by E. L. Todd
I stared at the table.
“Does she know?”
I nodded.
“And what did she say?”
“That the only reason I haven’t been in her life is because I’m scared—which I am.”
“You have a lot changes to make when you get out of here,” Ryan said. “You’re starting over and leaving your past behind you. You’re going to be a new man and change your ways. You’re going to find your daughter and make up for all that lost time—and I’m going to help you.”
His generosity didn’t add up to me. Why was he doing this? Why was he sitting across from me every week with baked goods? “I don’t understand…”
“Understand what?” he asked calmly.
“Why are you still here?”
“Now I don’t understand.”
“I’m just…I’m not a good person.”
He stared hard at my face. “How do you expect to change that if you don’t believe you’re a good person? Silke, Janice, Slade, and I think you’re something worth fighting for. You need to start believing it too.”
“I don’t have any reason too…”
“My daughter loves you for a reason. Trust in that.”
Silke was a beautiful and good person. She was happy and saw the good in others when it was hard to see. I trusted her judgment, and I believed in her. Even though we weren’t together anymore, maybe I should start believing it.
Start believing in myself.
Chapter Fourteen
Cayson
Being around Skye was a lot more complicated than I thought it was going to be. I watched her from across the room, noting her slimmer waist and smaller chest. I noticed every detail about her, from her sparkling blue eyes to the way her ass looked in a dress. Being near her made me want to hold her, to break down and take her back.
But then the anger came to the surface, and it burned.
I spent the last year mourning her loss. My nightmares were plagued by her being with someone else. I kept replaying our relationship in my mind, wondering where it went wrong. I kept asking myself where everything went wrong. Did I mess it up? Was it my fault?
Our relationship was unbelievably perfect. It was too good to be true. She was my best friend and my greatest lover. Our relationship was based on a foundation of friendship, and love only piled on top of that. She was the most gorgeous woman in the world, my ideal fantasy. We had all the pieces for the greatest romance of all time.
But then she fucked it up.
I could forgive Skye for anything. In our relationship, she did a few things that irritated me and I pushed her away, but there was nothing we couldn’t work through. There was nothing I couldn’t forgive her for.
But this was different.
I’d spent a whole year trying to move on, trying to imagine myself with other women, to hope there would be a day I wouldn’t think of here.
And that had all been for nothing.
I was dragged through the mud for a stupid reason. She lied to me. She broke my heart and watched me fall apart. She knew she destroyed my world and she never hesitated in her decision. She claimed she was putting me first, but that didn’t justify anything.
Would we ever recover from this? Every time I thought we might, she said something that sent me into a rage all over again. As soon as I got close to her, I felt the pain. I was constantly going back and forth, unsure if I could let her in.
How could I ever trust her again?
How could I ever forgive her for what she did?
I didn’t think I could.
Slade and I went out for drinks at a bar. All the places in Manhattan were always packed, even on a weekday. But they had the best beer and fried food. I missed the New York life. Boston was tame in comparison.
Slade drank his beer then clanked it against mine. “It’s so nice having you back.”
“Yeah.”
“Hanging out with Roland is cool and everything, but he’s not you.”
I knew Slade had a buzz going on because he was more emotional than usual. “Mitchell was cool to hang with, but I know what you mean.” We had a table in the center of the room, and a few girls nearby were making eyes at us.
“I’m way cooler than Mitchell,” he blurted.
“I thought you liked him?”
“I do. But I’m better.”
I smirked and kept my silence.
“What else did you want to do tonight?”
“We could catch a movie.”
“Nah, I’ll fall asleep.”
“Didn’t you want to take up golfing?” I teased.
“It’s too dark now. And the country club is way too expensive for me right now.”
“For anybody,” I added.
“You know what we should do?” His eyes were wide like they usually were when he had an idea—a bad one. “We should golf at Uncle Mike’s place. He has a huge lawn. We could wear those ugly pin-striped shorts and pink and yellow shirts.”
“Or we could do something else…”
“It’ll be fun. Let’s rent a golf cart.”
“You do know Mike might be your father-in-law someday. Don’t piss him off.”
“What?” He shouted louder than was necessary. “Uh, no. I don’t do marriage. I said that already.”
I dropped the conversation before it got carried away. “Let’s go golfing in Connecticut next weekend. Problem solved.”
“I guess we could do that…”
“So, how’s work?”
“I got a raise!”
“Sweet.” I gave him a high-five.
“Still can’t afford my own place though.”
“Don’t even think about breaking into my apartment again,” I hissed. “I’ll kill you—literally.”
“Well, if you aren’t having sex in there, somebody should.”
“What kind of reasoning is that?” I asked.
“What’s going on with Skye anyway?” he asked. “Every time I see you together you’re acting like friends.”
“Well, we are friends.”
He looked incredulous. “Um, didn’t you move here for her…?”
My emotions were complicated. I didn’t even understand them. “I can’t forgive her that easily. I need time.”
“You know, you don’t have to get back together with her at all. You could just move on.”
I knew Slade had a problem with Skye because of what she did. He disliked her when he thought she cheated on me, but he was livid when he knew she lied about the whole thing. He was loyal to me, so I knew it would take longer for him to forgive her. “I’m just taking it one day at a time.”
“Well, has she apologized?”
“Yeah. But I don’t know if I could trust her. She went from being my best friend to…someone I don’t even know.”
“I get that…” He took another drink of his beer.
“What would you do if Trinity did that to you?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I’ve never been in that situation before.”
“You can’t even imagine it?”
He stared at the light above his head and squint. “I would be really pissed off at her, but I’d cave quickly. Sex with her is fucking amazing. I wouldn’t be able to stay away.”
“Well, having sex with her is different than getting back together.”
“Are you fucking Skye?” he said immediately.
“No, not at all.”
“Well, you should. She should be sucking you off every night after the shit she pulled.”
I’d been going through a dry spell for a year. I did miss it like crazy. Whenever Skye wore a tight shirt, my eyes lingered on her curves. She’d lost some weight but she was still gorgeous. I wanted to be inside her so badly my cock throbbed. But then the pain would come back and ruin my arousal. I couldn’t fuck someone the way Slade could. He didn’t need any emotional connection to get the deed done. We’d always been different that way.
“Just ask her for head,�
� he said. “She’ll do it.”
“No, not my style.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re a freak.” His eyes scanned the crowd. “Why don’t you pick up someone here?”
“No,” I said immediately. “I don’t want anyone else.”
“So, you don’t want Skye but you won’t sleep with anyone else.”
“Do you know me at all?” I asked incredulously.
“Are you asexual or something?”
“At the moment, yes.” I finished my beer. I watched the bar and the people huddled around. Three girls in skin-tight dresses were huddled near their drinks, and every guy in the vicinity was gawking at them. Then one guy moved in for the blonde. He did something very bold, but also very stupid. He grabbed her ass then patted it.
The blonde turned and gave him the look of death. Her green eyes burned in flames. I recognized those big eyes and blonde hair.
It was Trinity.
“You fucking asshole!” She slapped him hard across the face then threw her drink on him. Then she slammed the glass into the counter where it shattered. Now the glass was spiked and deadly.
“Shit!” The guy stumbled back then fell on the floor. “Fucking psycho!”
“Grab my ass! I dare you!” She walked toward him while he crawled on the ground.
Slade noticed the commotion. “Is that…?”
“Your girlfriend? Yes.”
Slade’s jaw was dropped.
The guy got to his feet then bolted out of the bar.
Trinity turned in a circle with the glass in her hand. “Anyone else want to try a squeeze?” She had an insane look in her eyes. “Anyone?”
Everyone moved away from her, clearly thinking she was off her rocker.
Skye grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “Let’s put the weapon down…” She forced her to set it on the counter. The bartender immediately snatched it away.
“Whoa…don’t piss off Trinity,” I said.
Slade’s eyes were still wide. “I have to fuck her. Like, right now.” He left his chair then marched over to her. Once he was near her, he turned her toward him then sealed his mouth over hers. He pushed her into the bar and kissed her like he was desperate. She reciprocated immediately and hiked one leg up.
My eyes turned to Skye. She shifted away from them, not wanting to be too close while they went to town right in the bar. Then she turned and scanned the area. When her eyes fell on me, she stopped.
She wore a backless black dress. It was skin-tight and showed every curve she possessed. Her tits were exposed and her cleavage immediately caught my eyes. Her toned legs stretched for days, and silver heels were on her feet.
My cock hardened the moment I looked at her.
She watched me, unsure if she should walk to me or leave me alone. When Slade and Trinity became more aggressive, she decided to join me. When she approached my table, every guy nearby was staring at her. The skin of her back was smooth and flawless. I remembered all the nights I pressed my chest to her back and felt her warmth. I left my chair and stood.
She stopped when she reached me. Her hair was pulled back, showing the skin of her shoulders and neck. Silver earrings were clipped in her ears, and her eyes sparkled by their own light.
My heart stopped when she was near. For a second, I forgot about everything she put me through. It was like it never happened. Now it was just she and I. She stood in front of me, looking like a dream. My throat was dry and I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“Hi…” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Hi…” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“It looks like they’ll be busy for a while…” She added a light smile at the end.
“Yeah.”
She averted her gaze like she was nervous.
“Can I get you’re a drink?” I asked.
“Uh, sure.”
“Apple martini?” That was her favorite.
“Yeah.” She wore a smile but it was tinted was sadness.
“I’ll be right back.” I pulled out the chair for her so she would sit down.
She took a seat and waited.
After I got her drink and a beer for me, I sat across from her. I couldn’t stop staring at her because of how beautiful she looked. She always looked gorgeous, but tonight she was remarkable.
Awkward silence stretched between us. Neither one of us knew what to say.
“How’s work?” I asked.
“Hectic,” she answered. “There’s so much to do in so little time. I think my dad golfs during the day sometimes before he feels overwhelmed.”
“At least he knows when to take breaks.”
“But he acts like it’s so easy.”
“He’s been doing it for a long time.”
“Yeah…you’re right. Roland got a job.”
“He did?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” She loosened up when she mentioned her brother. “It’s an unpaid internship for Knockout but it’s better than nothing. I’m happy for him. I knew he would find something eventually.”
“I’m happy for him too.”
“How’s the job hunt for you?” she asked. She sipped her drink then returned her hands to her lap.
I watched every movement she made, noting her slender wrists and the swell of her breasts. It was wrong to look at her this way, but in my eyes, she was mine and I was justified in doing whatever I wanted. “I had a few interviews. I’m pretty sure I’ll get that job at the hospital.”
“That’s great,” she said. “Good for you.”
“It comes with benefits so that will be nice.”
“And you’re still applying to medical school?”
The mention of school made my body tense. “Yeah.”
She nodded then scanned the people in the room.
When her gaze was averted, I took advantage of the opportunity to watch her. I missed the way she tasted. Her tits always felt good in my mouth, and I loved the way she wrapped her legs around my waist. My sexual desire for her couldn’t be quenched. No amount of anger could change how much I wanted her.
The distance and heartbreak didn’t change my love for her either. Being with her, even in such a tense environment, only reminded me how much I loved her. Conversations with her were natural and unforced. Our words flowed and we had a good time. Our souls were born to find each other. I just wanted to forgive her and take her home tonight, but something was holding me back.
She and I hadn’t talked about relationship since our phone call. My anger seethed in my words and I couldn’t contain my pain. I said unforgiveable things to her, but I really meant them when I said them. I couldn’t apologize for that. When I told her I hated her, I meant it. She ruined me. She destroyed me. If she thought I was going to sweep everything under the rug, he was sadly mistaken. If she wanted me back, she’d have to be patient with me. I’d waited five years to be with her. She could do the same.
“I didn’t know you would be here tonight,” she said.
“I didn’t know you would be here.”
“A million bars in Manhattan, and we happened to pick the same one.”
It wasn’t surprising to me. “Yeah…”
She touched the strap on her shoulder and adjusted it. Just the simple touch made my cock twitch. Sometimes I wished we could be like those other couples that slept together even when they were broken up. I wanted to have something purely physical with her without getting my heart involved since I wasn’t emotionally ready. But I couldn’t sleep with her and give her the impression everything was fine when it wasn’t. She may have hurt me, but I could never hurt her.
“You look beautiful tonight.” The words came out of my mouth to their own accord.
“You look really handsome.” Her hands glided over my chest the way they used to.
She was thinking what I was thinking. I could tell.
“Your parents didn’t give you a hard time for leaving Stanford?”
“No. It’s my decisio
n.”
She nodded. “Did you at least get to keep some credits?”
“Two quarters,” I answered.
“Well, that’s good.”
“Yeah…” When I remembered my life at Stanford it pissed me off all over again. Every day was marked by my pain, the pain she caused. I was about to snap at her, to tell her how much she hurt me, but Trinity and Slade joined us.
Slade sat down in a chair and immediately pulled Trinity on his lap. “That made the top ten, baby.”
“It was pretty good. I should threaten to kill people more often.”
“You should.” He kissed her neck and massaged her thigh at the same time. “It was hot as hell.”
“You’re supposed to defend me when a guy grabs my ass,” she said.
“Defend you?” he asked. “It looked like you could handle your own.”
“I am a bit psycho…” She gave him a flirtatious look.
“Yes, you are.” He sucked her neck then kissed her shoulder.
I averted my gaze because their affection was uncomfortable. The fact I wanted to do that to Skye didn’t help. When I looked at Skye, she looked back at me with a tint of red in her cheeks.
“Why do you guys like to screw in public places so much?” I asked.
“Give it a shot and you’ll see what I mean,” Slade said. He glared at Skye. “But not with her. Pick someone better.”
I understood Slade wouldn’t forgive Skye easily but I didn’t want him to be rude to her. “Slade, don’t talk to her like that.”
“Yeah.” Trinity smacked him. “That’s my best friend.”
“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes.
“I told my parents I was staying at Skye’s place.” Trinity nibbled on his ear.
“Oh really?” he said. “Ready for round two?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t need to be told twice.” He stood up and pulled Trinity with him. “We’re going to fuck at my place.”
“Your parents place, you mean?” I said.
“They aren’t home.” He dragged her away. “Bye.”
Skye and I were left alone.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear while she looked at me. Her red lipstick made her mouth look irresistible. Siting across from her was only confusing me. I wanted time to heal from the pain she caused me, but when she looked so gorgeous I couldn’t think straight. Why couldn’t she wear a burlap sack or something?
