Destroyed & Restored - The Baron's Courageous Wife

by Wolf, Bree

  “She knew?” John all but bellowed. Sinking back onto the bed, he heaved one long breath after another into his body as he stared at the floor. Then he blinked, and his eyes rose to meet hers. “We’re illegitimate,” he whispered, all colour draining from his face. “Bastards. The title, the fortune…everything. I…I cannot inherit.”

  Stepping forward, Adelaide knelt by her brother, drawing his trembling hands into her own as she looked up to meet his eyes. “No one knows,” she whispered, “and no one will know.” A soft chuckle rose from her throat. “Unless you cannot keep your mouth shut.”

  Again, John blinked, looking at her as though she had grown another head. “You’ve changed, Addy,” he whispered. “I haven’t seen you like this in a long time.”

  Adelaide sighed, “You haven’t called me that in a long time, either.”

  “It didn’t seem fitting any longer.”

  Adelaide nodded. “I know.” Remembering how close they had been during their early childhood, Adelaide held his hands tighter. “Beth did not come here because she wants to reveal who she is or to claim her inheritance. She came to find her family. It’s something we’ve lost sight of over the years. We’ve only been concerned about money and connections, marrying well and upholding our family’s reputation.” Blinking back tears, she scoffed, “And what good has it done us? Are we happy? Are you?”

  For a moment, she thought to see a slight quiver in his jaw, and her heart had hope. But then his face hardened, and he pushed to his feet, yanking his hands from hers. “I know what you’re saying,” he hissed, pain and accusation in his voice, “but Father and I are not the only ones who’ve made mistakes. What makes you different is not that you’ve made none yourself, but simply that you’ve managed to hold on to your reputation while making them.” He spun to look at her. “You’re no better than we are. You might recall that I was the one who helped you when you didn’t know what to do. It was me who protected you.”

  Feeling the pull of her past, Adelaide knew that she could not ask her brother to face his mistakes if she was not willing to do the same. “You’re right,” she whispered, slowly rising to her feet and meeting his gaze. “You saved me, protected me. Me and Tillie. You were there when I needed you.” She inhaled a deep breath. “That one time you were.”

  Pain stood in his blue eyes as he looked at her. Pain and regret, and for a moment, Adelaide felt reminded of the little boy he had once been.

  “We’ve grown apart,” she said, stepping toward him, “and it is as much my fault as it is yours. You are my big brother, but not by much. I expected too much from you, and I’m sorry. Father affected you as much as he affected me, and so we’ve become the people we are today.” Reaching for his hands, she pulled them back into her own. “But we don’t have to be them anymore. We can make our own decisions. That’s what I came to talk to you about.” A small smile came to her face. “Father knows.”

  John’s face paled even further. “About Beth?”

  Adelaide nodded. “I believe her return and the truth about why her mother took her away is the reason for the changes in his behaviour. I never thought I’d ever see this day, but I believe he might actually be realising the wrongs of his past, how his actions have ruined our family…not our reputation, but our happiness. I believe that’s what’s on his mind lately. I believe that’s why he is so different now. He is filled with regret and shame.”

  Clearing his throat, John dropped his gaze, trying to step back, but Adelaide held on.

  “Don’t run from me,” she told him, looking back into his wide eyes. “I’m your sister, and I will help you as you’ve helped me. All your life, you’ve followed in Father’s footsteps, wrongly believing that that was the way to become a man to be reckoned with. But you were wrong, and I think a part of you already knows that. This path is not leading you anywhere good. If you continue to follow it, you’ll end up like Father. For him, I believe it is too late to make amends. He has done too much to us to regain our love and trust. Our respect.” She sighed, her gaze holding her brother’s, willing him to truly hear what she was saying. “Some things cannot be fixed.”

  This time, John did not look away. His gaze held pain, but it was thoughtful, and Adelaide had hope that her words would find a way into his heart and mind. That he would listen. That he would heed her advice. For the thought of him ending like their father broke her heart. “Ask yourself,” she continued when it seemed that he would not run from her, “what kind of man you are and what kind of man you want to be.”

  Her brother blinked, and then he swallowed hard, his features slackening.

  Adelaide placed a gentle hand on his arm. “What do you want? Do you want to be feared? Do you want to be loved? Ask yourself that. Love and devotion and loyalty are never born out of fear.” She swallowed, forcing the next words from her lips. “I’ve seen the way you treat the servants, the way you chase after women, the way you believe you are entitled to do whatever you wish. You completely disregard everyone’s feelings, only looking after yourself.”

  The arm under her hand tensed, and John’s jaw clenched. Still, he stayed where he was, his gaze never leaving hers. And yet, there was a new pain in his blue gaze, confirming her words.

  “I know who you are, who you used to be,” Adelaide told him, “and I know who you could be. But the question is, what do you want? Who do you want to be? For if you choose this path, you’ll find yourself alone…like Father now. Only for you, it is not too late yet. You can still turn back and choose a different path, and I will help you. Do not become a man like him. Please! I know how hard it is. I always thought I’d live a life like mother’s. But now,” she sighed, feeling a gentle smile curling up the corners of her lips, “everything is different. I’m no longer the woman I was, the woman I feared I’d be. I am happy, and you can be, too.”

  For a moment, he returned her smile, and she could see in his eyes that he was pleased to see her happy. Then his features sobered, and he rubbed his hands over his face, his eyes darting about the room as though he did not know where to begin.

  Adelaide was surprised to see him so calm. She would have expected him to yell at her, to shout as he had always done, just like their father. Perhaps a part of him had already suspected the error of his ways and was now urging him to listen.

  Adelaide could only hope that he would comply.

  Looking up, John met her eyes. “I saw Bart following you,” he said, and Adelaide sucked in a sharp breath. “He’s watching you, always near you. What does he want?”

  Sighing, Adelaide shrugged. “I do not know. He is always polite, and yet, his words hint at…” Her voice trailed off, and she met her brother’s eyes.

  John nodded. “I see.” His voice sounded strained, laced with anger. “Has he threatened you?”

  Adelaide shook her head. “No, not at all. He’s simply always around, seeking me out. I don’t know what his intentions are, or if he even knows about Tillie.”

  “You never told him?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Good.” Inhaling a deep breath, her brother reached for her hands. “Does your husband know?”

  Tears came to Adelaide’s eyes. “I know I should tell him, but I’m afraid.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and she felt her voice choking up. “I love him, and I love the life we’ve made for ourselves. I wake up happy in the morning, and the thought of losing that, of losing him is devastating to me.” Sniffling, Adelaide hung her head. “I know I should tell him, but every time I try I…”

  Gently, John pulled her into his arms. “I know,” he mumbled into her hair, his hand rubbing small circles over her back. “I know you’re afraid, but you must tell him. You’ll never be free of your past if you don’t.” Stepping back, he lifted her chin and looked at her, the hint of a smirk on his face. “I promise that if he should decide to act like a fool, I’ll set him straight.”

  Returning his smile, Adelaide hugged her brother tightly, unable to remember when they h
ad last held each other like this.

  Chapter Thirty-Five – A Revelation Long Awaited

  Unable to sleep, Adelaide rose early the next morning.

  All night, her thoughts had been occupied with only one question: how to tell her husband the truth. Still, even after hours of lying awake, turning and tossing and screaming into her pillow, Adelaide was no closer to a solution, a way that would make him understand how much he meant to her and how truly sorry she was.

  Rising before the sun did, Adelaide dressed and wandered the house, hoping the silence would settle her nerves. On her way downstairs, she stopped by the nursery and looked in on Tillie. The little girl’s wild curls lay strewn about her pillow, her little mouth slightly open as she slept peacefully.

  Adelaide could only hope that Tillie would not have to suffer.

  She could only hope that−

  “Are you all right?”

  Spinning around, Adelaide stared at her husband.

  Leisurely dressed, he stood in the door frame, his green eyes shining in the dim light of her candle as he looked at her with concern on his face. For a moment, his gaze shifted to Tillie, and a soft smile drew up the corners of his mouth. Then his attention shifted back to her. “Are you all right?” he asked once more as he stepped into the room and towards her.

  Adelaide drew in a shuddering breath, her insides twisting and turning painfully. This was it! “I’m surprised to see you up,” she whispered, trying to find her voice.

  “I heard you stir.” His eyes roamed her face as though trying to see into her mind. “It seems you had a sleepless night.”

  “You heard that?” Adelaide asked, momentarily taken aback by how much attention he paid her.

  A small smile danced over his face. “Your chamber is right next to mine,” he whispered, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

  Adelaide inhaled a slow breath, remembering the two times he had crossed the threshold into her chamber. “I…I need to…tell you something. I couldn’t sleep. I…”

  For a moment, he held her gaze. Then he nodded and reached for her hand. “Come,” he whispered and gently led her from the room, closing the door quietly. In silence, they walked down the stairs and into the drawing room. Once again, he closed the door behind them. Then he took the candle from her and lit others around the room, casting a warm glow over them.

  Setting the candle on the mantle, he then turned to look at her, his green eyes sparkling in the dim light. “No matter what your secret is,” he whispered, striding toward her, his gaze never leaving hers, “I promise you that it will not be the end of us.”

  Blinking back tears, Adelaide tried to smile, tried to honour his effort to put her at ease. “It is very noble of you to say that. However, you cannot promise how you will feel once you know. I wish you could, and I need you to be honest. Even if…” Her voice hitched, and she had to draw in a calming breath. “Even if you find yourself unable to care for me any longer. Please never lie to me. Not about that.”

  Sighing, her husband nodded; yet, the look in his gaze spoke of a determined mind. His green eyes grew in intensity as they held hers, and then the muscles in his jaw tightened as though he had just come to a decision.

  In the next instant, he shot forward. His arms reached for her, pulling her against him, and his mouth claimed hers in a passionate kiss.

  Adelaide gasped in surprise, and yet, her body immediately responded to his caress. She sank into his arms, welcoming the promise that lay in his touch, and her heart rejoiced.

  Perhaps…

  “I love you,” her husband whispered against her lips, “and I want you to believe me when I say that nothing can change that.” Again, he kissed her, proving his point, urging her to trust him. “Whatever you have to tell me, we will find a way.” Gazing down into her eyes, he nodded, his arms still holding her as though he was the one afraid to lose what they had.

  Smiling, Adelaide sighed, feeling hope budding in her chest.

  Taking her hands, Matthew led her to the settee, and they sat down together, his hands still linked with hers. “Tell me,” he whispered, and despite his brave face, Adelaide could see the tension that rested in his eyes.

  Having concluded that there was no way of telling him that would cushion the blow, Adelaide straightened, lifted her gaze to his and then simply said, “It’s Tillie. She’s mine.”

  For a moment, her husband’s eyes simply remained on hers. Then he blinked, and a slight frown came to his face. “She’s yours?” he mumbled before his eyes suddenly widened. “Your daughter?”

  Feeling his muscles stiffen, Adelaide gritted her teeth as panic welled up in her heart. “Yes, she’s my daughter.”

  “But…?” Confusion clouded his eyes as he sought to make sense of what she had just shared with him. “But I thought she was your brother’s child. How…?” He swallowed.

  “He claimed her as his,” Adelaide rushed to explain, fearing the direction his thoughts might travel if she hesitated, “so that I wouldn’t have to give her away.”

  Swallowing, he nodded, his gaze distant. Silence fell over them, and Adelaide clenched her teeth even harder, dreading the moment when he would release her hands, when he would rise and step away. Put distance between them. Turn from her.

  For good.

  “How?” he suddenly whispered as his gaze returned to meet hers. “How did this happen?”

  Surprised that he could remain so calm, Adelaide swallowed, returning her thoughts to the time of her past that had changed her life. “It…happened the holiday season,” she began, turning her gaze to their linked hands, suddenly unable to look at him, “when Bart stayed with us at Beechworth Manor. I was lonely and afraid, and he was kind and treated me as though I were special.” Inhaling a shuddering sigh, Adelaide wished she had the courage to look up at him. “When I found out, I confided in my grandmother and she…took care of everything. I was only sixteen and not out in society yet, so it was fairly simple to hide me away for the duration of my pregnancy.”

  When his hands tightened on hers, Adelaide finally looked up, her heart thudding painfully with what she feared she would see in his eyes. However, instead of the pain and anger and betrayal she expected to see, she saw only regret and compassion. “Only your grandmother knew?”

  Adelaide swallowed, still overwhelmed by his lack of anger. Surely, he had to despise her for it! What husband would not hold it against his wife when he found out that she had given herself to another man…even if it had been before their marriage. “My mother, too,” she whispered, her eyes searching his. “And then later, John found out as well.” She sighed. “He was so angry at me for ruining the family.”

  Again, her husband’s hands tensed, and this time, anger did come to his face. “Your brother ought to have protected you from Bartholomew,” he growled, “ensuring that that man would have had no opportunity to seduce you. He was the one to fail you.”

  Surprised by the direction of his anger, Adelaide shook her head. “No, he didn’t fail me. It was my decision, and I cannot blame another for what I did. I knew what I was doing. Only in that moment, I didn’t care.” Closing her eyes, Adelaide drew in a slow breath, wondering if sharing all this with her husband would finally destroy his faith in her. “My life has always been one of planning ahead, of anticipating how things would turn out, how pain could be avoided.” Shrugging, she lifted her gaze to meet his. “And then for one moment, I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. I didn’t want to be cautious. I didn’t want to weigh every word I spoke or step I took. I wanted to let go if only for a moment. One moment.” She sighed. “And so, I made a mistake, but it was my mistake. Not his. Not John’s. I know that now.”

  “Even though he was angry with me,” Adelaide continued, unable to stop, wanting to have it all out in the open now with nothing held back, “he could see that I was miserable. My mother said that we needed to give the baby away if I was to have any chance of entering society and making a good match. I could see how frighte
ned she was, terrified that my father would find out. I was, too, but at the same time I was heartbroken.” Tears slowly rolled down Adelaide’s face as she remembered the many moments she had cried into her pillows at the thought of losing her child. It had not mattered who the baby’s father had been, whether she had loved him or not. All that had mattered was that she had loved her child.

  Blinking back her tears, Adelaide met her husband’s gaze, seeing his own shine with compassion as his hands closed more tightly around hers. “In the end, it was John who suggested he could claim the child as his, a bastard daughter from a tavern maid left on his doorstep. He said that even as young as he was no one would ask any questions, not with the reputation he had. After all, men were allowed freedoms that were denied to women. He said this way the child could stay with us and I could raise her. Not as her mother, but at least as her aunt.” A sob shook her body. “I wanted her so much. I didn’t think about what this would mean for her. I was selfish. I only thought of myself and not of how being known as a bastard would affect Tillie’s life. I made another mistake by not letting her go. I’m certain my grandmother would have found a good family for her. She would have been safe and loved.” Sobs shook her body violently, and Adelaide feared she might sink to the floor into a puddle of misery.

  But then strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her against her husband’s warm body, holding her close. Gently, he stroked her back and brushed stray curls from her face, and all the while, he mumbled soothing words of comfort into her hair, his warm breath brushing over her cheek.

  It was only then, only when Adelaide began to feel the pain in her heart ease that she realised that she lay in her husband’s arms. He had not pulled away. He had not run from her, disgusted with her betrayal. Instead, he held her, his voice warm and comforting. “We all make mistakes, but if you hadn’t made yours, there’d be no Tillie. I cannot bring myself to regret it,” he whispered, gently brushing the tears from her face. “She is ours now, and she is not alone. She is part of our family, and I promise you that I will do everything within my power to ensure that she will have every opportunity, that she’ll always feel loved and wanted and cherished. She deserves no less, and neither do you.”