The Bad Girl and the Good Boy

by Karla Luna

  I honestly didn’t know what got me to do it. Maybe it was the fact that she gave me such sweet eyes. I just couldn’t possibly say ‘no’ to her. Or maybe because she was right, I needed to live a little. I’ve always been taught that smoking is bad for you, but maybe just one tiny smoke won’t hurt me. I may be doing something really stupid, but I know that when I was high, I forgot about the world. I forgot about what everyone, especially my mother, would think. This was my life and I could do whatever the hell I want with it, right? So why not try something new? I promise myself not to do these things ever again if they didn’t end well.

  I kept coughing every time I took at least one little drag, but after a while, I got the hang of it. Evelyn had gotten another cigarette for herself, but sometimes she would just kiss me again, while I had the smoke in my mouth so that she would have some of it. A little later, she even got some bottles of beer for us both to drink. I didn’t tell her ‘no’. Instead, I took the bottle and drank up without a single care in the world. Was I moving too fast into this lifestyle? Did it even matter now? Like Evelyn, I felt free. I felt pretty damn free.

  And I loved it.

  “Let’s go rob some place, guys,” Mohawk guy suddenly said, as everyone started to get up.

  Evelyn got up as well with a smile on her face. But once she grabbed my arm to pull me up, I gently waved her off and got up myself… or at least tried to. I just felt so dazed that it felt like I’d easily lose my balance.

  Wow, everyone looks so different now. Do I look different, too?

  “I’m… fine,” I slurred with a laugh and a hiccup. I covered my mouth to somehow stop the laughs escaping my lips but they just kept going. “No robbing, guys!” I told everyone with raised arms. “Lover.” This time, I started walking to this guy with a blue Mohawk. He looked funny and had shiny things all over his face. I touched his face and continued, “Not fighter. Truther, believer, not a sinner…. Rock, be punk rock guys, why can’t you be more punk rock like this dude!? Be. Punk!”

  “Bro, what the hell are you on about?” I heard him say, as he took my hands away from his pale face. But he laughed nevertheless. “This guy is fucking weird, let’s take him.”

  I felt all eyes on me as I closed my eyes and tilted my head up toward the sky. A warm hand caught mine and I heard a very shallow whisper enter my ear, something along the lines of “Be bad, Zavier. It doesn’t hurt – just this once.”

  I still felt like I was rocking back and forth. I still felt free. I smiled without hesitation.

  “Fuck yeah,” I whispered.

  29: Can’t Let You Go

  • Evelyn •

  “This little fucker,” I heard Jesse mutter from the driver’s seat, as he kept looking back at Zavier and me in the rearview mirror.

  He really did look a bit disappointed as well. But he was probably just angry about the fact that Zavier had puked all over the backseat floors of his ‘beautiful’ Jeep. We had opened the windows to get rid of the smell, but I had let Zavier lie down and put his head on my lap to relax and take a nap. This was all my fault, after all.

  I really had no idea what was wrong with me. Why was I trying to turn this sweet, innocent boy into someone bad like me? Though… why did he even do it all? It didn’t make sense. I was so sure he would’ve stopped me and taken me home right away so we wouldn’t get in any more trouble. I was starting to think something was going on. But now that all of this actually happened, I was going to face it all. Stormy was home early tonight, and I was sure of it. Maybe this way, I’d get in trouble and would have to stay here for a longer time.

  Yeah, I knew I didn’t want to leave. The therapy was alright, but honestly, no matter how many times Stormy told me that the things I do were ruining my life, I was still going to do them. So what would she think if her little ‘good’ son was doing drugs and drinking? I just wouldn’t want him in trouble. I’d take the whole blame for this. I’d do all of this, for him. Because honestly, I couldn’t just leave. I couldn’t let him go so soon. There were so many more things we needed to do and find out about each other. We just needed to do this. I just don’t think I’d be able to admit it to anyone.

  “Alright, we’re here. Now get him out of my car. Please!” Jesse said when he pulled up right outside the house. He still looked pretty annoyed with his little nose scrunched up in disgust. But couldn’t he even bother to get out and help me carry Zavier inside the house? I mean, I wasn’t strong enough for this.

  Ethan, on the other hand, just looked like he didn’t give a single fuck as he looked out the window toward the house. I liked the guy, he was just so calm about everything, you know – unless there happened to be a spider or something on his shoulder. That’s when he really starts to freak out. You never really know someone.

  “Well, okay, bother helping me?” I asked, gently grabbing Zavier’s head to make him sit a little. I was so sure he was only passed out since he was still breathing. So thankfully he didn’t die on us.

  Jesse paused for a few seconds, probably to take a few deep breaths, before he helped me carry the guy up to his room. Zavier was probably the only one who lifted weights in the group. But getting help from someone was better than doing it alone.

  “All the way upstairs?” Jesse breathlessly asked when we finally got to the bottom of the stairs.

  Zavier’s arms were wrapped around his neck as well as Ethan’s, and I swear they already looked like they ran a marathon.

  “I think I’m already tasting blood. Where the hell is Stormy?”

  “Stormy,” at hearing the cold, hard tone from Stormy, my heart almost stopped and we all stood stiff, “is right here.”

  I tightly closed my eyes and pressed my lips together.

  Meanwhile, both guys had probably, most likely, forgotten about holding Zavier, so when they turned to face Stormy by the front door, they also ended up dropping him to the ground. A loud thud was heard and I immediately rushed over to him as he slowly started opening his eyes while grabbing on to his throbbing head. He didn’t hit his head from the fall, luckily. It was just from the drunkenness.

  These doofuses… they were supposed to hold him!

  “Why in the world does it reek of smoke, and why is my baby boy drunk!?” Stormy yelled, making Jesse nervously scratch the back of his head. Ethan just avoided eye contact and dug his hands in his jeans pockets. So Stormy knew they weren’t talking. “Evelyn…”

  Biting my lip to hold myself back, I turned to look at her and saw the disappointment and anger in her eyes. Yes, Stormy. This was all me. This was all because of me and I should get punished for going to such extremes. I didn’t care. Just punish me already because that was what I always look for – trouble.

  “You boys get him to the couch and I’ll get him something for the headache. Good lord.”

  After she said that, she went right to the kitchen as Jesse and Ethan grabbed Zavier again and threw him gently on the couch.

  He groaned and tried to get comfortable as I sighed and put a blanket over his body. I sat down on the floor by the couch, next to Zavier, and brushed his hair away from his forehead. He closed his eyes and so I took the opportunity to take his glasses off.

  “Well, we’ll be going…”

  Jesse was just about to probably run out the door when Stormy appeared right there behind him, making him almost scream out as he gripped Ethan’s collar. I was impressed Ethan didn’t even do anything – the boy didn’t even blink. Seriously. He was a brave soldier, I’ll give him that.

  “You boys will stay until I tell you to leave. You will all tell me what happened so I figure out who exactly did this to my poor boy.” Stormy frowned and walked around the boys to sit by Zavier to give him the pain med. Afterward, she just sighed and gently caressed his cheek. Honestly, just seeing her this way actually made me feel bad for doing all of this. And I couldn’t say I remember the last time I felt really bad for something or someone. I usually just let it go. But this – this, I couldn’t let go.<
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  “Just let them leave, Stormy,” I said, barely finding my voice. I couldn’t even make eye contact with her and I didn’t have that problem before. It used to be so easy for me and yet, I couldn’t do it. I felt fucking horrible. “It wasn’t their fault. They just drove me here. I’ll explain everything to you.” I had left my bike back with the gang and Mohawk promised to bring it back for me. He was a pretty awesome guy, I’ll tell you that. I really don’t know why he frightened some people. Well, I guess the piercings throw people off, but they were actually pretty damn awesome.

  “You boys leave, before I call your parents and tell them just where you…”

  At that, Jesse was already running out the door while Ethan saluted me and slowly walked out. I gave him a small smile back, telling him I’d be okay. Hoping, I would be okay.

  “Evelyn, why do you keep doing this to yourself?” she asked with a small shake of her head as she looked at the empty space the boys left in front of her. “I really don’t understand and I don’t see why you have to drag my son with you.”

  “I know… alright, Stormy? I know. I just can’t stop. This isn’t some sort of obsession, or freakin’ addiction that needs help. I just can’t stop it,” I said, my voice rising with every word. I ended up pausing to swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m bad, and I’ve said that plenty of times before, mostly to myself. I can’t stop being who I am and what’s in my blood.”

  All she did was shake her head yet again, making me think that was the only thing she was going to do. “The past has been hard for you. But let it go. I’m trying to help you become a better person.”

  “I will never become a better person!”

  “You will be staying here longer, then!” she yelled right back.

  But when Zavier stirred in his sleep, she started whispering to me but I could tell she was still being stern. “Until you get it through your head… just how much you’re ruining your life.”

  I was at loss for words right then and could clearly see the small tears forming at the corners of her eyes. I didn’t want to make her cry because of this. Well, I got what I want. Now it’s time to end this conversation for good.

  “I’m sorry. Look, Zavier was looking out for me and I pressured him into everything. This was all on me. But understand… I’m not changing.”

  “Not even for him?”

  I swallowed hard and bit my tongue as I looked down at Zavier’s sleeping figure.

  “I get it, Evelyn. You won’t change for anybody. But I see you two, and I see something big happening. I’m no psychic but I know that you like him, even if you may not realize it just yet.”

  “I don’t like him.” It felt like such a lie when I said it aloud – even in my head.

  “Maybe I’m wrong,” she interrupted me. “But he means something to you. Maybe you should do this for him if he actually means that much. Or leave, if he means absolutely nothing. I sure know you wouldn’t be keeping Davne away like I’d asked you to if you didn’t care.”

  After that was said, she walked back out and I stayed with Zavier, just watching him sleeping as he softly breathed in and out.

  Goddammit… maybe she was right and I was just being oblivious about my true feelings. I don’t think I can hide them any longer. But are they really that obvious?

  But he would never like someone like me. He likes that Barbie girl because she’s just so freakin’ perfect and I’m… me. I was just the criminal and he was the geek. It couldn’t happen.

  “Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that,” I whispered to myself.

  • Zavier •

  It’s been about two weeks now, and the dance fundraiser was finally this weekend. The more Evelyn and I practiced, the better she got and it was absolutely impressive.

  Seriously, she was just amazing, almost as if she had been dancing her whole life. The dance wasn’t super hard, but I did have to carry her up at one point, and she needed to know exactly what to do so that she could do the jump right.

  It still bothered me how much trouble she got with my mother after I had gone to drink and smoke with her. The stuff was pretty terrible, especially having the hangover. But I really couldn’t believe she took the whole blame for me. I went after her. I decided to stay. I grabbed the cigarette and bottle. It was all me, and only me. And I really don’t understand why she had defended me so much. She didn’t owe me anything. I was only worried and…

  “Zavier!”

  Oh, kill me now.

  Completely ignoring the voice, I quickly slammed my locker shut and started walking away as fast as I could, tightly holding on to my backpack straps. The voice always made me get goose bumps all over my arms as if I had just seen a ghost. And who knows, maybe Davne was way worse than a ghost. I really didn’t know what he would want at this moment, maybe a little stupid date with Evelyn or even a hook-up. Maybe he wants to know something about her. He really disgusted me sometimes, but most of all – he frightened me. To be honest, I was pretty damn scared for my life at the moment.

  “Zavier.”

  My heart skipped a few beats and I stopped dead in my tracks at hearing how hard and cold his tone was. I hadn’t even realized people were already running to class and that we were pretty much the only ones left in the halls. I swallowed hard and knew I couldn’t ignore him, so I slowly turned around to face him. I mean, I could run away but I already felt out of breath. I wouldn’t want to die while running halfway toward… wait, where would I even go if I were to run away right now!?

  “Man, I’ve been calling you for like five minutes,” he said with a laugh. “I just thought you had your headphones on like you normally do. Music is always a great escape.”

  All I did was avert my eyes, wondering why he was suddenly acting so nice and happy with me. This wasn’t the Davne I once knew. What he would usually do was insult me up to the point where my self-esteem was as low as his IQ. I’m not being mean here, but he hardly ever picked up any books or even a pencil, so it was my guess that he did terrible in school. But he would also beat me up for anything or no reason at all. He was the reason I was so scared of the world and what it had to offer. And he was the reason for those stupid panic attacks that got worse and worse each time I had them. I’ve never hated someone so much, not even my own father. But at least he never hurt me as much as Davne Conrad has.

  “Well um…” I paused to clear my very dry throat. I needed some water. And lots of it. “I’m here...”

  “Great.”

  I jumped when he suddenly placed his hand on my shoulder. I was wearing a sweater and I still felt how cold his hand was – almost as cold as death.

  No, don’t think that! Why are you thinking that!? This might actually be your death, so start mourning yourself right now instead!

  I was seriously shaking like crazy.

  “I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out.”

  This time, I actually started walking back. But he stepped forward and grasped both of my shoulders – fortunately, not too harsh, but enough to keep me in place.

  “Look, I know I was a bad person to you. To be honest, I’ve been a pretty damn bad person to a lot of people, but I’ve realized something. Why be bad when you can be good?”

  Seriously, where in heaven’s sake was he going with all of this? Was he high? Sick? Was this a trick? This was most likely a trick.

  “L-look, Davne…” I really did not need to start stuttering. I hated it, because it meant that I was either really nervous or really scared – and scared enough to start having a panic attack. Always being so afraid made me feel like such a wimp. I hated it so much.

  “Come on, I wanna show you something on the rooftop,” Davne told me as he put his arm around me and led me to the stairs that took us to the rooftop.

  I’ve honestly never been there, but it’s been said that it’s nothing really impressive. Although, there was a garden I’ve always wanted to see. But why would he want to take me up there? Oh no, I was going to be sick.


  Stopping dead in my tracks, I faked a laugh and threw my thumb over my shoulder to point at the halls behind me. “You know what, I need to get to class. I’m really not…”

  “Don’t worry, dude,” he said to me as he started taking the first few steps up the stairs. “I won’t push you off the building. If I was gonna do that, you wouldn’t have known about it.”

  Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel better?!

  “Now, come on. You’re gonna have fun, I guarantee it.”

  I was about to talk again… to refuse his ‘kind’ offer, when he suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs with him. Once we were all the way up, I wasn’t going to lie, I felt a little woozy. I really should have run. My death would’ve been way better over there than over here. Would he really kill me though? If he wanted to so badly, he would’ve done it long ago, right?

  But the biggest question I always had was, why did he always treat me so badly? There were other kids around. But no, he chose me. Did I do something bad to him at one point in our childhood? Because if I did, I really don’t remember at all. It was all just a blur.

  I slowly followed him and saw him looking down at the edge. When I got close enough, I noticed that we had clear view of the front of the school. It was an okay view, but I wasn’t expecting what Davne said next.

  “At this time, they have some of the sports teams coming in through the front door for some stupid fucking reason. So I have these eggs and balloons stored that I throw at people for my own amusement.”

  My eyes went wide when he actually took out a carton of eggs and a bucket full of water balloons, or at least I thought it was water. The heck? I thought he wanted to be good?! I knew this was all just a joke. He just wanted me to get in on the bad scene… Evelyn’s scene. Although, I don’t think this was as bad as what I had done with her two weeks ago. She was still in trouble, so she was only allowed to go to school. If she wanted to go somewhere else, either Stormy or a cop would have to go with her. So she’d been careful not to get in trouble again. Whereas Ijust wanted to be careful. It was my fault but Evelyn threatened to cut off one of my body parts if I said anything else. So obviously I’m not taking that risk. I know she wouldn’t think twice about doing it, too, to be honest.