by Mark Tufo
“Throw a couple of loops around him, too,” I said, pointing to Calum as I headed over to whoever the sleeping beauty was in the corner.
“Damn trick of the light or something,” I said as I got over to the person.
He was huge; more in line with my old self and definitely bigger than this incarnation of my new self. I thought about just putting a bullet in his head and being done with the threat. Then I thought of how much meat he had on him. I grabbed my spare roll of tape, this had to be done quickly or we were going to have to tussle, and I didn’t like my food bruised. I yanked a large strip of tape free from the roll, I thought for sure the grating sound would wake him, but I was in luck.
I got two complete wrap-arounds before his eyes opened.
“What the fuck?” he shouted as he struggled against his bonds. I had his arms pinned down by his side. He had no leverage and still he made the cot rise up off the ground with his efforts. I used half the roll to secure him, unless he was the Hulk he wasn’t moving.
“I’ll fucking kill you, clown! I’ll shove that red wig of yours right up your ass!”
“You sure do talk a lot,” I told him as I securely wrapped his head down and then I covered his mouth. He was still struggling; I grabbed a candle so he could get a better look at his adversary. I’ll give him this, he didn’t display too much outward fear, but his straining sure did stop in a hurry. “You be a good boy and I’ll make sure you’re my first dinner guest.”
I got up and turned around. “I guess I didn’t scare her quite as much as I had thought.” Charlene had bolted. What rational person wouldn’t? She broke our agreement and I was going to make her pay. Although, in reality, she was going to pay the ultimate price no matter how this turned out.
It didn’t take long before I heard her screams of warning.
“Bitch.”
I threw a quick wrap around Calum and bolted out of the break room, there was only one way in and one way out. Odds were they’d make an assault and there was no guarantee I would come through unscathed and that just wouldn’t do. I looked longingly back down the hallway where my pre-packaged food lay and then I dove into an aisle. I didn’t want to go too far, I had three of them bundled up and I didn’t want to start over.
I could hear muffled talking towards where I would imagine the dairy section was. My buddy was ratting me out. I was going to peel the flesh from her like a banana. It wasn’t long until I saw the light from tactical weapons start heading towards the break room. Two to be exact. One headed straight for the hallway the other splintered off. It looked like he or she was going to approach from a few aisles over.
This wasn’t looking good for the home team – although technically I was the ‘away’ team. Fuck them! Everywhere I was, was home. Okay technically we. One at a time, I suppose. I padded quietly to the end of my aisle. My hope was that I’d be able to surprise the person as they came up it. I hunched down to make a smaller target of myself – a relatively fruitless act. I could hear his approach. It was easy to tell he was male from the sounds of his breathing, the light from his gun swept past the end of my aisle and then was gone. He had turned up the aisle next to mine.
“Fortuitous,” I may have said softly or thought loudly.
I started to rise, I was going to shoot him in the back and take my chances with the other one. As I was rising, I nearly knocked over a bottle…just catching it before it shattered on the ground. I was able to make out the label and decided on a new tactic altogether, but it needed to happen soon. I grabbed the bottle by the neck, loving the heft of it, rounded the corner and ran towards the retreating back of the man coming to kill me.
He turned entirely too late. I brought the bottle of barbecue sauce smashing down upon his skull, both of which shattered. His blood mingled with the thick sauce. I snatched his weapon out of his hands as he collapsed.
“Chris, are you alright?” a frantic woman’s voice rang out. She was the other shooter.
I had no idea what Chris sounded like, but I tried to mimic him anyway as I started down the aisle. “Slipped, sorry,” I said, trying to keep it to a minimum.
“You scared the shit out of me,” she replied in hushed tones. “Come on.” She motioned as she entered the mouth of the hallway.
“Well what are you going to have left when you see me then?” I asked.
“What?” She turned back around.
I struck her hard in the forehead with the butt of my rifle. She was a tough bitch and staggered for a moment, but the second hit did the trick as she dropped. I pulled the rifle from her hands and slung it over my shoulder, and then I grabbed her by her short hair and waistline and heaved her down the hallway towards the break room.
“Till we meet again,” I told her unconscious form as I headed back to Chris.
He had propped his head up and had a dazed look about him. “What’s going on?” he slurred out.
“Cavalry’s here, what’s your name?” I asked, making sure to keep the light in his sensitive eyes. He kept trying to raise his hands up to shield them but was lacking the necessary motor skills.
“Chris Baines, private first class.”
“Listen, I really don’t give a shit, and this isn’t some war-time scenario where you’re going to be able to get off with telling me your name, rank, and serial number. I really just kind of like to know the names of my dinner guests, makes it that much more intimate…don’t you think?” I asked as I moved in and started to yank up on the part of his skull that was cut and broken. It took a little work, which was made even more difficult by Chris squirming before I was finally able to get a patch of skull up and off.
Hugh was begging me to eat. I was staring at Chris’ brains and it hit me. “That would be awesome,” I said aloud as I scooped up a handful of the spilled sauce and placed it directly onto the exposed tissue. Chris eyes were starting to flutter as I dove in to the marinated meat. “Oh this is fantastic,” I said at least a half dozen times as I came up for air.
Chris had passed long before I was finished. I was so lost in the enjoyment of him I had completely forgotten there was still a threat. That was Hugh’s influence, he was making his presence known more and more; sometimes subtle, like the forgetting everything else when we ate part. Although I can’t blame him, the tangy taste that the barbecue sauce added was superb. Sweet Baby Ray really knew his stuff!
“We done here?” I asked Hugh.
He was still off in bliss land. I wished I had more time, I’d do a little of my own probing, but right now I was fairly exposed in the middle of an aisle. It was retreat-and-regroup time. I headed towards my hallway and scooped up the woman I had pummeled earlier. I tossed her onto a rack and did a quick tape job on her.
“Gonna need more tape,” I said to my big captive. He was looking at me with murderous intent as I tossed the empty tape spindle at him. “Five down…four to go,” I told the big guy as I went towards him. While I stood over him, blood, gore, and a healthy dose of barbecue sauce fell on his face, which he tried to avoid, but that wasn’t working out so well for him. “Probably going to need a bucket of ketchup to wash your tough hide down with,” I laughed.
Hugh started to eye our food stores greedily. “Going to have to wait. We’ve got some unfinished business.” I looked down to notice Big Man looking up at me like I was crazy. I guess from his perspective I was, since there I was, presumably talking to myself.
“Fuck man, I’m tired.” I walked over to the wall and grabbed a chair. It groaned as I settled down into it. “You know, being a zombie is hard work. Hugh is like feeding a team of hungry teenagers,” I told Big Guy as I propped my feet up on his cot. “I mean, right now I’d like to take a nap and enjoy digesting my latest meal, but Hugh is screaming, I mean screaming in the back of my head to eat you. To eat all of you,” I said as I swept my arm around the room. “And let me tell you…eating a whole person is a lot of work. My jaw muscles ache by the time I’m done.” He was mumbling into his bonds. “What’s that?
” I asked Big Guy. He tried to shy away as I leaned in on him. I yanked down on the tape around his mouth. “Probably should have put that on tighter, or were you working it free?”
“You’re fucking psychotic,” Big Guy hissed.
“I thought maybe at first that was the case, but you can rest assured…I’m mostly sane. What’s your name?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Do you even know how many times I’ve heard that? Women, men…and even the occasional spoiled brat at a birthday party. And what kind of advice is that anyway? Can someone truly fuck themselves? Maybe in my old body I would have had the manhood to kind of tuck things down and around. But that’s some seriously weird angles involved, and then I don’t think a dick was meant to bend that way. But that’s really just speculation now. Clarence was...is hung like a turkey.” I held up my pinkie finger.
“Let me go and we’ll give it a go.”
“Funny.” I reached over and checked the pockets on the jacket he was wearing. The bulge in his right breast pocket was what I was looking for as I pulled out his wallet. “Old habits die hard don’t they? Probably not really going to ever need anything in this again, but yet you still carry it. Diner’s card? Really? Did anyone even honor this piece of shit anymore?” I asked as I flung the card across the room. “Amazon gift card…that ship’s sailed.” I tossed that too. “Oooh, who’s that honey? Daughter? Too young to be a wife unless you’re loaded. I’ll hold onto this for safe keeping,” I told him as I tucked it in my pocket. “Any chance she’s here? No? I can tell by your face. Too bad.”
“What did you do with Clarence?” the man asked as he strained against his sticky prison.
“Eviction, he didn’t pay his rent. George Savage,” I said as I pulled his CDL license out. “That’s a fitting name for you.”
“I hate to break it to you, you crazy fuck, but you’re not a zombie. I wish you were because that would explain your actions, those poor soulless bastards don’t know what they’re doing. You’re just some sick, opportunistic fuck that gets his rocks off by pretending to be one.”
“Hey!” I yelled, shooting pink misty spittle into his face. “I didn’t ask for this shit! There I was at some shitty little kiddie party and I got bit. I fought tooth and nail against whatever Hugh is to hold onto my life. MY FUCKING LIFE, not his!”
“You really believe yourself, don’t you?”
“Listen, George Savage from Twin Oaks, the zombie – or, Hugh, as I’ve affectionately named the little asshole – is inside of me. I do everything I can to preserve my life.”
“At the expense of all others?”
“Especially at the expense of all others. What the fuck have you or anybody else done for me?”
“Say for half a second I believe your insanity, which I don’t, but I’ll play. How could you do what you do? Why would you? Granted, survival is important, but what are you saving now?”
“ME, I’m saving ME. And you don’t believe me? Not that it matters, but how would you like me to prove you wrong?”
“By what? Eating one of us? What’s that prove other than you’re more far gone than you realize.”
“We’ll do this your way, you can judge me as you lay there, but you might as well have all the facts.” I dragged the table over, grabbed all the candles, and had a fairly well lit room by the time they were all assembled. I stood next to George’s head. “You watching?” I asked as I grabbed my pistol and placed the barrel against my thigh.
“I’d be more convinced if you put it up by the side of your head.”
I ignored him as I braced for impact. The shell casing fell to the floor as I staggered back from the slamming pain of the bullet as it parted the meat on my thigh and buried itself deep. It felt like it may have even nicked my bone. It was an intense pain, and I was thankful for Hugh’s interference as he quelled the nerve centers that registered the ache. George was quiet; his eyes were wide with hope.
“That’s a fair amount of blood leaking out of me, Hugh, you may want to take care of that,” I said – more as dramatic effect.
I did some contortions for theatrics although it didn’t really matter, Hugh was busy rectifying the injury. Fixing muscle, stopping bleeders, and even better, pushing the lead out. I’ll admit it, was hugely satisfying to see George’s surprise as the bullet hung precariously in my gaping wound then clattered to the floor. I had pulled my pants tight just for this moment.
“Believe me now?” I laughed.
He looked up into my face, trying to find some means of deception.
“Damn near good as new,” I told him as I took a few steps around the room. I also noticed something about Hugh while he was repairing the damage; something I had missed previously. Can’t really be held against me, getting shot was a new process, so while I was panicking I never noted how Hugh would completely retreat as he did his work. He wasn’t looking over my shoulder and demanding things – mostly food – he had a task to do and he was busy doing it.
“You could be so much more,” he said, looking at me somewhat tenderly, most likely shock. “You could be the answer we’re all looking for. The first step towards a cure. We could have our world back. Son, you’ve got to see that, don’t you?”
I stopped for a few seconds. “That was really entertaining, you had me going there for a sec. I never cared about the world such as it was, I’m intelligent enough to realize that my best days were behind me, I was a lowly pissuant barely making a living in that world. Here, well…here I’m a king.”
“A king? Hardly,” George scoffed. “You’re a monster.”
Po-ta-to, po-tah-to. King of monsters, I’ll take that. Point is, George old buddy, I am master of my domain, I rule all that I survey.”
“How very far-looking of you, Clarence.”
“Timothy,” I hissed into his face.
“Timothy,” he repeated, looking visibly shaken. “You could be hailed as a hero, a savior. So much more.”
“You really are good, are you a shrink wannabe?”
“I’ve been around people, Cl...Timothy, my whole life. You have a chance here, a real chance.”
“You have no idea of the things I’ve done, George,” I said like I cared.
I’d pretend just to let him think he was getting through if only to maximize the expression of surprise on his face as I ripped into him. I put my hand to my face, wondering if I was going too far overboard.
“You didn’t know, like you said you were doing what you needed to survive, people get that. You could save the human race, Timothy, and you’ll just about walk on water.”
“Oh, George…but you don’t get it.”
“Tell me,” he replied. He was really ramping it up.
“I just realized the other day when we took over Clarence’s body that I’m pretty much immortal. Hugh can fix almost anything, and if he can’t we can always move to another body,” I said as I slapped Clarence’s chest.
George’s face changed from hope to disgust. “You’re a traitor to your species, I’ve got a pretty good idea your buddy Hugh won’t be able to do anything with a bullet to that sick head of yours. I can only hope I’m around long enough to either witness it…or better yet…deliver it.”
“Sadly, you’re right about the bullet to the head aspect. Good thing is you won’t be there to see it.” His screams shredded the night as I tore his nose free from his face. “Keep screaming, George.” I said between chews. “That’ll put the fear of an uncaring God into the others’ heads. I was right you are a tough bird,” I said as I gulped through his cartilage.
“What are you doing?” he sobbed wetly, blood clogging his airway.
“I’ve never been much of a foot fetish person, but right now, man, sucking on some toes sounds like just about the best thing in the world,” I told him as I untied the laces to his boots. “These are a little old, George, probably should have bought some new ones with your gift card,” I told him as I tossed them to the side. “Not much into bathing,
are you?” I asked as I peeled off his dirty sweaty socks. “That’s a hefty case of toe jam you got going on there,” I told him as I looked at his deep nail fungus which had completely turned most of the nails on his feet a disgusting array of browns and puss laden yellows. “Bon appetite,” I said as I stuck his entire big toe into my mouth.
He jerked for all he was worth as I bit down where the toe met his foot. I then pulled back and stripped the flesh and meat clean from the bone. His screaming started anew as I moved through all of the toes on his left foot. It didn’t cease until I came away with the tidbit from his small toe.
“Tastes like mushrooms.” I said as I smacked my lips. “Must be the fungus. You ready for round two, or three I guess, if you count your nose?” He was heaving with racking sobs. “Big strapping guy like you, I thought you’d take this a little better. Eh, what do I know?” This time I started on the small toe on his right foot and worked my way up to the big toe, saving that for last. He passed out somewhere in between the second and third toe.
I undid the tape around his waist, it was safe to assume at this point that he wasn’t going anywhere. I pulled his pants down and was all set to rip parts off his meaty calves when I heard something from the end of the hallway.
“Sounds like reinforcements are coming, George old buddy, but they’re a little late for you,” I said as I began to blow out all the candles, plunging the room into darkness.
I grabbed a gun and headed to the doorway. “Please help.” I said in as pathetic a voice as I could.
“George?” came the tentative question.
“Sure,” I answered back.
“Who are you?” the person asked from the end of the hallway. They were at least smart enough to not come blindly down the darkened narrow way.
