“I don’t know,” Ryan says shaking his head.
“Understand that the man I love, the man I’ve spent all these years with, is a monster?”
“Don't say that Kate. Please don’t say that.”
Kate reaches behind her back until she finds his hands that are wrapped around her waist. She takes his hands in hers, and holds them in front of her. With tears running down her face, she raises his hands to her lips and kisses them like she did on their wedding day right after saying “I do” and swearing till death do us part.
Ryan takes a deep breath of relief knowing it’s all going to be alright. Their love is unconditional. As long as he has Kate, he can rebuild his relationship with Hope. It might take years, but he’s still Hope’s Father.
Kate, still kissing Ryan’s hands, gently removes her lips and says, “Ryan, you’ve got to go.”
“Go where?”
“I don’t care,” Kate says, “You can’t stay here.”
She turns around and walks out the door. Ryan calls out, “Kate, please don’t do this,” but she never turns back around.
Now all the oxygen leaves the room. After sitting there for a few more minutes, Ryan looks up. Realizing nothing he can say or do right now will make things better, he goes into the closet and gets his travel bag. He grabs everything he’ll need for a few days and zips the top shut. When he walks out of the bedroom, no ones in sight. He can hear Hope crying in the kitchen. He looks to his right and Kate is sitting next to Hope with her hand on Hope’s back consoling her.
Ryan doesn’t want to go into the kitchen and start everything up again. No, there will be time for that later. Right now everyone just needs to calm down. He walks through the living room to the front door. Before he can reach for the door, Bonnie runs up and says, “Where you going Gampa?”
Ryan kneels down and hugs her close so she doesn’t see him crying and asks, “Can you give Grandpa a big hug?”
She gives him the big bear hug he likes and asks, “Can I go with you Gampa?”
There’s never been a time when Bonnie didn’t go with her Gampa if she asked. “Why don’t you stay here with Aunt Hope, okay?”
Bonnie breaks out of his grasp, and runs into the kitchen saying, “Aunt Hope! Aunt Hope! I get to stay here with you!”
Ryan turns the handle, slowly opens the front door, and quietly closes the door behind him. He’s become unwelcome in own home. By that “click” of the door, Ryan knows it’s all over. It’s the moment he’s feared for so many years. All the secrets, the nightmares, and the guilt have come to a crashing end. There’s nothing left to hide.
Each time Ryan played this moment out in his head, his girls stood beside him. He wasn’t sure, but he figured his marriage would survive after years of counseling. Things aren’t playing out that way at all. Within a matter of minutes, the knot he tied so tightly has come untied. His whole life is flying away.
– CHAPTER 35 –
R yan drives around the city not sure what to do. He hopes Kate will call and tell him to come back home. He goes to his church that’s locked so he parks in the parking lot and prays for answers.
Two hours later, the sun is going down, and Kate still hasn’t called. He drives to the downtown Hilton closest to his office. He’s been here many times for a business lunch or a drink with a client or colleague. For the first time ever he doesn’t ask what floor he’s on, about the noise, or what the view is like. He knows so many people in this city. He takes his key and walks along the hotel bar afraid that a friend, another lawyer, a client, or someone from his church might see him and wonder why the great Ryan Brunick is checking into a hotel room all by himself. Soon it will be all over town that Ryan Brunick is having marriage problems.
Even after ten years of marriage, Kate and Ryan never once separated. There was never that argument where Kate left to stay with her mother or her best friend. Ryan never so much as slept on the couch. No, the only time they ever slept in separate beds were the times when Ryan was trying a case out of town and Kate called every night to tell him how much she loved him and missed him.
He puts his suitcase on one of the empty beds, and lays down on the other. The glow of the neon light across the street flashing “DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS” shines through the window brighter than the sun, but he doesn’t have the energy to close the curtains.
He knows Kate loves him. He sits up against the headboard and waits for her call. The call where she tells him how much she loves him and wants him to come home.
Two hours later Ryan finally falls asleep. In the middle of the night, he jumps awake and looks at his phone – no call and no text. It’s only 12:18 a.m. which means he was only asleep for an hour and a half. He does the same thing again and again, all through the night, but each time the result is the same – no call and no text.
The next day Ryan goes into his office after not getting any sleep all night long. He comes in wearing jeans and a collared shirt, which isn’t like him at all. He can’t sit back and do nothing. He must prepare for the worst.
Debbie’s been his legal secretary for fifteen years. She’s always been proud to work for the best lawyer in town. She knows better than anyone how hard Ryan works and how much he cares about his clients. She’s seen him come back from the courthouse so many times winning the case that can’t be won that she eventually came to expect it. Ryan’s best word of mouth has always been his own staff.
Ryan walks right by Debbie without his usual: “Good morning Debbie.” Instead, he tells her, “I don’t want any calls. Cancel all my appointments.”
“All of them?” she asks. “Mr. Walker is coming in at two.”
“All of them,” Ryan affirms.
Alone in his office, Ryan starts thinking, planning, and strategizing. What does he do now? He can’t sit back and simply hope things will all work out. He has to get on top of this now. How would he advise a client in the same position?
Ryan looks up the laws on murder, kidnapping, and conspiracy. It can’t be kidnapping because she went willingly. The murder case is a little more tricky. Ryan can't find a single case where someone was actually charged in connection with giving false evidence in a wrongful conviction. Prosecuting the case would be even more difficult since the planting of the drugs didn't happen in Texas, or even America – it all happened in Thailand. Ryan’s pretty sure Texas has no jurisdiction, and Thailand courts could not care less after all these years. Finally, Ryan had almost no connection to Faith’s misfortune. Everything went through Mr. Flint’s office. Proving Ryan had any involvement would be impossible as long as he and Flint stuck together. They would need to talk immediately.
“Debbie, get Tom Flint on the phone.”
A minute later Debbie says, “He’s out for the day. I left him a message to call you.”
Ryan thinks back on his first murder trial where his client, a wealthy businessman, was found not guilty of murdering his business partner. Everyone knew he did it, but Ryan pointed the finger at someone else and used a DNA expert and sloppy police work to create reasonable doubt. Ryan spent weeks proving what a good, respectable man his client was, who could never do something so horrible. He buzzes Debbie and says, “Bring me Kevin Long’s file.”
“The whole thing?” she asks.
“Yes, the whole thing.”
Next, he turns to the Justin Parker case. He won Justin custody of his children despite the fact that Justin had two affairs. Ryan proved that Justin’s wife was unstable and impossible to deal with. She was given temporary custody, but alienated the kids from Justin. The judge entered an order prohibiting either party from “Hiding or secreting the children from the other parent,” and warned Ms. Parker not to miss any more visitation times. Two weeks later, Ms. Parker again failed to show up for visitation and the judge took custody away from her.
“Debbie,” I need Justin Parker’s case too.”
“The whole thing?” she asks again.
“The whole thing.”
What about the
Amber French case? Her husband was trying to terminate all her parental rights after she took their kids and fled. She went to Houston and paid $10,000.00 to get her and her children new identities, new birth certificates, and fake passports. The documents had all the official seals, watermarks, and signatures, but they were all fake. The plan was brilliant. Ryan was impressed. She was gone seven years before she was arrested in Portugal with all their children. It was the oldest child who eventually gave her away.
After a two-week trial, the judge not only refused to terminate her parental rights, but allowed her to stay in Portugal with their kids. All the charges against her were eventually dismissed. Ryan convinced the judge that everything she did was to protect her kids. Their Father had nothing to do with the kids until after the divorce. They hated going to his house because he was always leaving them alone. Three times her son left in the middle of visitation and came back claiming he was spanked – or more like abused.
“Debbie….I also need the Amber French case.”
“I know, I know….all of it.”
By the end of the day, Ryan is tired from no sleep and exhausted from going over every possibility and every angle of any legal problems he might face. In the end, he’s confident he’ll be fine as long as he and Flint stick together. He made this clear when they spoke. Flint was a south Texas police office for twenty-five years, and he is well aware of the code of silence. Ryan promised to take care of all his legal fees if it comes to that. Ryan has nothing to worry about.
Maybe this will all work out in the end. No more secrets. No more lies. Doesn’t the Bible talk about confessing and repenting? This is just what he needed. Now the real healing, the real forgiveness, can begin.
– CHAPTER 36 –
E very night of their marriage, Ryan and Kate always fall asleep in each other’s arms or spooning together. If they separate sometime in the night they always come back together. Ryan doesn’t know how to sleep without her. The hotel bed is so big and so cold. He can’t stand the thought of another night sleeping alone. He can’t eat, he can’t sleep, he can’t function.
Ryan has no doubt that Kate had the same restless night. How hard it must have been not to call. Surely she wants them to come back together as much as he does. They have to get back on the same page. She just has to stick by him.
Ryan drives home and parks in the garage like he’s done every time before. He sits in the car for a moment as he thinks of the right things to say. He finally opens the door and walks into the house but Kate, unlike every time before, doesn’t greet him at the door.
This feeling frightens Ryan. It reminds him of his first marriage with Faith after everything went really bad. Early in the marriage they’d have a big argument and simply kiss and make up. Both were always sorry for everything ugly that was said.
“I love you so much. I never want to lose you.”
“I love you too. I don't ever want to lose you either.”
As the years passed, the arguments got worse. Ryan would wake up the next day, or come home from work, afraid that the house would be empty, and she’d be gone. Argument after argument, he would be so relieved when Faith still came to the door, and they were both still so sorry.
Then came the day when there was no meeting at the door, there was no “I’m sorry”, and there was no “I still love you.” Now, she threatened divorce. Then the, “I want a divorce” was replaced with “I hate you.” Just to twist the knife, she said, “I don’t think I ever loved you.”
Ryan never forgot when Faith woke him in the middle of the night and told him that all the love was gone. Ryan didn’t believe her. He had just as many reasons to fall out of love as she did, but he still loved her. Surely she still loved him too. Even if she didn’t love him she must love their kids enough to stay.
Ryan learned that day that love is not a scorecard. It has nothing to do with rights, wrongs, or the balancing of some grand scale. Either you love someone or you don’t. When Faith told him she was moving into the upstairs bedroom, Ryan was crushed. That was the beginning of the end. A few weeks later, Tom Flint would show him the first handful of photos.
That was then, and this is now. Ryan has never walked into this house, with this wife, afraid she’d be gone. She never hides her love or withholds that love to get the things she wants. She’s never lied to go out with the girls. She’s never lied to Ryan at all.
Both Kate and Ryan came from unhealthy and toxic marriages full of lies, terrible arguments, and cheating. Before their pastor would marry them, he required weeks of couple counseling. Only when the pastor was satisfied they both knew each other, what they were getting into, and were prepared to face those challenges together, did he marry them. It definitely helped. They learned to “fight fair” and listen when the other talks. They’d take a break, recognize and confess their own faults, and make God the foundation of their household. They both vowed to stay married no matter what comes along. Ten years later, Kate loves Ryan more than she did on the day they got married. They rarely have problems, and when they do they’re always able to work things out.
Ryan looks around the house, but it’s empty. He looks out the back window and sees Kate sitting on a bench by her garden. She’s staring into the distance like she’s in deep thought. Ryan walks out the back door and down the path to meet her. When he gets halfway there he asks, “Where is everyone?”
When Kate looks his way it’s obvious she’s been crying. She waits until Ryan’s in front of her before saying, “They’re gone. Grace went back to Dallas and Hope went with her.”
“Can we go to my office and talk?” Ryan asks.
Kate puts her head down and doesn’t answer. Every now and then she sniffles, wipes her eyes, or her shoulders shake just enough for Ryan to know she’s crying again. She finally lifts her head and says, “No Ryan….we can talk right here.”
Ryan grabs an old lawn chair leaning against the garden fence and sets it up in front of Kate. He’s ready to engage – to talk this through – but Kate isn’t even looking at him. They both sit there in silence until Kate, without looking up, says, “What did you want to talk about?”
“Kate……..please,” Ryan pleads.
“Please what?”
“I don’t know what to say,” Ryan answers.
For the first time, Kate looks him in the face, and says, “Say it isn’t true. Tell me it’s all a lie and you had nothing to do with this.”
“Kate, you were there. You saw how bad things were.”
“Yes, I was there!” Kate says, “I supported you the whole time. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you.”
“Do you remember? Do you really remember?”
“I remember Ryan.”
“Kate, she was running around out of control. Do you know how many guys she introduced my kids to? Remember she was going to marry that loser, Paul, and he would be raising my kids? It was ridiculous. Half the time she’d leave the kids all alone to be with him. What if the house burned down? Do you remember when Hope went down the street looking for her mom? She was three years old, Kate. Three years old!”
Ryan has tried to forget about the past, but as it comes back he starts getting angry about it all. “She was always jacking me around. I’d show up to pick up the kids and they’d be gone. If I was lucky I’d track her down somewhere. Otherwise, I’d miss my visitation altogether.”
It’s been so long that Kate actually forgot some of these things. She shakes her head in her hands and whispers, “I know Ryan. You think I don’t remember?”
Ryan feels like he’s making some progress here. “Do you remember Colt? He was doing terrible. He was so depressed that she took him to a psychologist – a psychologist! There was nothing wrong with him – he just wanted to be with his Daddy. She was about to drug my little boy. Was I supposed to let my boy become some kind of a zombie?”
Kate starts pulling away, but Ryan holds on tight. Unable to break free, she yells, “I don't care what she did
. She didn't deserve this. She didn’t deserve to die in some Thai prison.”
“Kate, she wasn’t some saint. She wasn't the person they’re making her out to be. These people….these people knew the Faith in prison. Sure she straightened up…found the Lord. What else was she supposed to do? Her lies didn’t work anymore. I saw her. She didn't change –not really. She was the same girl she always was.”
Kate waits until Ryan eases his grip on her hands, and pulls loose. “Ryan, you should have taken her back to court.”
“Oh, Kate - I did! I went to court. You weren’t there. I had it all – boxes and boxes of evidence. One witness after another testified about it all. The judge didn’t care. She’s the mother. I’m the big bad lawyer, and she’s the sweet little Mother –– end of story.”
“I would have gone to court with you. We’d go together now that we’re married. The judge would listen.”
Ryan reaches forward and puts his hands in hers. “Kate, I lost my mind. I wasn’t thinking right. I hired an investigator to get the evidence I needed to go back to court. Then one thing led to another, and she was in Thailand. It was the investigator. I never thought it would go this far – I swear.”
“What?” she screams startling Ryan. “I remember that. You told me you were going to Thailand to help her. Was that all a big lie? The whole time – the whole damn time you were supposed to be helping her you were the one planting drugs on her?”
“I did try to help her – I swear. I even put money in her account for food and water.”
Kate shakes her head and looks at Ryan like he’s as stupid as any man whose ever walked across God’s green earth. “My God Ryan, what have you done? You know Hope hates you. Grace doesn’t know what to think. She’ll soon hate you too.”
“I know,” Ryan says looking back down again. “But we’ll get through this. It might take some time, but she’ll come around.”
The Beginning of Hope: The Highly Anticipated, Mind-Blowing Sequel to the Killing of Faith (The Killing of Faith Series Book 2) Page 20
