Not According to Plan

by A. m Madden

  And as long as we were listing things I really needed to do, add in telling the partners I was pregnant. Every time I mustered up the nerve, something prevented me.

  Deep in my gut, I knew continuing on the Betterman case would be a problem. I also knew without that case making junior partner was a long shot. The one thing I wasn’t worried about was losing my job altogether. The law said maternity leave was mandatory, but to these three, it would be a burden, and my punishment would come in the form of a lost promotion.

  Determined to finally come clean, I arrived that morning ready to tell them. But come early afternoon, not having had the opportunity to do so yet made for another day of stressing.

  While I anxiously waited in my office for their meeting to end, my cell rang with a call from my father. “Dad,” I answered a bit breathlessly.

  “Hi, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

  A lump of emotion prevented me from responding smoothly. I cleared my throat and said, “I’m good. Tired, and still battling some nausea, but it’s gotten a little better.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. Your mom and sister have been keeping me informed.” This time, he cleared his throat before continuing. “Listen, sweetheart…I’m sorry how I reacted to your news, and I’d like you and Max to come by the house this Sunday for dinner…you know, to try and get to know him a bit.”

  “Oh, um…” Shit. Shit. Shit. I waited a moment to properly formulate my words. “Um…Dad, that sounds lovely, but Max is in Miami, and I’m not sure this weekend would work. Can I get back to you with another date?”

  “What’s he doing in Miami?”

  “He’s opening a second gym down there.” And meeting with his other baby mama. More silence.

  “He’s moving?”

  “Um…no. More like a dual residence situation.”

  “I see,” he said, but his tone meant he wasn’t happy with this nugget of news. “Another time, then.” The line went dead, and I felt no better with the situation between my dad and me after this call than I had before it.

  While staring at the phone for a long time, the anxiety I’d been pushing away resurfaced. My dad was clearly disappointed with my situation and with me, and that was something I never experienced in my entire life. Not before this pregnancy.

  And…as if the universe needed to remind me that Dad wasn’t the worst of my problems, my desk phone buzzed and my assistant announced the partners were ready to see me.

  A second pang of nausea engulfed me as I robotically made my way to the conference room. While I sat on one side of the huge mahogany table facing the three stuffed suits, even though I called this meeting, they rambled on and on about cases that I wasn’t even involved in. Clearly, they loved to hear themselves talk.

  The cavernous room caused their voices to echo, and with each word they spoke, the audio would bounce around the raised paneled walls and hit my head like a ping-pong ball. My leg jiggled relentlessly as I waited to get a word in edgewise.

  Anxiety continued to flood my veins when Mr. Warner finally said, “So, Jade. Why did you request to see us?”

  Watching nervously as they each drilled their steely gazes my way, I cleared my throat and ripped off the bandage. “There’s something you all need to know.”

  Their silence felt like a cloud of doom hovering above me. In the most professional demeanor I could muster, I proceeded to say, “I’m pregnant.” The unsettling silence forced me to ramble and throw out when I was due, along with a dozen empty statements claiming that as far I was concerned, this pregnancy would change nothing regarding my responsibilities. In conclusion, I then pathetically asked, “Do you have any questions?”

  They each sat stunned, forcing me to endure the unmasked scrutiny they fired my way like laser beams. I never felt so vulnerable, so exposed, and so petrified in all of my life. Any insecurity that I held came flooding through me, destroying what little confidence I had just ten minutes earlier.

  While I drowned in it, I could barely remember exact details of what went down. Disappointed frowns and questions of capability came at me much like wave after punishing wave pounded the coastline.

  “Did you say you were due early March?” Sicks asked with a leer.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “The Betterman trial begins late February,” he stated the obvious, and it took all I had to not hiss back, No shit, Sherlock.

  “Jade, you leave us no choice but to allow Gertie to move on with the Betterman case based on time sensitivity. You couldn’t very well represent them from the maternity ward,” Mr. Thompson said with his bushy brows almost reaching his hairline. “Regarding partnership…perhaps this may not be the best time for you to take on such a prodigious endeavor.”

  “I believe I can, sir,” I countered as my heart pounded in my chest. “My years of dedication should prove I am more than capable and ready to take on that role.”

  “We appreciate your hard work, but that is bound to lag once a baby comes along. That’s in no way a reflection on your capabilities, but pure fact. There will be other promotions available in the future that would best suit your personal life.”

  “Regarding the board meeting on Wednesday,” Mr. Warner spoke next, “we will need to be transparent and inform them of your…situation.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “If that is all, Ms. Easton…” Mr. Sicks said, leaving his words hanging in a curt and obvious dismissal.

  “Yes. Thank you for your time.” Like a scolded child, I made a painful trek back to my office.

  Feeling exhausted, dejected, and judged, I growled at the paperwork piled high that needed to be tackled like all this was its fault. Having no desire to be there, all I really wanted was to go home, crawl into bed, and hide under the covers.

  Once I told my bosses, and a few others including Gertie, word of my condition spread through the office fairly quickly.

  Gertie felt awful she received the case because I was pregnant. “It’s not fair. You worked so hard on it.”

  “It is what it is,” I’d said with a sad smile.

  I hated seeing the pity in her eyes. I hated the hushed conversations that halted at my approach, the whispers that traveled toward me when they thought I couldn’t hear them. For the first time in my career, I hated being at work.

  I also hated being the topic of conversation. I hated dealing with unknowns that I had no control over. My entire adult life, I carefully planned out my future. I wasn’t a “wing it” kind of girl.

  I’d worked too hard for it all to come to a screeching halt, but the powers that be made it impossible for my goals to proceed at the pace I’d wanted. The lawyer in me tried to find a way around it. That day, I had scribbled down specific things they said. They were most definitely careful with their words, and nothing they had uttered could be used against them. They weren’t reversing the possible promotion, but they also weren’t giving me much choice in giving up my biggest client in order to get that promotion.

  I decided to allow myself a few days to wallow, worry, and wonder how it would all work out—my job, my relationship with Max, my father’s attitude, and my baby.

  Sensing my mood, Amy let me be, offering to listen if I needed to talk. Sapphire, although reluctant at first, finally succumbed into giving me some space. Even my mother let me have the time I needed to think things through.

  But a week later, I had no clarity and more confusion.

  Since Max was back in town for one day and wanted to see me, I agreed to having dinner, knowing there was a lot we had to talk about. I still hadn’t told him what had happened after I informed the partners that I was pregnant.

  Once done for the day, on his request I went straight to his place. He answered the door with shaving cream all over his face and nothing but a towel around his waist, and despite my disposition, he still managed to stir things in my libido.r />
  My expression, however, remained bland, and instantly, he picked up on my mood the minute I stepped into the door.

  “Jade, you look exhausted. I can cancel the reservation and bring in instead.”

  “No, we can go out.”

  “I’m almost done.” He took my hand and pulled me toward his bathroom. “Come be with me.” I knew if I sat, the chances of me wanting to get up would be nonexistent. “How’s work?” he asked, resuming his shave.

  I stared at myself in the mirror and suppressed a sigh. “I told them. They were shocked.” I filled him in on the comments they made, and during, he frowned while remaining silent.

  “So, they’re basically removing you from the case that had you working day and night.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, at least you don’t have to stress over telling them anymore. Isn’t that a plus?”

  “No,” I snapped. “After putting in all that work, someone else is now going to stroll in and become the hero. Without the Betterman case, I’ll never make junior partner.”

  “This time. I’m sure you’re next on the list.”

  “This is the one I wanted.”

  He studied me for a bit, waiting for a better explanation. I had none, except that pangs of being a failure plagued me.

  “Maybe this is a good time to take a break,” he said casually, but all I heard was to give up everything I ever worked for.

  Dumbfounded, I stared at his reflection in the mirror.

  “What?”

  “Take a break?”

  “For now,” he emphasized. “You said you wanted this promotion to pave the way for a better opportunity. All that will still be there for you in a year or two. If not, then they aren’t the right firm for you. I could talk to Nate and see if—”

  “So you think I should quit?” I interrupted with a sharp tongue.

  “I didn’t say that. If they can’t see that you deserve a promotion, then fuck them.” With his eyes pinned to mine, he waved his razor beneath the running water before answering. “If you aren’t happy there, why torture yourself?”

  “Because I’ve put everything into that firm. I stayed knowing making partner was my reward, and once I did, then I would have the career I always dreamed of in a much larger firm with more notoriety. I now have no choice and will have to leave the firm and start all over again.”

  His jaw clenched as he watched me. “All right, Jade. I’m not going to fight with you on this. This is your decision.”

  “One you clearly think I should abandon.” Every single impediment I faced revealed itself at that moment, and Max became my victim. “All I worked toward, every vision I had of my future, finally freeing myself from student loans, and having some breathing room included making junior partner. What does that say about me if I could so easily give it all up? That I’m a quitter.”

  “Postponing a dream doesn’t make you a quitter.” Max glared at me through the mirror for a moment. “That means I quit when my father died, and that was the last thing I did.” Remorse almost caused me to take back my words, but before I could, he stared right into my soul. “All I’m guilty of is putting my dreams on hold,” he said, keeping his tone even and calm.

  “My situation is different. Your dream depended on you, mine depends on the men I work for. There’s no guarantee another opportunity would present itself, and that would force me to give up on a dream I carried longer than I can remember.” Since the expression on his face was unreadable, it was my turn to ask, “What?”

  “You not receiving this promotion has absolutely nothing to do with failing to get the job done, Jade. Your situation changed.”

  “Really?” A wave of resentment traveled through me. “Your situation hasn’t changed anything in your life, Max.” His eyes snapped to mine, but the words were out, and I couldn’t take them back.

  He remained silent for a few long, torturous moments before he resumed his shave. Meanwhile, I felt like a complete bitch. Max didn’t deserve my anger, yet I couldn’t suppress my frustrations.

  He had never asked anything of me, always giving to a fault. How could I attack him when part of me felt that maybe I should quit? I no longer felt the joy I used to feel from doing my job. Somewhere in the past few months, it had become a job…one that sucked me dry and left me with little to show for it. The difference, I hadn’t been aware of it because it was all I’d had in my life before Max stepped into it.

  But giving up so easily and walking away gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I knew would stay with me years from now.

  I blinked away the tears that threatened while my feet remained rooted to the spot. Nothing else was said as he finished shaving. Just as he walked past me to go get dressed, he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my head. In the mirror, he could see every ounce of remorse on my face, and I could see every ounce of support on his.

  “All I want is for you to be happy…with me, with your job, however that can happen. None of it is worth it if you’re not happy. And whatever you decide to do, I’ll be behind you. But, if you accept this promotion for any reason other than you absolutely love your work, then you need to question why you do it.” Meaning, loans and monetary benefits shouldn’t play into my decision.

  Despite my regret for lashing out, that tiny seed of resentment continued to sprout roots in my chest. Most of me loved that I found this supportive, sensitive, loving, strong, brilliant man who seemed to want me and our baby…and then there was a minuscule part of me that still felt that he wasn’t giving anything up. Max hadn’t sacrificed any of what he wanted because of this baby or his daughter.

  “I think I’ll make dinner so we can relax here,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  His brilliant green eyes searched mine. “Jade, I just want to spend some time with you. If you don’t want to talk about it, then we won’t. If you do, I’ll help you try and figure it out. What I won’t have is you being upset. It isn’t good for you or for the baby.”

  Damn, this man. In the short time I’d known him, I’d come to the conclusion he could be both a sexy alpha and a considerate gentleman…a very dangerous combination.

  My internal struggle continued as he held my gaze for a few long moments before giving me one more kiss and leaving me alone with all my doubts and bitterness.

  And then…a forceful fluttering in the pit of my stomach knocked the wind from my lungs and sent all my frustrations spiraling down the drain before me.

  My baby moved.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jade

  I found Max at the stove stirring something in a pot and wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants that hung low on his waist.

  Remorse hit hard as I watched him. He didn’t deserve the way I’d lashed out. Besides his obvious physical perfection, the man couldn’t be more perfect inside as well. The combination of being considerate, kind, sweet, but at the same time a touch controlling, overprotective, and stubborn made him the type of man I always saw myself with. The more I got to know him, the luckier I felt that it was Max’s baby I carried.

  Even that first night, it was obvious we shared a connection. And despite the quantity of time we spent together, every minute in his company made me want more. When he was away, I missed him.

  Neither of us had professed any profound feelings yet, but I suspected he cared in the way he doted on me. Still, I held back. Questions of how our relationship would pan out when his other life in another state kept us apart most of the time was what kept my emotions in check.

  Sure, the realist in me had to keep reminding myself to go with the flow, all while preparing for it to disappear at any moment. The romantic in me, one that had been buried for so long, fought for her say while screaming, Why couldn’t this time be different?

  As I continued dwelling on all the unknowns, he
turned toward me. “Hey.”

  “Max, I’m sorry.” I felt awful taking it out on him when he was trying to help.

  He closed the distance and took my hand, kissing it sweetly. “Baby, you don’t have to apologize.” The term of endearment, combined with the way he stared into my eyes, sent a surge of emotion through me.

  I could easily fall for this man. I knew it, right then, right there.

  “I do. It wasn’t fair to throw my frustrations at you.”

  “I can handle it. And if you need to vent, then vent to me. If you need to yell and scream, I can handle that, too. If you need to have a good cry, I’ll hold you. But you’re carrying a lot of stress inside, and the last thing I want is for you to bottle it up and let it affect you or the baby.”

  “I know, and you’re right. I can’t seem to think rationally these days, and it’s scaring me. Planning every detail of my career has always been one of my stupid idiosyncrasies. I hit a dead end at my firm. I’m going to have to start over, and even though knowing that is upsetting, I still need to get used to things not going as I so carefully laid out. It’s my issue to work on.”

  “It is…and I know I’m different. Having my dad suddenly die without warning made me realize at a young age that life turns on a dime. No one knows. But I do know I don’t want anything harming you or the baby in any way. The rest will work itself out.”

  Leaning closer, he held the sides of my face as he placed a soft kiss on my lips. In an instant, the kiss turned heated, and he proceeded to devour my mouth like a starving man. Just like that, I got lost in Max. My God, this man could kiss. Nothing had changed since the first night we met, and if at all possible, his kisses got better and better with time.

  The need for oxygen made it necessary to push on his chest until he took a step away.

  “I wasn’t done.”

  Happy we were right again, I giggled at the annoyance written on his face. “I couldn’t breathe.”