was thinking of what I would do if I was put in that situation. I would still find ways to leave clues."
He nods, thinking. "I wonder if there is any information in the book I brought."
I sit up at that, full of attention. "I didn't even think of that. Do you think you can go check? Even information about the Ancients would be helpful."
I don't say it, but now I'm thinking that maybe Nolan's book has information about the dream walking I've been doing. It still makes me ridiculously nervous that whoever that is, he can get into my head at any time. There's something else that's been nagging at me and I haven't mentioned it yet.
"Nolan," I search for a way to ask without sounding hurt all over again. I already decided I wouldn't be upset about his secrets, but I'm about to ask him about another one.
"The creature in my...dream. He said something about you being an amplifier. What does that...?"
I don't have to finish my question. The look on Nolan's face stops me short. There's an underlying emotion behind his shock but it's gone before I can identify it.
"He said that?"
"When you're near, I don't have to be sleeping for the creature to reach me. Is that because of you? What do you know?"
Nolan is silent for a long moment, his eyes focused on something far away. I sit still, waiting for him to get his thoughts in order, because I know I can't push him. This is a bigger deal than the shifting or the fae secret.
"I didn't think that was possible," Nolan finally speaks up, shifting so he can see my face as he speaks. It's as if he's pleading with his eyes for me to understand, but I don't.
"What's the big deal, Nolan?"
"Amplifiers are rare, Krista. They have the power to turn up the intensity in any spell or magic practice. They are not well liked in my culture..." I reach over, and it's my turn to place my hand over his in comfort. His eyes fall on our hands, and for a moment, I think I can read him. An intense longing fills the air, right before it dissipates. I can't tell if it's in my mind or not, and when I look at him, I can't read anything.
"You can tell me, Nolan."
"Most of the Amplifiers I know, they're evil." My hand jerks and Nolan retracts his, hanging his head. But I won't let him shut back down. Grabbing his hand, I fold it in both of mine, surprising him for the twentieth time in the last fifteen hours.
"Just because they can be evil, doesn't mean you are."
"If the creature can channel me, I can't stay here."
"What?"
"Think about it, Krista. If I amplify magic, and the creature channels me, then the Ancients won't need the White plague or their minions to syphon magic for them. They'll just need me."
"No, Nolan. I don't believe that."
"I have to leave."
"But you can't. We're on lockdown remember. The best thing you can do is stay here and help us fight."
"And put you in more danger. No, Krista. I could never live with myself if I was your downfall. I have no choice."
"But..."
"He's right, Krista."
Nolan and I jerk apart at the sound of Meredith's voice. I jump to my feet, stepping in front of Nolan who also stands. Mrs. Hawthorne is a formidable force of nature, and right now, all that energy is focused on the man at my back.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Your mother sent us. And I see we got here right in time."
"What does that mean?"
"It means Nolan needs to come with us. We have a place we can hold him until we figure out what to do."
"You mean like jail? You can't just keep him a prisoner."
"It's okay, Krista." He reaches for me but I jerk away, stalking over to Meredith.
"No, it's not okay. He's here to help."
"We heard what you said. Your mother had a dream about it last night and she knew the truth even before you discussed it."
The bottom seems to drop off my world. I face Nolan aga
in, as tears begin pooling in my eyes. He walks over to me slowly, keeping his hands where everyone can see them.
"It's okay, Krista. You know it's for the best if I go with them."
"No," I close the distance between us, grabbing his face with my hands. "You're supposed to stay by my side and help me figure this out. You're supposed to stay with me."
I know what magical jails do to creatures. But I especially know the effect they have on shifters. They are powerful beings, who hate to be locked up. It will eat Nolan up inside and I can't bear to see him broken. Not like I've seen others.
"I am always with you," Nolan whispers, placing a hand over my heart. "Don't you ever forget that. And when you save me, you can hold it over my head forever."
This time, I don't hesitate. I pull him down and when our lips crash together it's a category five storm. A gasp escapes me as I read him for the first time. The intensity of his emotions send my head spinning, but I don't break away. I kiss him with every fiber of my being, holding him closer than I've ever been to another individual.
My oxygen becomes his breath, and we are one.
Now.
And forever.
13
“How could you?" I storm into Mama's clinic, my emotions at their all-time high. The Elders took Nolan away the moment our lips stopped touching. Watching him be led away nearly broke my heart.
“Krista, you need to get out of here," my mother stops me before I can make much progress into the room. There are patients everywhere and when I stop to take a breath, the sickness and magic invade my lungs. "Out now!"
Mama grabs me by the shoulders, pushing me out of the room and then out of the building.
How could you?" I ask again, trying to reel in my emotional turmoil. But it's like winds on an ocean, I can't seem to find firm footing.
"Breathe, sweetheart," Mama says, but instead of folding me into her arms, she takes a step back. As I come back to myself, I can feel the sickness on her. "You shouldn't be here."
"And Nolan shouldn't be in jail."
My mother looks exhausted, older than I've ever seen her and it pulls at my heartstrings. But I can't back down. I need him.
"I saw possibilities, Krista. I couldn't not tell Meredith."
That stops me. My mother has only seen possibilities ones in her lifetime and it's not something she discusses with us. I think it has something to do with the death of our father, but I don't know for sure.
"But...do you think it's because of Nolan?"
"Maybe. But I know that I need to protect this town and I can't ignore a premonition. Not right now."
"Just because you foresaw it, doesn't mean it'll come true. You taught me that our future isn't set in stone."
"And I hope it's not, sweetheart," she sighs, taking a step toward me. "But we are at war. And any warnings are to be taken seriously. I'm sorry."
I stare at her, my rock and my mentor. And I can't wrap my mind around everything that's going on. It's time I take matters into my own hands. The plan from this morning still stands. I will figure out what was required of that plan and I will do my part to stop the spread of White Plague.
"Yeah, so am I," I say, before I turn to go.
"Krista!" My mother calls out, but I don't stop. Determination fuels my every step as I walk away from the clinic. That takes more courage than I expected, but I'm done being cautious. Taking out my cell, I dial Harper. It goes straight to voicemail, and I groan out loud.
"Hey Har," I say when the beep sounds. "I don't have much time to explain, but I need you to do me a favor. Ask Jefferson about the White Plague and what happened forty years ago. They did something, used Ancient magic, but there's no record. Mama said she can't take about it, but I wonder if the pack's magic can overturn whatever protection was put on it. Do whatever it takes. Thanks."
I hang up, staring at my phone, a bunch of possibilities rushing through my brain. Before I can think too much of it, I dial Leah. Her phone doesn't pick up at all and I can't leave a message. So I send her a quick text.
I hope you're okay. Love you.
She won't understand what I have to do, none of them will. But I can't just sit around. I won't. It doesn't seem like the Elders are making much progress. We're just getting hit with one thing after another. I hate that my town has become a magical punching bag and I can't sit on the sidelines.
Glancing around, I see just how empty the streets have become, how heavy the sickness hangs over the whole town. The Elders may be protected, but soon, they'll be the only ones left. I know what needs to be done.
And so, I head home.
It doesn't take me long to get there and when I do, I don't stop but walk straight to the back yard. Even though I'm not an elemental witch, nature still boosts my powers. Taking off my shoes, I curl my toes into the grass, walking to the middle of the enclosed area. This is dangerous, and something I would be advised against were my family or friends here.
But I'm all alone.
I've never been this alone in my life.
As I take a seat in the grass, I push my hands into the grass, reaching for that power in the earth. Breathing in the cool afternoon air, I close my eyes as I focus.
All my life, I've been surrounded by powerful creatures. There has always been someone beside me, helping me and teaching me. Or just being there in case I needed them. It's how this community operates, how this big family is. But now, there is no one. Harper and Leah are gone, cut off from the town and from me. My mother is too busy trying to keep the White Plague at bay to be of much help. And Nolan.
Nolan is in jail because the Elders misunderstand his magic.
Well, they're about to misunderstand a lot more.
With my eyes closed, I deepen my breathing, keeping myself centered. I have no idea how to do this, but I'm hoping I don't have to work too hard at it. He's always been just on the outskirts of my consciousness. Suddenly, he's there and my body drops back to the ground, as we connect.
"Bold move on your part," the creature speaks, the white haze of the space we're in hurting my eyes. He circles around me, as if contemplating my choices, and I have to admit that I'm rethinking everything right now as well.
"You have to help me."
"Do I?"
"Yes. The White Plague isn't helping you. It's not syphoning magic, it's killing it. And you know it."
I realized this when I was standing outside my mother's clinic. The scent in the air was different, deathly in a way. Mother couldn't heal the sick, all she could do was try and contain it. But an Ancient can.
"Interesting theory."
"It's more than a theory. Don't play games with me. Whatever this place may be, you are connected to the town somehow. What happens when the town disappears?"
The creature doesn't answer at first, swaying from one side to the other, as he seems to study me. My body is becoming weak again, but I refuse to focus on that. I need this to work, for all of our sakes.
"Do you know how you came to be here?" The change in topic takes me completely by surprise.
"How is this relevant?"
"It is curious. I did not summon you this time. It came from you. But the Amplifier is nowhere near where you are."
"How, how do you know that?"
"I know many things, little girl." And even though I can't see him through the brightness, I swear he smiles at me. My body shudders with exhaustion, but I won't let it show. This is testing my will and I refuse to give up.
"Your magic has grown since you met him."
"Why talk in half riddles. Just tell me what you want me to know, or help me save my people. Helping me helps you."
"Readers are known channelers of magic. Your Amplifier took that to the next level. And your soulmate bond brought it to the extent." I swear the creature chuckles but all I can focus on is that one word: soulmate.
"You can't be serious?"
"I do not lie!" The shout overtakes the space around me, and I can taste the creature's anger on m
y tongue.
"It just...doesn't seem possible," I try to find a way, as not to offend the creature. But it's getting more and more difficult to focus. All I want to do is lay down in the light. But I can't. I have to stand my ground. And I can't focus on the soulmate thing, not yet. The burden of the lives of this town hangs heavily on my heart. That's my priority.
"How do I help them?" I gasp, as my skin feels as if it's shrinking. "How do I save them?"
The creature doesn't answer, but continues to hover just out of reach. I can feel his eyes on me, studying as if I'm a specimen under a microscope. I want to continue to plead with him, but all strength has left my body. I crumble to the ground, the weight of failure on my shoulders.
My family. My town. My Nolan.
I have failed them all and there is nothing to be done now, but to give into the light and the darkness.
When I come to, it's dark outside.
Tentatively, I push myself to a sitting position, honestly surprised to be alive. I thought the creature would take me for all I'm worth, eating up the last of my magic for his own purposes. But somehow, I got back. Or he brought me back.
My head feels as if it's ready to explode, and I take a moment to orient myself. I have no idea how long I've been out. Reaching for my phone, I see that it's still the same day, just about eight hours later. Pushing the hair behind my ears, I try to stand, but fail. My whole body feels on fire. The trees and the grass seems to shine, and the shadows dance to an unheard song all around me.
After taking a few deep breaths, I get on all fours, before finally sitting back. I feel drained and energized at the same time, which sends my head spinning even more. Something is wrong. I can feel it in every cell of my body.
I take my time getting to standing position. The world swims around me, shifting in and out of focus, but I manage. I just need to get inside and lay down. Whatever is happening, I'll figure it out. I have to. But the moment I take a step toward the house, my legs crumble under me once more and I drop down to the ground. Pushing myself to the side, I roll unto my back and look up at the stars.
