The Bull Rider's Fresh Start

by Heidi McCahan

  Landon should’ve kept his opinions to himself. She ran warm water into the sink then added a generous squirt of dish detergent. How ironic. The injured, recovering addict trying to tell her how to be better at relationships. She’d tried to push back. Stand up for herself. But then he had to go and touch her. When he’d pressed her hand to his muscular chest and she’d felt his heart thrumming against her palm, all the snarky comebacks evaporated.

  Then he’d almost kissed her. Worse, she’d kind of wanted him to. Not that she’d admit that to him. Ever. To be honest, when those gold-flecked eyes of his lingered on her lips, she’d nearly pushed up on her toes and kissed him first.

  But then she’d come to her senses and put some much-needed distance between them. Because she’d remembered Adeline. Remembered all the times her father hadn’t shown up when he was supposed to. Remembered how he’d blame her mother when he got caught lying about his drug use.

  Her baby girl deserved a better life. That was why she had to come up with a new care plan. One that kept Adeline safe. Everything she’d done was for her. Even though Landon had the right to be a part of his daughter’s life, that didn’t mean she had to be in a relationship with him.

  Last night had been a close call. She’d almost slipped. Forgotten how easily that half smile of his could send her defenses tumbling.

  Doesn’t Landon deserve a shot at proving he’s changed?

  Kelsey scraped at the dried egg stuck to the skillet with her fingernail, determined to ignore the voice of reason that had shown up uninvited.

  Everyone makes mistakes. How long are you going to keep punishing him?

  She wasn’t punishing Landon.

  Was she?

  Uncertainty hovered as a knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. Kelsey dried her hands on a towel and peeked out the window over the sink. An unfamiliar blue minivan sat parked in the driveway. She wasn’t expecting anyone, but then again, people around here seemed to drop by unannounced all the time. Adeline squealed and banged two shapes together. Her purple T-shirt was soaked already.

  “Poor thing. You must be teething again.” Kelsey picked up Adeline and wedged her on her hip. “Let’s see who’s here.”

  When she opened the door, a tall, dark-haired woman peeked out from behind a large bouquet of flowers wrapped in tissue paper and plastic. “Hi, Kelsey?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m Skye Westbrook.” She flashed a wide smile. “I think you’ve met my brother Drew already. Our family runs the furniture store in town.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” Uncertainty prickled at her. She hadn’t ordered any furniture. Or flowers.

  “Landon asked me to deliver these. Aren’t they gorgeous?”

  Her mouth went dry. The yellow, purple and orange blossoms were mixed with rich green leafy things. She’d never been good at naming flowers, but she recognized at least half a dozen roses.

  Skye’s smile faded. “Are you all right?”

  Adeline squealed and thrust her plastic star toward Skye, saving Kelsey from having to answer.

  “You must be Adeline.” Skye reached out and gave Adeline’s bare leg a gentle squeeze. “My goodness, you are a beautiful girl.”

  “Thank you.” Kelsey remembered her manners. “Would you like to come in for a minute?”

  “Sure.” Skye picked up a yellow gift bag resting at her feet. “I brought you this, and I’d be happy to put these flowers in water for you.”

  “Oh.” Kelsey looped her fingers through the bag’s handles. “You didn’t have to bring me anything.”

  “I know.” Skye smiled again. “I wanted to.”

  “I’m not sure I have a vase.” Kelsey stepped back and let Skye inside, then closed the door behind her.

  “Oh, I bet I can find one. Laramie and I have been best friends for years. She married my brother, and I know for a fact he didn’t let her bring everything she owned into his house. There’s probably one on the shelf in the laundry room.”

  Really? Kelsey kept her grumpy comment from slipping out and transferred Adeline to her other hip. These people knew entirely too much about each other’s lives.

  “Looks like you’re getting settled,” Skye called over her shoulder as she set the flowers on the counter in the kitchen then moved toward the laundry room. “Do you like staying here? Laramie had everything all fixed up for a renter, then the girl backed out at the last minute.”

  Skye kept chatting away, her voice muffled as she stepped out of sight. She reappeared a minute later, a tall glass vase in hand. “Found one.”

  “Great.” Kelsey swayed from one foot to the other, trying to soothe a wiggly Adeline.

  “I’m happy to put the flowers in water while I’m here.” Skye hesitated. “Unless you’d like to do it yourself?”

  Adeline grabbed a fistful of Kelsey’s hair and tried to shove her hand in her mouth.

  “Ow.” Kelsey flinched then gently extracted her hair from the baby’s grip. “You can handle the flowers.”

  “Why don’t you open your gift?”

  “Right.” Kelsey set Adeline on the kitchen floor. She scooted away on her bottom and grabbed the shape sorter with a victorious shriek.

  “Oh, you are the cutest thing,” Skye cooed at Adeline. “How long has she been scooting around like that?”

  “This is the first time.”

  “Really?” Skye filled the vase with water. “You’ll have to take a picture or a quick video. Landon will get a kick out of that.”

  “Yeah, I should.”

  Except documenting Adeline’s milestones only reminded her of how much she’d missed during her deployment. Sure, Wade and Maggie had sent photos. Mostly they’d used FaceTime to keep in touch so Kelsey could see Adeline on screen. She was changing so quickly, though. What else would she miss when she had to go back to Hawaii?

  A wave of regret washed over her, and Kelsey quickly shifted her focus back to the bag in her hand. She reached inside, pushed past the white tissue paper then pulled out a pink shirt and matching pink-and-white-striped leggings. They looked perfect for Adeline.

  “These are adorable.” Kelsey couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you very much.”

  “You’re welcome.” Skye glanced up from tucking flowers into the vase. “There’s one more thing in there for you.”

  Kelsey peeked inside the bag then pulled out a leather journal. She cracked the cover and flipped through the pages. There was a Bible verse, a few short paragraphs and blank lines on every page.

  “It’s a journal and a devotional, all in one. I thought you’d enjoy having something that’s just for you, especially since everybody’s bringing you baby stuff and meals.” Skye’s blue eyes gleamed. “Well, except for Landon.”

  Warmth climbed Kelsey’s neck.

  “He told me to get the biggest bouquet the flower shop had, by the way. I’ve never seen him this devoted to anyone. You and Adeline are blessed to have him.”

  Kelsey couldn’t stop the cynical laugh that bubbled up. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same Landon?”

  Skye’s expression melted into one of confusion. “Uh-oh. What happened?”

  “Nothing. It’s...nothing. Never mind.” Kelsey clamped her mouth shut. Yikes, she’d said too much. Skye was obviously Team Landon all the way. “I need to get Adeline down for her morning nap. Thanks again for the gifts.”

  “Of course.” Skye’s smooth brow furrowed. She tucked the last rose in the vase and dried her hands on a towel. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  “I will.” She set the clothes and the journal on the counter, then picked Adeline up and carried her into the bedroom. Thankfully, Skye took the hint, and a few minutes later the front door closed.

  Now you want to keep running because that’s what’s worked in the past.

  Landon’s
words resurfaced. Kelsey mentally shoved them aside as she changed Adeline’s diaper. Using her common sense and discernment didn’t mean she was running. Landon had hurt her deeply when he left her alone in that hotel room. She was supposed to work toward forgiveness, but that didn’t mean she had to forget.

  Right?

  And as Adeline’s mother, she couldn’t overlook his past.

  Sure, people here had been kind. This house, the baby gear, even Skye’s gift all showcased the generosity of Landon’s friends and family. But there wasn’t a bouquet of flowers large enough to silence the warning bells clanging in her head. She couldn’t risk trusting him again.

  * * *

  He couldn’t wait another day to see her.

  Three days had passed since he’d seen Kelsey, and almost four since he’d spent any quality time with Adeline. Every part of his body ached with fatigue as he climbed down from the combine. Streaks of pink and purple colored the evening sky. He limped across the dusty driveway toward his truck. They’d harvested four hundred acres of wheat and still had another four hundred to go. The weather forecast looked great for the next week, so they’d decided to stop for the night.

  Pain ricocheted up his spine every time his work boots struck the ground. All he really wanted was dinner, a hot shower and a good night’s sleep. Except he couldn’t let another day go by without speaking to Kelsey. Not after the way their conversation had ended the other night. He’d texted twice to check on her this week. She’d responded with one-or two-word answers. If he hurried, he could get over to Laramie’s house before Kelsey put Adeline to bed.

  The lights were on in his parents’ house as he walked by. Through the window he glimpsed his mom moving about in the kitchen. Probably fixing a late meal for Dad. Landon faltered. If he stopped by, she’d happily feed him. It was hard to resist his mom’s cooking.

  Except he had food at home. And while his parents wouldn’t turn him away, he shouldn’t drop in. Being a dad meant putting the needs of others before his own, right? Adeline needed to spend at least a few minutes with him. While he’d asked people to check in on Kelsey and Adeline during the harvest, he didn’t want them to be his substitute. Putting off a meal for another hour wouldn’t hurt. Besides, seeing Adeline and getting to hold her would be worth it. And if he was honest, seeing Kelsey would be a bright spot in his grueling day.

  The thought tugged his mouth into a smile. He’d spent plenty of time thinking about her while he drove the combine. Yesterday he’d switched roles with Cal, one of the workers his dad had hired, and driven the semitruck to the grain elevator. Images of Kelsey had dominated his thoughts. Man, she was beautiful. Even in her feisty moments.

  When he got to his truck, he pulled open the door and grabbed a clean T-shirt he’d stashed in the back seat. Once he’d changed and tossed his filthy shirt onto the passenger side, he climbed into the cab. Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain shooting down his leg, he leaned his head against the back of the seat. What he wouldn’t give for a single dose of OxyContin right now.

  Memories of the little white pills resurfaced. Taunting. Teasing. Just one, that was all he needed. A little something to take the edge off so he could get up tomorrow and do this all over again. He’d tucked three pills away, buried them in his glove compartment, in case the longing ever became unbearable.

  No. He opened his eyes, gripped the steering wheel and cranked the engine. He wouldn’t give in. Temptation had attacked countless times, like an angry spectator jeering from the crowd, and he’d been able to power through. Plenty of other injuries had provoked pain far worse than this. He could handle it.

  He had to handle it.

  Because he wasn’t about to backslide into using again.

  Past experience had taught him that he couldn’t conquer his cravings on his own, though. He had several strategies for coping, and he’d need every single one to get through this intense week. His next meeting with his sponsor was still two weeks out. Although he could call him anytime.

  While he drove the short distance to Laramie’s house, he silently prayed for strength. Relief from the chronic pain would be nice, too. He’d learned to cry out to the Lord for help when his addiction clawed at him. He hated feeling weak, but he hated failure even more. He didn’t want to disappoint Kelsey. Not again.

  He slowed down, clicked on his blinker then turned into Laramie’s driveway. His headlights cut through the dusky evening and bounced across the back of Kelsey’s rental car. At least she was home. Now—to convince her to speak to him and hopefully let him inside for a few minutes.

  His pain hadn’t subsided, but the anxious feelings of teetering on the edge of temptation had lessened some. And he didn’t feel quite so out of control.

  Through the living room window, he saw Kelsey get up from the couch with Adeline in her arms. The lamplight silhouetted her figure. He wanted to get to the door before she put Adeline in her crib.

  He cut long strides toward the porch, flinching as his weary body protested. He climbed the steps and knocked softly on the door.

  “Please open up,” he whispered. Man, he really wanted to see his girls. His girls. What would Kelsey think if she heard him say that?

  The dead bolt shifted, then the door opened slowly and Kelsey appeared on the other side. Adeline spotted him and offered a sleepy grin, kicking her leg against Kelsey’s hip. His heart rocketed into orbit. This was his whole world. Right here.

  “Hey.” Kelsey’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “This is a nice surprise. I figured you’d be asleep already.”

  “I stopped by to see how my gir—to see how you were doing. Is that all right?”

  She hesitated, then nodded. “I’m getting ready to give Adeline her bottle.”

  “I’ll do it.”

  “All right.” She stepped back and pulled the door open. “Come on in.”

  Adeline cooed and stretched both her arms toward him.

  “Hey, pretty girl.” He glanced at Kelsey for permission. “Can I hold her?”

  Kelsey handed her over. “I’ll get the bottle.”

  Landon carried Adeline toward the couch, then slowly sank into the cushions. Settling her carefully on his lap, he breathed in her sweet, clean smell. Her yellow-and-white-flowered pajamas were soft against his callused hands. She popped her thumb in her mouth and stared at him with those wide blue eyes. If this was his reward for long days in the dusty fields, he’d take it.

  “What did you do today?” He gently bounced his knee up and down. “Give your mom a hard time? Rearrange all the pots and pans in the kitchen?”

  She gave him another one of those sleepy, adorable smiles. What he wouldn’t give for more evenings spent exactly like this. He and Kelsey, together, with their daughter. Building a life. Maybe even growing their family? Of course that meant marriage and Kelsey returning to Merritt’s Crossing after she separated from the navy, two major life changes that seemed next to impossible at this point. Still, he stubbornly clung to the hope that he’d win her over.

  Kelsey returned with the bottle.

  Adeline saw it, and her expression crumpled as she fussed impatiently.

  “Easy there.” Landon shifted her into the crook of his arm, took the bottle and offered it to her. She clutched it with both of her tiny hands and started drinking. As she settled against him, he forgot all about his pain and fatigue for a few minutes and soaked in the contentment of holding his daughter close.

  “How was your day?” He shifted his focus to Kelsey as she sat down on the opposite end of the couch and folded her tan legs underneath her. In her navy blue shorts, white-and-blue-striped T-shirt and hair piled in a bun on top of her head, she looked relaxed. Almost...content.

  He’d keep that observation tucked away for now, though. Since their last conversation hadn’t ended well, he didn’t want to say or do anything to mess up the current situation
. If she was happy here, he’d wait patiently for her to admit it. A declaration like that would have to be her own idea.

  “Today was all right.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks for the flowers.”

  “You’re welcome.” He couldn’t stop a smile. “Did you like them?”

  “They’re nice.” She lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know much about flowers.”

  Huh. He tried to smother his disappointment. Didn’t women usually love to receive flowers? Her pained expression hinted that she’d prefer to receive dental work. Or a bout of the stomach flu. Was she allergic?

  He shifted carefully toward her, trying not to aggravate Adeline. The girl could pound a bottle of formula like nobody’s business.

  “We need to talk about Wade and Maggie’s service.” Kelsey’s voice turned somber.

  “Oh? Is there a date and time?”

  “Mom sent me a text. Maggie’s family and mine have agreed to August tenth.”

  “That’s five days from now.” He mentally calculated how he’d finish the harvest in time. It would be close, but he’d make it work. “I’ll drive you.”

  “No, that’s okay.” She held up her palm. “Harvest is an intense season. I know how busy you are. Besides, I thought I’d go early and help out.”

  Was that really her intention, or was this a subtle attempt to take Adeline back to Wyoming? He hated that the ugly suspicion had seeped in. Hated that he’d assumed the worst. “It’s not a big deal. We’ll be finished and I can drive us.”

  Tension rolled in, thick and stifling like smoke from a raging wildfire.

  “I don’t need you to come home with me, Landon.”

  I don’t need you, Landon.

  Her rejection stung. Just when he thought he’d breached her walls of self-protection, she doubled down on her mission to keep him out. “Wade and Maggie were my friends, too. I wouldn’t even think of missing their memorial service.”

  She rubbed her fingertips against her temple. “You don’t have to miss their service.”

  “But you’re going without me and taking Adeline.”