Loving Liam

by Loretta Lost

  Why is David even helping me? Why would he even bring Helen here?

  If he wants to steal her away from me, like he said before, then he should. I don’t understand why he would participate in a plan to reunite us.

  Owen said that if I could convince Helen to marry me again, that he would be the best best man on the planet, and plan an epic wedding right here in the Swiss Alps. I don’t doubt his ability, but I do doubt my own.

  “Hello, son,” says the familiar voice of an older man. I turn around to see Helen’s father entering the chalet with his new wife, Dr. Leslie Howard, beside him. Owen filled me in on the plane about the way that they recycled our wedding, and I felt like shit for missing out on that, and making Helen miss out on her father’s second wedding. Hearing the man call me ‘son’ also makes me feel like shit for not visiting my own father in the hospital.

  “Mr. Winters,” I say, nodding in greeting, and extending my hand.

  The old man laughs and reaches out to give me a hug instead. “Call me Richard, boy. We’re practically family, aren’t we?”

  I nod slowly, lowering my eyes. How can he still think that after I abandoned his daughter at the altar? How does he not want to cut off my head and toss it down one of these mountains, to be eaten by the goats?

  “Hey, kid,” Leslie says with a smile, as she moves closer. “Did you hear the big news? I’m just plain old Leslie Winters now.”

  My eyes narrow in confusion. “Don’t you mean Dr. Leslie Winters?”

  “Nope. I decided to retire and sell my practice. I bought up that gorgeous little vineyard in Michigan, and Richard and I are going to move out there and enjoy ourselves, making wine and getting messy. With the grapes, I mean.”

  “That sounds wonderful, Leslie,” I tell her honestly. “I’m so happy for you two.”

  “Thank you, son,” Richard says with a bright smile. “You and Helen are welcome to come spend holidays with us as much as you like. It’s a great place for children to run around and play.”

  It hurts my heart a little to hear him speak about this future like it’s set in stone. Doesn’t he know that I destroyed everything? Doesn’t he know that another man is probably going to raise my child, and I’m basically just a sperm donor? Doesn’t he know that I’ve abandoned my own child, just like I abandoned Sophie all those years ago—just like I feared I would?

  “Hey,” says a female voice from behind me, and I see that the girl I was just thinking about has entered the room. Sophie walks toward me, wearing a fuzzy black coat over slim-fitting black pants that are tucked into black boots. “Are you ready to stop being a little princess now?” she asks me with arms crossed over her chest. “Because I’d really like to have a big brother.”

  “Sophie,” I tell her softly, moving close to her. “You came all the way to Switzerland for me?”

  “Not just for you,” she says stubbornly. “Owen told me that Helen’s pregnant, and if so, that means I’m going to have a niece or a nephew. I’d like to be part of their life, and actually have at least one person in this world I can call family.”

  “I want to be your big brother,” I tell her brokenly. “I have from the moment I first held you in my arms. I wanted to play games with you, like checkers, and tag. I wanted to read stories to you at bedtime. I wanted to have a little sister more than anything, and when I was younger, I often dreamed that you were there. That we could build Legos together, or make a fort out of sheets. It just destroyed me to learn that you weren’t just a figment of my dreams and imagination.” Tears come to my eyes, and I shake my head. “Sophie, it hurts. All those years we could have spent together? Growing up together, and seeing all the big moments of your life happen. Beating up your boyfriends if they were jerks. I missed out on all of that.”

  “I still do have some boyfriends you could beat up,” Sophie tells me, and there are tears in her eyes too. “It’s never too late, Liam. I know that finding out that day was insane, and I understand that you needed to run. I’ve been running my whole life, from foster home to foster home, and from one state to the next. But at some point, you’ve got to just grow up and face the things you’re afraid of. You’re not a bad person. You can still be a good brother. And a good dad.”

  Moving over to her, I gather her up in my arms and give her the biggest hug I can manage. “Thank you,” I tell her, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you for forgiving me. I don’t know how I lived all these years without having you in my life. I’m going to make an effort to get to know you, and be there for you. And when we get back to the U.S., I’d like to meet those boyfriends of yours and have a few words with them.”

  Sophie laughs softly, and it’s the most beautiful sound in the world. I have never heard her laugh before. Suddenly, I feel filled with hope and strength. I ruined this girl’s whole damn life. I did that, with my own two hands. I could have killed her. I just dropped her there, and left her to die.

  And somehow, she’s standing here, and willing to love me?

  I’ll never understand the vastness of a woman’s heart, and its infinite capacity to love and forgive. Neither the cavernous oceans nor the endless expanses of outer space could ever be as large.

  When Owen returns to the room, he has Carmen with him, and she smiles at me.

  “Hey, Liam,” Carmen says happily. “Good job on getting my sister knocked up!”

  “Don’t congratulate me until I know for sure that she can forgive me,” I tell Carmen softly.

  “Just beg,” Carmen advises, “and beg some more. And then beg again. Works every time.”

  Owen nods emphatically to second this advice.

  Knowing that I have all this support from Helen’s family, and our friends… and my own family, fills me with joy. I suddenly understand why Helen wanted so much for me to have a family member at our wedding. Family is the most important part of life.

  The door to the chalet opens, and I turn anxiously, expecting to see Helen, but it is James and a girl I don’t recognize. “James!” I say in surprise. “You made it all the way out here? Is this your girlfriend?”

  “I’m Krista,” she explains. “Helen’s friend, from the hospital where you work. She invited me to the first wedding, in Michigan, but I had exams. So I figured I’d come to this one!”

  “How did you guys all afford the trip?” I ask in amazement.

  Helen’s father laughs deeply. “You know that I’ve got deep pockets, son. I’m willing to do anything to make my little girl happy. And I know what would make her happiest is being with you.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I tell him softly. “Thank you all for coming. I hope that you won’t be disappointed.”

  “They won’t be disappointed!” Owen assures me. “If Helen rejects you, David will probably propose to her, and I can be his best man instead. Either way, we’re having a romantic wedding in the Alps.”

  I stare at Owen in shock. “You would really be such a traitor?”

  Owen shrugs. “I’m on Helen’s team, bro. You ignored me for weeks until I had to break down your door. I’m not exactly your biggest fan right now.”

  My best friend’s words remind me of what is at stake. If I can’t convince Helen to marry me now, then I am going to lose her. If she’s pregnant, her primary concern is going to be doing what’s best for the baby. If she thinks there is any chance that I might abandon her again, I can completely understand her wanting to be with someone else.

  But how can I say anything to convince her? Trust is built over time, through actions. Nothing I could say will be enough. How do I prove it to her? I think upon this for several minutes as everyone in the chalet chats about the beautiful scenery and catches up on each other’s lives.

  Finally, I hear voices approaching the chalet. I move to the window and see Helen and David walking up the path.

  She’s holding his hand.

  She’s fucking holding his hand!

  My heart rate instantly doubles, as I imagine all the ways Helen could r
eject me. Does she despise me? Or has she fallen in love with someone else. I move away from the window and inhale sharply, feeling my blood pump through my body as though I have just finished running three miles. I briefly close my eyes, unable to face this moment.

  When the door opens and Helen enters the room, the chatter abruptly stops. I look up in anticipation, eager to see her face. She is beautiful. It’s been so long since I have seen her face. I hear her gasp a little and step back. Her eyes are filled with hurt and pain, and I know it’s my fault. Stepping forward hesitantly, I try to think of the words to say. Apologizing feels so weak and small compared to what I’ve done.

  Right now, we were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to be together. Instead, I forced her to go on our honeymoon with someone else.

  “Liam,” she whispers, as tears fill her eyes.

  Her hand is shaking, and she places it on her stomach.

  All my reservations leave me in that instant, and I cross the room and wrap my arms around her waist. I lean down and place my lips against hers, pouring all my apologies and emotions into my kiss, kissing her desperately and passionately, and begging her to forgive me. Tears slide down my cheeks and onto hers, where our tears mingle. I kiss her so hard, and hug her so tightly that I lift her clean off the floor.

  It takes a moment before I remember that we aren’t alone in the room. When I break the kiss, her arms are around my neck, and she places her cheek against my chest, sobbing. I hold her so tightly. I hold her close, and pray that I never lose her again. I turn to look at David, and he is smiling at me. It’s a sad smile, because he knows that he has lost Helen, but he also knows that he never had her.

  But he nearly did.

  David was never a factor in all of this. He isn’t the reason that Helen and I aren’t already married. He was just the only person she could run to for comfort when I shut her out. And if I hadn’t come here, to Switzerland, today, I would have lost her forever. At some point, she would have realized that she needed to let go of me, and David was an excellent choice.

  I just barely got here in time.

  I smile back at him, to thank him for taking care of her.

  “Helen,” I begin softly, and my voice is gruff and hoarse. It sounds like I haven’t used it in weeks. Probably because I barely have. “I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “I know,” she tells me, with tear-filled eyes. “I know.”

  “You were right about the test,” I tell her with a sad smile. “Now, I think I finally understand how you felt about your eye surgery. You always say that you’re so thankful, but really, I was just doing my job. It was nothing at all. Anyone could have done that surgery on your eyes, but there aren’t many people in the world who could care about me enough to discover that I had a sister. You have given me something priceless. You have returned Sophie to me, when she could have remained lost her forever.”

  I turn to look at my sister, who smiles and nods. My chest is full of love, and I can’t help wondering what she’s like. What has she been through since that day that we were separated? What does she do for a living? Why does she wear so much black? She seems smart, strong, and kind, but she also seems… lonely. Lonely and lost. I hope I’ll get to know her soon.

  Turning back to Helen, I take both of her hands in mine, before falling to one knee.

  “Helen, you have given me a family. You are my family. I’ve felt like a dead man, these past few weeks, being so far away from you. Will you please consider marrying me again? If I swear on everything that is holy that I won’t fuck it up this time?”

  “I—I don’t know,” she says suddenly, with confusion all over her face. “Liam, I’m pregnant.”

  “Owen told me. It’s wonderful news.”

  “Gee, I wonder who told Owen?” she says, turning to glare at David, who whistles innocently.

  “Are you sure you’re pregnant, honey?” Leslie asks. “I’m so happy for you, dear!”

  “Yes, Leslie—or should I say ‘Mom’?” Helen asks with a smile. “I confirmed it with a pregnancy test called ‘Maybe Baby’ that I got from a vending machine.”

  “You got a pregnancy test from a vending machine?” Carmen remarks in surprise.

  “I did. You can get the coolest things from vending machines in Switzerland!” She turns to look back down at me, and her smile disappears. “Liam, I’m just scared that you won’t be there. Things get hard when you have kids. There’s so much to do, and no time to make mistakes. I just don’t want to be disappointed again by you walking away. I don’t want my baby to be disappointed.”

  “God, Helen. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to prove how much I want to be there for you and this baby. I couldn’t live with myself if I wasn’t there for all of it—to give you massages if you’re in pain, doctor’s appointments, the birth—and even to change dirty diapers.” I squeeze her hands harder. “If you marry me, I will do unlimited diaper changes from now until the end of time. That is how much I love you. I will never complain about the smelliness, because I will just be so freaking thankful that you are letting me be near our baby and our baby’s wonderful poop.”

  “Really?” she says tearfully and happily. “Do you really mean it?”

  “Yes. I will be there for you 110%, through thick and thin. I can’t live without you, Helen Winters. If you aren’t with me, I just fall to pieces. Please forgive me and come home.”

  “Liam,” she finally says, nodding through her tears. “I will. Of course, I will. Do you know how scared I was? I thought I was never going to see you again.” She stoops down to throw her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. “You’re everything to me, Dr. Liam Larson. I need you in my life. You better be in this, 110%, because I’ll kill you if you leave me again. Please, let’s get married as quickly as possible, before you change your mind and have another temper tantrum. Also, I want that thing about the diapers in writing.”

  All of our friends and family in the room laugh at this, and I feel embarrassed, but I am too overjoyed to care. I would have stayed down on my knees and humiliated myself a thousand times for this woman before me, because she is worth every drop of pain.

  Helen Winters is my soulmate.

  I nearly lost her due to my own stupidity, but I will never take her for granted again. Thank god that I have a good friend like Owen, to save me from myself. He’s the real hero of this story. Several years from now, when I tell my kids about how I ruined everything and nearly didn’t marry their mother, they will laugh about that time when Uncle Owen punched Daddy in the face, and saved the day.

  The End

  Also available:

  End of Eternity

  Carmen Winters thought her life was getting better.

  Until she came home to find her new husband hanging from the chandelier.

  Six months pregnant and devastated, Carmen is forced to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. It is only when she meets a sweet and sensitive stranger named Owen that she finds herself able to smile again. Is it really true that the best beginnings can come from the worst endings? Or does Carmen have deeper to fall before she can learn who she really is?

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