Loving Liam

by Loretta Lost

  The wedding was supposed to have started already. No one except for Owen knows why I delayed, and I’m worried that Liam is growing upset or suspicious. Does everyone think I’m bailing? I don’t care.

  I suppose I understand how nervous most brides feel on their wedding day, even though I am nervous for all the strangest reasons. I have no concerns about walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life, but I am worried that I may have sabotaged myself. My last minute invitation to Sophie has filled me with dread and excitement; how will they interact? Will they like each other? This will either be the best day of Liam’s life, or one of the worst.

  I don’t know why it bothers me so much that Liam doesn’t have any relatives at the wedding. It just doesn’t feel like a legitimate wedding without family there to witness the proceedings. This is why I jumped through hoops to get Sophie’s contact information, and beg her to get on a plane as soon as possible. I hopped on Expedia and got her a plane ticket, and sent a car to the airport. I did everything possible to make this happen in time for the wedding.

  So she should be here. Any minute now.

  I shut my eyes and silently pray to anyone who might be listening. I hear the sound of an engine before I see the vehicle approaching. Squinting to see it more clearly in the distance, I begin to hold my breath, and my heart starts beating faster.

  When the town car pulls up in front of the winery, I don’t care that I am wearing my wedding dress as I run up to the vehicle. The door opens slowly, hesitantly, as the girl steps out. She is wearing simple black pumps and a stylish black pantsuit. She has a small carry-on suitcase of luggage with her that she removes from the cab. Her dark hair is curled and her face is intelligent. Even though her hair and eye color are not the same as his, there is something about the shape of her face and nose that reminds me of Liam.

  “I’m Helen,” I tell her softly.

  “Sophie,” she says apprehensively, staring into my eyes.

  We size each other up for a moment. She is a little taller than I am, but not by much. Both of our facial expressions are calm and guarded, and I feel surprisingly good about her. Reaching out, I grasp both of her hands in mine, and give her a genuine smile. I can feel that her hands are shaking with nervousness, even though she is trying to conceal her emotion.

  “Thank you so much for coming to my wedding,” I tell her with all the strength I can manage. “Your brother is waiting for me at the altar.”

  “He doesn’t know about me?” she says, and her voice wavers.

  I shake my head to indicate the negative as I release her hands. “No. I didn’t feel… I didn’t want to tell him unless I knew for sure that you were going to be here. I didn’t want to upset him today, or get his hopes up if you decided you didn’t want to meet him.”

  “Okay,” she says quietly, nodding and straightening her posture. “Let’s do this.”

  She is strong. Her face is pale, and I can see that she is terrified, but she is also strong. I nod, and wave the taxi away before stepping toward the house. “You can leave your luggage here for now,” I say, gesturing to the front of the house. “There’s no one around for miles. The wedding is taking place in the backyard.”

  “It’s a little strange,” Sophie says. “To meet my brother for the first time on his wedding day. At his wedding. I feel like I’m intruding. Should I just hang back over here while you get married, and introduce myself after?”

  “No way,” I tell her. “He doesn’t have any family here except for you. He needs you to be here, even though he doesn’t know it yet.

  Sophie pauses and tightens her grip on the handle of her luggage. “I have never known anything about my family,” she tells me hesitantly. “Are my parents here, too?”

  “No,” I respond. “Your brother didn’t want to invite them, because… well, they’re not good people. They live in New York City, and we can arrange for you to meet them as soon as possible, if you want.”

  “I do want,” she says, and I see her jaw set with a bit of hardness. I can’t imagine what she’s been through, and how she feels about all this. I suddenly feel very spoiled and grateful to have my family, and to have grown up with all the luxury that I’ve had.

  I notice that Sophie’s fingers holding the luggage handle are turning white.

  “Come on,” I encourage her gently. “Whatever happens, there’s an amazing lobster dinner after this, and an open bar where we can get wasted.”

  Sophie smiles. “Okay,” she says, releasing the luggage. She begins following me along the path that runs beside the house, and to the backyard.

  As we approach, I see that everyone is looking at me with puzzlement. Except for Owen. No doubt, he was keeping everyone calm while they worried about my whereabouts.

  “I apologize for holding up the ceremony,” I tell everyone as we approach, “but we were missing one guest.”

  “Helen, what’s going on?” Liam says with a frown. “We were supposed to start fifteen minutes ago, but Owen said that you…”

  “It’s okay. I’m here now, and I’m ready to get married. I just wanted to seat our final guest.”

  Liam’s eyes narrow as he turns to look at the girl who is standing beside me. Sophie holds her head up proudly and meets her brother’s gaze, but I can see that her lip is slightly quivering.

  “Who is this, Helen?” Liam asks me, leaving his spot at the altar and moving toward us slowly. “What’s going on?”

  I take a deep shuddering breath as I view Liam’s face and his reaction. “Liam, this is…”

  “No,” he says softly, pausing in mid-step. His face displays some kind of recognition, and he shakes his head as he stares hard at Sophie, as though he is seeing a ghost. “This is—she is—who is this person, Helen?” His forehead is deeply creased, and his lips are pulled into a tight line.

  “My name is Sophie,” she says quietly, and her voice sounds less confident than it was before.

  I see Liam’s Adam’s apple move with swallowing as he turns to look at Owen, before looking back to me, and then to Sophie. He moves a hand to his forehead where the tension must be giving him pain. “You look like—” he begins, then he pauses and shakes his head, trying to gather his composure.

  “I’m so sorry,” Liam says finally, taking a deep breath. “I must seem like a blithering idiot. You just remind me of someone. You look exactly like my mother did when I was younger.”

  “I do?” Sophie says, and her voice breaks. She places a hand against her chest. “Really? I do?”

  “Liam,” I say softly, pushing past the lump in my own throat. “This is Sophie Shields. She is your little sister.”

  The backyard grows very silent then, except for the flapping of wedding decorations in the wind. Liam’s face grows very pale, and he takes a staggering step forward. Knowing him, and loving him, has caused me to be able to feel what he feels, and I think my own chest might burst. There are tears pricking the back of my eyes, and I don’t know how he can even remain standing.

  He is unable to speak. He stares at me for a moment in bafflement, before turning back to the girl standing beside me. The tension in the air feels heavy, like we are all suspended in invisible molasses. Liam finally begins walking toward us briskly, until he is standing directly before the girl and towering over her. I look over nervously, hoping that she won’t be intimidated by his size, but she doesn’t move an inch.

  This girl is tough. She would have to be, in order to survive what she has, and get by in this world with zero family to speak of. I already admire her.

  “Clear blue eyes,” Liam whispers in a shaky voice. He lifts his hand a little, as though he intends to touch her cheek, but he does not touch her. His fingers are shaking. “Just like in my dream. The neurologist was wrong. He said it wasn’t real. But you’re real.”

  Sophie’s face remains nearly expressionless as she tries to appear strong, but I see a tear shimmering in her eye. “You remember me?” she asks hoarsely.

  “B
arely. Just barely. I was there when you were born, and I held you—for a moment.” Liam shakes his head and looks up at the sky. “Oh my god, what have I done?” His face is twisted up and contorted in pain as he looks back down at Sophie. “I’m so sorry. Oh, god! What have I done? I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking monster. I could have killed you. I could have killed you.”

  The tears spill out of Sophie’s eyes, and she moves forward to wrap her arms around her brother. As soon as she does this, Liam begins sobbing and hugs her back, so tightly that I fear he might crush her. My own tears begin to fall as well as I watch them embrace. Owen moves to my side and squeezes my hand reassuringly, and I smile at him through my tears.

  “It’s okay,” Sophie says softly, as she comforts Liam. “It’s okay.”

  “I thought you were just a dream,” Liam says into her shoulder as he clutches her tightly. “All these years. I thought—I thought…”

  “It’s okay,” she says again, soothingly.

  “I tried to make her go back for you. My mother said there was no baby. She said—she said you weren’t real. Oh, god. This is all my fault. I’m a fucking monster.”

  “No,” Sophie says, pulling away and looking at him with an expression that is somehow filled with power. “You were just a child. You were innocent in all this.”

  “I knew it was wrong. I could have done something if I’d tried harder. I left you. I just left you there. You could have died!”

  “You’re my brother,” Sophie says softly, “and if it weren’t for Helen, I would have lived my whole life without meeting you. All I feel—all I feel is happy. Happy to know something about where I come from, and who I am.”

  “Happy?” Liam says. “After what I’ve done?”

  “Yes,” she says with strength in her voice. “I forgive you.”

  She leans forward to hug Liam again to emphasize her words. He hugs her back tightly, until he comes to his senses and looks at me. “Helen. You did this? How? How did you find her? Owen? You’re in on this too.”

  We both nod.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him softly. “I know you didn’t want me to do the test. But remember that night you drank too much? The surprise bachelor party? I asked Owen to…”

  “You stole my DNA?” he asks in shock.

  “Yes, but…”

  “Owen, you helped her do this? You—you drugged me,” Liam says in sudden realization. “You drugged me so you could steal my saliva. What kind of a friend are you?”

  “Dude, I’m sorry,” Owen says, moving forward to put a hand on Liam’s shoulder, but Liam grabs his wrist and twists it, roughly shoving his friend away. “Ouch!” Owen says in pain, rubbing his wrist.

  Liam turns to look at me harshly, and there is a flash of something I don’t recognize in his eyes.

  In an instant, before I can realize what is happening, he is moving briskly toward the house.

  “Liam!” I call after him in surprise. This is not how I imagined my wedding day going. Even with the curveball of Sophie thrown at us, I hoped that Liam would be happier than ever to meet his long lost sister, and that we would have an even more emotional wedding. But now, I am staring at my fiancé’s back as he walks away from me. After a stunned second of simply staring, I remember that I have legs.

  “Liam!” I call out again, picking up the gigantic skirt of my dress and running after him. I have a dreadful feeling in my gut that he is going to do something he’ll regret.

  When I get to the house, I enter the back door and through the rooms quickly. I see that there is a block of knives that has been knocked over in the kitchen. “Liam!” I yell out in panic, afraid of what he might do. When I hear the roaring of an engine, I know that the sound belongs to Liam’s BMW. I run to the front of the house where the cars are all parked off to the side, just in time to see the dust that has been kicked up by the departing vehicle.

  Oh, god. Driving while emotional is never a good idea. I should know. Running all the way out to the road, through the cloud of dust, I stare down the empty highway in the direction that he would have left. I see rubber markings on the pavement, but the car is already out of sight. At least it’s out of my sight, which is not very strong.

  Turning back to the house, I move weakly and slowly, in a daze. All the wedding guests are now filtering out of the house, to see what happened. My father and sister rush over to me to give me hugs and fuss over me, but I don’t hear their words. I lean against my father, while squeezing Carmen’s hand for support. I feel so numb and disbelieving. “Car keys,” I mumble. “Who has car keys? Someone, give me your car keys!”

  “You can’t drive in a wedding dress!” Carmen tells me firmly. “It’s pointless to go after him.”

  “Can someone else drive?” I ask weakly. “Please.”

  “Uh, we could,” David says as he crouches down to look at his car, “but your dashing doctor thought of that, and he slashed our car tires. I could put on a spare, but it wouldn’t get us all the way to New York. Even if I call AAA, we’d still need to get the right tires at an auto shop.”

  “Dammit!” I curse.

  “I’m sorry,” Sophie says with wide eyes. “Oh my god, if I had known I would ruin your wedding, I never would have come. This could have waited a day. Or a week, or a month. I’ve already waited my whole life.”

  “No!” I say, weakly moving over to her and giving her a hug. “It couldn’t wait another fucking second! I wasn’t about to marry him while keeping this secret—that would be unforgiveable. I would hate myself. His reaction would have been the same, either way. He’s just being a fucking baby!”

  “Helen,” Leslie says in a calm voice, as she takes a sip from a wine glass that she must have grabbed on her way through the house. “You know Liam well. What do you think he’s going to do?”

  “I think he’s going to confront his mother,” I respond in a tired voice. “He’s angry. His father will probably say something offensive and demeaning to Liam, like he always does, and maybe even take a swing at him, like he always does… and Liam, in this mood? He’ll probably kill the bastard.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Everyone has been fussing over me as I sit in the sofa at the vineyard home. Carmen is sitting beside me, and trying to be comforting, while Sophie is sitting across from me and staring at me with apprehension.

  “Do you really think he’s going to kill my father?” Sophie asks.

  “It’s extremely possible,” I respond. “Liam has a strong protective instinct. I don’t think he was really angry at me. Or even his mother. He’s angry at himself for hurting you.”

  “He was four years old,” Sophie says in confusion. “He can’t expect to be responsible for that.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He feels responsible,” Owen says, from where he’s leaning against the wall a few feet away. “The thought of abandoning his little sister wrecked him so much that he hasn’t been able to sleep without medication, and he’s had to repeatedly tell himself that the dream wasn’t real in order to get through the day. Now, he just discovered that it is real.”

  “But why would it start bothering him so much now?” Sophie asks.

  Owen shakes his head. “It’s always bothered him. He had that nightmare in college.”

  “We’ve been trying to get pregnant lately,” I explain to Sophie with a sigh. “He couldn’t think about babies without remembering that traumatic experience of killing a child—or what he thought was killing a child.”

  “Should we call the police?” Leslie asks. “Maybe send them to Liam’s father’s home, and prevent him from getting a murder charge.”

  “No,” I say blankly. “We need to call someone we know and trust in New York to go there and stop Liam. Not the police.”

  “Liam won’t kill anyone,” James says, jumping in with quiet confidence. “His martial arts training was about mental strength in addition to physical strength. He has great self-control, and we should trust him to release his anger in the way he chooses.�
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  “If my father is as awful as you all say, then I don’t care if he dies,” Sophie says. “I just wish that I could see him once, or speak to him once, before that happens.”

  “He’s an evil man,” James says. “He has put that boy through so much suffering. He abused him for years, and abused your mother in front of him—and then neglected them both for many more years.”

  Owen nods. “Maybe it was for the best that she abandoned you. She was probably trying to protect you. Whatever family you grew up with, it was probably way better than living with the Larsons.”

  “You don’t know anything about how I grew up!” Sophie snaps.

  Owen flinches, and everyone in the room turns to look at her in surprise.

  She takes a deep breath and lowers her eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just—if she really wanted to get rid of me, why didn’t she just give me up for adoption instead of dumping me in a ditch beside the interstate? Do you have any idea how it feels growing up, knowing you were so unwanted, so repulsive that your mother wanted to discard you the second she ripped you from her womb? When they found me, I had pieces of placenta on me, and my umbilical cord was flapping in the wind.”

  The room is hushed into silence, as everyone exchanges pitying and horrified looks.

  “I—I have to go,” Sophie says, standing up and moving to her suitcase. “I have work tomorrow. I’ll call a cab and just head to the airport. Thank you for having me.”

  “Nonsense, young lady,” my father says. “We have a lot of food here, and you are still going to be family soon, when your brother gets his head out of his ass. Please stay the night at least, and let’s get to know you.”

  “Or at least fly to New York to see your parents first,” Owen suggests. “You know, while they’re still alive. If you can get a flight soon, you could beat Liam there. It’s a long drive.”

  “This has been hard on me,” Sophie says, gripping her suitcase tightly again. “If they’re still alive in a few days… maybe I’ll make the trip to New York. This is just not how I expected things to be. For years I dreamed of meeting my family, and…”