by Kate Hewitt
‘And what about what I need?’ she countered. ‘A husband who can accompany me to public events, be by my side? You can’t live this way for ever, Alex—’
‘I can live how I choose.’
‘What about if—when—we have a child?’ Milly cried, her voice wavering. ‘Will you still hide away then? Will you never take him or her out? Never show up for his concert or sports matches—?’
‘I’m not hiding away.’
‘That’s exactly what you’re doing,’ she shot back.
He glared at her, fury coursing through him. He took several steadying breaths, determined to remain calm. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘Then help me to understand,’ she implored. ‘Tell me what’s really going on, beneath this over-the-top aversion to being seen in public.’
Yet he knew he could never do that. Tell her about the fire, about how it was his fault? Reveal to her the man he truly was, the man he was afraid he always would be? It would end everything, but perhaps that was what they needed. These last few weeks had been nothing more than a mirage anyway. The realisation was painful but necessary.
‘Is this just about how people see you in public, Alex?’ Milly asked quietly. ‘Or is it something more?’
He stared at her for a long moment, his jaw clenched. ‘I don’t like to be reminded,’ he finally said, the words dredged up from deep inside him.
‘Of what? The accident?’
‘Yes. And...’ He paused, unwilling to say more, yet knowing Milly would not let it go. ‘I hate people looking at me with pity. It’s even worse than disgust.’
‘Have you given anyone a chance?’ Milly asked softly. ‘Perhaps they wouldn’t.’
‘Don’t be naïve, Milly.’
‘I’m not saying everyone would be understanding or accepting. I know the world doesn’t work that way, Alex. But I didn’t see you the way you thought I did. I still don’t, and I never will. What if you gave others the chance? What if you freed yourself from this prison of your own making?’
‘It’s not that simple—’
‘It is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I know that.’ She gazed at him steadily, her heart in her eyes. Her heart. ‘I know I’m asking for a great deal. I do realise that, and I will understand if you refuse me. But for my sake, for Anna’s sake, for the family we might have one day together...will you try this once? If it all goes terribly wrong, I won’t ask again.’ She gave him a small, wry smile. ‘At least not for a long time.’
Improbably, his mouth twitched in the smallest of smiles. ‘At least you’re honest.’
‘I try to be. But will you do this one thing for me, Alex? Come to Rome? Go to the gala? I want to be there with you, and Anna wants it, as well. She reminded you of your sister, you said...’ She trailed off uncertainly, and he knew he hadn’t hid the flash of anguish he felt at the mention of his sister.
To bring Daphne into it...but Milly didn’t even know what she was saying. What memories she was dredging up like old, painful ghosts, haunting him. Always haunting him.
‘Please,’ Milly whispered.
And even though everything in him resisted, even though he knew it would be hard and no doubt humiliating, he did the one thing he’d never expected to do. He said yes.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
OUTSIDE THE PENTHOUSE suite stars twinkled in a darkening sky as the lights of Rome glittered below. They’d arrived in the Eternal City this morning, and the charity gala was in less than an hour.
After lunch together in their luxurious suite, Alex had insisted on Milly pampering herself at the hotel’s beauty spa, as well as arranging for a stylist to come in with several incredible evening gowns for her to choose from. She’d selected a column-style gown of burgundy lace, with heels dyed to match, and had her hair swept back into a loose chignon, a few wisps framing her expertly made-up face.
Looking in the mirror, Milly hardly recognised herself, and excitement along with nerves fizzed in her stomach. She was going out for the evening...with her husband.
Milly had been both humbled and gratified by Alex’s willingness to do this for her. They hadn’t spoken again of the evening or what to expect, and now, with it looming closer, she couldn’t help but worry. What if it all went horribly wrong? What if people stared and whispered, or made Alex retreat even further into himself?
She wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen that way; she desperately hoped this evening could be the beginning of a new life for them both.
A new life... The words caused a fluttering of panic inside her. They had now been married for nearly two months and the pregnancy test had remained in the bottom of Milly’s bag, tucked away out of sight. With each passing day, she was realising she had no need to take it; her body told its own story.
Her breasts felt fuller, and she still hadn’t got her period. Even more tellingly, in the last few days she’d started feeling nauseous in the mornings. She might have been innocent but she knew enough to recognise the signs. She was almost certainly pregnant.
But if you don’t take the test, you can’t say for sure.
She wasn’t ready to tell Alex that she was having his child. She wasn’t ready for things to change between them, as she knew they would, and the fear that lodged behind her breastbone like a cold, hard stone was that once he found out she was expecting, he would send her back to Naxos and be done with her...just as he’d said he would before they’d married. One child was all he needed. He’d promised he wouldn’t touch her after that.
Milly knew things had changed since they’d made that businesslike agreement...but how much? Despite the passion and intimacy they enjoyed in bed, in many ways Alex still felt like a stranger, cloaking himself with an emotional remoteness she was starting to hate...because he was a stranger she was falling in love with.
She certainly hadn’t meant to. She’d been determined to guard her heart, had convinced herself after all the bad examples and experiences she had that she wasn’t interested in love. But now Milly knew that for the fantasy it had always been. She wasn’t just interested in love...she was desperate for it. Why else would she have fallen so easily for the far too glib lies of Philippe?
Because after a lifetime of living on the sidelines, being nothing more than an inconvenience to the people who were meant to love and cherish her, she longed for the kind of love that she’d read about in fairy tales, the kind of consuming, overwhelming, passionate and tender love that she wanted to believe could exist between a man and a woman.
Perhaps she’d never seen it in real life and hadn’t experienced it herself—yet—but she still believed it existed. She still hoped for it.
And she couldn’t risk telling Alex that she was pregnant and having it all change. Having him shut down and push her away, out of self-protection or convenience or fear. Just a few more weeks...a little more time for their relationship to grow and flourish, for Alex to realise he needed her.
Do you really think he’s going to fall in love with you?
Milly turned from the view of Rome to gaze at her reflection in a gilt mirror. No matter the hairstyle, the make-up or the gown, she was still a plain little mouse. She always would be. If her own parents hadn’t been able to love her, how could a man as handsome, complex, and kind as Alex? Because he was kind. He hid it well, but she’d seen it time and time again, the thoughtful touches, the surprising sensitivity, the tenderness. He was a good man, a wonderful, man...but how could he love her?
‘Milly.’ The way he spoke her name, like a caress, made a shudder of longing run through her. She would never get tired of him saying it, of him touching her, of anything about their life together. But would he? She didn’t trust her own powers of persuasion. She still felt incredulous that he could desire her physically, never mind feel something deeper and more important. It was all so fragile, and she wasn’t brave enough to risk it yet,
even though she knew she should.
‘I have something for you.’ She half turned, catching her breath at the sight of him in a tuxedo, looking devastatingly as handsome as always. His dark hair was brushed back from his face, his eyes electric blue, his skin like bronze. The scars made absolutely no difference to her; he was the most handsome man she’d ever met, and he made her heart beat double-time by just looking at him.
‘Turn back around,’ he instructed and she did so, letting out a soft gasp as he clasped a diamond and sapphire necklace around her neck, the heavy stones cool against her skin. ‘There are earrings to match.’
‘Alex, it’s amazing...’ In the mirror the necklace, made of several large sapphire-encrusted diamonds, glittered and winked. It was the most extravagant and beautiful piece of jewellery she’d ever seen. She caught his gaze and managed a trembling smile. ‘I don’t know what to say...’
‘They belonged to my mother,’ he told her as he fastened the earrings in her ears, the gentle touch of his fingers making her shiver. ‘My stepfather gave them to her on their tenth anniversary.’
The fact that they were an heirloom, part of his history, made them even more special. ‘I don’t even know anything about your mother,’ she remarked as she touched the diamonds, watched them sparkle. ‘Is she...was she...?’
‘She died ten years ago. Cancer.’ His tone was matter-of-fact, but his eyes were bleak, and empathy twisted inside her. ‘It was better that way. Better she didn’t see...’
He trailed off, his expression closing, and Milly reached up to clasp his hand resting on her shoulder. He might not want to say anything more, but she could give him that much, at least. They remained that way for a few precious seconds, with no need for words.
Then Alex stepped away. He was always the first one to do so, Milly acknowledged with a pang. Always the first to close down a conversation, to turn away, to keep it about sex. She tried not to mind, but it hurt. Every single time, it hurt. ‘The limo is waiting.’
Milly reached for the matching burgundy silk wrap to cover her shoulders. Now that it was autumn, the nights were becoming chilly.
As she slid into the limo, her nerves started up again, along with the excitement. What would this evening hold? What did it promise? Maybe, just maybe, it really could be the beginning of something wonderful.
She slid a glance at Alex; he looked preoccupied, a bit stoical. She knew how hard this was for him, and she wanted to say something to encourage him, but she feared anything she said would just be a painful reminder of the challenges that lay ahead.
‘Anna is so looking forward to this,’ she said instead. They hadn’t been able to see Anna before the gala, because of her rehearsals. ‘It really is a huge honour for someone in her year to be chosen.’
‘I look forward to hearing her play.’
He looked so tense that Milly ached to do something to help him relax. The limo pulled up in front of the private villa where the event was being held, an impressive eighteenth-century home just off the Piazza di Trevi. A throng of people was ascending the steps, and Milly’s insides twisted with anxiety as she saw a handful of paparazzi on hand to photograph the event, something she hadn’t expected. Photographs were the last thing Alex would want, and she saw his mouth tighten as he caught sight of them.
‘I didn’t realise...’ she began, an apology, and he shook his head.
‘Shall we?’ His voice was toneless yet resolute. A valet opened the door of their limousine and Milly slid out, blinking as the cameras began to snap, as the paparazzi called to her in rapid-fire Italian.
‘Is that Alexandro Santos?’
‘Why hasn’t he been seen in public in months?’
She hadn’t anticipated this level of interest and speculation. Alex would hate it. She ignored the questions as Alex got out of the car, and it was as if everyone around them drew in a collective breath. A hushed silence fell, and then the cameras began to click and snap as the questions increased in volume and urgency.
‘What happened, Alex? Tell us your story.’
‘Is this why you haven’t been seen in public?’
‘Who is accompanying you?’
Milly struggled to hold her head high, keep the smile on her face. She would not let these wretched photographers capture anything other than the pride and love she felt for her husband.
She reached for his hand, twining her fingers with his as she gave his fingers a squeeze. To her relief and joy, he squeezed back as they made their way into the villa.
* * *
This was a living hell as well as a surprising, unexpected heaven. Alex had anticipated some paparazzi to skulk around the villa, even though he knew Milly hadn’t. No society event in Rome would occur without some jaded journo or other covering it. He’d known people would be shocked; he’d kept his secret well, along with his loyal staff.
He’d also known it was time to reveal it. Over the last few days he’d come to realise Milly had been right when she’d said he couldn’t stay hidden away for ever, and the most surprising thing was, as painful as this felt, he didn’t even want to hide any more.
He was married, and hoped to have a child. He couldn’t live the way he had been, hiding not just from staring crowds but from life itself. This was the first important and challenging step, and he had Milly to thank for it.
No one spoke to them as they entered the villa, although Alex recognised many of the other guests. No one knew what to say. He’d kept a low profile, and so of course there had been rumours. Nervous breakdown, rehab, a top-secret deal, a consuming love affair. He’d always been a private man, and so the rumours had faded after a while as people assumed he was just keeping to himself. Now they would know the truth.
And the truth will set you free.
That, he acknowledged grimly, would be asking for too much. Still, he was here, and Milly was by his side, looking magnificent and fiercely proud, as if she would take on anyone who dared to say something amiss. At the sight of her something unfurled in Alex, something far more tender and important than the overwhelming physical chemistry they shared. Something he craved, even as he reminded himself to keep his distance. Keep both of them safe.
Yet he could hardly keep his distance now, as they debuted in society as a married couple. Now was the time for solidarity, for togetherness, or at least its illusion.
‘Alex...’ A hand clapped on his shoulder, and he turned to see an old business acquaintance, Lukas Petrakis, smiling at him with a mixture of warmth and sympathy. ‘I heard rumours of an accident, but they were so vague...’ he said in a low voice, his gaze flicking to the left side of his face.
‘Fire.’ Alex kept it succinct, and Lukas nodded with a grimace.
‘I’m so sorry...’
‘No matter.’
‘And this...?’ He turned to Milly.
‘This is Milly.’ Alex paused. ‘My wife.’
Lukas’ eyebrows rose briefly but otherwise his expression remained friendly and pleasant. ‘I’m so pleased to meet you. I didn’t realise Alex had married.’
‘Only recently,’ Milly answered with a smile. ‘We’re newly-weds.’
‘You’ve kept a lot quiet,’ Lukas remarked, ‘but then you always played your cards close to your chest.’
‘Indeed.’ Alex inclined his head, and they continued to move through the crowd.
It wasn’t, he came to realise as the evening progressed, as agonising as he’d expected. In fact, it was more than tolerable. Yes, some people looked at him with pity, others with horrified fascination, but for the most part people were kind, sympathetic, friendly.
With Milly by his side he felt stronger, able to face anything, even as he acknowledged that some part of him had always known it wouldn’t be so bad. It had been his pride along with his shame that had kept him hidden, unwilling to face people’s pity as well as the reality
of his own guilt every time another stranger caught sight of his scars.
It seemed his pride had now been dealt with, but as for his shame...
‘Anna’s playing now!’ Milly whispered excitedly, and Alex retrained his focus on the small stage set up at one end of the private ballroom. As a hush fell over the crowd, Anna entered, looking young and lovely in a black velvet evening gown. She searched the crowd for a moment, her face lighting up as she caught sight of Alex and Milly. And then she began to play.
The hauntingly sad and beautiful notes of Chaconne by Tomaso Vitali soared through the space and wrapped around Alex’s heart, each stroke of the bow on the violin seeming to reach right inside him. His fingers tightened on Milly’s as he let the music breathe through him, awakening longings and hopes he could no longer keep buried, at least not in this moment.
He wanted more for his life than the cold, lonely existence he’d been trudging through day by day for the last two years, and even for his whole life. Always keeping himself apart, first from safety from his father’s fists, and then from his own shame and guilt.
And he still felt the shame and guilt over failing Daphne, but he felt something else too. Hope. Fragile, faint, but there. Definitely there. He glanced at Milly, and saw tears sparkling in her eyes, and with a thrill of longing he wondered if she was as affected as he was. Felt the way he did...
It was all so much...the music, the evening, Milly. His life had broken open along with his heart, and he couldn’t control either any more. He didn’t even want to. He clung to Milly’s hand, or perhaps she clung to his. Either way they remained together, joined by their hands, the music, everything. Tonight he would tell her how he felt...
Then the piece ended, and the room was completely silent for a few taut seconds before the applause broke out, and Anna beamed.
Milly slid her hand from his as she began to clap. ‘I’m so proud of her,’ she murmured. ‘So proud. I never thought to have a moment like this...sorry, I’m turning into an emotional wreck, aren’t I?’ She smiled wryly as she dashed the tears from her cheeks, and Alex came back to reality with an almighty crash.
