Graves and Golf Carts

by Annabel Chase

  I squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry about it, Mitzi. I know you did your best and I think it’s great that you felt confident enough to try. I want you to have that kind of confidence.”

  Her eyes widened. “Really? You’re not angry?”

  “How can I be mad? You were going above and beyond to help us. Hera didn’t assign you this role. Cole and I don’t have a choice, but you do. You could be spending your free time however you like, but instead, you’re sitting in a lab with a corpse. That’s true friendship.”

  Her whole body relaxed. “But still. That was important evidence and I ruined it.”

  “We don’t know that it was,” Cole said.

  “That’s right,” I chimed in. “The flower petal was from Fortuna’s headdress, but it got on Helen-Mary’s clothing randomly. Just blowing in the wind.”

  Mitzi sniffed again. “Thanks. I feel better now. I was so afraid to tell you that I blocked it from my mind.”

  “To be honest, I kind of forgot about it until now.” It wasn’t like I was an experienced marshal. If it weren’t for the help of Cole, Mitzi, and Jules, I wasn’t sure I’d able to solve a Rubik’s Cube, let alone an obliteration. To be fair, a Rubik’s Cube was probably harder.

  “Did you find anything helpful in here?” Mitzi asked.

  “As a matter of fact, yes,” I said. “Cole and I are going to speak to Heilyn now. Would you go through the rest of these journals and see if you find anything interesting?”

  “You’re asking me to read as part of the investigation?” Mitzi seemed delighted by this proposition. “Consider the mission accomplished.”

  “Perfect. Cole and I are going to Zone 1, so we’ll catch up later. I should probably stop by the lab.” I hesitated to ask my next question. “Is Helen-Mary still there?”

  “She was as of this morning. After I messed up the spell, I checked her for a replacement hair, but there wasn’t one.” She licked her lips. “You know, we should probably talk to her coven. They might have suggestions.”

  “Good idea,” I said. “You can be my sidekick for that interview.”

  “There’s a meeting tonight at the village green here in Zone 2. That’s what made me think of it.”

  “I guess I’ll see you there.” My gaze flicked to Cole. “What do you think? Do we need to bring something sharp in order to talk to Heilyn so we’re on even ground?”

  Cole chuckled. “We’ll have something better than a sword.”

  My brow creased. “What’s that? A dagger? Nunchucks?”

  He slid an arm around my waist and steered me out of the room. “Your tongue.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Heilyn looked straight out of Braveheart, which I know isn’t a movie about Celtic warriors, but that’s my frame of reference and I’m sticking to it. Anyway, he wore a green and black kilt with no shirt and body paint on his chest. His helmet was some weird combo of a crown and antlers. The only thing remotely normal about his appearance were the sandals on his feet. They were more Birkenstock than medieval. Long story short: Heilyn looked like the kind of guy that kept human heads in his freezer as conversation pieces. I felt a surge of relief that I’d had the foresight to bring Cole with me.

  “Old habits die hard, huh?” I said by way of greeting.

  Heilyn lowered his sword, which he’d been using against a scarecrow on his lawn. Bits of hay were scattered across the grass. I couldn’t see the HOA tolerating that either. One gust of wind and that hay would travel to the neighbor’s yard.

  “Hail, Cole,” he said. “And hail, pretty woman.”

  “Eloise Worthington,” I said. I didn’t offer my hand in case he decided to use his sword as an extension of his arm as Cole had mentioned.

  “Marshal Worthington and I are here to ask you about the potion you commissioned from Helen-Mary,” Cole said.

  Heilyn’s prominent brow furrowed. “You mean the one she botched?” His sword began to glow with a red hue.

  “Doesn’t look botched to me,” I said with a nod toward the blade.

  Heilyn raised the sword higher for a better view. “Agatha ended up creating a different one. Watch. I’ll show you.” He focused on the sword, his features relaxing, and the red faded to a soft pink.

  “How’d you do that?” I asked.

  “I find thoughts of puppies and kittens calming,” he said.

  Apparently, emotional support animals didn’t have to be physically present to do their jobs.

  “How about setting the sword aside while we have a nice talk?” Cole asked.

  Heilyn shot a quizzical look at his sword. “You know me, brother. This sword is like my very own appendage. I’d sooner set an arm aside than give it up.”

  “We’re not asking you to give it up,” I said. “I mean, what do you do when you use the bathroom?” It seemed to me that even minor tasks could go horribly wrong when you used a blade as a security blanket. “You can have it within reach if it makes you feel better. I just think it’s more civilized to have a conversation without weapons, you know?”

  Reluctantly, he placed the sword on the grass at his feet. It would have to do. “Why are you asking about the potion?” he demanded. “My request was supposed to be kept confidential.”

  “It was,” I said, flicking a glance at Cole. It seemed that Heilyn hadn’t heard the news, probably because he was too busy swashbuckling, prompting everyone to maintain their social distance.

  “Helen-Mary’s been obliterated,” Cole said.

  The Celtic warrior appeared genuinely shocked. Tears gathered in his eyes. “Obliterated how? Who would commit such a heinous act?”

  “We were hoping you might be able to shed some light on that,” I said. I was fully aware that I was treading dangerous ground with that sword close to hand. “She was found with a golf club plunged through her heart. Maybe I’m overestimating the strength required for a feat like that, but I don’t think my flimsy human arms could’ve managed it. You, on the other hand, seem to be well-suited.”

  Heilyn glanced at the sword at his feet and seemed to realize my implication. “You think I would disgrace myself by taking an innocent afterlife? I was a warrior, Marshal Worthington. My deaths were only ever in battle.”

  “That scarecrow might have a different opinion.” I gestured to the semi-shredded figure.

  “Mr. Needles?” Heilyn appeared affronted. “He’s merely for target practice. And the potion I’ve rubbed on my sword helps me gauge whether I’m keeping my cool as I fight. I’m training myself to keep my emotions out of the equation. A cool and calculating warrior is the one who survives the battle.”

  “What you rub on your sword is a personal matter,” I said, although it occurred to me that the confidential potion might be relevant. “Did Helen-Mary know that Agatha provided an alternate potion?”

  “Yes, I told her.”

  Maybe that was why Helen-Mary kept denying Agatha the promotion. She might have been jealous and afraid that Agatha would surpass her. “When was that?”

  He counted on his fingers, the childlike mannerism in stark contrast to his painted warrior image. “Four days ago.”

  Four days ago was close enough to their golf game to have influenced Helen-Mary’s decision, not that it helped with the investigation. It did, however, shed a little more light on Helen-Mary’s character. Hey, if we were all perfect, we wouldn’t be in Divine Place.

  “Was anyone else from the coven involved in creating your potion?” I asked. “Or was it just Helen-Mary and Agatha?”

  “I think Agatha had an assistant, but she never mentioned her by name,” Heilyn said.

  “Thanks. You’ve been very helpful.”

  “Have I?” He puffed out his painted chest. “Of course I have. That’s what heroes do.” He grabbed his sword from the grass and slashed at Mr. Needles, lopping off the head. Not surprising that he struck me as someone with heads in his freezer.

  “See you around,” Cole said.

  “I sure hope not,” I m
uttered.

  Heilyn returned to his swordplay as Cole and I vacated his front lawn. “What next?” the demigod asked.

  “I’m meeting Mitzi at that coven event tonight, so I guess I’ll keep an eye out for the assistant there.” If this assistant was ambitious, maybe she’d ousted Helen-Mary for her personal gain. If Agatha moved up a rung, then so did she.

  “There are a number of hours between now and then,” he said.

  My eyebrows lifted. “Oh, and we talked about regrouping, didn’t we?” At my house, which was very close to here.

  “It sounds like you could use a little practice examining bodies for evidence,” he said.

  “And you volunteer as tribute?”

  He placed a hand over his heart. “I’m your deputy. I feel it’s my sworn duty to assist you in this matter.”

  I gave him a coy look. “Then I suppose I should let you practice on me too. It’s only fair.”

  “Hera ordered us to work together.”

  I could hardly contain my excitement. The thought of getting horizontal with Cole was enough to make me believe this was a heavenly realm after all.

  I linked my arm through his. “I think it’s time we take this partnership to the next level.”

  Unfortunately, my feeling of elation was short-lived. When I arrived home, there was a note on the doormat from Hera requesting an immediate update on the case.

  Cole studied my expression. “I’m guessing you need to cancel our regrouping session.”

  I slid into his arms. “Not cancelled. Just postponed.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “An hour maybe?”

  I laughed. “You’re worse than me and that’s saying something.” I held up the note. “Madam President is requesting an update, so I’m thinking an hour is optimistic.”

  “Should I come with you?”

  “No, she only asked for me. Maybe go to the Gods Complex and dig for information on Helen-Mary. We need more leads.”

  “What are you going to tell Hera?”

  I exhaled. “The truth. What’s she going to do—fire me?”

  “She might.”

  “No way. She likes that I have this job.” I gave his stomach a gentle nudge. “She likes that you have this job too. It’s a valid excuse to boss us around and keep us under her thumb.”

  “She’s Hera. She doesn’t need an excuse.”

  “She’s also a bureaucrat at heart. She needs an official reason in order to legitimize her behavior.”

  Cole stared at me. “Your brain is fascinating—and a little scary.”

  I jumped up and kissed him on the lips. “Thank you.” I turned to cross the lawn.

  “Aren’t you going to take your golf cart?” he asked.

  I glanced at the driveway. “No. Harold’s invisibility spell wore off, so I don’t want to drive it again until I’ve painted it.”

  “You have a real stubborn streak, you know that?”

  I smiled. “Another compliment? Why, Cole, you spoil me.”

  He hurried to the sidewalk to catch up with me. “Since I’m now going to the Gods Complex, I’ll walk you as far as the HOA.”

  “What a gentleman. It’s like you’re from another era. Oh, wait.”

  We walked into town, so deep in conversation that we failed to notice the gang of villagers that congregated on the corner. It was only when one of them cleared his throat that I took any notice of them. A minotaur leaned against a walker with a lascivious grin.

  “Don’t you two look cozy,” he said. “Cole, how refreshing to see you out and about and in the company of such a lovely woman to boot.”

  “How’s the hip, Herb?” Cole asked.

  “Hip’s fine. This old thing is just for show.” The minotaur released one hand from the bar of his walker and waved, although I noticed his grip tighten with the other hand.

  “Any progress on poor Helen-Mary’s case?” a werewolf asked.

  “That’s what we’re working on now,” I said with forced cheer. It reminded me of the way I used to respond whenever my stepmom asked if I’d cleaned my room.

  “Too bad,” Herb said. “I was hoping you two were on a date. Be a shame to waste your afterlife. If I had my younger body in Divine Place, you’d better believe I’d be making the most of it.”

  “You do just fine at the socials,” the werewolf said. “I don’t see you lacking any partners and you’ve even got that metal contraption between you.”

  “No one’s wasting anything, Herb,” Cole said. “Eloise and I have a professional relationship. She’s the marshal and I’m her deputy.”

  “Ooh, I do like a woman in charge,” Herb said. “I used to love hiding in a maze and waiting for a maiden to find me.” He inhaled deeply, lost in thought. “Those were the days.”

  “Good luck with the investigation,” the werewolf said. “It’s all anyone could talk about at bingo earlier. I’d much rather engage in more pleasant topics.”

  Their third companion shuddered. “Even talk of the weather would be better than obliteration.”

  Cole and I continued to the village square and I waited until we reached the HOA building to say what was on my mind. “Why did you tell them that?”

  The demigod frowned in confusion. “Tell them what?”

  “That we’re in a professional relationship.”

  “Because we are in a professional relationship.”

  I cocked a hip. “You were ready to spend quality time under my covers five minutes ago. Now you’re just my deputy?”

  “You expect me to announce to them that I like the way you taste?”

  “No, but you don’t have to…” I smiled as his words registered. “You do?”

  His grin broadened. “Like freshly picked blackberries.”

  “I’m more partial to blueberries, but I can work with that.” I glanced around quickly before planting another kiss on those delectable lips. “I’ll see you later, hot stuff.” I smacked his butt and hurried inside to give Hera her desired update.

  There was no one in the lobby, so I continued along the corridor until I heard voices from one of the meeting rooms. I poked my head in and saw that a hearing was in session. I slipped into a chair at the back of the room and listened to the proceedings. Hera stood at the podium in her Lilly Pulitzer-style sheath dress, presiding over the matter.

  “I appreciate that the ritual had to be performed on that date, but your petition was approved for an event in Ash Grove,” the goddess said. “Your pack was seen in an unauthorized place in Zone 1.”

  The werewolves leaned toward each other and exchanged heated whispers. Finally, the taller one turned back toward Hera. “Madam President, with all due respect, the view of the moon was better from Madison Park. There was no way to predict this in advance, which is why we filed a request for Ash Grove.”

  “For optimum shifting, we needed an unobstructed view of the moon,” the second werewolf said.

  “And what does optimum shifting entail, pray tell?” Hera asked. “You either turn into a werewolf or you don’t.”

  “Our connection to the moon is sacred,” the taller werewolf said. “We would have been happy to stay in Ash Grove if the circumstances had been right.”

  “Be that as it may, we cannot allow decisions to be made willy-nilly that impact the other villagers or we’ll end up in a state of anarchy,” Hera said.

  “You mean like the decision to appoint a human as marshal,” the taller werewolf snapped.

  I slid further down in my seat, hoping to blend in with the scenery.

  Hera stiffened. “As I’m sure you can appreciate, Esmerelda, the human is a highly unusual situation. I hardly think we can equate the two.”

  “Of course you would say because you’re the one that made the decision,” Esmerelda said. “If it had been anyone else, there would’ve been consequences.”

  Hera’s face reddened. “Need I remind you that you are currently under my roof. Show some respect.”

  “Why is the huma
n still here?” the other werewolf asked. “Why has no one come to collect her?”

  “Her cat isn’t even dead,” Esmerelda said.

  “Or a familiar,” the other one added.

  “We are not here today to discuss the job of marshal,” Hera said. “I would advise you to stick to the petition.”

  “Maybe the job wouldn’t need to exist at all if she weren’t here,” Esmerelda said. “The obliterations didn’t even start until she showed up. It can’t be a coincidence.”

  Hera’s fingers curled around the edge of the podium. “Everything is under control. It’s my job to look after Divine Place, not yours. If you’d like that to change, I encourage you to run against me in the next election.”

  The werewolves exchanged fearful glances. “We’d like our ritual rights reinstated, that’s all,” Esmerelda said.

  “Noted,” Hera said. “I will reinstate your privileges, but with a ten coin fee.”

  “Thank you, Madam President,” they said in unison.

  As the disgruntled villagers turned to leave, Hera seemed to spot me for the first time. Esmerelda and her companion were too busy scowling at each other to notice me as they passed by and left the room.

  “Marshal Worthington, you have the stealth of a wind spirit.”

  “Really? I think it’s more like the stealth of a B-1 Bomber.”

  The goddess vacated the podium and moved to stand at the end of my row. “I suppose you’re here because of my note.”

  “There was a note? I’m just being conscientious. I figured you’d want an update.”

  Hera didn’t seem to buy my ignorance. “And how is the investigation coming along?”

  “It’s…coming along,” I said. “I’ve interviewed a handful of suspects.”

  “But no arrest?”

  “Not yet. I’ll be interviewing another one this evening, though, and I hope that gets us somewhere.”

  Hera tapped her fingernails on the rim of the chair. “I’m hearing a lot of chatter about Helen-Mary. I’d like to be able to quell the rising tide of anxiety.”

  “Try a Xanax.” I rose to my feet. “Hey, out of morbid curiosity, why didn’t you throw me under the bus with those villagers? You could’ve blamed everything bad on me. It’s not like you knew I was here.” And not that she would’ve cared anyway.