by E. L. Todd
He grabbed a beer from my refrigerator then plopped down on the couch beside me. “Ha. Yeah right. Do you have any idea how expensive Trinity is? She’s skinny, but that girl costs a fortune to feed. Plus, I got to buy her drinks when we go out…” He sighed and rolled his eyes at the same time.
Skye was extremely expensive. She ate more than any person I knew, but she stayed small. When I thought about her, I pushed the thought away. Thinking about her made me pissed off all over again.
“It would be different if I got to fatten her up then sell her for a profit like a cow or something, but it doesn’t work like that.” He rested his feet on my coffee table.
“Well, your girlfriend isn’t livestock,” I said. “And get your feet off my table.”
He forced himself not to roll his eyes as he removed his feet.
“Thank you.”
He sipped his beer then looked at the TV. “Your place is sweet.”
“Yeah, I like it.” It was a lot smaller than my place in Cambridge and California. And in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about the penthouse I was supposed to share with Skye. Our lives would be totally different if she hadn’t lied to me. We’d be happy right now, probably lying in bed and talking about what to eat for dinner. Then we would make love.
When I thought about sex with Skye, the depression fell on me. Every time I was with her, it was magical. We moved together in the right way, and wordlessly, we had a deep and meaningful conversation. She knew what I liked without me telling her, and I knew every kiss and every touch that made her moan in ecstasy. Making her come was the easiest thing in the world. Her body was revved up and excited before I even moved inside her.
But that was almost a year ago. I hadn’t had sex in so long I wasn’t sure what it felt like. The dry spell hadn’t affected me like it normally would because I was depressed. If a black cloud of sadness weren’t hanging over me, I’d probably be going crazy.
“What do you want to do tonight?” Slade asked. “Everyone is back in town so we should do something.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” he snapped. “We’re in New York now. There are too many things to do.”
I drank my beer.
“You need to snap out of your depression,” Slade commanded. “Don’t let that bitch—”
I silently threatened to snap his neck.
“I mean…lovely girl ruin your life.”
I let the comment slide. “I haven’t gone out in so long I’m not sure what to do.”
“I’ll give you a rundown.”
“Who else will be there?”
“Conrad has been weird lately. I think him and his girlfriend broke up. I hope I can get him to leave his place. Roland will be down, of course. He’s more thrilled than I am about everyone moving back. He should be there too.”
“Cool,” I said. “No girls?” Actually, there was only one girl I cared about.
“Nope. Just us.” He clapped my shoulder.
“Good.”
***
The music overhead was loud so we had to yell to talk to one another. Our table was full of empty bottles and wet napkins. The room was dimly lit, and the people inside looked like distant shadows.
A girl in a skirt that was so short her ass cheeks almost hung out walked by.
Slade nudged me then nodded to her. “Get her number.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“She looks like your type,” he said with a shrug.
“Uh, no.”
“How about that hot blonde over there?” he asked.
“I’m not hooking up with anyone tonight,” I said firmly.
“Why?” he asked. “You haven’t sex in so long you have no idea how much it’s changed.”
“It’s changed?” I asked. “Surely, the basics are the same.”
“Come on, if you and Skye get back together don’t you want to know what you’re doing?” Slade asked. He wore a white t-shirt and his sleeves were noticeable even in the limited lighting. His hair was styled but messy at the same time.
Skye always told me how good I was in bed. She couldn’t get enough of me, and whenever she was on top she fucked me harder than I fucked her. The memory made me feel sad. Would she and I ever have that again? That unbreakable trust? The openness that we shared? “I think I’ll manage.”
“Fuck her in the ass so it doesn’t count.”
Did I not hear him right? “What?”
“If you fuck her in the ass, it’s not sex. So, it doesn’t count.”
Theo looked at Slade like he was the stupidest person alive.
“Uh, I sincerely hope you aren’t ass-fucking a bunch of women,” I said. “Because I’m pretty sure Trinity would count it.”
He waved his hand away. “I can barely keep up with Trinity as it is. And we aren’t talking about me here. You’re single, but if you want to keep your hands clean, go for the ass.”
“Do you have any idea how stupid you are?” Theo asked.
“Do you have any idea how ugly you are?” Slade countered.
Sometimes I couldn’t follow Slade’s logic, but I did miss it. “I’m not going to be having any type of sex with anyone tonight.”
“Come on,” he said. “You earned it.”
“I earned it?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah. Skye put you through hell. You deserve to chase some tail. You’re single anyway.”
I knew it was pointless to argue with Slade. “It’s not going to happen. So stop checking out women for me.”
“Hey,” he said. “I’m just trying to help you out.” His eyes widened and he smacked his forehead like he realized something. “Just have a girl give you head in the bathroom. It’s a win-win.”
“For who?” I asked.
“You and Skye.”
“I’m not following…”
Theo drank his beer then returned it to the table. “And you wonder why your dad made you the janitor of the shop…”
“Shut up, asshole. You want to see if taekwondo or krav maga is better?”
“I already know which is better,” Theo said.
I decided to change the subject before things escalated. “I heard you have a girlfriend.”
Theo immediately relaxed. “Yep. She’s a cutie.”
“And she knows a thing or two in the ring?”
“She’d kick Slade’s ass, that’s for sure,” Theo said.
“No, she wouldn’t,” Slade said. “I’d slam her face to the floor.”
“Trinity is a lucky gal,” Theo said sarcastically.
“I don’t hit my girlfriend,” Slade snapped. “It’s the other way around.”
“Since she wears the pants in the relationship,” Theo said. “I’m not surprised.”
Slade seethed while he stared Theo down.
“Anyway…” I was glad I was between them. “What’s new?”
Theo eyed the bathroom, waiting for Conrad to come back. “Conrad and his girlfriend broke up.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“She found out he was a manwhore, basically,” Theo said. “I hoped they would get back together by now, but Conrad moved to the city without her. It must be over.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
“Yeah.” Theo pulled the wrapper off his bottle. “And now he’s with Roland all the time…” Resentment was in his voice.
I cocked an eyebrow. “Aren’t they best friends?”
“Yeah, whatever.” His shoulders tensed and he became irritable.
I exchanged a silent look with Slade and let the topic drop.
Conrad and Roland returned from the bathroom.
“I thought only chicks went to the bathroom together,” Theo noted.
Conrad had a blank look on his face. It seemed like he didn’t register anything. “I need another beer…”
“I’ll get it.” Roland stood up.
“No, I’ll get it.” Theo practically jumped to his feet.
Roland eyed him with a raised eyebrow. “It’s okay. I know what he likes.”
“Like I don’t,” Theo snapped. “I know everything about him.”
“I know more,” Roland said.
Slade leaned toward me and lowered his voice to a whisper. “What’s going on…?”
“I don’t think you spent every second of the past year with him,” Theo argued. “That was me. You were too busy.”
“I wasn’t too busy,” Roland argued. “We still spoke every day.”
“Are you both gay for Conrad?” Slade asked.
I eyed the empty beer in Conrad’s hand then headed to the bar. After I ordered the drink, I returned. Theo and Roland were still arguing about who got to get Conrad a beer. I placed the bottle in front of Conrad. “It looks like Conrad doesn’t need anything anymore.”
Theo dropped his argument and eyed the bottle. Then he sat down again.
Roland seethed quietly. “He prefer Budweiser…”
“Rolling Rock,” Theo mumbled.
Conrad drank his beer and ignored both of them, too depressed to care.
“Do you know what’s going on?” Slade asked.
“I haven’t got a clue.”
***
“Cayson, over here.” Slade waved me over.
I stopped when I spotted him. He was talking to a pretty brunette in a short dress. That couldn’t be good. I stayed in my place.
“Get over here,” he hissed.
I knew I was going to regret this. I sighed then came to Slade’s side.
“This is my friend Cayson,” Slade explained.
“Hi,” I said quickly.
She flashed me a wide smile. “He’s really cute.”
“Not as cute as me, I know,” Slade said. “But he’s alright.”
Alright for what?
Slade turned to me. “She said she’ll have sex with you in the bathroom.”
What did he just say? “Uh, what?”
The brunette turned her eyes on me. “Your friend told me what that horrible girl did to you…I think you deserve a good time.”
I was frozen to the spot. What the hell was Slade doing? “Uh, I appreciate the offer, but no thank you.” I grabbed Slade by the arm and yanked him away. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Helping you!”
“I don’t need help getting laid,” I hissed.
“I’m trying to help your relationship with Skye.”
I stared at him blankly, not understanding his sentence whatsoever. “Am I missing something?”
“You aren’t sure you can be with her because of what she did, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, even the scales. Sleep with this girl in the bathroom and then you’ll both be on the same page.”
I didn’t understand how his brain was wired. “That wouldn’t accomplish anything.”
“No, it would fix everything. You would both be even.”
“I sincerely hope you and Trinity never break up. She deserves a medal for being patient with you.”
Confusion crossed his face. “I don’t even know what that means…”
I headed back to the table, unsure if I could put up with his craziness anymore.
Theo and Roland were glaring at each other from across the table.
Conrad caught onto the tension. “I’m heading home.”
“I’ll go with you,” Roland offered.
“I’ll walk you out,” Theo said.
Slade exchanged looks with me. “Are they having a threesome?”
Normally, I would say no. But I really had no idea. “I have no idea what’s going on with them…”
“Well, let’s head out.” He nodded toward the bar. “That blonde wants to suck me off.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because she grabbed my ass when I ordered a beer earlier.” He cringed. “Gross, right?”
When I looked at the blonde, she looked like a bombshell. She had long legs, a tiny waist, and a noticeable chest. She was definitely his type. The fact he called her gross was noteworthy. “Yeah…pretty gross.”
“Let’s go.”
I smiled while I walked beside him. “Only got eyes for Trinity, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t check out other girls.”
“No,” he said. “There’s just none to check out. They’re all hideous.”
I tried not to laugh. “Yeah, I guess they are.”
“Trinity is a sexy beast. She makes them all look like Chucky dolls.”
I clapped his shoulder. “When are you going to ask her?”
“Ask her what?”
We reached the sidewalk then headed north toward his apartment he shared with his parents. “To marry you.”
He stopped in his tracks. “Whoa…hold on. Who said anything about marriage? Just back up, all right? We’ve only been dating for a year and a half. I’m not ready for kids. She’s not either. Marriage? No, thank you. I don’t do marriage. It’s just a stupid piece of paper that you sign so the government can keep better tabs on you. Marriage is off the table. Forget it, okay? Trinity and I are together and we’re happy. That’s more than enough…” He kept rambling on.
I raised my hands in the air. “Whoa…sorry.”
“Yeah, you better be,” he said aggressively. “She and I aren’t going to get married.”
“Like, ever?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah, why would we? She knows I’m not husband material.”
“You said you weren’t boyfriend material but you’re a better boyfriend than I am.”
“Am not,” he argued.
“It’s not a bad thing,” I said with a laugh.
“It’s not going to happen. Drop it and don’t bring it up again.”
“Uh…you do realize Trinity is probably under the assumption you will get married?”
“No, she’s not,” he said immediately.
“Have you asked her?”
“I don’t need to. She knows how I feel about that.”
“Why are you scared of marriage?” I asked. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“You mean, getting old and watching your life pass you by because you spend all your time with the same person? You mean, getting fat and ugly and letting yourself go? You mean, pushing out brats and having them cock block you all over the place? You mean, throwing your life away? No, thanks.”
I put my hands in my pockets and walked beside. “Where are you getting this from?”
“Life,” he said.
“Um, you’re practically married to Trinity as it is and you’re happier than you’ve ever been. If you get married, you’ll only be happier. None of our parents are miserable.”
“That we know of…”
“I think you just have an odd misconception of marriage,” I said. “It’s not something you would regret.”
“You’ve never been married, so I’m not taking your advice,” he said.
I decided to drop the subject since he was being so weird about it. I’m sure he was this way in the beginning of his relationship with Trinity. He didn’t want to be a boyfriend because he thought relationships were stupid. But he conquered that slowly, and now he was happy. Perhaps he just needed to take baby steps. I’m sure Trinity knew that.
Chapter Four
Silke
I stayed in my apartment and tried to hide from the world. My body constantly ached, and my lungs hurt with every breath I took. The world was silent behind my four walls, and that only made it worse.
My dreams haunted me, and my reality was even worse.
I couldn’t believe Arsen was really gone. We were over.
When I went back to the prison to see him, he kept good on his word and didn’t come out. When I called, he never took the phone. Eventually, I gave up. He was determined to keep me out of his life.
I wished the cops didn’t bust him. If he hadn’t been, he would have moved to the
city with me. We might even have a place together. We’d find him a respectable job and get him back on his feet. He would change his ways and become the man I knew he was capable of being.
But that dream was gone.
Arsen was gone and he was never coming back. I put my faith in him and hoped for a change, but that I’d been let down. Maybe loving him was a mistake. Maybe all those doubts in the back of my mind weren’t doubts at all, but truths.
Either way, I was lower than I’d ever been.
I used my savings to have my own place because I didn’t want to be around anyone else. I just wanted to suffer in silence, to deal with the pain behind closed doors. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I didn’t want anyone to say I told you so.
People kept blowing up my phone, but I always said I was busy looking for a job. Whenever people came by the apartment, I pretended I wasn’t there. I spent most of my time watching TV and trying to keep Arsen out of my thoughts.
But that was nearly impossible to do.
Dad called me a few times but I didn’t answer. Then he texted me. Dinner at our place tonight. Be here at 7.
I texted back. I’m busy. Maybe another time.
Your mother and I haven’t seen you since you moved. What are you so busy doing?
I didn’t want to deal with him right now. I’ll talk to you later.
To my fortune, he didn’t respond.
I watched a movie on my couch and tried to fall asleep. When I dreamed, Arsen was there. But most of the time, they were good dreams. The kind that I wished were true.
A knock shattered my semi-conscious state. “Silke?” It was my father’s voice.
Ugh, why was he bothering me?
“Answer the door, sweetheart.”
How did he know I was home? I sighed then cracked the door open. “I’m about to get into the shower. Do you need something?”
He pushed the door open the walked inside without preamble.
I was wearing sweats and my hair was in disarray. I’d lost weight, but I hoped my baggy clothes would hide that fact. “What do you want?” I demanded.
“An explanation.” He sat on the couch and looked at me.
“For what?” I asked, playing dumb.
“Something happen with Arsen?”
I guess I wasn’t as good as hiding my emotions as I thought. I put on a brave face at graduation and pretended Arsen was in the stands. When they asked where he was, I said he wanted to take me out to a private dinner later. My parents believed me story at the time, at least I thought they did. But I hadn’t brought him around for the past month, and when they asked about him, I said he was busy.
