Beautiful Mistakes: Contemporary Romance Boxset Books 1-4

by Victoria Snow

  She stared at me, her lips quivering as if she was afraid to tell me.

  “Bella, please. I’m dying here. What’s wrong?” I squeezed her hand.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  My heart stopped. And then it thundered a million miles a minute in my chest. I dropped her hand and stepped back. “What?”

  She tilted her head to the side and her expression said, ‘you heard me.’

  Holy fuck. I felt the weight of the world crash down on me. If I thought I was cliché before, I was now the king of clichés. A forty-year-old businessman knocking up his twenty-three-year-old assistant. What was the board going to think? Our investors? Would this hurt the company’s reputation?

  And Joanna… God. Yes she was dead and no one would blame me for being with another woman after all this time, but I could see the disappointment in her face as if she were standing here now. I knew better than to sleep with my assistant. I knew better than to have unprotected sex. Except I didn’t.

  What was I going to tell Patsy and Jim? And Lily?

  “It’s okay, Blake.” Tears filled Bella’s eyes, but I saw a strength behind them as well. “I know this isn’t what you want. Not what you signed up for. I’ll take care of the baby by myself.”

  Oh fuck. I was a total asshole. I was having a crisis and yet she was the one who was pregnant. I’d done a piss-poor job of hiding my horror at the news.

  “I’m sorry, Bella. You don’t have to do this alone.” I took her hand again, wanting to offer comfort.

  “I’m sorry Blake. I… it’s my fault—”

  “Hey, no it’s not. It’s… well, I suppose it’s both our faults.” The one time I fucked up and didn’t use a condom and this happens. Well no, because I’d done something similar with Joanna, but she hadn’t gotten pregnant. I supposed that was why I thought I’d dodged a bullet. “But it will be all right, I promise.”

  She gave me a sad smile. She knew it wasn’t going to be all right, just like I did. My life had just changed and there were ramifications I couldn’t even anticipate. The best course of action was to accept the situation and make a plan.

  I kissed her hand to reassure her. “I’ll take care of you and the baby. We’ll get married and… well, it will be great. Lily will love to have a brother or sister.” I said it because I knew I needed to step up, but the words felt like ash in my mouth. Joanna had been the one who wanted to give Lily a sibling.

  “No… you don’t have to do that.”

  “I do have to, Bella. I helped make this problem, and I’ll help solve it.”

  She jerked her hand from mine, her cheeks streaming with tears. “I’m not a problem… the baby isn’t a problem to be solved. Yes, this wasn’t planned, but we’re not just fulfilling an obligation.”

  “Bella—”

  “No, Blake. I could accept the terms of our arrangement before, but I’m not marrying someone without love. I deserve more than that and so does my baby.”

  “It’s my baby too.” My voice was harsher than I wanted, but she wasn’t going to push me out of my child’s life.

  “Yes. And I hope you’ll be a part of its life.”

  “That’s why we’ll get married. I can take care of you both.”

  “God,” she said in an exasperated breath. “I’m not marrying you, Blake.”

  “What?” Why did those words feel like a stab in my heart?

  “Not because of a baby, I’m not. I still want what I’d first told you I wanted; a man who loves me and is devoted to me. And that’s not you. You said so yourself.”

  “A baby changes things.”

  She shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. My mother raised me alone. I can do the same.”

  “Dammit Bella, I’m the father. You’re not taking this child away from me.” I was feeling a little desperate.

  “I won’t. Blake. We’ll co-parent as millions of others do.”

  “You just want my money? Is that it?” I didn’t know where that came from. I was angry, hurt, and wondering why she couldn’t accept that marriage was the best thing for all of us.

  If I had slapped her, she couldn’t have looked more stricken. “I didn’t do this on purpose, and I don’t want your money or anything from you.”

  “Fuck… that’s not what I meant. Of course, I’ll help, Bella, but it will be better if we married.”

  “Better for who, Blake? Kids need both parents, but they don’t need them to be in the same house. And how do you think it will be for a child to have a mother who knows its father doesn’t love her because he’s in love with someone else? I can already see the guilt and self-loathing because you feel like you’ve betrayed your wife with me. I don't want our child to see that every day. Will you even love it as much because Joanna isn’t its mother?”

  Her words felt cruel, and I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but couldn’t form the words. Of course, I’d love my child. But I couldn’t be sure Joanna wouldn’t affect any family I tried to create with Bella.

  Finally, I took a deep breath. “We don’t have to decide all this now.”

  “I’m not changing my mind, Blake.”

  Knowing I wasn’t going to win this argument, I moved on. “Do you need anything? Why did you faint?”

  “I stood up too fast. And no, I don’t need anything. They’re going to discharge me and I’ll go home and rest.”

  “I’ll get us a car and anything you need.”

  She shook her head. “I’d rather go home alone, Blake.”

  “Bella.”

  “Remember when you said that if this got too uncomfortable for me, we could end it? I think under the circumstances, that part of our relationship needs to end.” She looked so sad and vulnerable, but her eyes held a determination.

  There was one part of me that felt relieved that she didn’t want me with her now, and yet my heart felt like it was being crushed by an anvil.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Bella. I promise not to touch you anymore, but I won’t abandon you or the child.”

  “I know.” She looked so tired. What I needed to do was give her some time. I needed time as well. I didn’t know how this was going to work. Or what the fallout from everyone finding out about me and Bella and the baby would be. But as the proverbial saying goes, I made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

  .

  17

  Bella

  I never needed my mother as much as I needed her now. I didn’t need her advice about Blake. I was steadfast in my decision that marriage wasn’t in the cards for us. I meant what I said about being able to accept an affair, but I wouldn’t marry without love.

  What I needed my mother was for support and comfort because I was scared out of my wits and felt so alone. Back in my little apartment, curled up on the couch that we conceived our baby on. I cried, tried to pull myself together, and cried some more.

  I didn’t cry so much because of the baby, but because of Blake. If there was a moment for him to realize he felt anything beyond lust for me, learning I was pregnant was it. But he didn’t feel anything more for me. The baby was a problem in his eyes. And while his solution would bind me to him in marriage, that wasn’t love. That wasn’t what I wanted for myself or my child no matter how much I cared for him.

  Aside from having to live in the shadow of his wife, agreeing to marry him for the sake of the baby would eventually lead to him resenting me. I wondered how he could love my baby as much as Joanna’s considering the difference in the way they were conceived and his feelings about their mothers. He looked a little stricken when I said that to him, but he never denied the possibility.

  Sure, he’d do the right thing. Blake wasn’t a man to shirk his responsibilities. But I couldn’t live knowing he’d only married me out of obligation.

  It splintered my heart into tiny sharp edges in my chest. All I wanted to do was get away and hide from it all. How was I going to continue to work for him? Would he tell everyone he was the father when I could no longer hide my condition? How
would we share responsibilities? These were all the things I wished my mother was here to help me sort through.

  I somehow made it through the night and considered calling in sick at work the next morning, but I didn’t want people at work to worry. I wasn’t ill. There was no reason not to work except that I was feeling heartsick. So I pulled myself together. When I arrived on the floor, Dana was there.

  She rushed to me. “Are you okay? I thought you’d call in sick.”

  I shook my head. “I’m fine. It was just a little blood pressure thing.”

  She studied me as if she needed confirmation of my statement. “Well, if you need anything, let me know.”

  “I will. Thank you.” I went to my office and took care of a call to France before it got too late. Things were on schedule for the deal. Normally, I’d have been excited that the deal would finally be done, but I couldn’t manage feeling anything but exhausted.

  There was a knock on my door.

  “Come in.”

  Blake walked in looking tired and worried. My instinct was to run to him to seek solace, but I couldn’t. While I was sure he’d care for me and the baby financially, he didn’t love us or at least, he didn’t love me.

  “I wanted to see how you were.” He stood in front of my desk.

  “I’m okay.”

  He blew out a breath and sat down. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

  “About the baby?” My irritation spiked. “Yes, it’s very inconvenient.”

  His eyes expressed pain as he looked at me. “No. I mean, yes, the baby is unexpected, but I’m sorry I upset you.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “This whole time everything I’ve done has been offensive.”

  “I knew what I was doing.”

  “You were a virgin.”

  “But I wasn’t ignorant or stupid.” I stood and turned to look out my window, not wanting to look at him.

  When he stood, I thought he was leaving, but then I felt his hand on my shoulder. I stepped out of his reach.

  He sighed. “I’m not trying to seduce you. I want to comfort you, Bella. I do care about you.”

  I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to let him hold me because I needed comforting. Was this what it was going to be like every day now? Still wanting him but not able to have him? With a baby, I’d have to continue to see him, but working for him, how could I keep doing that?

  “I’m thinking of looking for another job.” While I’d thought about it before, the statement actually came out of the blue. And yet, it felt like what I had to do to save my heart and my sanity.

  “What?” He jerked back like he’d touched a hot stove.

  “This is too hard.”

  “You’re not taking my child away from me, Bella.”

  I looked at him. “You don’t want it.”

  His expression was a mixture of anger and confusion. “That’s not true.”

  I let out a small derisive laugh. “No, it’s me you don’t want.”

  “I offered to marry you. You’re the one who said no.”

  “Your offer wasn’t because you wanted me. You just want to do the right thing, which is very noble, but it’s a mistake. I see it in your eyes. What would your beloved Joanna think?”

  Rage swirled in his eyes. “I won’t apologize for loving my wife.” He walked away like he was catching his breath. Finally, he turned to me. “I’m sorry about this Bella. I really am. I didn’t want to hurt you. If you want to find a new job, go ahead. But I have rights and responsibilities to the baby. You won’t take that from me.”

  “I don’t want to, Blake. I just…” How could I tell him that working for him now would mean enduring heartbreak every day? It wasn’t fair of me to be angry at him for not loving me since he’d been clear from the start where he stood.

  “I get that this is hard and awkward, but if you stay here, it will be easier for us to coordinate. I’ll be available if you need me. I’ll be able to go to doctors’ visits with you. You’ve got great health care coverage here. You might have difficulty finding that elsewhere especially since you’re pregnant.”

  “So, I’m stuck.” I felt so defeated.

  He stared at me like I was sticking a knife in him. “I am bending over backwards here trying to make this easier, so the problem must be me. Am I so bad that you can’t wait to get away from me?”

  I shook my head because I didn’t know what to say.

  After a moment, he walked to the door. “I have a teacher’s conference this afternoon at Lily’s school so I’ll be out. If you need anything… leave me a note or send a text. That way you won’t have to talk to me.”

  I whirled around hating that I’d hurt him while at the same time, angry at him for making me the bad guy. But he was already out the door.

  I sank into my chair, feeling more lost and alone than ever. Since no answers were coming, I did the next best thing, which was to distract myself with my work.

  About four in the afternoon, I took a break for some tea knowing the break room would likely be empty.

  “Bella!” Lily’s voice rang out through the outer office.

  I looked up and saw her rushing to me. The joy in her face brightened my mood. “Lily.” I squatted down to give her a hug. Looking over her shoulder, I saw Blake standing at Dana’s desk.

  Lily grinned up at me. “Bonjour. Ça va?”

  “Oui, ça va bien. Et tu?” As miserable as I felt, I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Bien.” She looked at me with a pleased expression.

  “Tu parle très bien français.”

  Her brows knitted together as she worked to decipher what I’d said.

  “You speak French very well.”

  “I’ve been learning. Grandma got me a book.”

  “Come on Lily, we need to let Ms. Hanson get to work.” Blake’s voice was more clipped and formal than usual. I supposed I couldn’t blame him.

  “I want to stay with Bella.” She turned to look up at me. “Can I? I can help with your calls.”

  My heart was full of affection and sadness at the same time. I looked up at Blake. “I can take her.”

  His eyes narrowed. “It’s not part of your job, Ms. Hanson.”

  I guessed he was doing what I’d been trying to do: detach emotionally. I knew it would be easier for him since he didn’t love me. Me? I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over him.

  “It’s okay, really.” I reached for Lily’s hand. “Tu veux faire des tableur? Spreadsheets?”

  “I made a spreadsheet with my favorite foods.”

  “Oh, I’d like to see that some time.” I looked up at Blake.

  He wasn’t happy, but he gave me a nod. “I just need an hour.”

  I brought Lily to the break room where I got tea and got her some cookies and milk. We took our treats back to my office.

  “Are we going to the special room?”

  “Nah, we can work here. This is my office.”

  I set her up on the couch and coffee table with her snack while I finished up the last task of the day. Then I joined her. “What’s in your backpack?”

  “We went to the library at school today and got books. Wanna see?”

  “I do.”

  She opened her bag and pulled out books, mostly about animals. “Do you know about the mouse that eats the cookie?”

  I nodded. It had been a favorite of mine when I was little.

  “This is like that except with a cat and cupcake. Do you have a cat?”

  “No. Do you?”

  “I want a pet but Daddy says they’re too much work. Maybe when I’m bigger. Can you read this to me?”

  I laughed at how quickly she could move from one topic to another and then back. “I’d love to.”

  We snuggled together on the couch, and I started to read the book. Lily took my arm and put it around her, leaning in closer to me. When I finished the book, I asked if she enjoyed it. When there was no answer, I realized she was asleep.

  She looked so peaceful and ser
ene. Like she didn’t have a care in the world. I envied her for that. Not wanting to move her, I shifted and lay next to her. She curled up, snuggling closer to me. I supposed Blake could fire me for sleeping on the job, but I couldn’t find the strength to care. So, I closed my eyes and joined Lily for a nap.

  18

  Blake

  My work was a small distraction from the chaos of my life. When I was done, I slipped my coat on and made my way to Bella’s office. As usual, she and I were the only two still there. I’d have to talk to her about not working so hard now that she had the baby to think about.

  Baby. Christ. The idea of it wasn’t completely unsettling. Joanna and I had wanted three or four children, but of course, that never happened. When she died, I thought the dream of more children died with her. Now because of my negligence and my inability to resist my assistant, I would be a father again. The only problem was, Bella and I weren’t on the same page about what was best for the child. I understood her desire to marry for love, but now she had a child to think about. She’d have to put the baby first.

  Plus, it wasn’t like I didn’t have any feelings for her. I thought she was sweet and kind. I enjoyed spending time with her. When I wasn’t with her, I thought of her often. The idea of not having that closeness with her anymore was making me crazy.

  I reached her office and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, I opened the door. My heart filled with emotion at the sight of Lily curled up against Bella as they both slept on the couch. For a moment, I just watched them, their breathing slow and steady, in sync with each other. Their faces looking so serene. It was a beautiful sight. A part of me was envious. Lily clearly had Bella’s heart just as Bella had Lily’s. I was the third wheel in this triangle.

  I moved to them and squatted down. “Lilybug,” I whispered as I gently caressed her cheek.

  Her eyes fluttered open. “Daddy.” Her smile was so sweet.

  I thought about letting Bella sleep, knowing she would need her rest. But I didn’t want her to wake and find Lily gone. She might worry that Lily had wandered off.